Self-improvement, or personal development, is a topic I think about a lot. And not just because I blog about it, but because I have always wanted to become more than I am.

As an idealistic teenager, I taught myself Esperanto and read large swathes of the Great Books. As a devout youth, I copied out practically the whole Bible by hand, with my reflections, into a series of notebooks. And I’ve taken classes in everything from nutrition promotion to Tai Chi to Celtic art to ritualmaking.

Through all of this, there have been three ways or paths I’ve discovered to self-improvement. I’ll talk about the hardest one first.

Being hit with the clue-by-four

The hardest way to self-improvement is being beaten about the head by the challenges of life until some insight finally penetrates.

I experienced this in my early 20s. I’d put myself in the way of some self-improvement by volunteering to train as a youth worker for a religious organization that I’d been part of at university. It turned out to be a poor fit, to put it mildly. It was an authoritarian group, especially towards its staff, and I wasn’t able to fit into the one mold that was offered as an option.

I grew so unhappy that I missed most of the course with stress-related illness, and had to abandon my grand plans to help change the world. But on the upside, I got a badly-needed dose of humility. I learned what it was like not to fit in, not to be able, not to be valued for my skills, how it felt to be asked to be someone I wasn’t. It also taught me a lot about stress, which, years later, I turned into a course which has helped hundreds of people.

At one and the same time, I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worst enemy, and I wouldn’t change the fact that I went through it, because it taught me lessons I needed to learn sooner or later – and helped make me the person that I am.

Minesweeping

My godfather was a minesweeper with the Army Engineers during World War II. He would clear minefields so that other soldiers could advance safely. It got him a faceful of shrapnel and some plastic surgery, but also lasting honor among the men he had helped protect.

A lot of my personal development journey has consisted of mindsweeping. Being curious, trying things out, and then thinking about the results and learning from them.

I’ve tried many different approaches to exercise, for example. Free weights, pushups, situps, running, Tai Chi, yoga, they’ve all been successful for me to different degrees. Each one has helped me develop some aspect of my physical (and mental) self: strength, perseverence, balance. But the best approach I’ve found for general fitness so far, because it’s so sustainable, is simply parking 1km away from my workplace and walking down (and, at the end of the day, up) a steep hill. It’s exercise by default.

What works best, after all, is what gets used.

Perhaps the point of your life is to serve as a warning to others

I’ve had a saying for many years that other people’s mistakes are the cheapest wisdom.

Unfortunately, we sometimes feel the need to make the mistakes for ourselves before we can be convinced. But I’ve also learned from some great self-improvement pioneers, who’ve done their own minesweeping so that I don’t have to.

Although there are ideas I’ve come up with through my unique experience and perspective that nobody else has stumbled on, the same has been true of many other people, and their examples and their teaching have helped me forward on my journey.

For example, I get coaching from a man who’s very strong on the benefits of meditation and has meditated himself for many years. He’s found that it’s stabilised his emotional life and created a depth and a centeredness that he didn’t use to have. Earlier this year, he challenged me to practice a very, very simple form of meditation daily – because in his view I wouldn’t make much further progress unless I did.

It wasn’t something I’d ever have thought of, or done, for myself, without his encouragement and example. And it’s helping me to change in ways I’m still discovering.

3 paths to self-improvement

These three paths – learning from experiences that come along when you’re not looking for them, learning from experiences that you’ve sought out, and learning from other people’s experiences and ideas – together form a powerful method of self-improvement.

The common factor is the ability to reflect on the experiences, learn the lessons they offer, and apply them to what you do next. As long as you’re doing that, you’ll go on from strength to strength, whether you’re “succeeding” or “failing” in what you planned to do.

Mike Reeves-McMillan trains ordinary people to be heroes at his website How to Be Amazing, where he writes on topics like how to be happy.

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A “factory manager” at a local factory called-in an “outside emergency maintenance guy” because one of his machines had “broken.”  The maintenance guy arrived at the factory shortly after receiving the call.  The “factory manager” then explained the problem he was experiencing to the “maintenance guy.”  The maintenance guy responded, “I know exactly what the problem is,” then he quickly replaced a screw in the machine, and the machine began to work like new.

The maintenance guy then said, “That’ll be $300.00!”  The factory manager responded, “$300! You just replaced one screw; that screw cost $1.00; I could have easily done that!”

The maintenance guy responded, “Yes, the screw did cost $1.00, but the knowledge of how to fix your machine cost $299, …and by the way, I only accept cash.”

What’s the point?  When you don’t know, you will pay the higher price!

This is why it’s critical to remain a student of life.  I’m always looking to learn and expand my mind, I’m always looking for leaders who’ve done what I’m trying to do, so that I can learn what they know.

Leaders are people with the knowledge you need, because they’ve been where you’re trying to go.  Hear me out, leaders aren’t necessarily “special,” they don’t “glow in the dark,” or wear a “halo,” leaders are just people who’ve experienced what you’re trying to experience.  They’re people who are a little further along the path that you’re traveling, and they have the knowledge to make your trip easier.

You follow leaders because they have knowledge.  There’s no need to worship them, or sing praises to their name.  You follow leaders because: “When you don’t know what they know, you will pay a higher price!”

Hang-out with Leaders

It’s good to hang around leaders; sit down with them, soak up everything they know.  What’s a “Level 10” problem for you maybe a “Level 2” problem for them.  Pick their brains (no pun intended), but don’t be caught “paying the higher price.”

You can access the minds of leaders by reading their web sites, reading their books, or having conversations with them.  Pursue leaders in your life; pursue mentors who are going where you want to go.  But before you can do this, you first you must recognize who those leaders are.  If you don’t recognize the leaders in your life, you’re like a kid who doesn’t recognize the father who has gone before him, and therefore doesn’t pursue the wisdom of the father.

This Reminds Me of a Story

I’ve mentioned before that I went to LSU, and my sister-in-law, who’s 19 currently goes to LSU.

About a year ago my wife and I visited her sister at school:

While my wife and her sister were busy having fun and talking in the dorm room, I told them that I would go and visit the “Student Union.”  My wife’s sister, who was 18 at the time, responded saying, “Do you know how to get there?”

I said “Yes,” but I was thinking, “…[chuckle, chuckle] excuse me, you’ve been here for 3 months, I have a degree from this university, I know exactly where I’m going…heck, I know a short-cut.”

What’s the point of my story?  The point is that you should recognize the people in your life who’ve been where you’re trying to go; lean on them for wisdom, …don’t offer them unsolicited advice.  What’s difficult to you, is not difficult to someone else, find out what they know.

Some people say, what you don’t know won’t hurt you, but the reality is, what you don’t know may be killing you; killing your potential, killing your drive, killing your focus and aborting your purpose.

When you don’t know: the quickest route, or the right contacts, or the right book, you will pay the higher price.  That price may be in dollars, in time, or in frustration, but there is a price tag for “not knowing.”  You don’t get to be ignorant for free.  So pursue knowledge, follow leaders who are going where you’re going, and the journey will be quicker and smoother.

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