What makes you happy?

Money? The newest iPhone? The good health of your family? A promotion at work?

Some interesting work by University of California, Riverside researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky not only suggests where our happiness comes from, but shows how to get more of it.

Pieces of the happiness pie

Dr. Lyubomirsky proposes that there are three components to happiness:

• A genetically-based “happiness set point”
• Life circumstances
• Intentional activities and practices.

She has broken these three areas into percentages regarding how much they are responsible for your happiness.

Although the variability of the happiness set point is currently undergoing more research, Lyubomirsky cites studies that indicate the set point is responsible for 50% of your overall happiness.

Life circumstances – things like the aforementioned iPhone, family health, and work promotion – account for only 10% of your happiness.

That leaves intentional activities aimed toward positive emotion providing you with 40% of your happiness quotient.

Now, here are a couple of important things to know:

• Your happiness set point is genetic and therefore impervious to change. The theory is that no matter what happens – good or bad – you tend to eventually settle back into your inherited level of happiness. So, there’s no use trying to make an impact on your happiness set point.
• You could try to improve your life circumstances by getting more stuff, striving for career goals, and finding the perfect partner. But not only do life circumstances only account for a small percentage of your happiness, they are subject to a very human process: hedonic adaptation. In a nutshell, this means that we very quickly adapt to new things in our lives, so our happiness about it is short-lived.

Taking action toward happiness

So that leaves us with intentional activities as the remaining piece of the happiness pie, a piece that creates 40% of our well-being. Lyubomirsky believes it is this component that we have the most control over and that allows us to take action rather than merely react when it comes to creating happiness.

So what are these activities that promote positive emotions and well-being? Lyubomirsky suggests three well-researched practices:

1. Committing acts of kindness. Doing nice things for others tends to up your happiness quotient. Curiously, Lyubomirsky found that doing several acts of kindness on the same day – rather than spreading them out through the week – generated the greatest jump in well-being.

2. Expressing gratitude and optimism. Keeping a list of things you are grateful for really does help make you happier. An intriguing note on this component is the discovery that making a list one time per week created a greater boost in happiness than making lists three or more times per week.

3. Processing happy and unhappy life experiences. This is where it really gets interesting. It turns out that talking or writing about your life experiences is helpful in only one of these conditions: the negative experiences.

Why? Apparently, talking to a friend or writing about difficult times in your life helps you to create a story and structure around the event, an act which helps you make sense of it and adjust to the experience more easily.

Positive experiences, however, generate more happiness if they are thought about privately. This allows you to savor and re-experience them without having to analyze them. It’s perfectly fine to talk with others about great things that happen to you as this will brighten your friend’s day, too.  But be sure to remember and relish those good events in your life in your private time, too.

What makes you happy? Slice yourself a bigger piece of the happiness pie using intentional activities. You’ll be happy you did.

Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. In addition to seeing clients in her private practice, Bobbi is a well-regarded speaker and writer. You can find her blog at http://www.TheBounceBlog.com

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Finding Bliss: How to Reverse Engineer Happiness

The 6 Components of a Happy Life

According to recent surveys millions of Americans report being in a bad mood this winter. According to researchers this shift in mood is a result of much more than the woes that come with Holiday depression. In current years, I have been among those millions. Maybe you are, too.

Psychologists call this phenomenon being “seasonally-affected.” Many in the scientific community consider it a temporary physiological change in body rhythms and internal chemistry due to more than just mood fluctuations during the Holidays, but giving credit to the lack of sunshine and light during these cold, dark months. After all, light is a source of natural energy for our minds and our bodies. So it goes without saying that the less light we have in our environment, the less likely we are to naturally feel exuberant like we may during the brighter months of the year.

Nonetheless, despite what we call it or what the reason behind it is, people from all walks of life are experiencing the “winter blues” at an ever-increasing rate. The good news is they are finding ways to cope with it. The bad news is their coping methods aren’t always effective or positive. We may even be contributing to other unhealthy symptoms and ailments, which may negate emotional well-being in the long-run.

For example, the most widely reported coping methods for beating the winter blues are:

• Calling in sick to work in order to escape the “daily grind”
• Finding personal leisure time (reading, relaxing)
• Stress alleviation techniques (like Yoga or meditation)
• Dietary supplements (such as calming herbal remedies or even multi-vitamins)
• Sleeping in or sleeping extra (guilty as charged)
• Resorting to “comfort” foods (guilty as charged again)
• Resorting to drugs or alcohol…

I’m not on anyone’s personal ethics committee (at least not to my knowledge) but we can’t help but notice the potential harm in some of these coping strategies. Obviously, some of them are positive, such as finding ways to unwind and find stress alleviation naturally, through Yoga, breathing exercises, meditation. Even using quality, wholesome nutritional supplements seems positive and highly beneficial.

But, it’s also obvious that some methods – such as drugs, alcohol, and even indulging in comfort foods – are not only negative ways to cope with winter blues and stress, but they always do more harm than good in the long run.

Alas, there is hope. Following are five extremely positive and healthy ways to cope with the blues this winter which others and myself have found incredibly effective and useful:

1. Make Time for Your Self. I don’t just mean to find time for leisure or to do nothing at all when you do find time for your self. This may entail taking time for your own personal development and growth as well. Commit to reading books or finding programs that help you to achieve growth and mastery of your well-being. Take night classes on a subject you’ve always had an interest in learning but have never taken the time to engage in. Stimulating the mind through learning new information and skills as well as improving your social life never hurts! Putting yourself first means you’ll always be able to give your best to everyone else in your life. (Note: If you find that leisure time leaves you thinking more and more about being depressed or in a hopeless mood, this is an especially useful technique. Sometimes doing nothing isn’t always the key to having quality time to your self. Life is really about balance, so find out what works for you and stick with it.)
2. Create and Be Your Own Sunshine. For those who do suffer from the winter blues it may seem like an impossible task for us to be happy or joyful during these months of the year when the world around us is virtually devoid of all light and sunshine. One method for increasing energy and well-being is to create your own sunshine. This means you create your own internal sunshine by illuminating on your positive traits and characteristics, on your unique strengths and value, by stating them in the form of positive affirmations. Affirmations are self-empowering statements that can be used to accentuate our positive qualities and communicate in a more effective way to ourselves. They are used the world over (even by many practicing psychiatrists and therapists) in order to help people with mood or depression issues focus on their own positive competencies, those things about their self which make them feel good, expansive, light and joyful inside. We all can do this. It’s merely a matter of saying good things about our self, instead of habitually saying (or thinking) bad things. In doing so, we may create our own sunshine and be happy and joyful by experiencing the internal light we produce. After all, the old saying is right: “True happiness comes from within.”
3. Beat the “I Don’t Feel Like It” Syndrome. Listen folks this one is a biggie. How many times have you had the intention to get out of bed early to exercise or begin a new life habit (especially this time of year!) only to find yourself hitting the snooze button over and over again, justifying your reactions by saying “I just don’t feel like it”? Suffice it to say, I am no exception. This is what I’ve come to call the “I Don’t Feel Like It” syndrome and it rears its ugly head in more ways than one: “I’m not in the mood,” “I know I should eat ‘this’ healthy food instead of ‘that’ comfort food, but it doesn’t sound good right now.” Not being in the mood, not feeling like doing something, etc., basically means we have allowed ourselves to turn on the auto-pilot switch in our minds giving our body’s feelings and emotions the power to tell us what to do as well as how and when to do it! Specific phrases such as: “don’t feel,” “not in the mood,” or “doesn’t sound good/ does sound good,” all indicate we are allowing our body to tell us what choices to make instead of exercising our gift of free will in order to choose our actions based on what we value. The most definite step for overcoming the “I Don’t’ Feel Like It” Syndrome is to simply ignore and dismiss the emotional trigger that tells you to say in your mind that you don’t feel like doing something and consciously choose to do it anyway! Always easier said than done, I know. But a little awareness goes a long way, and with consistent, persistent mindfulness and practice you will eventually be able to overcome the most prevalent “syndrome” in our modern culture that keeps us from experiencing the changes we so desperately desire.
4. Get Physical. With a nod to Olivia Newton John, modern research is constantly finding new evidence to support that there is a definite mind-body connection and that how we treat our bodies has a direct and noticeable effect on our mood and feelings. For example, a helpful practice in improving mood (especially when you’re “not in the mood”) is to make the conscious choice to get up and get physical, to exercise and move. Even if all you do is go for a walk, you’re going to reap more positive benefits than if you do nothing at all. Exercise also stimulates the release of endorphins and dopamine, two “feely-good” chemicals our brain makes to keep us feeling happy and motivated. The less we exercise, the less we have the “feely-good” chemicals percolating throughout bodies! Also, exercise – especially if it’s at a high enough intensity – stimulates a certain part of the nervous system, further aiding in appetite suppression so that those comfort foods don’t look quite as appealing anymore. And that makes way for my final positive coping method…
5. Focus on Food. There’s no denying that foods make us feel a very specific way, physically and emotionally. Comfort foods make us feel comfortable, hence their names. So what’s the problem with comfort foods then? First and foremost, the majority of comfort food is treacherously unhealthy and leads to imminent weight-gain, an inefficient metabolism, and is generally laden with bad fats, processed carbohydrates, and other chemical additives. ‘Nuff said on that.

Second, comfort foods give us the delightful sense of immediate gratification. Basically, we condition our mind and body to accept a manner of eating which causes us to feel good while we are eating and maybe a short time afterward. But we neglect the healthier, mood-enhancing approach which would be to eat in a way that makes us feel good all the time. You see, food affects mood, because mood is the result of different chemical processes in the body and brain. Food has a direct effect on these chemical processes. By choosing foods that contribute to a better mood, we’re not only making healthier decisions for weight management and nourishment, but we’re gaining control of our feelings, too.

For example, foods high in whole proteins, such as lean meat, eggs, fish, beans, and legumes are known for improving mood and helping us feel better by providing our brain with the amino acids (building blocks) it needs to produce the chemicals and hormones in our bodies which may improve mood naturally and stave off food cravings. (Note: Using dietary or herbal supplements may be a good idea as well. Just talk to your physician about it beforehand or seek the advice of a Registered Dietician)

For 2012, let’s make this the year where we finally say goodbye to our winter blues for good. I’m confident that we CAN and WILL defeat negative feelings and emotions, find balance and true happiness all year round, with the right coping strategies in place.

About the Author: Ronnie Brown is a writer and educator of personal growth and development, with a focus on teaching and coaching others in his systems for Dynamic Health and Emotional Mastery. Visit him at http://ronniebrownlifesystems.com/.

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The 6 Components of a Happy Life

The holidays can be stressful.

Your to-do list has suddenly quadrupled. You may be spending more money than you intended. Perhaps you are entertaining house guests, hosting a party, or traveling. For most of us, life is simply busier and more expensive during the holiday season.

And for some, the holidays are a reminder of lost or absent loved ones, feelings of loneliness, or financial difficulties and stress.

We may have dreams of a Norman Rockwell Christmas, but the reality is probably closer to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation — at least at some point during the holidays.

There’s a lot of pressure to make the Christmas season perfect and to cram it with events, shopping, and parties. But I find that some of the simplest pleasures can make the season bright and fill me with the joy and wonder of Christmas.

I invite you to share in the simple pleasures of the season with these 25 ideas:

1. Begin with gratitude. Before you begin handing out the gifts and tearing in to them, take a moment to reflect on all of your blessings since last Christmas. Write them down. Look at all of the good you have in your life and be grateful.

2. Set a budget. If you know exactly how much you are going to spend this Christmas, then shopping becomes much easier. Don’t feel pressured by the media, the advertisements, or other people to spend more than you intend.

3. Release expectations. Allow this Christmas season to be what it is without expectations or hopes for perfection. We are often disappointed when things don’t go “as planned” during the holidays, so plan loosely and remain open to change. Embrace the reality of life as being part of the season.

4. Keep it simple. Part of releasing expectations is simplifying your Christmas season. If you over-schedule yourself with activities, shopping, and travel, you will be stressed and will miss out on the peace and beauty of the season.

5. Spend time in nature. Wherever you live, in a cold or warm climate, spend time outside absorbing the natural beauty of this time of year. The smells, the sounds, the climate of December are all part of the joyful anticipation of Christmas.

6. Listen to beautiful music. Everyone has their favorite holiday music, and it creates background mood for the holidays. Consider music that is peaceful and soothing to bring calm during this hectic time of year. I love the music of Stanton Lanier during the holidays or any of the Wyndom Hill music.

7. Create and sustain traditions. Traditions during the holidays make us feel connected to one another and to something larger than ourselves. They offer a sense of certainty and comfort. We have a tradition of letting the children open one gift on Christmas Eve, and it’s always pajamas to wear that night.

8. Entertain without perfection. Sometimes we avoid inviting friends over during the holidays unless everything is perfect — the right meal, the house completely decorated and cleaned, a gift purchased. Let that go and enjoy spontaneous get-togethers to share a meal or simply some time together. Don’t miss connections waiting for perfection.

9. Light candles. The glow of candlelight creates magic and warmth. Light them at dinner, during a bath, on the mantle. I’ve put an assortment of candles in the fireplace when it’s too warm to light a fire.

10. Buy gifts mindfully. Don’t purchase a gift just for the sake of having something to give. Buy something that is truly a gift for the recipient, something that lifts them up and makes them happy. Here are some ideas for mindful giving.

11. Bring nature inside. As you decorate for the season, bring some of the beauty from the outside into your home. Cut branches and holly berries to put on your mantle or in an arrangement. Decorate pine cones to put on your tree. Spray leaves with gold paint to use on your table or as place cards. Here are more ideas.

12. Go caroling. Print off some Christmas carols from the Internet. Brew up some hot chocolate or mulled cider. Get some candles or lanterns. Call a few friends to join you, and walk around your neighborhood and sing. It’s really fun — and more fun if you spike the cider!

13. Wrap creatively. Instead of buying more wrapping paper, get creative. Collect all of the paper you have from last year and use it first. Use recyclable brown paper bags and tie them with bright ribbon or raffia string. Use burlap or fabric pieces to wrap up round or small gifts. Here are some more ideas.

14. A baking party. Set aside a morning with family or a couple of friends, and enjoy the pleasures of baking together. Bake a batch of Christmas cookies, pumpkin bread bread, or your own favorite holiday treat.

15. Feed the birds. Get a bird feeder as a family gift before Christmas and set it up near a window. It is such a simple and beautiful pleasure to watch the variety of birds looking for a good meal!

16. A family project to serve. Plan something together as a family to help or offer hope to others during the holidays. Adopt a family, serve in a soup kitchen or food bank, visit shut-ins. This reminds us of our many blessings and provides a sense of meaning and context for the season.

17. Create simple, healthy meals. From Thanksgiving until the New Year, we are faced with an array of delicious, but often fattening and unhealthy food choices. Whenever possible, create simple and healthy meals to keep your eating choices balanced.

18. Support the arts. In this economy, the arts are suffering with lower attendance. Many performing companies, ballet companies, and other arts organizations are closing their doors. The holidays are a great time to support the arts while feeding your soul. Attend The Nutcracker, go to a holiday symphony performance, or watch a local theater production. These are great family occasions.

19. Send a letter or gift to a soldier. Imagine being in Iraq or Afghanistan this Christmas, away from loved ones and the comforts of home. Remember those fighting for our freedom and send a note of thanks or a needed gift.

20. Rediscover meaning and purpose. As things begin to slow down in the days before Christmas and the week after, take some time to reexamine your own life to determine what is truly meaningful and important to you. Define and uncover your passion and purpose to begin the New Year with a fresh perspective.

21. Write a love letter. One of the most meaningful gifts you can give is a hand-written letter expressing your love and gratitude to your spouse/beloved, your parents, your children, or a treasured friend. Take time and thoughtful care in expressing your feelings, writing on beautiful paper, and wrapping your gift. It will never be forgotten.

22. Reach out to someone lonely. If you know someone alone or lonely this holiday season, connect with them. Invite them over for a meal or include them in a family occasion. The holidays can be very sad for many people, and you can bring a ray of light into their lives.

23. Take a drive or a walk. Get in the car and take a drive just to look at the holiday lights and decorations. Or simple walk around your neighborhood. Carry a mug of hot chocolate and a box of homemade cookies with you and make it an occasion.

24. No last minute shopping. If you find yourself without a gift for someone at the last minute, don’t rush out and buy something so you won’t be empty-handed. Instead, create your own “gift card” for someone offering something special they would enjoy — a dinner out, a coupon for chores, a back rub, a movie together.

25. Make Christmas Day last. Instead of ripping into gifts and rushing through the morning, open gifts one-at-a-time. Enjoy each person’s pleasure of giving and receiving. Light candles, put on music, and intersperse gift opening with breakfast, laughter, and connection.

What will make this the best Christmas season ever for you? Please share your ideas and experiences in the comments.

Barrie Davenport is a personal and career coach and founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about bold and fearless personal growth. She is the author of the free guide, 7 Key Ingredients for a Meaningful Life.

Holidays are coming! Some are having the times of their life during Winter holidays: parties, friends, celebrations, cheering, sharing, etc.. Some find this time of the year very demanding. Most of us experience something in-between these two extremes: fun in some situation, pressure in others. Joy of sharing time with people we love, uncertainty about how to deal with holidays pressure.

These are 8 steps you can embrace to live joyfully during the holidays. You can live happily by:

-Being present, and accepting

Start with yourself. If you feel joyful in the situation you are now, than enjoy it fully and share it with people around you! No matter what we are conditioned into thinking, joy comes from inside, and grows when shared. Not from the latest gadget on sale, nor from getting a career advancement.

If you feel the current situation is neutral, for example now that you are reading this post and the holidays celebrations are not here yet, then just enjoy the space. Right here and now, everything is fine. When the time for celebrations comes, then you will have plenty of energy and resources to be part of it.

If you find yourself in a situation which is not comfortable, then just breath. Breath in, breath out, Breath slowly, to relax your sympathetic system. You may have your lucky charm, your favourite jokes to tell, etc. However, sometimes you may not be able to use them. Breathing is always with you, so keep it your friend.

Then be aware of people and surroundings. We are all on the same boat, with our ups and downs. With our strengths and question marks. With our funny jokes, and cliches. Accept people as they are, give them space. Most they will respond by accepting you as you are.

Let the “ghosts” of past and future holidays go. Accept the past holidays are gone. Accept the future holidays are far from now. Be in the present moment.

Positive phrasing

For these holidays, and for most of your life, visualize more what you want to be, and less what you want to move away from. If I say you: “do not think about the pink tree!”, what do you visualize? A pink tree! Positive visualizations and course of actions, being/doing what you want to be/do, are more powerful than negative ones (moving away from something).

Recharging

Some of us recharge while being in a group. They feel the energy coming from other beings. Some of us recharge in a quiet environment. Their energy grows while in nature, reading a book, etc. Know what recharges you, and refill your batteries for the holidays.

Embracing diversity

Variety, the spicy of life! The holidays may be a once a life-time (or at least, once in a year) opportunity to get to know better people you meet daily in formal settings. Or to touch base with family members. Any inspiration, for your new year, you can take from them?

Sharing the ride, and volunteering

Can you share with a trusted friend your feelings about the holidays times? Spontaneously, by sharing some of the ups and downs. Without emphasizing any specific aspect.

Balance this “holiday budding” with sharing your real gifts (not the material ones!) with society. Can you volunteer for a shelter, canteen, senior’s group, etc.? By shifting the attention from you to other precious beings, you reconnect with your real nature.

-Eating properly

Holidays are a great time to get to taste again your auntie’s cake, etc. Considering food portions at most of holidays event come in generous sizes, ensure to have at home only healthy ingredients for cooking, like fresh vegetables and fruits. That is your detox time.

If you want to feel calmer, make yourself a relaxing tea before an event, and stay sober during parties. No matter what your priorities are during the holidays, you benefit from feeding your body and mind with appropriate food, in appropriate quantities, when you have most of the saying in your menu’: at home. This ensures you have full energy available.

Exercising

Get plenty of walking, and fresh air. Limit your car usage to the minimum.  If you already have a regular schedule (gym, yoga, pilates, etc.) try to keep it, or modify it to ensure you get your physical activity.

After a generous lunch and some talking, excuse yourself and take a short walk near-by. You can bring some friends/relatives with you, or just have a quiet walk.

Having a plan B

When you are in a quiet environment, where you feel safe and in peace, enjoy the blissful experience. And gently touch one area of your body (ex.: wrist). If, for any reason, you find your inner peace feels shaken during the holidays, just centre your attention on your breath as it is. And gently touch again your chosen spot. Your breath and your peaceful spot have always been there, are there now, and always will be. And so is your ability to enjoy life as it unfolds, during holidays and during the rest of the year.

About the author: Frank is Dharma instructor, life-coach, well-being facilitator. He is Italian and has travelled to over 30 countries and 80 cities. He meet different cultures, sharing the same quest for meaning and joy in life common to all of us. For more free information, and discounts on his eBook/eCourse, please visit: http://www.amareway.org/resolutions-for-new-year/

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How To Prevent Seasonal Mood Disorder

When the winter season arrives, the days begin to get shorter and shorter. During seasonal shifts, it is not uncommon for people to experience alterations in their moods. Commonly, negative feelings and attitudes are associated with the winter months. Though it was once believed to be simply a dislike for the cold; research in recent decades has shown otherwise. Indications suggest that the bad moods that are felt in the autumn and winter are not solely caused by an affinity for the spring and summer seasons.

In fact, since 1984 psychiatrists have been testing and studying the ill effects that people experience during the winter.  Originally theorized by Dr. Norman Rosenthal, negative feelings and emotions during specific times of the year are often attributed to a seasonal disorder. People call it “the winter blues” or “the winter sadness” (though it may occur in summer, occasionally.) Doctors refer to this condition as seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.). Whatever the name, it is a serious condition and should be treated accordingly.

What the Causes Are

The causes of seasonal affective disorder have been researched and tested by many professionals in the fields of both psychology and psychiatry. The Harvard School of Health has established that one of the leading causes of this ailment is lowered Vitamin D levels in the affected. The reduced daylight in the winter months is a major factor to the existence of this serious malady.

Some of the factors that lead to this disorder (and many other psychological and physical ailments) are genetics, poor exercise/nutrition and poor air quality. Since genetics cannot be altered, environmental conditions and habitual changes should be taken into consideration.

Recognizing S.A.D.

If you have ever noticed a decline in either your happiness or the mood of another during specific seasons, it is highly possible that you have witnessed the effects of S.A.D.

Symptoms vary from person to person. However, some of the more common symptoms are listed below.

·    Reduced motivation

·    Lack of interest in everyday activities

·    Increased or abnormal sleeping habits

·    Insomnia

·    Altered eating habits (many sufferers report eating more carbohydrates)

·    Altered mood or attitude

These are only a few of the many ill effects that the disorder can have on individuals. Taking steps to treat and prevent the disorder can better both your mood and your life; possibly, even the moods of those around you.

S.A.D. Treatment

Light therapy

The first physician to discover and effectively treat S.A.D. was Dr. Rosenthal. He used a medical practice called light therapy to relieve the symptoms of patients. Light therapy can help to return Vitamin D to the body; restoring the necessary levels that are optimal for good health.

In many areas of the world, the period of sunlight experienced daily is gradually reduced with the passing days of autumn and winter. Areas above what is known as the 37th parallel have substantial daylight reduction in the winter. Regions such as San Francisco and Philadelphia are above the 37th parallel. Beijing and Athens also lie above this border.

Sunlight

The sun provides the body with Vitamin D. With less sunlight, the necessary levels of Vitamin D are not supplied to people. It is recommended by health professionals that people get at least 15 minutes of sunlight every day.

Although Vitamin D levels are a leading contributor to the disorder, new studies indicate that there are other significant variables that should be addressed.

Air Quality

New research suggests that air quality may play a major part in this seasonal condition. During the winter, many people are more confined due to the cold. The air of an office or home can become contaminated and lead to an assortment of health problems.

Adding an air purifier to a home or office will not only greatly reduce the amount of airborne particles that are breathed in; but also, increase the body’s defenses against physical and mental ailments. Owning an air purifier can significantly assist in the treatment and prevention of S.A.D.

There are also many office air purifiers to choose from that can raise the quality of the air in any home or office. Indoor air purifier reviews are offered to assist people who are shopping for the right air purification device for their home or office.

Exercise and Nutrition

Two extremely important keys to good health are a person’s diet and exercise habits. Depression can develop slowly and the symptoms can easily go unnoticed. It is advisable to make plans for the cold. Monitoring eating habits and swapping outdoor activities with indoor exercise can ensure a higher level of readiness for winter ailments.

Staying healthy in the winter is the best way to stay happy. Moods and attitudes can be greatly improved by recognition, treatment and prevention of this common ailment.

*****

Matthew Wainscott has a passion for writing. After finishing school, he pursued his career as a creative service provider. Matthew currently provides content to online organizations.

Photo Courtesy of Rick Imamato

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The Purpose of Adversity

So many people live life in a constant state of anguish in their relationship. Either they don’t like their partner or they don’t like them enough. Everyone can improve their relationship to make it more satisfying. Yet, most people don’t.

It’s most likely because they don’t realize how significant love is in life. Love can improve your life in so many ways that we can’t possibly list them all here. However, I have chosen the top 5 reasons how love can greatly enhance your life in hopes that it may persuade people to finally take action on their relationship and make it one that they truly want and deserve.

#1 Love Energizes You

Think back to when you first met the love of your life. Just for a few moments, put yourself back in that time. How did you feel? Elated? Walking on air? Did you feel like you could do anything and everything? Now, think about what if you could have that feeling all the time. That feeling you had was being in love with your partner. Finding that love again could bring that incredible feeling back and give you that love for life that you had once before.

#2 Calms You

When you come home, do you instantly release yourself into your partner’s arms? No? Well, wouldn’t that feel nice? Just imagine if after a long grueling day, the both of you could come home and take comfort in each other, knowing that whatever happened during the day is now over and you can now relax with the one person who wasn’t part of all that mess during the day.

#3 Makes You a Better Person

Having love inside of you enables you to share it with others. This will show in your behavior as you open doors for strangers or hold them open for them. It shows as you stand in line and someone cuts you off and all you do is say, “It’s okay, you must be in a hurry today.” rather than the usual curse word. When you are in love, others benefit from it just as much as you do and that is something to be proud of because it makes you a better human being.

#4 Helps You Solve Problems

Life isn’t easy and there are many challenges along the way. When you truly love someone, you trust them completely to help you with problems. This can be a relief when your suck and don’t have a clue which way to go. Two heads are always better than one and when you love your partner, you’ll always have that other head on your side.

#5 Live Longer

Being in love will mean that you want to take care of yourself so you can be your best for your partner. You may exercise more, you may not want to get sick as much because it’ll mean not being about to spend time with them, and it also means that you’ll take precautions to protect yourself from an early death. Love also has physiological effects since it’s a natural stress reducer, which prevents many chronic stress related diseases, such as heart disease.

How much do you love your partner? It’s time to pay more attention to this area of your life. The New Year is coming upon us. Make a resolution to renew your relationship. Everyone needs someone that they can love and lean on in life – bring that wonderful feeling back into your life.

Marcelina Hardy is a guest blogger for PickTheBrain. If you need help with relationship problems so that you can get to a point in your relationship where you can love again, please visit Relationship Repair. I am an experienced relationship coach with a passion to help individuals and couples overcome relationship problems and improve their relationships.

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36 Ways to Feel Absolutely Beautiful

The Grass is Greener Syndrome where things are better “over there” sounds favorable until you realize that when you go there you take you with you. If you want something to change, you must first change yourself. This means opening the possibilities from within.

As an example, my daughter, Shoshanna, is an expert with the Grass is Greener Syndrome. She has spent her life thinking, “If only…then I’ll be happy.”  If only I go to a different school, then I’ll be happy. If only I travel abroad and volunteer at an orphanage, then I’ll be happy. If only I live far away from home, then I’ll be happy. If only I live close to home, then I’ll be happy. If only…. You get the idea.

At 22, she is finally realizing that the only thing consistent in all her choices is herself. So this past summer, she agreed to make some changes in her thinking. Five simple exercises have had a profound effect on her feelings about herself, raised her self-esteem and enabled her to accept herself on a new level. She is happier in general.

Notice the Good. Every day she wrote three good things in her life that happened in the past 24 hours. This actually helped her realize that there is good around her. It also gave energy to the good instead of the bad. The result was that she attracted more good into her life.

Write a Daily Gratitude Letter. Every day she wrote a thank you letter to someone. It didn’t matter to whom. It didn’t even matter if she sent it. What did matter was that she felt grateful for something. She could write a letter to the waiter at the restaurant for the good service. Or she could write one to her grandfather thanking him for noticing the improvements she was making. It was a daily reminder that there are things to be grateful for even if things weren’t going right. The more she felt grateful, the more things came into her life to be grateful about.

Allow Possibilities. It is important to think different thoughts if you want different outcomes. One easy way of doing this is to ask yourself, “Could I allow the possibility of….” Then answer with a resounding YES! This tells you (and the Universe) that you can allow something different.

This simple question can be asked over and over with whatever possibilities you think of in the moment. If you allow all ideas to flow, you will find thoughts you didn’t know you were thinking as well as be led to new possibilities. This method is truly picking your brain.

For example, she has trouble making friends. So, we looked at the possibilities involved with making friends. After doing this, she actually had two new friends come into her life. Here is how it can work…

Could I allow the possibility of having friends? YES!

Could I allow the possibility that friends can come to me and I don’t have to go searching for them? YES!

Could I allow the possibility that I will be able to be myself with these new friends? YES!

Could I allow the possibility of people liking me? YES!

Could I allow the possibility of being a good friend? YES!

The questions went on and on until she felt comfortable with them and the idea of having friends. This is a simple exercise to help shift to something new.

Balance the energy. Our thoughts have feelings attached. Sometimes the feelings make sense. But many times, our feelings are out of sync with our thoughts. So, here is a simple method to balance the energy.

Pretend you have two opposing thoughts. Let’s use the friend example from above. In one hand, you have the idea of lots of friends. In the other hand, you have the idea of zero friends.

Make the visuals vibrant by expanding on them. For the “lots of friends” hand, picture yourself in the center of attention with friends all around you laughing and having fun with you. For the “zero friends” hand, picture yourself outside the party looking in through a window.

Each scenario will have a feeling. The more detailed the picture, the more you will have feelings about them. One picture will literally make one hand feel heavier than the other.

In your imagination, move the energy from one hand to the other in the same way you would transfer a ball from your left to your right then back again. Keep doing this until the energy feels the same in both hands.

Each hand can hold logical opposites such as having friends or not. Or each hand can hold something nonsensical such as birthday cake and smelly fish. Keep doing it until the energy feels the same. This neutralizing will take the charge out of your feelings and allow better possibilities to come to you.

Have a Mentor or Supportive Partner. Shoshanna says having me to talk to and encourage her was very helpful. It could have been me (as a mom) spending time with her. But I think it had something to do with the fact that I’d been through it. I may not have started at the grass is greener point, but I did shift my thinking and feelings. So, I knew how to move from feeling not so good to feeling happy.

I wanted to make sure that this was a positive experience for both of us. So since we used to fight, I invited my mentor to join us. Together the three of us blazed a new trail, and she is happier today, than she has been in a very long time.

So, the next time you are looking for a different situation, look within yourself. Shift your thoughts and feelings. You will become a magnet for the greener grass and you won’t have to go “over there.”  It will come to you.

Bio:

Judith Joy is an Empowerment Coach and Matrix Energetics Certified Practitioner practicing in Highland Park, Illinois.  She can be reached through her website www.yeswithjoy.com .

In an ideal world, we’d do everything on time every time and still have time left over to eat, sleep, travel, and play.

In the real world, we simply procrastinate…

We know we shouldn’t put things off but we do it anyway. The next time you identify a good project to “do later” be sure to apply these 3 tips. They’ll save you from those feelings of guilt, inefficiency, and dread that plague even the most seasoned procrastinator.

Tip 1: Enjoy It

Don’t spend valuable procrastination time feeling guilty about what you’re not doing. Enjoy yourself. When it comes down to the wire and you’re sweating bullets to meet a deadline, you’ll have lots of beautiful memories to make it all worth it.

How:

• If you’re genuinely a worry wart, create a plan for completing the task so you can relax about not getting to it right away.
• Consider doing something semi-productive like cleaning, getting organized, re-connecting with old acquaintances, eating, learning a new dance, practicing your Latin, or even completing other neglected tasks.
• Make a list of things that you did while procrastinating. You’ll need this list to be able to sleep at night with a clear conscience.

Life is short. There’s no point putting something off if you’re going to feel guilty about it the whole time.

Tip 2: Create an Efficient System of Reminders

It will make you feel like you’ve at least done something toward completing the task at hand. If you’re lucky, doing this will also help you get started on the task sooner rather than later.

How:

• Step 1: Pick your favorite reminders (a good combo is using the alarm or calendar feature on your phone, the calendar in Microsoft Outlook, and snooze-able electronic sticky notes).
• Step 2: Stagger the reminders. If something is due on Friday, set the first alarm to go off seven days in advance. Set the second reminder to go off five days in advance. Set the third one to go off three days in advance.
• Step 3: Snooze all the reminders as necessary (or until you start to feel like a bum for snoozing three different reminders). Then get started on the task.
• Step 4: Continue using this system consistently until you become desensitized to all your reminders.
• Step 5: Go back to step 1 and choose a new combination of reminders.

In other words, plan your procrastination in advance. Yes, I just used “plan” and “procrastination” in the same sentence. You can do it. I believe in you.

Tip3: Once You Start, Don’t Stop!

Do you know when procrastination morphs into a beastly problem? It’s when we try to procrastinate twice on the same activity. Don’t do it. Once you start a task, complete it. No excuses.

How:

• Start the task with the end in mind. Decide on your stopping point and do not relent until you achieve it.
• Play motivating music. I’m too embarrassed to publicly disclose what I consider to be “motivating music” but you know yourself. Play whatever gets adrenaline revving through your veins.
• When you’re done, take pride in your work. If you can’t take pride in the outcome of the task, maybe it wasn’t even worth the effort to begin with (in which case procrastination was a sign of good judgment on your part).

This third rule is challenging at first but, with practice, it quickly becomes second nature. Once you start, just keep going until the job is done.

Bottom Line

Putting things off should never be a half-butted affair. If you’re going to procrastinate, go all out and use these three tips to excel at it.

Normally, this line should tell you who I am and what I do but I like you. And all I really want is for you to go on Facebook and fall madly in like with me too. If you prefer, we can always just chirp at one another on Twitter.

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Image courtesy of: Miss Britty

Freud called dreams the royal road to the unconscious, suggesting they offer uncanny insight into your life, including inner conflicts, motivation and the deeper sense of what life is all about. Perhaps its time we recognize another royal road, one that brings us fully into the present moment, no matter where we are.

Mundane sounds  – expressway to the present moment.

They are all around us – mundane sounds. The computer hums. The refrigerator runs. Oscillating fans, distant traffic, airplanes cruising by and numerous other sounds create a symphony of white noise that fills the background of our lives. Who would have thought medical research would prove tuning into these sounds is a giant leap toward mental and physical health?

In fact, intentionally directing your awareness outward disengages a major brain region called the Default Mode Network (DMN). The DMN is responsible for autopilot thinking, the slew of mental activity that occurs when we are not consciously engaged. Daydreaming falls into this category. When the DMN is hyperactive, common in today’s world, the mind is continually cluttered with thoughts and the body is tense.

InSciences has reported that the brains of depressed people show increased activity in the DMN. The overactive DMN raises self-consciousness and prevents you from “losing yourself” in the activities of life. Rather than remain free to enjoy the present moment, you are besieged by a continual stream of inner thoughts.

ScienceMag suggests that activity in the DMN may reflect the occurrence of mind wandering, i.e., random thoughts that are unrelated to the present moment that cut you off from the environment or outside or world. With an overactive DMN, you can’t turn your mind off. You can’t control your stress. You can’t fall asleep. Your mind and body are out of control.

Turn off your DMN and chill

Effective stress relief happens automatically when you learn to deactivate your DMN. In the March 2010 edition of Scientific American, Marcus Raichle, M.D., first to discover the DMN, reported that researchers didn’t believe the evidence that the DMN could be switched off:

In 1998 we even had a paper rejected because one editor suggested that the reported decrease in DMN activity was an error in our data. The circuits were actually being switched on at rest and switched off during the [cognitive] task. Other researchers, however, reproduced our results for both the medial parietal cortex and the medial prefrontal cortex. Both areas are now considered major hubs of the DMN.

There you have it, a major brain network being switched on and off at will by participation in specially designed cognitive task. Further research, both scientific and casual, has proven that deactivating the DMN leads to increased pleasure, inner peace, emotional well-being, improved sleep, decreased anxiety and a stress-free way of being.

Three Steps to Inner Peace

Turning into external white noise is a great cognitive task to deactivate the DMN and settle into the present moment. Follow these simple steps and notice the difference.

1. To stack the deck in you favor, take out a paper and pencil and write down any problem that is on your mind. Then, let your pencil fly! Write down every thought and bodily tension that you think and feel related to the problem. Don’t censor yourself. Just get it out.

2. Choose some mundane sound in your immediate environment, such as the hum of your computer. Tune into to it, putting all of your attention on this one sound. Don’t try to do anything else. Just listen in real time. When you feel yourself settle a bit, your DMN is disengaged and you are grounded in the present moment. Enjoy it.

3. Reconsider the problem that was on your mind while maintaining your attention in the here and now. Do you feel more equipped to handle it? To the degree that you are here and now, your problem is more manageable.

This is a handy little tool that you can use anytime your mind is cluttered, your body tense and you just need to settle into the moment.

Mike Bundrant is an NLP trainer who integrates modern Zen practices into his work. For a free personal development mini-course, visit the iNLP Center.

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