Why do we fear that which will make us grow? Think about that statement for a minute. Why do we fear that which will make us grow?

Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Unfortunately it is not. It seems all those things in the world that will assist in our growth we completely overlook. We then substitute it with something haphazard.

We treat things like confidence, courage, self trust, love, as if they were the grim reaper. It is as if they were entities that only the elite could access.

Why is that? How did we get to a point in civilization when our gifts are perceived as our demise?

A large part comes from our inherent views on the world and how we are to perceive it. We have bought into someone else’s ideals.

Some ideals we continue to live by:

- “The world is a scary place”

Says who? Because one or a few people say it does it make it so? What do you have to compare it to? Scary or any other fear term is up to individual interpretation. Some people thrive on things that others fear. That is what makes us individual. Some other people just don’t want to see you succeed beyond them. It is unfortunate but true. The point is, it is your life and you need to do it your way. The way that comes naturally to you. I am not talking about reinventing the wheel. I am talking about following your intuition and trusting yourself to do what is fulfilling to you.

“Don’t trust anyone who gives you something for nothing”

Why not? Certainly caution plays a part but depending on what it is, consider it a gift. We are coming to an age of a paradigm shift where many people are giving rather than receiving because it makes them feel good. They understand the fundamentals in life consist of that of being united rather than divide and conquer. Sure, a lot is given for free in hopes of increased sales and that you will be their next customer perhaps, but if it is something you are interested in and it is free why wouldn’t you accept it? What’s to say you don’t learn something valuable?

- “Watch out for a wolf in sheeps clothing”

I’m sure by now we all get the basic concept of the Laws of Attraction. If we run around mistrusting everyone we will only be attracted to those types of people. Trust in yourself enough to rely on your assertiveness and intuition to weed out the disguises. We all get a sense of someone’s integrity, simply learn to listen more than speak and decide for yourself.  By trusting yourself and others you will be surprised at the friends you meet along the way.

-  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you it could be pretty risky”

“Ok ma, do you want to pay my bills for the rest of my life and feed me antidepressants because I am miserable not doing what I want and because I don’t want to hurt your feelings?”

What ‘ma’ may want is just to see her child not fail or suffer, but really, what message is she sending? That you don’t have what it takes? You’re not smart enough? Sure, it isn’t intentional but that is the message your subconscious is receiving.

Isn’t it time to throw caution to the wind? I mean really? Haven’t we been scared long enough? And what may I ask are we even scared of? We already know that no one thinks about our faults as much as we ourselves do. And who says we really have any? Oh ok we all have some but it is again subject to interpretation.

Some of my faults are others strengths. Go figure.

Let go of these constraints you have and live life your way for a change. Aren’t you sick of taking orders from everyone else? Haven’t you had enough of being too tired to enjoy the sole purpose of being on earth? To enjoy and embrace life?

The only difference between being a child and an adult is responsibility. Broken down like all the other gifts we fear is our ability to respond. That’s it. We can still have childlike wonder everyday of our lives if we chose to. We can still go to amusement parks and be amused. We can jump on the bed and have pillow fights if we want. We just have a job to go to everyday. Have you ever considered by doing any of these things mentioned that maybe just maybe, it will make your job easier to go to everyday?

When you can go to work and have a pillow fight to look forward to when you go home? Or a wrestle with the kids? These things allow your mind to unwind and regroup and all the while you are creating quality time with you and those you love.

This is not hogwash. This is simple stuff. Times have changed and we need to understand  some of our parents and grandparents thinking just isn’t pliable in this day and age. We can have fun and it really doesn’t cost a thing. You gain more than you will ever conceivably lose.

My name is Suzanne Jones. I am a Certified Hypnotherapist and a Writer. I have a blog http://www.pristineperception.com and write based on true experiences. I guide people through either Hypnotherapy or my Writing to regain personal and mental control of their lives. Just one degree of perception change is all it takes.

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You probably agree that the #1 reason why people can’t pursue their passions is MONEY. It takes time to find a way through which your passion can replace the secured paycheck.

However, there is another equally important reason.

On the surface, you can call it the fear of failure!

However, there is a much deeper and critical aspect of your fear of failure, specially when it comes to pursuing your passion.

It doesn’t hurt that much when you fail to achieve an average goal that you’re not so emotionally attached to it.

But when it comes to your passion and what you’ve put your heart in, it looks like there is no comeback.

Peter Buffett brilliantly put it in his book ‘Life Is What You Make It’ when he said, “If, in the many facets of life at which we are destined to be average, we come up a little short, so what? But if we fail at the thing by which we define ourselves and at which we hope to prove special, that’s serious.”

What Gives The Fear of Failure Its Dominating Power

When you fail at what you’re passionate about, it hits your hopes, identity and aspirations in a killer spot.

At least, that’s what most people think.

They play it safe, because failure is not acceptable on the passion level, as it can kill their last hope!

Fact is, it never happened in the history of success that failure ended the game. The game is over only when you decide to quit. (You can read my story of the greatest failure in my speaking career and you’ll understand what I mean.)

Now, you might wonder from where you can get the motivation to overcome your fear of failure or comeback after you fail in your pursuit of passion.

How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure

I believe the only thing that can help you bounce back is your purpose in life.

It is what holds you tight and strong.

It is the reason why you’ve been down this path in the first place.

And as long as the reason that touches your heart and spirit still exists, then you will always find the motivation to try one more time…

Why?… because it is worth it!

Your life’s purpose solidifies your self esteem and confidence in a way that even failure can’t knock you down. With a clear purpose in life, you become GROUNDED!

Remember, failure never ended the game for any successful person. If you’ve a clear purpose in life, then you’re safe and resilient against the killer hits of failure.

Do yourself a favor and be purposeful today.

M. A. Tohami is on a mission to help unfulfilled professionals find their purpose and  live with passion. If you’re interested, visit his blog and get 3 FREE chapters from his book, The Pharaohs’ Code – Amazon’s #1 bestselling motivational book on May 19, 2009

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‘There are two driving forces in your life: love and fear.

Love is your higher self.

It is the place of pure intention and hope.

When your higher self drives your life you are on purpose and empowered. Life surges through you; you thrive and society thrives because of it.

Fear, of course, is its opposite and is your lower self.

It is, unfortunately, the place from where the majority of us exist. When fear drives your life you stagnate and die. You don’t live your true purpose and you become dark and heavy and the world suffers as a result.

Who is the driver of your life?

Who are you allowing it to be? How do you know?

Most of the time you don’t, as you are totally unaware of what is controlling you and your victim circumstances.

Ask yourself.

Are you living your true passion and purpose? Does life course through your body allowing it to feel light and powerful?

If the answer is no, then you are allowing your lower self  to control your life. It is a bitter pill to swallow but the truth is fear drives your life.

“But fear is a good thing,” you say, “it protects me and keeps me safe.”

Fear does serve a very important purpose; to warn you when you are in physical danger and this is when we should heed its call. At any other time, fear suffocates you and prevents you from knowing for yourself how beautiful you are and all you are capable of.

When Fear Drives Your Life

Fear once was the dominant driver in my life and I was dying inside because of it. Deep down I knew I was capable of more but my lower self was in control and I could just never allow myself to be.

I had gone through my life dreaming of becoming a writer. Writing was always my silent passion. It was the form I took as a child to express myself. It was where I felt most safe and most recognized. I could express my thoughts, opinions and ideas without it being criticized or ignored.

My lower self, though was always the driver of my life. This was the part of me that believed I was worthless and had no ability whatsoever. It was never shy to tell me so either. I would write from my heart and it would say,

“That is crap Caroline! You cannot write. No-one will ever read your words or be inspired by them. Don’t be so ridiculous to think you can do this.”

And so it went and I would put down my pen and give up on my dream. My lower self had me believe that it was just a far out wish; much similar to my one of being a rock star. That it would just never happen, and so I would forget about it.

The Struggle for the Higher Self to Win

My higher self was always there struggling to come out and be the driver. It was holding onto my dream for me and was trying to make it a reality- but it had so many obstacles to overcome first.

For years my lower self dominated and nothing I tried could make it take a lessor role. I was dying inside and living such an incomplete and unfulfilled life because of it. It was not living my life on purpose.

My higher self kept trying to surface and eventually, through much introspection and self-improvement work, allowed my lower self to finally recognize what my higher self always knew.

That I was powerful beyond measure, that I was worth sharing with the world and that I could be, do and have anything I wanted. I could make a difference.

My higher self now drives my life. It knocked my lower self to the ground and asked the fear to remain their only as a warning to me in those moments of danger when I truly needed it.

When your Higher Self Drives Your Life

I no longer just write my thoughts in the privacy of my journal. I am now regularly published across the net. I write two popular blogs that both have newsletters and podcasts; I have written a few ebooks and have almost finished my book on my experiences travelling the world inspiring others to do the same, and have just hosted my first teleconference on travel blogging.

I regularly receive comments from my readers as to how my words uplift and inspire them. I am beginning to live my dream and my purpose. I tell you this to impress upon you the absolute power there is in taking the time to work on yourself. You can move mountains and you can free your soul.

You came here for a purpose and for most of us fear holds us back from being who we truly are. We don’t even notice this so habitual are our limiting thoughts, beliefs and actions.

We need help to move aside those lower forces of fear and allow love to guide us into our purposeful future.

Now in my life when I reach a moment of decision or courage, I recognize so clearly the voice of fear telling me what I should do to become less. I did not know this voice before, it acted with me being so totally unaware of it. At times now the voice can get strong enough to almost make me follow it, but the driver in my life has changed.

I have moved beyond freedom into living a life on purpose. The fear is still there but I know how to control it. I know when to listen to it and when to use it.

I know who to allow to be the driver of my life.

Start Choosing the Driver of Your Life

What is possible for you? What is your higher self asking you to do? What is your lower self squashing that it shouldn’t be?

It will always remain squashed until you find a way to remove that fear and let love for yourself and all things be the greater power.

Fear does not want you to take control because then fear will no longer have any strength or power.

You need to know for yourself just how worthy and capable you are of living your true purpose. My mission is to help people become aware of their higher self and allow this to be the dominant driver in their life.

The choice is yours as to whether you will allow fear or love to drive your life.

Love is our higher being.

With love all things are possible. With love we thrive.

Imagine the world if we were all driven by love and not fear?

Bio: Caz Makepeace has been living and traveling around the world since 1997. She is co-founder of the popular  “y Travel Blog” where she shares tips, stories and inspirations on world travel. She also shares mindset and success tips for putting the mojo back into your life at her blog “Mojito Mother

The world lost a great person when Betty Ford passed away three weeks ago at the age of 93.

Betty Ford was a courageous person who set a remarkably potent precedent for us all, especially when it comes to living a life without fear while keeping true to your core values.

The Truth is Powerful and Liberating

It’s easy to forget it in our current culture where we exchange minutia at the speed of a click, but once upon a yesteryear cancer was a topic approached only indirectly and not very often. Breast cancer was barely discussed at all.

But Betty Ford faced cancer head on and chin up, staring right into cancer’s two fish eyes full of hate. She refused to bury the truth of her condition and was fiercly outspoken about both her masectomy and the disease itself.

And Betty’s bravery bent more than society’s conventions. She also took an intrepid step forward that few people in the public eye before her ever dared to when she sought treatment for her addictions to pills and alcohol.

Beyond her rehabilitation, Betty also spoke candidly about her addiction. And while that may seem almost quaint in today’s tabloid culture, in Betty’s prime, admiting addiction to anything came with a metric ton of taboo.

Fear is a Darkroom Where Negatives Develop

It can be difficult to be open about the truth, even to ourselves. Yet once we surrender, freeing our fears into the whipping wind of self realization, we also let go of our fear of being discovered.

Hiding quickly grows to habit. And soon it becomes easy to camouflage yourself in loneliness, making it difficult if not impossible to live your best possible life. Confronting your terror forces fear to take a step back and gives you the chance to reclaim control of your destiny.

You Must Define Your Own Values

Despite being married to a President, Betty Ford tackled the tough issues she was passionate about, rather than sticking to safer, non-controversial causes. Sure, she could have kept herself covert in the thick shadows of life, but instead she looked fear in the eye and spoke loudly about what she believed.

It can seem easier to simply go with the flow and tacitly accept the beliefs and values of your friends or family. This relieves you from the sometimes crippling fear of rejection or from having to deal with confrontation. But you can only be truly happy when you’re the one choosing what to believe and which principles in your life are worth fighting for.

YOU are the only one who can truly define your values, beliefs and goals. Allowing others to do it for you might give you a thin veneer of temporary outward peace, but it’s half-life is short and will ultimately rob you of your self-confidence as well as the ability to claim what you want most from life.

Betty Ford helped countless people by being unafraid of the truth and always staying honest with herself.

Just imagine what you could accomplish if you followed her gallant example.

Sean Platt is author of the books Four Seasons and Writing Online. Follow him on Twitter.

Fortunately, all fears are learned; no one is born with fears. Fears can therefore be unlearned by practicing self discipline repeatedly with regard to fear until it goes away.

The most common fears that we experience, which often sabotage all hope for success, are the fears of failure, poverty, and loss of money. These fears cause people to avoid risk of any kind and to reject opportunity when it is presented to them. They are so afraid of failure that they are almost paralyzed when it comes to taking any chances at all.

There are many other fears that interfere with our happiness. as well. People fear the loss of love or the loss of their jobs and their financial security. People fear embarrassment or ridicule. People fear rejection and criticism of any kind. People fear the loss of respect or esteem of others. These and many other fears hold us back throughout life.

Fear Paralyzes Action

The most common reaction in a fear situation is the attitude of, “I can’t!” This is the fear of failure and loss that stops us from taking action. It is experienced physically, starting in the solar plexus. When people are really afraid, their mouth and throat go dry, their heart starts pounding. Sometimes they breathe shallowly and their stomach churns. Often they feel like getting up and running to the bathroom.

These are all physical manifestations of the inhibitive negative habit pattern, which we all experience from time to time. Whenever a person is in the grip of fear, he feels like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. This fear paralyzes action. It often shuts down the brain and causes the individual to revert to the “fight-or-flight” reaction.  Fear is a terrible emotion that undermines our happiness and can hold us back throughout our lives.

Visualize Yourself as Unafraid

By visualizing yourself performing with confidence and competence in an area where you are fearful, your visual image will eventually be accepted by your subconscious mind as instructions for your performance. Yourself image, the way you see yourself and think about yourself, is eventually altered by feeding your mind these positive mental pictures of yourself performing at your best.

By using the “act as if” method, you walk, talk, and carry yourself exactly as you would if you were completely unafraid in a particular situation. You stand up straight, smile, move quickly and confidently, and in every respect act as if you already had the courage that you desire.

The Law of Reversibility says that “if you feel a certain way, you will act in a manner consistent with that feeling.”  But if you act in a manner consistent with that feeling, even if you don’t feel it, the Law of Reversibility will create the feeling that is consistent with your actions.

This is one of the greatest breakthroughs in success psychology. You develop the courage you desire by disciplining yourself repeatedly to do the thing you fear until that fear eventually disappears—and it will.

Confront Your Fears

Your ability to confront, deal with, and act in spite of your fears is the key to happiness and success. One of the best exercises you can practice is to identify a person or situation in your life of which you are afraid and resolve to deal with that fear situation immediately. Do not allow it to make you unhappy for another minute. Resolve to confront the situation or person and put the fear behind you.

Move Toward the Fear

When you identify a fear and discipline yourself to move toward it, it grows smaller and more manageable. What’s more, as your fears grow smaller, your confidence grows.  Soon, your fears lose their control over you.

In contrast, when you back away from a fear-inducing situation or person, your fear grows larger and larger.  Soon it dominates your thinking and feeling, preoccupies you during the day, and often keeps you awake at night.

Deal With the Fear Directly

The only way to deal with a fear is to address it head-on. Remind yourself that “denial” is not a river in Egypt. The natural tendency of many people is to deny that they have a problem caused by fear of some kind.  They’re afraid of confronting it. In turn, it becomes a major source of stress, unhappiness, and psychosomatic illness.

Be willing to deal with the situation or person directly.  As Shakespeare said, “Take arms against a sea of troubles, and in so doing, end them.”

When you force yourself to face any fear-inducing situation in your life, your self-esteem goes up, your self-respect increases, and your sense of personal pride grows. You eventually reach the point in life where you are not afraid of anything.

Important Note From Erin, Editor of PickTheBrain

If you have any burning questions for Brian about fear you should join our 2011 Power Of Fear Summit to ask him personally on our live Q/A at the end of the video online session. If you’d like to talk to Brian and 11 other world class experts like Les Brown, Rhonda Britten and Greg Reid, then please register asap – it’s filling up fast (we’re excited!) Just click here to grab your seat:  http://pickthebrain.com/blog/poweroffearsignup/

About the Author: Brian Tracy is one of America’s most respected authorities on developing organizational and human potential.  He is the top selling author of over 50 books that have been translated into dozens of languages. His insights in to leadership, personal effectiveness, business strategy, and success psychology, which he presents to more than half a million people around the world each year in his talks and seminars, produce immediate changes and long-term results. His experience, combined with his effective ability to inform, entertain, inspire and motivate audiences, makes him one of the top speakers and trainers in the world today.

Brian Tracy is Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, a company specializing in the training and development of individuals and organizations. For more information, please visit: http://www.briantracy.com

Other people want you to change your opinion to suit them but they won’t change to suit you. They just go on living their lives. How does that work? – Quote by My wife, 2010

John Donne said “the death of any man diminishes me” but I think a worse fate than being dead is dying inside – being diminished – while you live.

That is what happens when you poison your growth through letting others diminish, marginalize and demoralize you from reaching your potential. Let me tell you, living in fear of other peoples’ opinions sucks. I know. I’ve done it.

Yes, – you live, but you live a sickly fearful existence stunted like a tree permanently in the shadow of other peoples’ opinions. As a result, both the branches you grow and the fruit you bear will be withered compared to what they could be. You behave like a rabbit darting from safe hole to safe hole avoiding the glare of other peoples’ disapproval. It’s no way to live.

If you are fortunate enough to get a moment of clarity you will realize that millions of people don’t live this way – they lead happy self-directed lives that are productive and focused – then you can start to question your own personal status quo…and that’s where the changes start.

Then, as you grow older and wiser you realize how unimportant other peoples’ opinions of your worth really are but the trick is to realize it young – and choose amongst all the mediocrity of others peoples’ lives to do something magnificent with your life and time from an earlier age.

The desire to please others rather than live the life we’re called too has probably killed a lot of dreams and is still strangling millions of others. But today I’m going to tell you what I’ve learned in my 37 years and in case you think my age counts me out from having any wisdom remember that being old does always mean you are wiser but it may mean you have made a lot more mistakes! The question is: have you learned from them?

I’ve been through some nasty hard stuff in life, stuff that has driven other people to suicide, and yet to look at me you’d never guess. Because I’m still here, I’m joyful, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this. Live your life. Don’t be a jerk because it doesn’t pay but live your life. Or others will try to live it for you. Their greatest ambition is to stop you causing them any discomfort. Rise above it. Love them anyway.

You are designed to be great and to do great things. They may not be nine ‘o’ clock news things (Question: Do you think Mother Theresa would have stopped caring if she never got any publicity?) but you are here to make an impact for a worthy cause rather than being what George Bernard Shaw called “ a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”
Man and Superman: A comedy and a Philosophy

The first key to becoming great is, paradoxically, one of the hardest and most counterintuitive. You need to care first and foremost for what you think – and stop caring what other people think of you.

On the face of it, this sounds unbelievably selfish and arrogant (which is probably why so many people don’t ‘get it’) so let me explain.

You need to be the one who authorizes your point of view. That way, you can develop a determination to help people that transcends their disapproval. If you are to truly help another (with wisdom and vision) then you will need to do things that they might not like or understand. Hopefully, they will understand later but even if they don’t you need to know for yourself that you did the right things.

Secondly, if you decide what you think then you can decide to approve of yourself. By this I mean you can decide that you are worthwhile, you have value, and you are going to make an impact in the world.

For a long time I went around with the idea that it was somehow arrogant to approve of myself and as a Christian I wanted to have a humble view of myself. But then I realized I had not accepted what God said about me, which is that I am created in His image and precious to Him. I was being a hypocrite by not accepting my Creator’s (much more positive) view of me!

Here’s the point: My consciousness is the gatekeeper for what my mind lets in. I actually had
to let in the idea that God approves of me. Whether I let it in or not doesn’t change the fact that He does, but I have to be the one to authorize that thought as being valid in my mind.

What do you have to step up and give permission to work in your mind? Where do you need to say “Thought, come in”?

Caring too much what others think about us is an inhibitor to greatness, per se.

I am not saying we should not care at-all – I truly believe that striving to love our enemies and our neighbors as ourselves is exactly the right thing to do in a messed up world where hatred and anger only begets the same. As the book of Proverbs says “A wise man ignores an insult: it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

However, giving others the right to question our worth (as opposed to our skills and performance) means we will forever live timidly in the shadow of needing their approval. And whilst we wait for a smile or a nod, they will carry on living their lives. Does that make you angry enough to want to change it RIGHT now? It should!

So why did you give others the right to diminish you? Because you want their approval so you simultaneously buy into their disapproval as well. Why do you want their approval? Well other than the fact that we are created as social animals and a certain level of approval is necessary for co-existence, the blunt fact is you don’t approve of yourself so you look for it from others.

The quote goes “The deepest desire of the human heart is to be appreciated.” That’s true, but unless you can appreciate yourself, you’ll always be a prisoner of other’s opinions.

Yet we don’t think we can approve of ourselves because we have blinded ourselves to our own capabilities and accepted the limitations others have placed on us. It is a sad but undeniable fact that our minds tend to reinforce what we currently believe and it takes a courageous man or woman to take a step back and question what seems like the reality of what we ‘are’.

So because we want the crumbs that comes from the significant other’s table we have allowed ourselves to be sold – or sold ourselves – reasons to let others criticise our worth and this is a death-sentence for the soul and foolishness of the highest order.

What really gives another human being the right (let alone the experience and the wisdom) to judge our worth and value? Are they not in the same boat as us? Were they not born, have to eat, get hungry and so on? If you prick them, do they not bleed? 

When the scales fall from your eyes and you see that mostly we judge ourselves by labels that have no lasting significance we become free to see all the posturing that we do in order to look good in the sight of others.

Do these others know all our secrets, all our dreams and aspirations? Do they know the good deeds we have done in secret or the evil we have wished on others? Do they know our joys and our griefs, our little celebrations of life and the desperation we can feel alone in the dead of the night?

How possibly do they have the experience of us to make a reasoned judgement?

Can you possibly know all that about them? I think it was Confuscious that said “knowing you know nothing is the beginning of wisdom.” It’s time to approach what people really know and can do with a little humility. They do not know you – and you only know of them what you have seen and heard.

I have found it an 18 year project to get to the point where I don’t really care what other people think of my value in their eyes so I don’t say it lightly when I point out this needs to be done. Realising, truly realising that I decide what I think was my breakthrough moment.

There is a self-help saying: “What you focus on grows” and simultaneously what you authorise, grows in your mind as well. The moment I realised I could authorise myself to believe in my own worth was the moment I truly started valuing myself. And when I could value myself, it was easier to value others. And when I could value others it was easier to overlook their behaviour because there was a bigger picture to pursue – that of helping them realise their value.

Then you realise that you are equal in value to anyone and everyone. It’s not about economic status or looks. If I or you are to do anything worthwhile in this world we need to see ourselves as equals to others in value.

I know the present way society is going encourages us to value ourselves according to labels such as beauty (did you know obese women were considered beautiful in Picasso’s time?), money and career but all this is meaningless and leads eventually to terrible consequences such as the Holocaust or Year Zero.

You, as much as the smelly old bag lady in the street, are a living miracle. Your sperm and egg made it when all the others fell by the wayside (unless you’re a twin!) You already succeeded before birth and you succeed now, everyday, although not perhaps in the ways you would like!

You have to believe in yourself, like yourself, have a realistic evaluation of yourself and yet reach for a higher more potent moral and giving version of you. Human beings operate best when they transcend their selfish motives.

Earlier this year I left my church and along with that I left the approval of my friends some of whom I had known for 14 years. I joined another and I am happy there because I am being called to grow into what I can be. I had to make a decision to do what was best for me and my family – and although it has been hard I have not regretted it.

When you let other people diminish you, you do a disservice not only to yourself but to the whole human race. Don’t do it. Read and re-read this post, and rise up to do great things. Growth and striving for greatness are natural human states. Become all you can be, and in the striving you will be happier and a better person for everything.

Paradoxically, in order to do anything of worth for other people you have to stop caring what they think of you if you do things they don’t like. Then you can start.

Douglas Cartwright is a freelance blogger and the founder of The Self Hacker Blog.

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Fear is something you probably avoid at all costs.

If you’re nervous in elevators, you might take the stairs.

If you’re afraid of heights, you probably wouldn’t go on a skiing vacation.

And if you’re scared of the ocean, the beach is most likely not on your list of hot spots is it?

But have you ever thought about what it really costs you when you try to live without fear?

If you’re afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of in a relationship, if you’re terrified to leave your dead-end job or if you simply try to keep yourself busy to avoid worrying about money and other day to day things…

Then it’s official….

Fear is taking over your life and you’re letting it happen.

Even if you’ve “figured” out how to push it away , you’re still giving a tremendous amount of energy to fear by trying to avoid it.

But what if you started jumping in head first believing, “Screw it, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em is”…

Would that be an outrageous way to think about fear or what?

If you could stop resisting and  just accept what you can’t change how much space in your mind would free up?

More than you think, and you might want to seriously consider giving it a try, because there are few things I know from too much experience.

You can’t get angry to avoid fear, you can’t ignore it for long, and you can’t let it swallow you whole…

Or can you?

What if you could find a way to look at your fear, high five it and surrender to its power.

What if you just rode that bitch straight to freedom of the soul just like a champion surfer greets and rides gigantic 10-20 foot waves? (And they don’t just ride them – they pray for them!)

What if you could see waves of fear as a sign that you’re present and started craving it every time you felt a little numb inside, trapped in the matrix of your mind?

What if every time you got scared, you felt joy at the fact you’re paying attention and experience the right here and now, standing bravely in the middle of all of it?

What if fear was your invitation to raise your hand giving the signal you’re ready, able and willing to take the hint and move forward once and for all?

How outrageous would that feel?

Fear can be your FRIEND if you let it.

It’s your greatest tool!

Fear is a super charged magnifying glass to your biggest blocks of what’s holding you back.  And fear has the power to start turning your perceived barriers into stepping stones.

All it takes is a dash of awareness to tap into it’s power.

If you could LOOK for the fear hidden beneath almost every single “negative” emotion you have such as anger, sadness, depression or frustration, do you truly understand how outrageous you would feel??

Think about this. In the past, when you’ve gotten mad at someone for rejecting your idea, wasn’t there some fear based belief tucked away quietly nagging and heckling you with words like no one will ever understand or appreciate you?

But if you knew it would all be worth it somehow…

If you could see fear as your door to the next level of you, would you ever run from it again?

Once you see fear is just the child in you grasping at some unknown limiting belief you’ll be able to use the power of fear for good- YOUR good.

Just try taking my 4 step process to tap it the power of fear any time you want to:

1. Face it.

Just say hello and sit with fear instead of pushing it away or resisting it.

If you kept hearing a strange noise in the middle of the night, it’s not until you turn on the light to see what it is, that you can relax right?  No.

It’s the same with fear. Facing fear just simply means flipping on your internal light switch by acknowledging it.

2. Embrace It.

Feel the fear and let is course through you.

Mentally say, “I’m feeling fearful about being good enough at my job for my boss. If I’m not good enough he’ll fire me. If he fires me I can’t pay my rent and it also will mean I’m a bad person and might never find another job.” Simply try embracing how that feels while knowing it’s only an illusion you’ve conjured up to point you in a a better direction.

3. Accept It.

Once you’ve said hello to your fear, welcome it with open arms as you pay attention to how angry, sad or depressed it makes you feel.

Accept the limitations of your processing unit.  Stop resisting the reality you’ve got a fear inside of you limiting the power of your belief system.

Acceptance is your key to dropping your resistance and therefore reducing the amount of suffering you are experiencing.

4. Rejoice.

Now it’s time to use fear as the catalyst to get deep inside and fix what is broken because fear is the squeaky wheel that says, “Hey something isn’t working over here.” Each pain point in your life is the symptom of a greater root cause that’s usually much older than your fear..

By facing, embracing and accepting your fears you can leverage fear to blow through the illusions and roadblocks keeping you from tapping into your true potential. Watch pure joy and gratitude come when you learn to celebrate the insight you just had thanks to moving through your fear.

Try comforting yourself with words of encouragement every time you face, embrace and accept your fears – they rejoice at how free you feel!

The greatest gift you can give yourself is comforting you with words of encouragement every time you face, embrace and accept your fears.

Allowing fear to fester lowers your frequency and ability to focus on attracting opportunities to move your forward.

Even if your heart just got broken and your fear is driving you to believe you’ll never be loved – it’s an amazing vehicle for your immediate transformation.

Fear can get you back on track to loving you which will have a massive impact on your vibrations. This means you will begin to finally send out signals to the “right” people; oher people who are also in a state of self-love to start coming your way. The same goes for abundance and other desires you might have.

Becoming aware of your fear and accepting the limitations of your processing unit (your personality and image) will guide you to the path of least resistance to outrageously growing yourself once and for all.

This post is inspired by another blog post – by Catherine Caine at Cash and Joy.

In that post, an (imaginary) therapist and client are having a conversation, which goes in part like this:

‘And what’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t follow that dream?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Which is scarier?’
‘The nothing.’

And I looked at that, and thought, “There’s a mission for me. Help people to see that the nothing is scarier than following your dream.”

Change is simple, but it isn’t easy

The thing about personal development and personal change is that it’s simple. There are really no magic bullets. There are a few tips and tricks, some things that make it easier, definitely, but the basic idea is simple: Pay attention to the right stuff, take consistent action, and you can achieve pretty much anything.

The other thing about personal change, though, is that it’s hard. To borrow an image from Jim Butcher (one of my favourite authors), it’s like lifting an engine block out of a car. It’s not complicated, but it’s hard. It takes a lot of energy, and you have to know what you’re doing and pay attention.

And what you’ll find about things that take effort and application is that most people just won’t stick with them. There are a lot of fun and shiny and distracting things around, more than ever these days. (Though there never seems to have been a shortage.) We can get a short-term reward so easily, why put in the extra effort to get a long-term one?

Well, there are only two reasons to change, after all. One is that the reward of doing so is greater than the reward of not doing so. And the other is that the cost of staying the same – the “nothing” – is greater than the cost of changing. That if you stay where you are, you’ll be unhappy and bored and not respect yourself.

How to build commitment

Over at PsyBlog, Jeremy Dean wrote a good piece recently on How to Commit to a Goal. Apparently if you first fantasize about a future you want, then reflect on the negatives of your current situation, and consciously contrast the fantasy with the reality, you’re more likely to make plans and more likely to care about achieving the goal than if you just do one or the other (or do them in the opposite order). Not only that, but you’re more likely to take action, work harder, and perform better.

You need both the pull and the push. The pull of the fantasy future, but also the push of the unpleasant present, the nothing that is happening and will continue to happen unless you change. One or the other isn’t enough for more than moderate motivation.

One more thing, though – you have to believe you can achieve the goal, or you won’t commit to it.

The Scary Nothing Technique

Whenever I see a piece of research like this, I want to turn it into a practical technique. (Think of me as the personal development equivalent of an engineer.)

So here it is: The Scary Nothing Goal Motivation Technique.

1. Find the general zone of your goal. What floats your boat? What do you geek out about? What gets you all passionate and present when you talk about it? If you’re not waving your arms and monopolising the conversation, it may not be your thing yet – try again.
2. Find something you could conceivably do in that zone. It needs to be something well beyond where you are now, but not so high-flown and amazing that you secretly believe it’s impossible for you. (High-flown and amazing will come in due time. You’re not close enough to see it yet, though.)
3. Close your eyes and imagine as vividly as possible, with all five senses, doing that conceivable thing. Run a little movie in your head about it. Make it as real as you can. Have fun with it!
4. Now pull back and look at the gaps, the horrible gaps, the terrible missing pieces that are currently being nothing where that dream of yours belongs in your life. Drama it up. Go wild on the nothing.
5. Consciously set the fantasy future and the nothing present side by side and compare them. Weigh them up in your two hands. Experience the dissonance.
6. Stand up and go and do one thing that starts you towards your goal and expresses your commitment. Book a class, buy supplies, put a stake in the ground. Set your face firmly towards it.
7. Repeat until goal is reached. Then set a new goal.

Nothing is scarier than change. Run, do not walk, away from the nothing.

Mike Reeves-McMillan writes the blog Living Skillfully: Change Your Life. He’s currently running a series on How Not to Change Your Life, about all the things that stop us from being glorious.

I have grown up near the ocean my entire life and I have learned much about the strong currents, rough surf, and powerful nature of a storm at sea. As a long-time diver, I have recently begun to notice that the nature of the sea is much like the nature of the land. Life above the waves is very similar to the depths below, and there are many parallels with what is simple and beautiful and what is difficult and scary. A tranquil sea can turn rough, choppy, and dangerous within minutes – you could be driving along content in your car, listening to your favorite
music, when your tire blows sending you into a spin and a maelstrom of danger. In life, as with the sea, you never know when the good or bad will hit. I have come up with five principles I learned at sea that mirror the lessons I live by on land. Much can be learned if your diving mask is rubbed clean and your outlook on life is as open minded as the open sea.

1. Be Mindful of “No Wake Zone

Boating at sea, you often come across “No Wake Zone” signs, especially when traveling through narrow channels and close to shore. A wake can hurt both marine life and people. It could bump someone out of his boat or when it hits the shore, it could send a series of small tidal waves. It could also cause someone to fall down the companionway stairs or erode the shoreline. In the southern U.S., such as Florida, they are put up to protect slow moving marine life and are a sign of man’s attempt to respect the delicate nature of the sea that brings such pleasure. Ask a professional boater and they will tell you the key to following a “No Wake Zone” sign is to slow down all the way, not just slightly.

In life we need to slow down and smell the roses. Many times people get into fights or “wakes” because of a lack of communication or a misunderstanding. I have learned to slow down and reflect before I react quickly because I usually want to plow forward with my own fury (like ignoring a “No Wake Zone” warning). But with associates, friends, and even loved ones, conflict is almost always
inevitable. It is important to listen to what others are saying, try to understand their point of view, and validate their feelings. The “No Wake Zone” signs are put up for good reasons by government officials. The signs are there to protect others or the beautiful creatures below the water. Protect others, and yourself, by creating less wakes in life. Take it easy before lashing out. Walk away and blow off some steam before sharing your thoughts and feelings. It is easier and better to create tranquility in your life and on the sea.

2. If a Sign Says “Beware of Rip Currents or Sharks” They Probably Aren’t
   Making It Up

Signs warning of rip currents should make your eyebrows raise and send you in the other direction. Rip currents are currents of water flowing away from shore. They mostly begin from the shoreline and head through the surf zone just past the
line of breaking waves. It is sometimes confused with undertow, but rip currents do not pull you under – they can, however, pull you out. And if you are pulled out then there is an even greater risk of sharks. If there are warning signs for sharks, take heed and dive in another location. Some might remember 2003′s Open Water movie about a scuba diving couple who becomes abandoned by their team and stranded in the open ocean. Slowly they are attacked by sharks until the man dies and the woman chooses to take her own life rather than be eaten. The movie is an extreme look at how sharks can overpower a diver. It is recommended that if a
shark approaches, strike it with something hard like a camera or fist. Aim for the shark’s eyes or gills which are most sensitive to pain. It is advised to hit the shark repeatedly as they will likely retreat to find easier prey.

In our lives we encounter predators frequently, some as aggressive as a hungry tiger shark. Just think about telemarketers and solicitors who call you on your phone or even text you. Some of these people are trying to take advantage of you, possibly trying to talk
you into a new credit card with a high interest rate in small print. We might want to hit a solicitor outside a grocery store right in the eye like we would a shark, but it doesn’t work that way in the real world. On land we face warning signs everyday like the one for
rip currents. “Sharp curve in road,” “icy bridge,” and “slow down – children at play” are some examples. Just as we need to listen and watch carefully as divers, we need to beware of warnings in the outside world.

3. The Shells Are Great After a Storm

Turbulent seas can bring magnificent delights onto the seashore. Storms can stir up the most wondrous, unique shells and sea glass onto the shoreline. When traveling, and as a nice break from diving, shell collecting can be fulfilling and offers many a
souvenir. Whether you search for clam shells, conchs, or even almond-shaped cowries, shell hunting is a laid-back, enjoyable experience. The ocean is certainly a powerful force and after a storm the fact that it leaves beautiful presents along its shoreline is a strong reminder of the beauty it offers within its depths.

Finding the best shells after a storm seems to be a metaphor for the beauty we sometimes see on land after Mother Nature has unleashed her fury. After a rain storm, she might lend us a rainbow if she allows a bit of sunshine to peak through. Tornadoes are certainly the scariest of land storms. They can be massive, dark, and unpredictable spirals of doom. Yet when the skies clear, some people say they have never seen such blue skies. In some parts of the world, ice storms are dangerous to be sure, but have an innate beauty nobody can argue with. Snow storms, as well, probably have the most beauty to offer in return, as trees hang with beautiful glistening snow and the ground is blanketed in a white luster.

4. Swimming Upstream Can Be Tough, So Be Prepared.

Often times, fighting the currents is a necessity in order to explore the glories of the ocean. You might be kicking as hard as you can, but that anchor line doesn’t seem to be getting any closer. A feeling of exhaustion can set in pretty quickly. Unfortunately,
swimming upstream takes a lot of effort and some divers use too much oxygen to swim only a short distance in this case. The worst thing to do is panic if that oxygen gauge starts to descend. It is a challenge and it takes strength and level-headedness to make
it to your destination. Mental and physical preparation are necessities. The fact is, people have defied nature by plunging
to far depths beneath the sea. The ocean can trick your mind and sensations in your body. So listen and follow the words of your diving instructors or guides. They have vast experience in the undersea world and can help you swim upstream when the time comes.

For me, swimming upstream in life means being true to yourself and maybe even going against the grain, if needed. Just as swimming upstream takes strength, perseverance, and bravery, so does going for that promotion or asking out that attractive woman at

the bar. You need to not shy away from the hard things in life. It takes guts to be true to yourself and take risks now and again. It might also make you feel like you’re running out of oxygen telling someone how you truly feel, but the rewards can be priceless. Many divers are adventurers like me and out in the open water, you need to use ingenuity and be brave when swimming upstream – just like you do when following your heart and your gut.

5. When Diving, Don’t Swim Back to the Surface Too Quickly

One of the worst things a diver can experience are “the bends” which is what happens when you return up to the surface too quickly. This can cause your body to act like a shaken can of soda being opened up. With all the nitrogen absorbed into your body
during a dive, the gas can make you feel like your blood is boiling and it can be deadly. Sometimes a diver will head quickly for the surface if he becomes spooked by something and panics. However, they must stop and take what are called decompression stops so the gas can dissipate.

In life above the water, most of us feel safe, healthy and happy. But sometimes we are called away from this haven where sometimes harsh realities greet us. Many people face tragedy in their life: a loss of a loved one to cancer, or a miscarriage, or a fatal accident.
There is a time for mourning, but then there is a time to return to the surface. We cannot rush the healing process just as we cannot rush returning to the top. It is worth it to take care of ourselves along the way so that we are as strong as when we left.

Jacob Mojiwat is passionate about sharing the wonders of scuba diving with others. He is the owner of AsiaDivingVacation.com. His dive company takes divers diving in Sipadan Malaysia as well at other Asia dive destinations.

Photo credit: Dissuadedotorg

Photo Credit: Robert Campbell Photography

Part 1:

Fear is an illusive giant. What is it? What color is it? How is it shaped? Where can it be found? Fear is everywhere and no where at the same time. It has no shape, color, sound, form, or solid visibility. We can see and feel only its effects. What to do when fear is stalking? Stop. Turn around. Look at it square in the face, And what? Fear has no eyes, no face, and no form.

The truth is that fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real.

This step prepares you to overcome fear, and gather up the courage to write your dream plan and to build your Dream Plan Book.

A wise Eddie Rickenbacker once said, “Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.”

This truth brings us straight to the condition of fear. Fear is instinct gone wild! It is a protective mecha- nism designed to keep us safe in the wild.

What is fear?

It’s the hidden evil monster under our childhood bed; the unseen wild animal that caused our ancestors to hover in caves to avoid being eaten, and today, it’s the dreaded Friday afternoon “pink slip.”

Modern day fear has transformed into massive social pressure. If we don’t look good, smell good, drive the right car, wear the right cloth- ing, pay our bills exactly on a sched- ule; we feel and fear our very livelihood is threatened.

When we combine analytical thinking with instinct, the dangerous result can be unrealistic, unhelpful fears, and negative imaginations. In fear we expect the worst; imagine something bad that happened before, or imagine our survival threatened while perfectly safe. By focusing on fear we create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Untreated fear can cause procrastination, indecision, blaming, immobilization, insecurity, and excuses, which all slow the realization of our dreams. Faith neu- tralizes fear. Instantly. When we act in fear, our nightmares come true. When we act in faith, we see our dreams come to life.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy once said, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

And that was such a profound statement, because the object of our fear is not what harms us the most. What harms us the most is our fearful reaction. We have only to shine a flashlight under the bed, to make the invisible fear monster disappear.

We can neutralize fear most effectively by cultivating awareness of “pet fears” to move through them. Shine the light…talk about them, write about them, and take note of them during the day when they pop up in thoughts. Instead of pushing them away, begin to substi- tute with words of faith. The more they hide, the bigger they get! Feel the fear; shine your light of your awareness and faith on them to re- lease your hold on fear, and fear’s hold on you. It takes practice to make courage a new habit. Step into the new “promised land” of faith and personal success. To apply Step 1 to your life right now, write an inspirational comment in the Dreams to Reality Workbook to yourself about launching your courage.

Deborah S Nelson is a guest blogger for PickTheBrain and the founder of Author Your Dreams Publishing

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