“Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life.” – The Dalai Lama

Responsibility is one of the most important skills your child can learn. It influences all pursuits in life, affecting your child’s ability to make friends, to excel in school and to excel in her career.

Most parents understand the importance of being productive and responsible, but are unsure of how to begin teaching this skill to their children.

Children often learn best when they are having fun. Games teach children that life skills don’t have to be boring and encourage children to think about problems in unique ways.

Here are 5 ways to make learning responsibility fun:

Timed Competitions

Children love to compete with their siblings and friends, and even the most boring tasks can be turned into a game when you add a competitive edge. Try giving your child a set amount of time in which to complete a task. Announce, “Whoever can get their room clean first wins!” Or try saying, “Whoever can put away the most dishes in 10 minutes gets to go to bed late!” Tasks that your children were previously loathe to complete will suddenly become fun family activities.

Problem Solving Games

Children are creative thinkers who, when given the chance, can come up with unique solutions to problems. They especially love when they can display their knowledge to adults and think of things grown-ups couldn’t. Try presenting a family problem to your children. For example, if you’re having trouble getting children to participate in your dog’s care, try saying, “Muffy needs to be house-trained. Whoever can come up with the best strategy for potty training the dog can go to bed late for a week!” Your child will suddenly become invested in a task both you and he previously had little interest in.

Reward Systems

Child psychologists have found that rewarding good behavior is much more effective than punishing bad behavior. If there’s a particular behavior you’d like for your child to improve, a gold star chart can be the ticket to responsibility. Simply place a chart on the refrigerator and give your child a sticker every time she does the right thing. When the chart is full, she gets a special reward such as a toy, later bedtime, or family outing.

Teaching Parents

Children want, more than almost anything else, to have the same privileges as adults. They love being treated as mature grown-ups and will do just about anything to have their opinions respected. You can use this to your advantage by encouraging your child to teach you something about responsibility. Pose a specific problem to her and ask her to research the solution. Give her lots of crafts supplies and encourage her to put together a presentation to teach the whole family. For example, if your dog needs better dental care, ask your child to figure out how to keep the dog’s teeth clean. You may be amazed at the solutions she comes up with, and she’ll relish the opportunity to play expert.

Taking Someone Else’s Perspective

Empathy is the ability to place yourself in someone else’s shoes and predict how he might feel. It encourages responsibility toward others and a healthy respect for rules. This skill must be nurtured in children for them to develop it. Play games with your child that encourage her to adopt alternative perspectives. For example, while driving in the car, ask your child, “What do you think the woman behind us is thinking right now?” When children get into a fight, ask them, “Why do you think your brother is mad at you?” If you are angry at your child, ask her, “What would you do right now if you were the mom?” This not only gives your child the opportunity to think about other people. It also helps you to understand why your child does the things she does.

About the Author

Jane Warren is a freelance writer providing valuable tips and advice for consumers and families. Her numerous articles offer money saving tips and valuable insight on all types of family and pet-related topics.

Photo Credit: Doug Robertson

Success. It’s something that most of us want in our lives. We might have a hazy picture of what it looks like:

• “Lots” of money
• A jet-setting lifestyle
• A great relationship
• Achieving a particular status within a career

The problem is, none of these things are easy (or even possible) to achieve. How much money is “lots”? What counts as a “great” relationship? If you chase vague definitions of success, you’re never going to be satisfied.

Plus, you might well achieve “success” in the eyes of the world … only to find that it seems hollow and empty to you.

Don’t Follow Someone Else’s Idea of “Success”

We’ve all got different values and motivations. Some people are content to work in a tedious job because it carries a good paycheck. Others would prefer to work at something creative and fulfilling (even though that means living on ramen noodles). Neither path is objectively “right” – they could each be perfect for different individuals.

It’s up to you to decide what success means in your life. Don’t get stuck following someone else’s path. For you, success could be:

• Never having to worry about money (note: this isn’t necessarily the same as “being rich”!)
• Being healthy and fit
• Playing a vital role within your family (whether that’s as a parent, sibling or child)
• Going back to college and getting a degree
• Downsizing to a home in a rural area
• Writing a book and having it published

… or almost anything!

Success doesn’t have to be about money or status.

Be Specific About Your Goals

When you’re deciding on your personal definition of success, make it as concrete as possible. If you simply want to “be rich” then you’ll struggle to ever feel like you’ve managed it. A better goal might be “make $100,000/year”.

Your success should be measurable. You might not be able to put a number to it, but look for some way to record your progress towards your goal. For instance, if your “success” means “being happy and content with my life” then you might want to journal about your thoughts and emotions regularly.

Be clear about what success means, and set specific targets to reach.

See Failure as a Step on the Path

You might be familiar with this Thomas Edison quote:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Often, failure is just part of the path to success. If you’re starting up your first business, you might fail: that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your early failures pave the way to later success. Think back to being a child – you failed constantly while learning to walk, to talk, to read, to write… but those failures were necessary in order for you to finally succeed.

Failure is something you do, not something you are. Sure, you might fail – again and again – before you do succeed. But isn’t that better than never even trying?

What’s your personal definition of “success”? Share it with us in the comments below.

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“Ghost Stories” courtesy of Nendo/Wallpaper

“I see dead people.”

Do you remember the film that came from? It was the The Sixth Sense and the little boy was Haley Joel Osment.

There is a good chance that you see them too. Really.  They may not have zombie faces or hide under the bed in the shadows but I guarantee – you do see them.

And possibly all the time.

What do I mean?

Well, first I don’t mean that you see ghosts or spirits. I’m talking real people who you have known.

Kooky?

Only for a minute. Read on.

Have you ever wondered how you determine the quality and importance of the relationships you have with people in your life? (I just ‘know’ is not good enough here.)

How do you know?

• Who is important in your life?
• Who is not?
• Who you are close to?
• Who you are not?
• Who you fear?
• Whom you feel powerful around?

How do you know? Why is it important to learn how you know?

Generally, when life is sweet and you get on with everyone, it doesn’t really matter.

But…it becomes important when a relationship with another person is significantly affecting you or affecting them – and you need to know how to change the dynamic between you so you can feel and relate to them differently.

It becomes even more important if that person is no longer alive.

Then you are seeing dead people. And it’s a problem.

Do you know anyone who is still controlled by the memory of an overbearing deceased parent, or who responds badly to certain members of people groups because of an experience they had in the past?

I know someone whose parent (now deceased) tried to crush any spirit of independence out of them because of the parent’s inability to cope with ideas different than their own.

However, for years after the parent died the person continued to relate to people in their life in terms of the way the parent had treated them. It took years of counselling and cognitive change work to update their references for how more ‘normal’ people related to each other.

So what is going on?

Each and every one of us carries everyone we know around us in what Lucas Derks calls our ‘social panorama’. This is a psychological type of personal space, created from inside our head, but projected around us like holograms that are invisible to everyone except us.

Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.

So, imagine for a minute that all the people who you have ever come into contact with (and your concepts of those you haven’t) are stored in a psychological landscape around you (your psycho-scape).  They are in front of you, behind you, to the left and to the right, far away, near, floating above you, and standing as tiny figures below you. Yes, I know this sounds a bit weird but it gets weirder because it is true!

Ask yourself: Where is my mother in relation to me? Point to her. Even if you can’t ‘see’ her in your mind’s eye, point to her.

Now your father.

Now any brothers and sisters.

Now your best friends.

Notice how near or far they are from you, Is there anyone you are currently feeling ‘distant from’? Chances are they are located physically further away from you than someone you feel ‘close to’

(Isn’t it fascinating that our words reflect our internal experience?)

The people you know (whether dead or alive) exist as living memories in your head. And when you change how you re-represent the memories to yourself, you change the quality and meaning of the relationships you have with them in your head.

Yes, you can stop that person who bullied you at school from still affecting your confidence in speaking up.

You can forget that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend more easily.

You can change your relationship with authority figures.

So you want to know how?

The basics are very easy. Pick someone whom you don’t feel like you have an equal relationship with. Or you feel intimidated by.

1. Ask yourself “Where about’s is this person in relation to me?” Either close your eyes, or just point to where you sense they are.

How big are they in relation to you? It doesn’t matter if they are actually taller than you, just identify if they are taller in your head.

How close or far away?

Are they facing you?

2. If they are facing you, use your imagination to turn them away. If they are too close to you, move then away – try 50 feet for starters.

3. If they are bigger than you, shrink them down. Try the same height as you to start with, and then make them really, really small. And adjust as necessary.

4. If you want them out of your life, put them way past the horizon.

Now I don’t guarantee this will work every time for everyone. There are sometimes higher frames of mind that prevent the change from sticking and that’s when you need help from an experienced coach (like me!!).

Never-the-less, spend some time playing around with the sizes and locations of the people you know. For example, if you want to feel closer to someone, identify a person (perhaps your best friend) who you are close to and move the new person next to or very close to the best friend. How does that feel?

Sometimes, groups of people are represented as symbols. I have an amusing story about this one. I did some exploratory work with a guy who had an attitude with the police. When he looked inside his social panorama he saw a giant pig looming over him (In our country, ‘pig’ is a derogatory term for policeman) and started laughing.

There is a lot more to say about the Social Panorama but it is a fascinating subject. Start experimenting and remember you can always put people back where you found them. You can also get the book Social Panoramas which has a lot more explanations and exercises.

You now have a tool to change some of the dynamics between you and those you carry around with you!

If YOU are a professionals who procrastinates, then give me a call about a free Explore your Breakthrough session. I helped ambitious people (in most walks of life) get unstuck, start moving and taking action. You can find the details at www.livingwords.net/freeintro.html

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How To Achieve Your Goals With Health Habits

An Analytical Approach To Self Improvement

Bob was a normal sort of guy. One day, he set the goal of making a million dollars. He took a job in sales because he figured that was the quickest way to get there. And, after a few years of hard and determined work, he did.

Bob’s a success, right? Bob’s the guy we all want to be – whether we’re in sales, or in a big company, or working for ourselves.

But – here’s the rest of Bob’s story.

During his time on the road, he barely saw his wife and kids. He missed them, sure, but he thought there’d be plenty of time for them after he’d got that money safely in the bank. Bob didn’t pay any attention to what he ate. He didn’t have time to exercise. He barely had time to eat.

He made that million, but in the process, he severely compromised his health – and lost his family.

Bob is not the guy we want to be.

Are you risking losing everything that really matters, in pursuit of your goals? What’s most important to you in your life? Here are a couple of big areas:

Your Health

Two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese. More than half of us are concerned about the level of stress in our daily lives. Around 30% of adults get six hours or less sleep per night.

How many of us are sacrificing our health in pursuit of our goals?

However much money you make, or however big a “name” you are, your health isn’t something you can easily get back through fortune or fame. Many of us live for the short-term, and forget about the problems we might be storing up for the future.

Are you cutting years of good health from your life by racing to accomplish everything right now?

Don’t forget about mental health either. Overwork, stress and anxiety can all lead to depression.

For both good physical and mental health, make it a serious priority to:

• Get some exercise each day – a 20 minute brisk walk is much better than nothing (and it’s important for your mind as well as for your body)
• Eat a fruit and vegetable rich diet
• Take some “time out” – just five or ten minutes of meditation, prayer or quiet time can work wonders

Your Relationships

Like your health, relationships can be damaged beyond repair. If you’re working long hours to provide for the partner and kids that you never see, something’s wrong. If you’re too stressed or busy to spend serious time with your children, you’re storing up problems for you and for them in the future.

If you think that having lunch or coffee with friends is a waste of time, you may end up isolated, lonely, and without people to turn to when you need help.

People without many friends get sick more often. Those with a strong social network are more likely to survive major health problems like cancer or a heart attack.

When you think about the love you have for your parents, partner, kids or friends, you realise that your relationships are what makes your life truly worthwhile and meaningful.

So if you find yourself too busy, too tired, or too cranky to enjoy spending time with your family and friends – question whether you’re sacrificing too much. Look for ways to keep your relationships healthy.

Turning Things Around

It’s easy to say that you shouldn’t sacrifice your health or your relationships for the sake of your goals. But how can you carry on reaching for your dreams without risking losing everything else?

Chase Fewer Goals

Don’t try to do everything at once. Some of us find it very hard to focus on one thing – we want it all! But narrowing your focus makes it much easier to succeed.

If you could only achieve one goal, or work on one project, or pursue one interest, what would you pick? Make that your priority – and make all your other goals, projects and interests subordinate to it.

Stop Rushing

Often, we’d be a lot less stressed and a lot happier if we just slowed down a little. Life isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. Don’t use up all your energy and resources right now.

Do you really need to finish your book this month? Does it matter if you don’t get out of debt before Christmas? Will it make any difference if you don’t start that new business this year?

I’m a firm believer in using deadlines as a motivational tool, and I certainly don’t want to encourage procrastination. But often, taking a little more time can make the journey much more enjoyable.

What price are you paying to reach your goals? Is it worth it?

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