In a previous article An Article for the Never Wrong I wrote about what a relief it was to stop trying to be right all the time and enjoy being human and fallible.

But that’s not the end of the story…

At the other end of the scale there is the question of what you do if you feel like you’re always wrong, or at least if you have what is called an ‘accused personality’ – if something goes wrong it’s always you’re fault. Or if someone has a strong different opinion to yours, you defer to them.

You can work out for yourself where it started. Perhaps you could do no right at home. Perhaps you experienced bullying at school for looking or sounding different and you came to assume that there was something wrong with you. It was then easier to keep the peace and agree with the crowd.

It’s not the easiest subject to write about because there are so many different reasons people feel this way.

But there are some generalizations that can help explain what is going on and some principles you might want to chew on, and apply to a situation of your own.

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Image Courtesy of TelegraphUK

It doesn’t matter how self-aware you are, we all get ’stuck’ sometimes.

Usually we’re resourceful enough to find out what we need to know to move forward especially if it’s just information: we read a book, listen to a seminar, search the web or ask a friend in the know.

However, there are some forms of ’stuck’ that don’t go away so easily. Oh sure, they take identifiable forms such as:

• Avoidance of people, situations and tasks
• Bad habits
• Criticizing others
• Procrastination
• Perfectionism
• Negativity

…but what is really going on ‘under the hood’ in our minds and bodies is not so easy to identify from the outside.

We know that something is wrong because of cognitive dissonance – the grating feeling of difference between how we want to be, and how we are. We try ‘just changing our mind’ but it doesn’t work. We grit out teeth and determine that we WILL change. But we don’t.

So we struggle again and again in futile ways to change it: we may even have cartoon-rage-like moments where we struggle, strain, grunt and groan as dust and arms pinwheel in every direction. Then the dust clears and we’re still there – and we haven’t changed.

It can be because:

• We’ve reached the limit of our experience – we don’t know how to move forward
• We don’t want to move forward
• We consciously want to move forward but unconsciously don’t want to
• We don’t know we don’t want to (and someone else points out we need too!)

… and it’s exhausting.

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Is there an ‘essential key’ to personal development? One without which the ‘unlocking’ of your potential might be difficult if not impossible?

If we define personal development as growth involving the mind and the body, then ‘yes’ – I think there is.

Without this ‘key’ personal growth is slow, and sluggish. Without learning how to tap into this essential human ‘tool’, change will be sporadic or imposed from the outside.

And I believe the really important part is this: without developing this function of consciousness, all deep change will be difficult.

It does not matter what courses you buy, which ‘gurus’ you listen to, how many self-growth seminars you take. Because this is one thing you cannot do without.

The ability to self-observe, what some people call self-awareness.

Self-awareness meaning the ability to become aware of what is going on in:

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I never thought it would be such a relief to be wrong but I’m starting to love it. Ahhhh!

Does that statement surprise you when there are so many success texts on how to be, or do things, ‘right’?

Good!

Do you know the pressure of feeling you have to be right? Do you know what it’s like to not be able to stand being wrong? It’s not pleasant!

Maybe YOU don’t but I bet you know someone like that. Someone who has to have the last word!

It might be funny for a few minutes but ultimately it’s annoying. And destructive.

Being unable to admit you are wrong is what I call a ‘psychological knot’. Creating greater openness and being welcome to ‘get it wrong’ can untie you for greater success!

A pastor I know said: “I’m scared of a man who can’t admit he’s wrong.”  Hitler, for example, was that man at one point. Even when everything was going wrong at the end of the Second World War, the films portray his lieutenants saying: “He hasn’t led us wrong before. We should trust him.” Yeah, that worked out. Confidence does not equal correctness!

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