Dating confidence tips to get you and your date relaxed and having an unforgettable time…

Nervously early for his date, Dave had plenty of time to notice his sweating palms.

“Oh great! What if she wants to shake hands?” He briefly imagined his date’s hand slipping from his like an eel from a greased plate and started feeling a little sick as he frantically dabbed his palms with a napkin. A waiter watched with a seen-it-all blend of sympathy and disdain.

“Just be yourself!” his flatmate – a regular man of the world with more dating confidence than a roomful of James Bonds – had advised. “Blimey, it’s only a date!”

“What does ‘just be yourself’ even mean?” Dave retorted in a panicked tone, trying to cover his shaving rash with an extra-wide 1970s sports-broadcaster-style tie.

He had met Kate at a party during which he’d not been entirely lucid (thanks to some imported German beer). But, he reflected, he must have been entertaining enough; he’s secured this date, after all. Full of liquid courage, he’d finally blurted: “Would you like to meet up?”

Now he wondered: Had his speech slurred? Had she just been too polite to turn him down? Should he reassure her that he wasn’t an alcoholic? No, definitely not a good opener. Would she question why a witty and lively extrovert from the other night had morphed into a shy sack of nerves? Would he even recognize her when she arrived?

Can shyness and confident dating mix?

Dave was naturally shy and was also a great worrier (like many under-confident people): “Would she this? Will I that…?”

Dating had always made him anxious, especially if he really liked the person. “It’s like a sex and marriage interview. The whole time they’re judging you, thinking: ‘Is he good enough for me?’”

“Relax,” his flatmate had said. “Maybe Kate likes completely neurotic men!”

Dave felt uncertain about his appearance, he thought his conversation was boring, and he worried he might run out of things to say. He reminded himself that women find confident men attractive, but somehow this thought made him feel even worse. And he knew he was thinking too much. The problem was he knew (even in the midst of the other night’s alcoholic haze) that Kate was the kind of woman he could really get to like. He sat waiting…

A little nervousness is natural when we start dating someone new. It can even add a little spark, at least initially; but too much can ruin the whole thing. Sure, some people are more naturally confident than others, but confidence can be learned.

So what tried and tested methods can you use to sparkle, shine, relax, and increase your chances of making a great impression?

Tip 1. Plan to be spontaneous

Wait a minute! That seems contradictory. How can we plan spontaneity? Are you crazy, Mark?

Well, let me defend myself here:

Some people make a list of potential topics they can ‘fall back on’ if the conversation starts running out of steam faster than a half-empty iron. It’s not actually a bad idea (just don’t read from the list during the date).

What I suggest is that you write down a list of possible things you could talk about (or dare I say, ask about), then…forget it. Because you’ve thought about it, it’s now  lurking about at the back of your mind. If these topics come out naturally during conversation, all well and good; if they don’t, no matter. But because you’ve planted the ideas in your mind, they’re more likely to arise ’spontaneously’ during your date. So:

1. Write down possible conversation topics before the date.
2. Close your eyes and imagine seeing yourself (as if projected into a movie) looking relaxed and chatting eloquently with your date.
3. Open your eyes (obviously) and forget about it. These ideas for conversation are now in your unconscious and you’ll find they naturally come to you if they’re needed during the date.

Expecting the best has been shown to be a powerful factor in social confidence. In a 2009 study:

“They told 14 of 28 men recruited for their study that the attractive woman they were going to meet was nervous and worried about how she would be perceived by them. Quite naturally when these men found that the woman was nervous and insecure it made them feel better in comparison. This had the effect of making the men much less anxious about the interaction (actually about half as nervous as judged by independent observers) and consequently much warmer.” (PsyBlog)

Tip 2. It’s (not) all about looks

Wear clothes you feel (and have been told?) suit you. It might sound obvious, but feeling well-groomed actually makes us feel better about everything. We like to think appearance shouldn’t matter, but how we dress and present ourselves inevitably sends signals to others.

Invest in a massage or other beauty treatments before the date (not just for the date, but because doing this will make you feel good).

Or you could exercise before the date. What, and arrive all sweaty? No, shower afterwards, obviously! Seriously; a gentle jog in the park, a game of basketball, or a quick visit to the gym can help dispel nerves (because you’ll be using up energy and flooding your system with ‘feel good’ chemicals, which instantly increase your confidence). And we all look better after moderate exercise; the skin glows and the eyes sparkle.

Having discussed grooming and suggested pre-dating exercise, I now want you to stop worrying too much about the way you look. Yes it’s a cliché to say looks don’t matter and that we should all focus on what’s really important; but if you go by the media, you wouldn’t think there was anything more important. For all I know, you may be drop dead gorgeous, but here’s an interesting idea:

Most women seeking a long-term male partner don’t want ‘incredibly handsome’. Why? They may feel a really handsome man is less likely to be a good long-term bet; he may be more likely to wander and direct his affections elsewhere. And men may feel a ridiculously gorgeous woman will be more aloof and harder to ‘keep’ (1). Research has also found that men prefer (at least for relationships) average girl-next-door-type women, rather than the super-beautiful (2).

So looks are important; but you don’t have to be intimidatingly beautiful. I recall one happily married 80-year-old man eyeing his wife of sixty years lovingly and saying: “She may not be the most beautiful woman in the world, but she is to me!”

Tip 3. Desperation is not a good strategy

It’s just a date. If the other person is put off by you saying ‘the wrong thing’, then they weren’t dating material for you anyway. Desperation is driven by anxiety and fear and other people pick up on it. Don’t be looking for signs of rejection or commitment – a date is just a friendly chance to have fun and maybe get to know each other a little better.

Desperately thinking: “S/he could be the one!”, expecting that it should lead to marriage or kids, is way too intense a mindset for what may lead to something or nothing.

Dating is a chance to explore possibilities. Don’t try and rush things or be too pushy. When you visit a new area, you don’t have to decide straight off whether you are going to move there. You just relax, take in the sights, take your time, and see whether it starts to feel right for you

Tip 4. Remember your date is human, too

Dave was so preoccupied by his own dating anxiety that he didn’t even stop to think that Kate might be anxious too. Taking the burden off yourself and working to help the other person relax has a two-way benefit. It helps them feel special and more at ease and diverting your focus away from yourself makes you feel more calm and confident.

Keep an ear on the language you use; words are very powerful and affect the other person. Imagine being out with someone who uses words like “anxious, depressed, bleak, tired, down, useless,” (I could go on) in every other sentence. You’d feel pretty horrible after such a date because of the subliminal effect words have on our consciousness. Even if your date was describing, say, her sister, the overwhelmingly negative effect of the words would start to impact how you feel.

Sprinkle your conversation with ‘happy words’ like “pleased, relaxed, comfortable, interesting, exciting, thrilled,” and so on – pretty soon your date will start to feel good. And this will make them feel good about you.

Tip 5. Calm yourself right down – and that’s right down

Lack of dating confidence can also be described as ‘dating anxiety’ and what’s the antidote to anxiety? Why, calm, of course. Before your date, take time to relax and breathe deeply (remember that making your out-breath a bit longer than your in-breath calms you down). You might listen to a relaxation CD or MP3 and as you do so, imagine actually being on the date and feeling super-calm (but excited enough to be engaged in the experience).

Being more relaxed and calm during your date allows you to feel more spontaneous and playful, all of which means you will have more fun and increase the likelihood you’ll be more attractive.

Tip 6. Flattery can get you everywhere

If you prepared a meal for your date or spent an hour getting ready and they don’t acknowledge this, it can feel like a slap in the face. You might offer something like: “Wow, I have to say you look great tonight…!”

But…

…you’d be better off using sincere, specific compliments. Instead of: “That’s a nice outfit you’re wearing!” (Great, my outfit has been complimented, but I haven’t!)…

How about:

“That’s a beautiful dress you’re wearing.” – then say why it’s beautiful on them – “It really brings out the lovely colour of your eyes…”

“What a lovely kitchen; you have a great eye for design.”

Ultimately, dating should be fun and relaxed. The more open you are to having a great time, even if the chemistry isn’t there, the more you can ensure you have a positively memorable time. And if the chemistry is there…

And what happened with Dave’s date? Well, Kate arrived and straight away apologized for how drunk she’d been at the party. She then fascinated Dave so much by relating lots of funny anecdotes about the ‘crazy day’ she’d just had that he plain forgot to be nervous at all, making any thoughts of ‘dating confidence’ a complete non-issue.

As his flatmate at the time, I was relieved to hear his date had gone so well.

(1) A study at the University of Missouri found that men react negatively to ads depicting unrealistically beautiful women. What’s interesting is it wasn’t images of hot men that got the guys feeling self-conscious – it was images of hot women that had an intimidating and self-esteem-lowering effect on men.

(2) Men find the homely shape of the girl-next-door more appealing than the ‘perfect’ proportions of models and centrefolds, according to an Australian Study. Most attractive of all is Miss Average – a 5ft 4in woman with a 30in waist and 40in hips who wears a size 14. The Australian researchers asked 100 male students to rate the attractiveness of more than 200 drawings of female torsos of different sizes. They then compared the most attractive torsos with the vital statistics of eight groups of women, including models, Playboy centrefolds, and normal members of the population. Surprisingly, the real women best matched the ideal body shape, with the best fit being a British size 14, The New Scientist reported.

Mark Tyrrell is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain,  therapist, trainer and author. He has written thousands of articles on self help and personal development, including these on dating advice.

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Personal development, maximizing your potential, goals setting, motivating yourself for the better – these are some of the inter-related things that you need to work on as an individual. Here, we will set our sights on the many ways that you can develop motivation in life.

The Importance of Finding Out what Motivates You

First, let’s find out what the importance of motivation exactly is. Simply put, motivation is that driving force which allows you to achieve your goals and go after what you want in life. If you want to change your personality for the better, get a promotion at work, start a new habit, be a better person who is part of the community, become a better parent for your kid – all of these things would be easier accomplished if you are properly motivated.

As long as you have a strong personal motivation, you can achieve almost anything that you want from life. However, remember not to fall into the trap of looking for short-cuts to achieve your goals. It’s perfectly fine if you have to take a long and winding road to achieve your goal. It will be an even sweeter victory when you finally achieve your goal, knowing that you have had to go through several hurdles to attain it.

Developing Motivation in Life

So how can you develop motivation in life? If you wish to accomplish a goal – be it short-term or long-term in nature – how can you find it in you to be properly motivated? Here are a few things that you should keep in mind:

1. Focus on one goal at a time.

This should be partnered with the fact that you should make sure that your short-term goals all help in achieving your long-term goals. One of the best ways for you to focus on one goal at a time is to make a diary of your goals – yes, write it down – so that you will have a visual representation of the things that you want to achieve rather than letting it all get lost in your head.

2. Get rid of all the distractions which might prevent you from achieving your goal.

Let’s say that you are a writer who wants to finish a book. How can you type away on your keyboard one chapter after another if there are many distractions surrounding you like television, friends chattering away or the lure of aimlessly browsing through the Internet. In order for you to stay properly motivated, make sure to steer clear of any distractions.

3. Completely block out any negative influences.

Finally, make sure that you are completely blocking out any negative influences in your life. If you feel that you are being distracted from your goal by a problem which does not seem to go away, ask yourself what you can do to eliminate such a challenge and distraction in your life. Maybe you are being sidetracked by negative thoughts and feelings because you have no faith in yourself. Addressing the root of the problem, completely blocking out any negative distractions and thinking purely positive thoughts is the best way for you to develop motivation in your everyday life.

Constantly Work At Motivating Yourself

A goal doesn’t do you much good unless you are constantly thinking about, and working towards it. Write down your goal and place it somewhere that you will see it at least 1-2 times a day. If you have a weight loss goal, place your written goal beside the refrigerator. If your goal is to get physically stronger, place your written goal near your weight bench so you can see it when you are working out. This provides the extra motivation you need for those tough days.

A great way to motivate yourself with business goals is to put up a motivational quote beside your desk. Do a Google search for motivational quotes, then print off one and put it inside of a picture frame. Keep it there and read it occasionally throughout the day. Whenever you find yourself not looking at the quote anymore, or it no longer provides the inspiration that it once did, it’s time to change the quote. It’s perfectly OK to change this quote every 1-2 weeks for maximum motivation.

Some people make a habit of reading their goals either when they first wake up or right before they go to bed. When you read your goals upon arising, you may begin to notice that you find yourself doing more each day to help you reach your goals. Similarly, when you read your goals right before bed, you may notice that you wake up with good ideas that you never thought of before.

Final Thoughts

It’s important to have motivation in your life. Motivation is the fuel that you need to continue striving for your goals. Soak up motivating things in your life on a daily basis. Read great books that will inspire you. Read great blogs that are both positive and informative.

It’s human nature to have days were you aren’t very motivated. However, if you continue to surround yourself with positive and motivational things, those days will be few and far between.

Ryan Whiteside is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. To learn more about personal development and how to set goals visit the Ultimate Guide To Personal Development.

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According to those who follow the cycle of the moon, the solar eclipse that took place on January 15 is actually the day we should all be making New Year resolutions.  Whether it be January 1^st or the 15^th, we all tend to feel pressure to ‘resolve’ ourselves to do something when January rolls around: lose weight, workout, spend less, make amends.  Ultimately, when we revisit New Year’s Eve on that same year, we look back and realize we have fallen short, or even worse, haven’t accomplished any of these resolutions.   And if we haven’t had enough champagne to dull the nagging sense of failure, we are left feeling a little defeated, maybe lazy or worse, without real direction in our lives.

Why do we torture ourselves like this?

And what exactly is a ‘resolution’ anyway?  A resolution is a firm decision to do something. “ I resolve to lose 20lbs. this year.”  “I will stop smoking this year.”  “I am going to run a marathon this year.”  These are all very firm, and certainly noble decisions, but sometimes life itself gets in the way, and our decisions become our burdens simply making us feel guilty for not being able to achieve them.  What if you have spent the entire year trying to quit, but just can’t seem to put the cigarette down, or what if you’re constantly on the road for work, eating out all the time and away from the gym making it impossible to lose the weight?  Why put yourself in a specific box… why commit yourself to the possibility of failure?  Furthermore, and more importantly, why make one decision on one day that you are committed to accomplishing in one year?

A firm decision sets an expectation and more often than not, an expectation is just a resentment in the making.

Now, I am certainly in no way saying that we shouldn’t set certain goals for ourselves, or that I think it’s best to wander through life without some sense of purpose or direction, but why do this on only one particular day of the year?  Why not spend every day making affirmations about yourself that will reinforce your intentions and better prepare yourself to accomplish these ‘firm decisions’.  Affirmations, in my opinion, are far more mentally healthy and much more realistic than a new year’s resolution.

An affirmation is a positive statement or declaration of the truth or existence of something.  “I am a beautiful person, and I deserve to be healthy.”  “I am capable of accomplishing any goal I set for myself.” Positive thinking can do wonders for your mental attitude thereby making these firm decisions much more attainable.

Here are a some tips on how to make affirmations:

Think about things in your life you want to improve. The best way to create affirmations is to consider areas of your life that you would like to improve.  Would you like a better job that pays more money?  Do you want to have a closer relationship with your mother, brother or sister?  Would you like to lose weight to feel better about yourself image?  Spend some time thinking about areas of improvement and jot them down.  Be clear about your goals and this will help in making them a reality.

Keep your affirmations focused and believable. Based on the list that you have written, choose what you want now.  Be clear with yourself.  “I want to lose 10lbs” is clear, focused and concise, so don’t decide tomorrow that you think you’d look better if you lost 15lbs. instead.  Furthermore, it is even more important to keep your affirmation believable… don’t set yourself up for failure.  So, instead of saying “I want to lose 10, 20, 30lbs.,” you are better off saying “I am on my way to a more healthy body by losing weight and exercising regularly.”  Essentially, it is important to draw a line between your wants and your feelings.  You want to lose a certain amount of weight, but this want stems from the desire to feel better about yourself.  The feeling is the focus.

Always state your affirmations in the present tense. Tell your mind that your desire is actually already the reality.  If you use words like “I will” or “I am going to,” then what you are really doing is postponing the attainment of your goal.  If your affirmation is your reality, well then, you are already accomplishing it!  “I have a loving relationship with my mother” is much more positive for your mind than to say you will have this type of a relationship with mom.  By saying you will, you give yourself the opportunity to postpone that difficult first phone call or meeting with her.  Tell yourself you already have this positive relationship with mom, and you are already halfway there to achieving it.  Our minds are incredible gifts that have the power to make our goals a reality.

Always keep your affirmations brief and simple. Formulate your affirmations in your own language, and by this I don’t mean English or Italian or Russian, but rather… speak to yourself the way you speak all the time.  Don’t use long sentences or big words because this only counteracts the ability to remember them… and repeat them.

Repeat them daily and say them out loud. Preferably in front of the mirror.  You will be shocked at how awkward you feel when doing this the first few times… but DO IT!  It forces you to believe in yourself!

Write them down. And refer to them often.  It’s also a great idea to keep them in a visible place… in your office, or taped on the bathroom mirror or your closet door.

Remember you can never make an affirmation for another person. As much as we might want to make positive statements about another person in the hopes of changing them to fit our expectations, we must learn, immediately, that we can never change another human being.  We only have control to change ourselves.

Lastly, and I think most importantly, let go of your expectations. Of yourself and of others.  Life can get in the way of life… can get in the way of our affirmations.  Trying to control everything that happens in your lives will not bring us closer to attaining our goals or affirmations any sooner.  In fact, it might actually hinder you.  If you are constantly focused on a particular obstacle or occurrence that goes against your affirmations, you will surely lose focus.  Stay open, be free and accept what life brings to us, even its’ challenges.  This way you are able to continue to focus on what IS positive in your life.  And affirmations are ALWAYS positive!

Good luck.  And Happy New Year!

Melisa Verrecchia is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain and a freelance writer.

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Overcoming A Loss Of Motivation

21 Tactics To Increase Motivation

Image courtesy of The Huffington Post

You know what it’s like to feel unmotivated. You sit and stare at your to-do list, and nothing on it inspires you at all. It’s just a string of tasks that you wish you didn’t have to do. Simply getting started seems to take an unfathomable amount of effort.

Yet, you don’t always feel that way. You know what motivation feels like, too. You have times when you can’t wait to get started on something – a much-anticipated trip, a big project that you’ve been looking forward to sinking your teeth into, a new course that you’re taking, or a job which is going to be so satisfying when it’s done.

So how can you make sure that you are motivated, whatever the task at hand?

Psychologists distinguish between two forms of motivation, intrinsic and extrinsic. The effects of each might feel the same – excitement, being keen to “get on with it” – but the two types of motivation arise from different places.

Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation comes from within. It’s the sort of motivation that you get when you’re doing something you enjoy; when the task itself is its own reward. Think of something you love – perhaps computer games, playing the guitar, cooking, painting … any activity you enjoy. You never procrastinate over it, do you? It seems almost silly to ask that – of course you don’t, if anything, you put off other tasks in order to do the ones you enjoy!

One way to make your to-do list easier is to put as many tasks on it as possible which are things you love. Sometimes they might be hard, or you might feel a little resistance to getting started – but once you’re doing them, you find them fun.

In some cases, that might mean rethinking your career choice or your lifestyle. If your life is made up of a whole string of unexciting or unpleasant tasks, how did you get into that situation? What can you do to change it?

When you’re engaged on something which makes you intrinsically motivated, you’ll find that:

• It’s fairly easy to maintain your concentration
• You’re keen to do well because the task deserves your best effort
• You’d do it whether or not you were paid or rewarded in any way

Intrinsic motivation can be a powerful force – but it can also be subject to your moods; when you’re feeling cheerful and upbeat, you’re more likely to enjoy what you’re working on than when you’re feeling low. And for some tasks, there’s simply no way you’re going to enjoy them. That’s where extrinsic motivation comes in.

Extrinsic Motivation

Extrinsic motivation comes from outside. This is the motivation which gets you to plough on with something you don’t like all that much … because you know there’ll be a reward at the end. Think of a time in your life when you stuck with something in order to reach a particular goal: maybe you studied hard in college not because you loved studying, but because you wanted to get your degree. Or perhaps you worked in a job that bored you because you needed the paycheck. On a day to day level, you probably clean your house because you want it to be a pleasant place to live – not because you really love cleaning.

Sometimes, people think that extrinsic motivation is shallow or false – but it can be a very powerful force. Most difficult things become more bearable when you’ve got something to look forward to at the end.

With extrinsic motivation, you’ll find that:

• It might be hard to concentrate – you may be tempted to procrastinate
• You want to do the task to a high enough standard to get the reward or achieve the goal at the end, but you don’t care much about it being perfect or excellent.
• You’d be much more reluctant to do it if there was no reward

External motivation is easier to manufacture than intrinsic motivation. If you have a string of tasks which need to be done, but which don’t interest or excite you in any way, can you find extrinsic motivation? That might mean:

• Promising yourself a reward at the end (e.g. a cookie, a new DVD, some “me time” to indulge)
• Focusing on the goal rather than on the process – the finished result
• Finding a way for the completed task to give you public acknowledgement or acclaim (easier said than done – taking a qualification would be one way, or joining an organization focused on that particular area)

What works for you? Are most of your activities intrinsically or extrinsically motivated – or is it a bit of both?

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If you want to make things happen the ability to motivate yourself and others is a crucial skill. At work, home, and everywhere in between, people use motivation to get results. Motivation requires a delicate balance of communication, structure, and incentives. These 21 tactics will help you maximize motivation in yourself and others.

Motivation

1. Consequences – Never use threats. They’ll turn people against you. But making people aware of the negative consequences of not getting results (for everyone involved) can have a big impact. This one is also big for self motivation. If you don’t get your act together, will you ever get what you want?

2. Pleasure – This is the old carrot on a stick technique. Providing pleasurable rewards creates eager and productive people.

3. Performance incentives – Appeal to people’s selfish nature. Give them the opportunity to earn more for themselves by earning more for you.

4. Detailed instructions – If you want a specific result, give specific instructions. People work better when they know exactly what’s expected.

5. Short and long term goals – Use both short and long term goals to guide the action process and create an overall philosophy.

6. Kindness – Get people on your side and they’ll want to help you. Piss them off and they’ll do everything they can to screw you over.

7. Deadlines – Many people are most productive right before a big deadline. They also have a hard time focusing until that deadline is looming overhead. Use this to your advantage by setting up a series of mini-deadlines building up to an end result.

8. Team Spirit – Create an environment of camaraderie. People work more effectively when they feel like part of team — they don’t want to let others down.

10. Recognize achievement – Make a point to recognize achievements one-on-one and also in group settings. People like to see that their work isn’t being ignored.

11. Personal stake – Think about the personal stake of others. What do they need? By understanding this you’ll be able to keep people happy and productive.

12. Concentrate on outcomes – No one likes to work with someone standing over their shoulder. Focus on outcomes — make it clear what you want and cut people loose to get it done on their own.

13. Trust and Respect – Give people the trust and respect they deserve and they’ll respond to requests much more favorably.

14. Create challenges – People are happy when they’re progressing towards a goal. Give them the opportunity to face new and difficult problems and they’ll be more enthusiastic.

15. Let people be creative – Don’t expect everyone to do things your way. Allowing people to be creative creates a more optimistic environment and can lead to awesome new ideas.

16. Constructive criticism – Often people don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. Let them know. Most people want to improve and will make an effort once they know how to do it.

17. Demand improvement – Don’t let people stagnate. Each time someone advances raise the bar a little higher (especially for yourself).

18. Make it fun – Work is most enjoyable when it doesn’t feel like work at all. Let people have fun and the positive environment will lead to better results.

19. Create opportunities – Give people the opportunity to advance. Let them know that hard work will pay off.

20. Communication – Keep the communication channels open. By being aware of potential problems you can fix them before a serious dispute arises.

21. Make it stimulating – Mix it up. Don’t ask people to do the same boring tasks all the time. A stimulating environment creates enthusiasm and the opportunity for “big picture” thinking.

Master these key points and you’ll increase motivation with a bit of hard work.

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People at the top of every profession share one quality — they get things done. This ability supercedes intelligence, talent, and connections in determining the size of your salary and the speed of your advancement.

Despite the simplicity of this concept there is a perpetual shortage of people who excel at getting results. The action habit — the habit of putting ideas into action now — is essential to getting things done. Here are 7 ways you can grow the action habit:

1. Don’t wait until conditions are perfect – If you’re waiting to start until conditions are perfect, you probably never will. There will always be something that isn’t quite right. Either the timing is off, the market is down, or there’s too much competition. In the real world there is no perfect time to start. You have to take action and deal with problems as they arise. The best time to start was last year. The second best time is right now.

2. Be a doer - Practice doing things rather than thinking about them. Do you want to start exercising? Do you have a great idea to pitch your boss? Do it today. The longer an idea sits in your head without being acted on, the weaker it becomes. After a few days the details gets hazy. After a week it’s forgotten completely. By becoming a doer you’ll get more done and stimulate new ideas in the process.

3. Remember that ideas alone don’t bring success – Ideas are important, but they’re only valuable after they’ve been implemented. One average idea that’s been put into action is more valuable than a dozen brilliant ideas that you’re saving for “some other day” or the “right opportunity”. If you have an idea the you really believe in, do something about it. Unless you take action it will never go anywhere.

4. Use action to cure fear – Have you ever noticed that the most difficult part of public speaking is waiting for your turn to speak? Even professional speakers and actors experience pre-performance anxiety. Once they get started the fear disappears. Action is the best cure for fear. The most difficult time to take action is the very first time. After the ball is rolling, you’ll build confidence and things will keep getting easier. Kill fear by taking action and build on that confidence.

5. Start your creative engine mechanically – One of the biggest misconceptions about creative work is that it can only be done when inspiration strikes. If you wait for inspiration to slap you in the face, your work sessions will be few and far between. Instead of waiting, start your creative motor mechanically. If you need to write something, force yourself to sit down and write. Put pen to paper. Brainstorm. Doodle. By moving your hands you’ll stimulate the flow of ideas and inspire yourself.

6. Live in the present - Focus on what you can do in the present moment. Don’t worry about what you should have done last week or what you might be able to do tomorrow. The only time you can affect is the present. If you speculate too much about the past or the future you won’t get anything done. Tomorrow or next week frequently turns into never.

7. Get down to business immediately – It’s common practice for people to socialize and make small talk at the beginning of meetings. The same is true for individual workers. How often do you check email or RSS feeds before doing any real work? These distractions will cost you serious time if you don’t bypass them and get down to business immediately. By becoming someone who gets to the point you’ll be more productive and people will look to you as a leader.

It takes courage to take action without instructions from the person in charge. Perhaps that’s why initiative is a rare quality that’s coveted by managers and executives everywhere. Seize the initiative. When you have a good idea, start implementing it without being told. Once people see you’re serious about getting things done they’ll want to join in. The people at the top don’t have anyone telling them what to do. If you want to join them, you should get used to acting independently.

Note: This list was inspired by The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz. The book is highly recommended.

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