Is Commitment Out Of Fashion?

Written by - 19 Comments
Categories: self improvement

A few weeks ago one of my kids moved back to Phoenix from L.A. I agreed to help her with last minute packing and driving the rental truck. It was good father-daughter time and I looked forward to it. She is her father’s daughter. Arrangements had been made well ahead of time for people to load the truck, take a TV and microwave she didn’t want to move, pick up a car she was donating to a charity, disconnect the cable, and do the final walk through of the apartment. Each of these was reconfirmed one or two days beforehand.

One the day of the move, the packers had dropped her from their schedule. The fellow who was going to pick up the microwave decided after several text messages that he didn’t really want it enough to come get it. For some reason the women who was getting the TV thought she was to pick it up on Sunday, not Friday. The cable company had no record of the pick up of the equipment. The tow truck to pick up the car was late. Even the apartment representative was 45 minutes later than the agreed upon time.

Do you see a pattern? It was the absolute unimportance of keeping commitments. No one apologized, except for a few, insincere “Sorry about that.” The insensitivity to the inconvenience, and even the anger shown when we suggested their actions were harmful taught us a very valuable lesson. Keeping a commitment used to be a rather serious matter. It was understood that a promise had been made. A commitment meant you and I could trust each other to do something at a specific time or in a certain way.

Today, it seems more likely that a commitment is considered very flexible. When it suits the person or business that made the promise is when it will be fulfilled. I don’t know why commitments are not that that important anymore. But, I would like to take a stab at discussing why it is a disturbing trend.

A commitment kept shows respect for others

Mae West once said, “An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.”  When a promise is made to do something, there is another person or business that is counting on you. To make a commitment and then treat it as not very important, or flexible in its execution, says the other person isn’t as valuable as you. It says your convenience and your needs must always come first.

A commitment kept shows respect for yourself

You are putting your personal integrity and reputation on the line. You are not willing to fail someone else who is depending on you. You want to be known as someone who delivers what he promises. You believe you are able to take responsibility as it affects others.

A commitment kept shows you understand yourself

Sometimes I have over-committed. I think I can do more than I can. I have promised more than I can deliver based on my available time or abilities. I don’t want to say “No” to someone who asks me for something. But, I have had to learn my limits. The amount of time and energy I have is finite. A commitment that I can’t keep is much worse than no promise at all.

A commitment kept is essential for success

From a business perspective, a company or a salesman that makes a promise that something will happen or a product will be delivered on a specified date could soon be out of business if that commitment isn’t kept. Trust and a good reputation are essential in business. They are earned when everyone’s interests are considered and respected.

The same premise exists for an individual. My personal reputation, the belief in my trustworthiness and my honesty must be above question. When I make a promise the other person must believe that I will do everything in my power to keep that promise. Trust is a very fragile thing, and once it has been broken there’s a chance it may never be fully repaired. A commitment is a test of that trust.

I’m afraid the moving experience wasn’t an isolated instance. Think about your own day-to-day life. Does the doctor really intend to see you at the time set for your appointment, or is any time with an hour of that time acceptable? Is the car really going to be repaired for the estimate you received? Will you definitely e-mail the information I need today like you promised? It doesn’t help to get angry when someone else doesn’t understand all that a commitment implies. Your only power is to not patronize that merchant again or avoid a person who has misled you. You can’t change that person’s understanding of responsibility.

But, each of us does have the ability to understand what commitments stands for and to keep them. If a promise is made a promise will be kept. It is that simple. Even if you may be the only person doing so.

Bob Lowry, blogger at A Satisfying Retirement. Bob helps you create an exciting and productive life after work.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

How To Achieve Your Goals With Health Habits

An Analytical Approach To Self Improvement

Want to feel great every single week? NOW YOU CAN!

Tags: , , , , ,

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Is Commitment Out Of Fashion? | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement -- Topsy.com

  • http://hanofharmony.com The Vizier

    Hi Bob,

    This is an important post on keeping commitments.

    I personally believe that commitments should always be kept. As you have rightly pointed out, when a commitment is made, it means that someone is depending on you to do something. You become a part of their plans, maybe even a crucial part. Failure to follow through could cause inconvenience or a major upheaval.

    Failure to keep a commitment reflects badly on you and your integrity. In the long run, people will not trust you with anything and you could well find yourself without help when you need it the most.

    Not only does failure to keep commitments affect business relationships, it could also affect personal relationships as well. All in all, commitments should not be taken lightly.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.bestihave.com Marion Youngblood

    I enjoyed this article very much. It really made me think about my level of commitment to my commitments.

    I especially like that you connected self respect and self knowledge to the keeping of commitments.

    Nicely done! Thanks for the wisdom.

  • http://www.createmymindmovie.com Create My Mind Movie

    Gosh this post is right on! Commitment is one of the hardest things to find out there in terms of relationships (personal or business) and even in personal integrity.

    I think people have so many options today they can’t decide what to follow through on. I’ve seen these so many times, from business opportunities, to a range of partners to choose from.

    People always are waiting for the next best thing and can’t keep their promise of choosing you first.

    In a world where loyalty is thrown around so lightly its difficult to find that commitment. But I do agree, this is a very necessary component to success.

    Thanks for the post =)

  • Murali

    Unfortunately this has become a trend, nowadays people don’t bother about honoring their words/promises for the simple reason being they put their own needs over others. Yes, selfishness is the new buzzword and no one seems to understand they’re being selfish or atleast pretend not to be aware of it. In this fast paced world, it’s only me, me and only me. I guess, we’ve to live with this attitude till it changes of it’s own, which i don’t see it happening any time soon, if not at all.

  • http://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com Bob Lowry

    @Vizier The effect on personal integrity is such an important part of keeping a commitment. How can I trust that person the next time I ask for help or expect a promise to be kept. Trust is easily lost and very tough to rebuild. Thanks, Visier.

    @Marion I like your line “my commitment to my commitments.” That is an excellent way of summing up the entire post. If we all just understand that step I probably wouldn’t have had the basis for this post!

    @Create “People are always waiting for the next best thing.” Exactly. A commitment has become flexible, and that’s not what the word means.

  • http://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com Bob Lowry

    Hi Murali,

    Selfishness and a focus on “me” contribute to the problem. I think there is also a lack of understanding of consequences. An action always causes a reaction. A promise broken today will affect a relationship far into the future. Too few people realize that basic fact.

  • Pingback: Is Commitment Out Of Fashion? | Lumpuckeroo | Overcoming Lumpuckeroo - Self Improvement

  • Brian Smith

    I agree with Murali… I find that people take the idea of “take care of yourself first” much too far. As a result, we overschedule without thinking and end up damaging a relationship somewhere. Takes the idea of self-help a bit overboard. What’s the old saying… “many hands make light work”.

    I think there are times when taking care of yourself first is fine, but there must be a balance struck between that and honoring your connections to others by simply showing up if you agreed to, even if you didn’t really want to be there. It shows that you care enough to support them.

  • http://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com Bob Lowry

    Brian,

    I hadn’t thought of the impact of over scheduling on commitments but I think you are absolutely right. We convince ourselves we are keeping our word by saying “yes” too often only to discover we are having the opposite effect on our relationships. Excellent observation.

  • http://www.equallyhappy.com Gal @Equally Happy

    @Murali
    I think it’s less about selfishness and more about apathy. People aren’t being more focused on themselves, they’re not taking better care of themselves for example. They’re just not thinking about others, which to me is even worse. At least if you’re selfish then you’ve arguably got a good reason why not to do something. However, this is the opposite, these people are not following through on their commitment because they don’t care about the other person AND they don’t care about their own good. Their business / job / non profit is being hurt and it doesn’t bother them a bit.

    Somewhere we’ve lost the connection between “You’re doing a bad job” and “there are going to be consequences”.

  • Murali

    Hi Gal,

    I agree, maybe it mignt not be selfishness, but the fact that people come up with their don’t care attitude seem to give a feeling that they just worry about themselves which borders on selfishness.

    And to take Vizer’s line -> In the long run, people will not trust you with anything and you could well find yourself without help when you need it the most.

    I thought likewise, that at some point we won’t find anyone to trust and help us if we continue with our attitude, but looks like people’s thoughts are more about “so many people come in and go out of our lives, so it’s ok if we loose someone, there’ll always be new people to take the place of who have gone, so i won’t be that much affected”. This probably builds up the lack of focus about themselves that you pointed out. Maybe i’m thinking too much but i have experienced and felt genuine lack of commitment as listed in the post and it just gives a very bad feeling about relationships in general, personal relationships in particular.

  • http://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com Bob Lowry

    Gal@Equally Happy,

    Apathy is an interesting possibility. In a sense, if someone is apathetic that person doesn’t really care about much of anything: themselves, others, or consequences. They are just drifting through life and don’t understand others may not be comfortable living that way.

    Insightful observation, Gal.

  • Jim D

    Bob,
    I don’t know if it’s a generational or geographic phenomenon… or both.

    My parents taught me, as we also learned in Scarface, “all I have is my word and my balls, and I don’t break either for nobody!” I don’t know if parents these days are disciplining their kids like our parents did. So kids grow up in a world without consequences and breaking commitments is as easy as pressing a few buttons on your cell phone.

    I also grew up on the East coast and moved to Los Angeles when I was 22. Your story also takes place in LA, no? I NEVER had an issue of people breaking plans at the last minute until I moved here. They say, “You can’t spell ‘FLAKE’ without ‘LA’.” When I make plans with someone I’m actually more surprised when they show up on time, then when they cancel. But when I visit the East coast, people show up when they’re supposed to, or call you to let you know they’re running late. I guess people in LA love the idea of something but when it comes down to execution time and they realize all the trouble of driving, traffic, parking, they just give up.

    Nice topic, by the way.

  • http://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com Bob Lowry

    Jim,

    I doubt this is an L.A. only phenomenon but that’s where the events in the blog occurred. I do agree that some of the blame can be laid at the feet of the parents. If they are too busy with careers and their own concerns, their children will not get the structure they need.

    But, I think it is an even broader problem. Society as a whole worships the individual. Very loud cell phone conversations, iPods stuck in ears all day long, watching videos alone on a Blackberry, texting instead of talking to someone…everything is designed to build a bubble around us and insulate us from others. In that environment is it any surprise commitment is a foreign concept?

  • http://richlionhearted.blogspot.com/ Rich Proctor

    I’m not sure of the reason behind so many people’s willingness to not honor their commitments. When it happens I generally equate it to simple thoughtlessness and an all-around lack of respect for the other person involved.

    What occurred to me as I read through the article is how easy it is to be a standout in this kind of environment. One can set themselves head and shoulders above the rest by simply following through on their commitments. When others are flaking out, we can be the ones following through.

    What an amazing opportunity.

  • http://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com Bob

    Rich,

    You are exactly right. The opportunity to stand out in the crowd by simply keeping commitments is disappointingly true. Because it it longer usual behavior for many, if you make a promise and keep it you become identifiable as dependable and trustworthy.

  • Pingback: Top Reads | Create Minded

  • Pingback: Common courtesy and the Christian | Enough Light