Day 54: How to Win Any Argument (And Get What You Really Want)

The fabric of your relationships is fragile.

The words you use either sew the stitches tighter together, or loosen the seams until the fraying threads can barely hold themselves together.

The wrong words can rip people apart and make them wonder if they ever had anything in common at all, the right ones can draw people closer and make them wonder how they ever lived apart.

Your words are potent; used well, they can prove your argument, make others look up to you, and help you get what you want most from life. Used in anger or malice, they can cause more long term damage than a physical beating.

Even the blackest bruises one day fade; a scarred soul is torn forever.

Being able to control the language you use, regardless of setting, is a guaranteed way to become a more powerful, more confident you; a you who will be closer to those you love and able to pull more from life’s magic hat.

Use these three tips to make sure you’re using the right words to help create a better, more confident you.

Always Show Respect

When you are confident in your ideas, your language and tone should reflect it. Never barrel over another person when they are speaking, just to make yourself heard. By taking the time and patience to state your case well, you can demonstrate a quiet authority over most situations.

Using your words well isn’t about getting your way, it’s about making your case in a way that is difficult to argue with that will leave the people around you nodding in respect or questioning their own position.

Calmly listen to everything the other person is saying. Validate their perspective by highlighting any points you agree with first, then you can intelligently and respectfully rebut their position.

By listening first, you will always be able to make a clearer, more cogent argument.

Always show the same respect you would expect to be given to you and you will be on the winning end of most arguments without even trying, especially if the other person is the one flying off the handle.

Understand Your Power

Words can be a cool caress or a stinging slap. Never allow your anger in a moment to dictate the direction of your dialogue. Of course your mood will influence your tone, but choosing your words with care will get you more from most situations than simply barking like a dog with the first words that fly into your mind.

Words have individual value, and selecting the right sequence can affect your entire exchange. Never use hurtful language, when articulate and explanatory language will do. Use the right sequence of sentences to steer the conversation in the best possible direction.

The person who controls the conversation, controls the outcome. Speak softly and think about your words before you say them, and you will be more likely to get what you want.

Be Sincere

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

There is never any point in empty sentences. If you apologize, mean it. Otherwise keep your mouth closed.

Sincerity breeds credibility. If you’re known for your honesty, people will be more interested in hearing you speak. If you are known for a general lack of sincerity, your words will have the value of Monopoly money.

Too much exaggeration, a dismissive tone, or lack of eye contact are all sour notes in the tune of sincerity. Demonstrating true sincerity means you are interested in what others are saying, validating of their ideas and in control of your language.

Once you understand the value of your words and have practice using them, you will be able to capture the more confident you that you’ve always wanted to be.

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