Overcoming Jealousy

6 Sure-Fire Ways To Stop Feeling Jealous

Photo Credit: Niklas
Often we see things that others have and wish that we had the same. Or sometimes, if we see somebody who is very happy, we feel a lack of happiness in our own life and feel jealous of the other person. Jealousy is a very unhealthy, counterproductive feeling that directly results in making us feel discontent and unsatisfied.

As jealousy is an emotional response and almost seems involuntary it feels like it is something that cannot be fought. The biggest problem of a jealous person is that we makes a lot of assumptions and don’t see the clear picture. In order to stop feeling jealous, we need to make an effort to think clearly and rationally. The following are some tips that can help in thinking straight and tempering jealous emotional responses:
1. Count Your Blessings:

In my school life, when I used to see one of my friends with a cool gadget and rant to my mother about wanting the same, I was always told “Look at the people that have less than you.” She would actually take names of specific people that we knew that did not even have the basic necessities of life. This really worked for me because it made me realize the difference between important things and un-important things. She would explain to me that even though I don’t have some of the things I want, I am still more fortunate than the vast majority of the people in this world.

It is the same way when we talk about achievements and success. When we look at somebody’s success, we often forget about the things we have achieved in our life and start feeling sad or negatively. A very good way to overcome this is to take a small piece of paper and start making a list of different things we have achieved/acquired that a lot of other people in this world have not. Even general things that we really take for granted, like having a family, getting an education, having a car, being free, being independent, having a soul-mate, being a cute kid, being grandma’s favorite, having best friends, having a job e.t.c. would make us realize that we indeed have a lot of things in our life that many people miss out on.

This will create a sense of gratification and will help us realize that we have a lot more than we were thinking.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

2. Trade-offs:

Everything comes as part of a package. If somebody has something that you don’t, you also have a few things that they don’t. You will see that people who are very good at maths, would often suck at creative things like painting pictures or playing a violin. We all have some strengths and weaknesses, and the sooner we realize them, the better it would be.

We often fail to recognize that a lot of things can only be achieved by sacrificing other things. You cannot be a movie star without sacrificing your privacy, or be a supermodel without compromising your diet. It is important to think through the things we would have to give up, to get something else.
3. Take Inspiration:

Look around you and make a list of those people who would be genuinely happy when you achieve something. Now, try to think and analyze their rational behind this. Every one of them would have a different relationship to you but everyone would be truly happy for you because they care about you. They understand that sharing your happiness would make both of you happy and strengthen the relationship. Each one of them would be a source of inspiration when you pause and think “how does this person not feel jealous of me.” People like these are everywhere around us and there is no reason why you won’t be able to do the same thing that they do.
4. They Have Worked Hard For It

Another perspective is to realize the fact that they must have worked really hard to get what they have. How would you feel if at the peak of your career, people start feeling jealous of you without realizing that you have spend countless years getting to that position. It is always good to acknowledge others’ hard work and appreciate it so they do the same for you when time comes.
5. This Is Not What You Want

Jealousy often makes us do things that we don’t really want in the first place. We are all individuals with different needs and desires but we often forget this when we feel jealous. For example, you see a friend of yours in a sports car and wish you had one too, not realizing that what your family really needs is a mini van. We often start working towards things out of sheer jealousy, but once we get them, we understand that they are not in line with our goals and we have used our energy unwisely.

6. Give

If you constantly feel jealous of a person, give them something nice. It can be anything tangible or intangible that would make them really happy. After that, whenever you see them being happy, you’ll realize that you have contributed to their overall happiness and you will start feeling happy for them (and for for yourself).

Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth.  Each of us has something to give that no one else has.  ~Elizabeth O’Connor
Jealousy comes very easily, but fortunately is not hard to get rid off if we just stop and think for a few seconds. As soon as we realize what we are doing, we will see that it is not right nor fair to be unhappy for someone who is happy. It is really all about keeping an open mind and a positive attitude about other people, and most importantly about ourselves so we can challenge all these negative feelings in positive, productive emotions.

Tehseen Baweja is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain and the founder of RechargeYourMind.

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  • http://www.workhappynow.com Karl Staib – Work Happy Now

    I love the Elizabeth O’Connor quote. It sums up a lot of my pain during my younger days. I always wanted other people’s talents. It’s when I embraced my own that I became a happy person. I still have a long way to go, but each day is more about what I have and not what others have.

    Taking inspiration from others is a great way to mitigate jealousy. When I appreciate other people’s accomplishments it motivates me to be try harder to build on my own talents.

    • http://RechargeYourMind.com Tehseen | RechargeYourMind

      Karl: I totally agree with your approach. I think realizing our own gifts is the best way to go since then we are then focusing on improving ourselves and not worried about what others have.

  • http://positivelypresent.typepad.com/positively_present/ Positively Present

    These are six GREAT suggestions for battling jealousy. One thing I’ve realized is that we all feel jealous from time to time and that’s okay. The most important thing to consider is how we deal with the feelings of jealousy and you’ve given some great suggestions on how to combat that feeling.

    • http://RechargeYourMind.com Tehseen | RechargeYourMind

      Positively Present: Definitely! It is hard to get rid of the feeling of Jealousy 100% but like you said, the more important part is how we react to such situations. If we keep our cool and think for a few seconds, we will immediately realize what we are doing and try to shake it off.

  • http://www.justmakeitbetter.com Nicole

    Jealousy notifies us of what we really want.

    Motivated and green, why not go out and get what it is we want?

    We might as well find some way to use those feelings to our advantage.

    • http://RechargeYourMind.com Tehseen | RechargeYourMind

      Nicole: Great thought, the only thing is to make sure that we really want that and are not trying to work towards something out of sheer jealousy :)

  • http://ithinketh.com Self Improvement @ ithinketh.com

    Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

  • http://AchievePurposeNow.com/ Michael Hunter

    Excellent Article!! Emotions or Feelings are just as automatic as breathing. We cannot stop our feelings. What we do about it, how we react is key. Jealousy comes from my feelings of ineptness. When I am able to stop and think, instead of reacting, I discern that it really has nothing to do with what the other person has or doesn’t have. It is about how I feel about myself. I later find that most of the time, whatever I was jealous about I didn’t really want anyway!! Thanks Again For The Thoughtful Article…I am Jealous!! LOL

    • http://RechargeYourMind.com Tehseen | RechargeYourMind

      Thank you so much for the appreciation Michael.

  • http://discoveredfeelings.blogspot.com/ Videhi

    Lovely article! Very thought provokingly written!

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  • http://delicium.wordpress.com Brittany

    I don’t get jealous too often, but when I do, the feeling normally clouds my judgement. These tips easily put to words what people trapped in jealousy would not be able to. Excellent post! I’ll be coming back for more!

  • Java Monster

    There are some jealousies that are part and parcel of who you are; or you know people who tend to rub those jealousies in your face. I’ve had to break with friends over my own jealousies that I couldn’t get rid of, because I’d constantly have my deficiencies (real or imagined) rubbed in my face because of their behaviors/attitudes which constantly affirmed those feelings.

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  • anna

    This is about envy. I thought I would find tips here about how to handle my jealous boyfriend!

  • http://www.howthemindworksdaily.com jonathan figaro

    This is a great post, gratitude is a necessity for a positive mind. By being happy and appreciative for the things that you already have, you cannot have a jealous emotion, because you concentrating on the your blessing.

    Count those blessing everyone…life is a miracle.

    Any one agree?

  • Aamir

    It is rely effective psychological exercise to control their jealous feeling. Thanks

  • http://wordpress.com tin8

    I am happy to read this site first of all, I felt glad to read this stuff. it is all right, i had practice some of the ways that what the jealousy is about and it really works.

  • http://garacaius.tumblr.com/ Garacaius

    Are we talking about envy here?

    Jealousy is about keeping what you have, or perceive to have, while envy is wanting what someone else has…

    Not that it matters, your message is clear. A good list.

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  • Choco

    I was feeling envious/jealous of someone and decided to google for tips on how to combat these jealous feelings, and Google led me to your site. It is heaven-sent! By the time I reached Tip #2, my jealous feelings have abated and by the time I reached the tip on taking inspiration from others, I felt very positive and can actually picture myself cheering and sharing the happiness of the person I was formerly jealous of!

    Thanks for this brilliant piece! I shall bookmark it and read it whenever the ugly jealousy rears its head again. I guess the first step to combat this feeling is to admit to yourself that you are envious. Denial will only put you more firmly in the rut.

    • Blackie

      Choco is amazing how we all go through similar experiences in life. Your response is exactly mine, step by srep. Unbelievable, i really feel so much better already! Beautiful article indeed.

  • Don Aris

    The author of these “advices” doesn´t seem to know the difference between Jealousy and Envy !

  • Don Aris

    The author of these “advices” doesn´t seem to know the difference between Jealousy and Envy !

  • Jthclarin88

    GUYS HELP ME PLEASE!!!
    my boyfriend praise his bestfriend’s fiance too much. he thinks she’s as good as me. he even warned me not to get jealous of her but i got tired of hearing all those good things about her in his own perspective. we fought about it once reasoning out that he will never ever have interest with his bestfriend’s girl coz they are like brothers. just recently, i found out that he added her to his friend’s list and he even labeled her as close friend. he haven’t even met her. i guess that’s too much for him to be wanting and feeling so close. we fought again and he even wanted to break up with me just because of that. i’m so bothered with the special treatment he is giving her. what should i do? 

    • laura

      i would leave him. then tell him, well you can praise her all you like now.

    • HOEtell

      GURL SHUT THE DOOR ON HIS BITCH ASS

  • Sheza Saeed

    I am a teenager and you know how fast are lives our changing due to the use of new kind if gadgets. I from a middle-class family, I’m lucky that I go to a good school but the problem is not everyone belongs to middle-class, many of my friends belong to high-class and rich families and the main point is whenever they come up with something new I kind of feel jealous of what they have. So please give me solution to this problem.

  • Andrea Tan

    Thank you for this wonderful article and its relevant quotes that help me understand the points stated. It was really a “self-crisis” of sorts because I came across something in the middle of the night and the bitterness and jealousy i felt really was tearing me apart from the inside out. Thank you very very much, the article helped a lot.

  • preeti sood

    great i will try to apply this in my life….

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