“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain” – Robert Gary Lee
It happened suddenly. I remembered feeling hopeless, having walked 23 miles from my office to my home in the bitter London weather.
I couldn’t understand why I felt so hopeless having been asked to leave at my job for reasons I couldn’t comprehend. It brought back memories of my childhood having felt different from everyone else.
I knew I had things inside me to communicate yet felt as though my problems couldn’t be understood.
I knew there was something wrong with my life and sat on a nearby bench contemplating what it could be; wondering whether who I was, was fit for the world.
For the first time, my downward spiral took a dip. I felt useless and unable to figure out why.
I eventually began to ask myself questions
Something inside of me knew what the problem was and yet I found it difficult to take notice of it. This feeling empowered me and started to see clarity.
I started to notice all the negative self-talk I was giving to myself. All the doubts and fears; the very things that were causing me to feel the way I was.
Here’s what I realised and something to bare in mind:
1) Life is what you make of it
What if life really is open to interpretation?
Granted, we can’t control the things around us, but we can control how we feel towards it. I knew the answers to my problems but refused to take it on board due to my victim mentality and refusing to take responsibility.
I knew at that moment that in order for my situation to change, I had to change.
I can’t change how others would treat me, but I could surely change how I treat myself.
The truth is, the only way we can ever control how others perceive and treat us is through ourselves. No one can label us as accurately as ourselves.
This realization made me understand that all I was ever doing was hurting myself by treating myself irresponsibly.
And this can often be quite difficult to get out of since our negative beliefs and actions begin responding to us from our external surroundings, which eventually creates a negative feedback loop.
2) It all starts from our home
What was it that moved me?
How do other people see me when they look and communicate with me?
What do I want from this world?
What do I hope to give?
All questions I began asking myself, which sparked a new motivation to evolve and rise above from my downward spiral.
3) It was never about others, but about me
I started to build clarity in what I wanted rather than what I didn’t.
Everything is within our power to be and do anything we want. I believe the cause of most depression and anxiety stems from our inability to take control of our lives.
It’s at this stage where most of us get stuck. But the truth is, when you look deep enough, you begin to realize that most of your resources solve whatever problems you may have.
It takes courage to admit this at times, but the truth is always a bitter pill to swallow.
All of the love, courage, compassion and motivation is something we all have. And it’s up to us to realize this on a daily basis. Perhaps, this is why life is the way it is. To make us learn more and more about ourselves.
4) Find ways to express yourself
Having understood my introverted nature and my inability to effectively communicate verbally. I knew I had to find other ways to express myself.
My need for writing and drawing was perhaps the only thing that made me feel better. It allowed me to think and unload everything from my mind, yet provided others with a vehicle to see my thoughts on paper.
What’s your medium of communication?
Whether it’s through music, painting or cycling. Find out what it is and embrace it. We all have an inner gift to shine to the world. It’s after all, why we’re all here.
5) Strength isn’t given. It is built
The more I look back on my struggles, the more I saw it’s true benefits. I never once understood why things were the way they were at the time, but looking back, it was perhaps the greatest gift ever given to me by life.
Like a parent giving tough love to their children, It was all for the best. Yet it gave me the experience to embrace whatever was to come at me with full force.
Have faith that with every storm will come sunshine and warmth. For that’s what life is designed to do. It is never constant, but a journey of self-discovery.
About Onder Hassan
Onder Hassan is a self-confidence enthusiast and passionate about personal growth. He has spent years trying to find ways to improve himself and has since started a self-confidence blog to help document his progress. Sign up for his free YOU 2.0 video course for a step-by-step strategy to overcoming your fears and building powerful belief systems that will take you to the next level. He can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.