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How to Say “No” to New Commitments

Posted on July 19, 2011 by Ali Luke | CATEGORIES: self improvement, time management

Have you ever taken something on because you felt like you should – only to regret it?

Most of us have way too many commitments, and you’re probably no exception. Whether it’s chairing a weekly meeting, making cakes for the kids’ bake sale at school, helping a friend clear their garage, designing a website (gratis) for your sister … it all adds up.

If you find it really tough to say “no” when you’re asked to take on something new, then I totally sympathize. I find it hard too – but I’ve learnt a few ways to make saying “no” a bit easier (even when someone persistent it asking!)

Step #1: Be Totally Clear

Make sure you actually say “no” and that the person hears it.

Silence can be interpreted as consent, whether that’s verbal silence or virtual silence in response to an email.

You don’t have to be rude, of course – but don’t get so caught up in being polite that your “no” gets buried under a whole bunch of qualifiers.

Step #2: Explain That You Need to Focus

Sometimes, it’s easier to get people off your back if you explain why you’re saying no. Try emphasizing your need to focus on what’s already on your plate:

  • I’ve got too much on right now
  • I need to focus on my job (family/kids/other commitments) at the moment
  • I can’t do it justice – I have too many other commitments

You could even say that it’s nothing personal, but you’ve promised yourself to say “no” to all new commitments for the next month.

It’s hard to keep all your promises if you can’t say no – remember that by turning down this request, you’re ensuring that you can keep up with everything else that’s going on in your life.

Step #3: Don’t Back Down

Some people will listen to you the first time. Others will think that your “no” just means they need to talk you into it.

Once you’ve said no, don’t back down. If you constantly turn your “no” into a “maybe” then a “yes”, people will think that you don’t really mean it – they’ll pile on the pressure next time you turn them down.

If necessary, end the conversation: say, clearly, that you don’t want to talk about it any further. If the other person persists, walk away.

Step #4: Ask for Time if Necessary

If someone’s really pressuring you, or if you feel uncomfortable giving a straight “no” to their face, then ask for some time to think about it. Say that you need to consider their request in light of your other priorities.

That way, they’ll feel that you’ve given it proper thought – and you’ll be able to send a clear refusal by email or text.

 

If none of those steps work, or if you’re having a really hard time saying “no” to someone who needs help, then see if there’s some other way to assist. You might suggest a resource they could use, or another person who can help. You could even agree to a small, limited-time-only commitment:

I’m sorry, Sue, I just don’t have time to help you create a website. I’ve got a great book you can borrow, though – it’ll teach you all the basics.

No, I can’t commit to being secretary of the club. How about John instead? Have you asked him?

I’m happy to organize the cake sale just this once, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it on a regular basis.

 

If you struggle to say “no”, what tips have worked for you in the past? Feel free to share your ideas in the comments…

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Photo credit: The Frisky

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com farouk

    hey Ali
    happy to see you here :)
    that’s one really important topic, i am glad i came across this post :)

  • http://truthpassionjoy.com El Edwards

    I think somebody somewhere is trying to tell me something because I was reading something this morning about the importance of not saying yes to everything, how the power of people like Steve Jobs is in what they don’t do as much as what they do do *cue childish giggle at the do do!* and reading this I’m reminded of the 37 Signals guys and how they say no to lots of stuff and create awesome products as a result.

    Thanks for adding to the message Ali. It made an impact in my brain the first time but having heard almost the exact same thing in less than 12 hours I’ll be keeping watch for this in the days to come. ;)

  • http://thebooksthatchangedmylife.com marc van der Linden

    Great post! The art of saying no!

    For me the second is the most important: after ever NO is a bigger YES. In my experience it is difficult to say NO without a good reason. If your reason is good enough, the first step is a lot more easy to do.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.tinnitustreatmentsblog.com Raluca

    Why not help your sister, why not prepare some cakes for children, why refusing to do certain things just to show that you can say “no”?
    I love helping my friends, even when they don’t ask for my help. Maybe people need to learn to say more often “yes”.

    • http://www.infocrispy.com/ Info Crispy

      I agree with you. But, I think the article is giving you some tips about some unusual time when you just can’t bear the implications of saying “yes”.

  • http://www.planetnaveen.com Naveen | planetnaveen

    That’s insightful article. In fact learning to saying “no” is really important because people are drowned in work/commitments in such depth that they hardly accomplish anything great when they say “yes” to everything.

    It’s important to focus on few things and finish them in great way.

    • Konrad

      Excellent response, I totally agree with you. Saying YES to too many things puts way too many things on persons schedule and mind. You will likely fail at most of the things if you don’t provide adequate time / energy for it. Lately I find trying to keep up with all the things coming at me from all directions, most of which are a direct result of the commitments I have made.

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