Life’s hard, isn’t it? There are lots of things in life that you shouldn’t have to do, and work is one of them. So don’t waste another second of your time in feeling good about it? With my top ten tips for feeling utterly miserable at work, you’ll soon be walking around with a permanent frown and a head full of misery!
Focus on problems, especially ones that you can’t control This is the most important skill to master. If you can crack this one then all the rest will be easy. Here we go. You should always look for problems in every situation. When one problem appears to have been solved, which does occasionally happen for some reason, look for others. The great thing here is that there are always problems – they are everywhere, so it’s really easy to focus on them. This means you don’t have to spend a lot of time finding problems because they tend to present themselves naturally, and you can focus all your energy on complaining as loudly and as widely as possible. As well as finding problems, it’s absolutely vital that you spend as much time and energy as possible complaining about them. This basic skill of complaining about problems is the foundation to a truly miserable life, and at work you have ample opportunity to practice this skill.
You’re not perfect, but you’re doing your best. But why extend this way of thinking to others? Why not berate and condemn other people at every opportunity? It’s especially appropriate to condemn your boss or others in some sort of authority. To make yourself feel important, consider condemning others in public. Things like inconsistency, not being perfect and making mistakes are ideal flaws for you to shout about. And remember – the louder you shout, the better.
Take everything really seriously, especially yourself Whenever someone tries to make light of a situation, tell them it’s inappropriate and that their attitude offends you. You can even take the opportunity to make yourself super-miserable by making a formal complaint against someone who behaves in such an unprofessional way. Remember – you have the right to be taken seriously at all times by all people. Don’t let others get away with levity!
Become a martyr There are lots of ways to approach this one. The best way is to volunteer to do something and then complain about doing it. The more time and effort it takes, the better. The important thing is to get everyone to realize that you are indispensable. Let’s face it, if you leave then the whole place will fall apart – they can’t possibly survive without the kind of sacrifices you make day in and day out. And they all need to know it.
Never forget an insult, however small Amazingly, and despite your importance, there will always be some people who don’t appreciate this and make inappropriate remarks (see above). It’s vital that you remember these remarks in as much detail as possible. Go over them in your mind whenever possible, and recount these incidents to an audience whenever you can. Ideally, you should weave these insults into a narrative about how bad your life is and how other people are against you – everyone loves a good story!
Remember – there’s always someone better off than you Think about it – how many people earn more than you, have a bigger office and a better job title. Lots, right? It’s vital that you focus on this fact and spend your time and energy complaining about it. Many of these ‘better off’ people aren’t as skilled or as experienced as you are, and this is really unfair. You should have that job, not them! Try to channel as much of your energy as possible into feeling bitter and resentful about this.
Accept the fact that you’re totally impotent You have so much to offer – if only people would listen to you! If only you had some authority, some power; if only your boss would take on board your ideas then things would be better. But sadly, you’re totally impotent – you have no say and no influence, and the sooner you embrace this fact the better. Ideally, you should tell the world about this fact at every opportunity.
Never try to improve anything On no account should you attempt to improve any situation whatsoever. Remember – it’s not your job. You don’t get paid to find solutions. Instead, you should focus your energy on finding problems and then complaining about them. Try to dwell on these problems as much as you can. One of the best ways to do this is to complain as widely, as loudly and as publicly as possible (see point number 1). The more you complain, the more attention you will draw to your terrible plight and the more miserable you will feel. This also has the added benefit of not getting you anywhere near a promotion because for some reason the bosses don’t like complaining. This is outrageous and unfair – an added bonus – and it also reinforces your martyr status. Great!
Learn from others Like any skill set, it’s important to copy others. You’ll have no shortage of people to copy – most work places are full of individuals who have spent a lifetime mastering these skills. Try to latch onto the most skilful and under no circumstances associate with those naive and inexperienced people who don’t complain much and try to find solutions to problems. We are very much influenced by those around us, so choose your companions carefully! All of these skills are interconnected and, with practice, you can take them to a really high level. Eventually you can become a master, but in the meantime, spend all your time in the company of those who really know how to be utterly miserable. Some of these points may, at times, seem to contradict each other. But no matter! What counts is that you feel as miserable as possible and try to drag everyone down with you as much as you can. Now you know the key skills, go to it!
Mark Harrison is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. Check out his latest book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life.
http://lawofattraction30days.com/
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Some great points here, Mark. I have recently pulled myself out of a lengthy miserable spell which I got into by following the first two tips mentioned in this article. It’s just too easy to take yourself seriously and believe in your own importance. It’s also easy to only dwell in the negative and convince yourself that your life isn’t as great as you would like it to be. The key thing to remember about being miserable is you can change it at any time simply by taking action. You’re the only one who determines how your life plays out, so make it what you want it to be.
Lauren, you’re so right – we are in control and it’s a shame when we allow others to take that control away from us.
Excellent article! It amazes me how many people have such mastery on these skills with, of course, the end result of being constantly miserable, and angry within themselves.
All to often we take the job of being happy to seriously. But by giving us a list of things to do to be miserable you show us that happiness is our base state and misery is something we create for ourselves.
Funny.. Sadly most people are doing exactly the things you wrote – and don’t understand why they are miserable and don’t get ahead in life.
Really liked it!
Great article…thought-provoking. I especially enjoyed the point about focusing problems, the ones you can’t control.
This is a fantastic post. So true that so many people do these things and it’s definitely sad. Can’t wait to RT this and share it with those who follow @positivepresent on Twitter!
Hey Mark.
I had been looking for how to become miserable, so I am glad to read this.
I sure don’t forget insults. I should keep a database of them. This helps me to waste hours during the day thinking of the insults.
Good call about not trying to improve anything. When I see problems, I make sure to leave them alone. This way, I can stay comfortable as things are.
There are a lot of people better off than me, so I make sure to feel jealous often.
Good stuff here~
Yes – I agree that happiness is our default state – if we just relax, it will emerge.
Love it, brilliant article. I’d like to share an interesting quote I heard from Martin Seligman the year before last (the guy who investigated optimism and pessimism). He said he used to think if you helped a miserable person get rid of their negative beliefs you’d have a happy person. Instead, all you get is an empty person… so whilst ridding yourself of the above habits be sure to build in some empowering beliefs as well…! Again, great, great writing. I wrote something broadly similiar on my blog at http://www.livingwords.netdougblog.html – I am a mistake maker.
Thanks for making me smile.
Haha, do I sense a hit of sarcasm? If only it were so obvious to the people who actually live life by these principles. Thanks for the laugh.
Thank you for a truly inspiring article. We are all in control of our lives whether we realise it or not, either in a positive or a negative way. We could create better lives for ourselves and others by focusing more on the happy, good things in life.
Oh my goodness. How funny is that? I wrote an extremely similar within days of yours called “how to be utterly miserable (or how to be happy backwards)”. Do you think we synchronized on the web of telepathy? I’ve just come across your blog, and have a quick skim through, I think we’re on a very similar wavelength so I’ll be back soon to read more. My next post however is going to be called Constipation – no need to strain
I bet you’re not going to write a similar one! That would be strange. Seasons greetings (although I am a self-confessed bah humbug around Christmas). xxx
Lol… A sarcastic piece that brings to light the many ways we make ourselves feel small and worthless. As they say… Awareness is the first step to change!