How to be Intentionally Happy

Written by - 34 Comments
Categories: self improvement

What makes you happy?

Money? The newest iPhone? The good health of your family? A promotion at work?

Some interesting work by University of California, Riverside researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky not only suggests where our happiness comes from, but shows how to get more of it.

Pieces of the happiness pie

Dr. Lyubomirsky proposes that there are three components to happiness:

  • A genetically-based “happiness set point”
  • Life circumstances
  • Intentional activities and practices.

She has broken these three areas into percentages regarding how much they are responsible for your happiness.

Although the variability of the happiness set point is currently undergoing more research, Lyubomirsky cites studies that indicate the set point is responsible for 50% of your overall happiness.

Life circumstances – things like the aforementioned iPhone, family health, and work promotion – account for only 10% of your happiness.

That leaves intentional activities aimed toward positive emotion providing you with 40% of your happiness quotient.

Now, here are a couple of important things to know:

  • Your happiness set point is genetic and therefore impervious to change. The theory is that no matter what happens – good or bad – you tend to eventually settle back into your inherited level of happiness. So, there’s no use trying to make an impact on your happiness set point.
  • You could try to improve your life circumstances by getting more stuff, striving for career goals, and finding the perfect partner. But not only do life circumstances only account for a small percentage of your happiness, they are subject to a very human process: hedonic adaptation. In a nutshell, this means that we very quickly adapt to new things in our lives, so our happiness about it is short-lived.

Taking action toward happiness

So that leaves us with intentional activities as the remaining piece of the happiness pie, a piece that creates 40% of our well-being. Lyubomirsky believes it is this component that we have the most control over and that allows us to take action rather than merely react when it comes to creating happiness.

So what are these activities that promote positive emotions and well-being? Lyubomirsky suggests three well-researched practices:

1. Committing acts of kindness. Doing nice things for others tends to up your happiness quotient. Curiously, Lyubomirsky found that doing several acts of kindness on the same day – rather than spreading them out through the week – generated the greatest jump in well-being.

2. Expressing gratitude and optimism. Keeping a list of things you are grateful for really does help make you happier. An intriguing note on this component is the discovery that making a list one time per week created a greater boost in happiness than making lists three or more times per week.

3. Processing happy and unhappy life experiences. This is where it really gets interesting. It turns out that talking or writing about your life experiences is helpful in only one of these conditions: the negative experiences.

Why? Apparently, talking to a friend or writing about difficult times in your life helps you to create a story and structure around the event, an act which helps you make sense of it and adjust to the experience more easily.

Positive experiences, however, generate more happiness if they are thought about privately. This allows you to savor and re-experience them without having to analyze them. It’s perfectly fine to talk with others about great things that happen to you as this will brighten your friend’s day, too.  But be sure to remember and relish those good events in your life in your private time, too.

What makes you happy? Slice yourself a bigger piece of the happiness pie using intentional activities. You’ll be happy you did.

Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. In addition to seeing clients in her private practice, Bobbi is a well-regarded speaker and writer. You can find her blog at http://www.TheBounceBlog.com

Don’t forget to sign up for the PickTheBrain NEWSLETTER!

Related Reading:

Finding Bliss: How to Reverse Engineer Happiness

The 6 Components of a Happy Life

 

Want to feel great every single week? NOW YOU CAN!

Tags: , , , ,
  • http://www.millionwaystosave.com/ Emily Hunter

    One of the hardest things that I had to learn was that I was responsible for my own happiness, and that my attitude was what was reflected back to me.  If I was a PITA, those around me were… if I was nice… well, I got nice back. :) Thank you for the post! 

  • http://www.millionwaystosave.com/ Emily Hunter

    One of the hardest things that I had to learn was that I was responsible for my own happiness, and that my attitude was what was reflected back to me.  If I was a PITA, those around me were… if I was nice… well, I got nice back. :) Thank you for the post! 

    • http://www.thebounceblog.com/ Bobbi emel

      Thanks, Emily!

  • http://Mazzastick.com/ Justin Mazza

    Great points Bobbi. It is so true that once we get that “thing” that is supposed to make us happy the happiness eventually goes away.

    It takes some cultivation to become happy but its definitely worth it.

    • Bobbi Emel

      I like your word “cultivation”, Justin. That is really true and it seems that the research shows this as well!

  • Www.pristineperception.com

    Sorry I have to disagree with the happiness set point being genetic. This is an excuse to not move forward or play the victim. Otherwise your plans of action are great!

    • Bobbi Emel

      You might want to take a look at the research. While there is still a lot of questions about how much of our happiness is within our genes and how changeable it is, the idea that there is a genetic set point is pretty well established.

      • http://www.thebounceblog.com/ Bobbi Emel

        And I’m glad you liked the other ideas, though!

  • adel

    Sometimes it is really the simplest things that makes us happy but we tend to overlook because of the material things that we are longing, I truly believe that we must take action towards happiness instead of waiting for it to happen nice post, this one made me happy and this is simple, happiness is just a matter of perspective.

    Zero Dramas

    • http://www.thebounceblog.com/ Bobbi Emel

      Thanks, Adel. I agree!

    • http://www.thebounceblog.com/ Bobbi Emel

      Thanks, Adel. I agree!

  • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/ Amy Swanson

    I’ve learned from experience that sharing all the positive experiences with others isn’t the best idea. I never really knew why, but you’re exactly right. People analyze it until they’ve taken the entire situation and have reduced it to nothing. I’ll know to keep some positive moments to myself instead of sharing with everybody. Great article, Bobbi!

    • http://www.thebounceblog.com/ Bobbi Emel

      Thanks, Amy!

  • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/ Amy Swanson

    I’ve learned from experience that sharing all the positive experiences with others isn’t the best idea. I never really knew why, but you’re exactly right. People analyze it until they’ve taken the entire situation and have reduced it to nothing. I’ll know to keep some positive moments to myself instead of sharing with everybody. Great article, Bobbi!

  • Jason Scott

    I
    agree that happiness is temporary, and suggest that it can be contagious as
    well. I get a high off of the happiness of others sometimes. If someone faces
    an awful obstacle in life and they overcome it. Their genuine elation makes me
    happy. I concede that it’s a temporary emotion. But for that moment, nothing
    else is more important than the buzz I feel for that other person.

    • http://www.thebounceblog.com/ Bobbi Emel

      Yes, Jason, you make a good point. There is certainly nothing at all wrong with those temporary infusions of happiness that occur all the time. I like your idea how happiness can be contagious. Cool!

  • Jason Scott

    I
    agree that happiness is temporary, and suggest that it can be contagious as
    well. I get a high off of the happiness of others sometimes. If someone faces
    an awful obstacle in life and they overcome it. Their genuine elation makes me
    happy. I concede that it’s a temporary emotion. But for that moment, nothing
    else is more important than the buzz I feel for that other person.

  • http://www.clintcora.com Clint Cora

    I read somewhere that happiness is a personal choice we all make and I think there is a lot of truth to that.  When I think about my own past which has been quite eventful, I know that I always made the choice to be happy by actively pursuing the things I want to do in life, ie., my passions.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I agree, Clint, and I think that one of the ways we can choose happiness is to actively pursue it via intentional activities like those mentioned in the article. Thanks for your comment!

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I agree, Clint, and I think that one of the ways we can choose happiness is to actively pursue it via intentional activities like those mentioned in the article. Thanks for your comment!

  • http://www.printrunner.com/postcard-printing.aspx mae_postcard_printing_services

    I can probably relate to the activities which Lyubomirsky mentioned. Every time I help someone, be it in the way of a simple reminder or in financial terms, I feel happy. It seems that I have more reasons to be thankful, as such the fact that I can still help someone in need.

  • http://www.spanish-lessons-online.com/ Spanish Lessons Online

    I want to attian the happiness but there are something that bothers me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/marita.steffe Marita Steffe

    Thanks for the post, yes happiness is so simple ad so hard. Lots of times I can be happy and sometimes I am not. But even when I’m not happy, I practice what you mentioned here. To be kind to others, to help, to be grateful, to talk it out with friends until I get sick and tired of whining and ready to move on.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for your comment, Marita! I think the important thing is to accept ourselves as whole people – happy or not!

  • http://lifescheme.blogspot.com/ Personal Development Blog

    I get by simply doing good deeds over and over again. It’s what actually makes me lighten up my load. Also, I am not only making myself happy, but by making others feel the same way as well.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Argie – great stuff!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Argie – great stuff!

  • http://teachingthefuture.net/?page_id=1005 Rachel

    I think that people get happiness mixed up with pleasure. Pleasure can never last – there will always be something bigger and  better than what we have at the moment. The fun in pleasure is never in the achieving, but in the process of trying to achieve.

    Happiness, on the other hand, is a state of being, and has little to do with what you have, and more to do with who you are and what you do. Hence the fact that 40% of our happiness is based on intentional action.

    • Anonymous

      Rachel, thank you for the distinction between pleasure and happiness. I think you have hit the nail on the head here and have provided a very helpful framework for intentional happiness.

    • Anonymous

      Rachel, thank you for the distinction between pleasure and happiness. I think you have hit the nail on the head here and have provided a very helpful framework for intentional happiness.

  • http://twitter.com/DarwinismsBlog Darwinism’s

    Love to see stuff like this backed up by science, will be interesting to see more about the genetic “happiness set point”…wonder if it has something to do with those who may also be genetically predisposed to depression? 

    • Anonymous

      Yes, good question. There is a lot of research ongoing about the happiness set point. Some believe it stays the same and others believe it can be re-set with different experiences in our lives. I am looking forward to keeping up with the research regarding it.

  • Steven

    Great post, I think happiness is about being balanced, calm, content and accepting your present circumstances and yourself.

    • Anonymous

      Great points, Steven, thanks for your comment!