Four Steps To Tap Into The Power Of Fear

Posted on April 13, 2010 by Lori Taylor | CATEGORIES: Outrageous

Fear is something you probably avoid at all costs.

If you’re nervous in elevators, you might take the stairs.

If you’re afraid of heights, you probably wouldn’t go on a skiing vacation.

And if you’re scared of the ocean, the beach is most likely not on your list of hot spots is it?

What does it really cost you to try to live without fear?

If you’re afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of in a relationship, if you’re terrified to leave your dead-end job or if you simply try to keep yourself busy to avoid worry about money and other day to day things…

It’s official. Fear is taking over your life and you’re letting it happen.

Even if you’ve “figured” out how to push it away , you’re still giving a tremendous amount of energy to fear by trying to avoid it.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em is, a fun way to say – just accept what you can’t change, which is an outrageous way to think about fear.

You can’t get angry to avoid fear, you can’t ignore it for long, and you can’t let it swallow you whole…

Or can you?

What if you could find a way to look at your fear, high five it, and surrender to its power and ride that bitch straight to freedom of your soul, just like a champion surfer greets and rides gigantic 10-20 foot wave ?

What if you could see waves of fear as a sign that you’re present?

What if every time you got scared, you felt joy at the fact you’re present – right here and now in the middle of it?

What if fear was your invitation to raise your hand saying you’re ready, able and willing to take the hint and move forward once and for all?

How outrageous would that feel?

Fear is your FRIEND.

It’s your greatest tool – a super charged magnifying glass to your biggest blocks of what’s holding you back, with the power to start turning your perceived barriers into stepping stones.

If you could LOOK for the fear hidden beneath almost every single “negative”  emotion you have  such as anger, sadness, depression or frustration,  do you truly understand how outrageous you would feel??

When you get mad at someone for rejecting your idea, isn’t there some fear based belief tucked away quietly reminding you that no one will ever understand or appreciate you?

If fear became your door to the next level of you, would you ever run from it again?

Once you see fear is just the child in you grasping at some unknown limiting belief you’ll be able to use the power of fear for good- YOUR good.  And here is my 4 step process for tapping it the power of fear any time you want to:

1.  Face it.

Just say hello and sit with it instead of pushing it away or resisting it.  If you kept  hearing a strange noise in the middle of the night, it’s not until you turn on the light to see what it is,   that you can relax right? It’s the same with fear. Facing fear just simply means flipping on your internal light switch by acknowledging it.

2. Embrace It.

Feel the fear and let is course through you. Mentally say, “I’m feeling fearful about being good enough at my job for my boss. If I’m not good enough he’ll fire me.  If he fires me I can’t pay my rent and it also will mean I’m a bad person and might never find another job.”  Just embrace how that feels knowing it is only an illusion conjured up to point you in a a better direction.

3. Accept It.

Once you’ve said hello to your fear, welcome it tand accept how angry, sad or depressed it makes you feel. Accept the limitations of your processing unit and stop resisting the reality you’ve got a fear inside of you limiting the power of your belief system.  Acceptance is your key to dropping your resistance and therefore reducing the amount of suffering you are experiencing.

4. Rejoice.

Now it’s time to use fear as the catalyst to get deep inside and fix what is broken because fear is the squeaky wheel that says, “Hey something isn’t working over here.” Each pain point in your life is the symptom of a greater root cause.  By facing, embracing and accepting your fears you can leverage fear to  blow through the illusions and roadblocks keeping you from tapping into your true potential.  Watch pure joy and gratitude come when you learn to celebrate the insight you just had and comfort yourself with words of encouragement every time you face, embrace and accept your fears – they rejoice at how free you feel!

This is the greatest gift you can give yourself!

Allowing fear to fester lowers your frequency and ability to focus on attracting opportunities to move your forward. Even if your heart just got broken and your fear is driving you to believe you’ll never be loved – it’s an amazing vehicle for your immediate transformation.

Fear can get you back on track to loving you, raising your vibration to send out signals to other people who are also in a state of self-love to start coming your way.  The same goes for abundance and other desires you might have.

Being aware of your fear and accepting the limitations of your processing unit (your personality and image) will guide you to the path of least resistance to outrageously growing yourself once and for all.

 

  • http://www.teddybeartrauma.com Chris

    “What if you could find a way to look at your fear, high five it, and surrender to its power and ride that bitch straight to freedom of your soul, just like a champion surfer greets and rides gigantic 10-20 foot wave ?” Maybe the best sentence ever written. Seriously.

  • http://www.sayitwithstorybooks.com autumn

    Ditto Chris!! Love it. :)

  • Trey

    Wow. Great article. I’m ready to go conquer all my fears now! Also, the steps spell out F.E.A.R. Thank you Lori!

  • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

    Chris – your 5.00 is in the mail – thank you!!! I hesitated to put that sentence in there – thought some might find language offensive and then thought – this program is called thinking OUTRAGEOUSLY – as my good friend Tony Robbins has taught me – break the pattern of the other person with words and language that shocks them into LISTENING. You made my Sunday!

  • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

    Autumn – thank you for the high five – have an outrageous week!

  • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

    Trey – so glad you enjoyed it – yeah F.E.A.R. I’m outrageously sneaky like that. LOL. Have an outrageous day on me! :)

  • http://pottytrainingpower.com cindy platt

    I love the “What ifs” and this quote:
    “Once you see fear is just the child in you grasping at some unknown limiting belief you’ll be able to use the power of fear for good- YOUR good.” The 4 step process for tapping into fear is a good resource to remember and internalize. Living outrageously one day at a time.

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      thank you Cindy!!

  • jerry battiste

    I love the “head-on” approach to dealing with Fear: “Just say hello and sit with it instead of pushing it away or resisting it”

    Great stuff! And awesome advice!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Ahh Jerry I’m glad you liked it – thanks for stopping by :)

  • http://WalkaboutChronicles.com Liane

    Ride that bitch to the freedom of your soul….awesome.

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Liane- thank you – very much. Love it when someone else “gets me”. And then tells me I’m awesome. Giggle. You rock!

  • Keith

    i just punched fear in the face and i loved it. hello success its nice to meet you

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Well good for you Keith – you have to be aware of fear to see it to punch and that’s all you need to do to take your power back – be AWARE – then CHOOSE your reaction. :)

      It’s very nice to meet you too!

  • http://olivesdesign.com Olie

    Hi Lori,

    Nice and a very uplifting piece of work.

    Since I love your statement so much I decided to do a quick doodling with it :D . I hope you don’t mind. I can’t attached it here, so you might want to check it out here http://olivesdesign.com/fear.jpg

    Thanks for being so outrageous!

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Olie I love this! Amazing “doodle”? You are outrageously talented and amazing thank you so much. I’m going to add this as the photo for this blog post – hope you don’t mind!

      • http://olivesdesign.com Olie

        For sure I don’t mind at all, Lori. Please do :) !

  • B.J

    Hey Lori,
    Can you give me an example of how to deal with fear using the 4 steps, please?
    Like I feel sad and frustrated,then probably I have fear of being happy and successful?..
    So.. What should i do to move over that.
    Thank you!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com Lori R Taylor

      B.J.
      No problem – so many to pick from – I’ll use personal example if that’s ok.

      Recently I was frustrated with a new biz model for my business. I was making all sorts of excuses – lack of resources, untrained people, and so on. I was getting mad at everyone, quite frankly

      FACE
      So I sat with it and LOOK for the fear – because for me goes fear then anger almost every time. I sat and I sat.

      And there it was. I was afraid I wasn’t enough. Like all my successes before had come from “luck” – maybe I wasn’t as “good” as I thought.

      EMBRACE
      So then I thought about what I’d tell my son, daughter or even friend to do. And I went there – to worse case scenario – everyone laughing at me saying yeah right you thought you could do that. I saw myself losing everything and living in my car. I saw my husband leaving me and my kids wanting to live with my ex. I let it all come. I added more and more – all the crazy things I was running from.

      ACCEPT
      And I comforted myself.

      I said “Of course you are afraid. There is a ton of uncertainty and you believe if it ain’t broke why fix it. You also have a belief that so many great things have happened to you maybe that’s it. You are waiting for the other shoe to drop and that’s ok. These are normal feelings. Everything you have is inside you now.”
      Then I prayed. Not for answers – see those are dependent on asking the right questions and we don’t always do that.
      I prayed for my fear to lift and faith to come.

      REJOICE
      Then joy came. Faith filled me and I knew there were no answers. To just trust and give love and support to my team. I was filled with certainty that did not come from my mind (the left side of the brain) but from the heart. I knew that I’d handle anything that came my way and pay attention.

      So for you – and this is a GUESS not knowing much – but when you feel sad and frustrated – go to the fear – it’s not that you fear being happy and successful – something in your programming is telling you that you don’t deserve it. That you haven’t put the work in yet, or that you aren’t the person you need to be to have what you want.

      Sit with that – what is it about YOU that you believe isn’t “quite there” yet. What are you trying to “change”. Let’s say that at the core you feel you aren’t confident enough. So face that. Sit with fear you’ll never have what it takes. Run with it. Write down what that looks like. Being alone forever? Being poor or destitute?

      Then embrace that you have programming blocking you. Come up with the perfect words someone could say to you FILLED with empathy. Give those words to you.

      Then pay attention to the frustration – see how it feels external. Look at the “things” standing in your way. Ask you why you are bringing those to you. What are you seeking externally – then believe you have that internally.

      Are you waiting for someone to give you the gold star? Or should you give it to yourself.

      Think of the thing you wish OTHER people could see – let’s say it’s how smart you are or kind. Then shift your focus on adding value to every situation in that way – do NOT pay attention to the feedback – ONLY look internally. That’s it. Live by YOUR standards. You’ll begin attracting those that can SEE you because YOU can see you.

      This is the key to everything. Become what you might perceive as “self absorbed” not at the detriments of others – but stop making their actions about you – see them as actors in your movie – playing the role they are asked to play – which is right now reminding you of the internal work you need to do to believe in YOU.

      You don’t need ANYONE to believe in YOU. Anytime you feel hurt by someone – go to the thing they triggered – shift focus from the fact they triggered it and focus on believing their belief YOU need to change is because they haven’t decided to change. So it’s easier for THEM if you do.

      once you have empathy for THEM – quietly – no need to point out and patronize people – you’ll see everyone you is struggling they just do it differently than you do.

      Being the change you want will change everything for you.

      Does this help?

      • garry

        “Something in your programming is telling you that you don’t deserve it. That you haven’t put the work in yet, or that you aren’t the person you need to be to have what you want.”

        Yeah. Totally.

        I’ve recently gone through a divorce. Now fearful of new relationships. Starting a new business line. Doubts. Excuses. I can relate: “I was making all sorts of excuses – lack of resources, untrained people, and so on.”

        And the more fearful I am, the more insecure I feel, and the greater the perceived need for validation. Downward spiral. Yup, I’m feeling as though it looks like this: “Being alone forever? Being poor or destitute?” I’ve a tendency to run with it … catastrophize. I get on the bus before it even arrives.

        But I appreciate your words and the suggested permission to, “sit with it….” Am going to sit with it for a while tonight. Might as well, ain’t sitting with no one else. Okay, yeah, you could put an awww there! But what I really mean is that it’s a good time to spend time alone to explore this and start the process of working through the fear, to get to a stronger, more attractive place and person.

        I don’t know if B.J. will make it back. If so, I think she’ll be blessed. I know I’ve been. Thank you.

        • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

          Garry – thank you for this well thought out comment. You really put yourself out there and that in and of itself is OUTRAGEOUS. You SHINE – do you get that? This is a hard thing to do – to reveal your vulnerability. I got divorced from my college sweet heart when I was 36. My heart still aches for what could have been, even though I left him and ended up getting remarried to someone who fits the vision I have for my life better. He wants to grow – my ex wanted everything to stay the same.

          Divorce is so HARD – for MANY reasons – but the CHANGE is crazy. So much change that it can be overwhelming.

          Shhh…big secret- we are getting ready to launch something HUGE at all around Fear – with some of the BIGGEST names in the business. And I tell you this for ONE reason…

          You feel fear because you are moving into unchartered territories. You mind is at a LOSS how to dig into the files (the past) and project a positive outcome for you. It’s stalled.

          When it stalls it wants to stall you – so it throws up ALL the questions it can’t possibly answer to the front of the line to distract you.

          The ONLY way to quiet the noise for me is to go into a state of gratitude for ANYTHING. I don’t care what – it can be the freaking air conditioning. But find something to be grateful about.

          Do something you LOVE. If that means browsing for big screens you can’t afford or won’t buy then go do it.

          Help someone. A neighbor. I don’t care who – anyone. But help someone and see how your soul overpowers your mind.

          And then go see The Green Lantern. And I’m dead serious about this.

          See it.

          Once you do, you’ll know why.

          In the meantime have faith that even if you “fail” in your minds eye it will all be fine. You are in control of EVERYTHING you’re doing.

          Here’s a great exercise.

          Say something you KNOW is not true. Preferably an I hate someone or something statement. As you say it – tune into your body. Where do you feel it and how does it feel?

          Now take a deep breath and say something you KNOW is true – an I love something statement.

          See the difference?

          Can be applied to business, love life or anything.

          Now shift gears for me…

          Remember this great piece of advice I was given by sages in India at ashram. If a thought comes and there is ANYTHING but joy or peace – it’s your mind. Period.

          The soul doesn’t get stressed or crazy 8 itself because it’s tapped into the source or to God, IT KNOWS.

          The mind is a man made freak show, over taxed, over used and does NOTHING but logically project answers from past experience and ask questions over and over to you that it can’t find an answer to.

          If you want to shut it up – then ask it to be quiet and give your soul the chance to come forward.

          Try it – you’ll be surprised. There is a book called Big Heart, Bind Mind – very powerful given to me by Mr. Tony Robbins himself. You might like it.

          Thanks again for stopping by!

          LT

  • Jackie

    Lori, have you ever heard of Parelli Natural Horsemanship? For me it is the most powerful program in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Parelli Connect is another place to check it out!

    This program fits beautifully with your thoughts – it is all about the relationship ….

    Check it out!

    Have an outrageous day!

    Jackie

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Jackie – yes I have. I love the practice. Of course my horse is a bit of a hot house flower as George Morris calls him – but I totally believe in what Parelli teaches. Harder to do when you board your horses, but well worth it. Have you read any of Liz Mitten’s books? She communicates with her horses is artist and writes? A friend of mine. I’ve been to her place -it’s amazing. She has giant truck tires that the horses will get up on and play with you. Gymnastics, etc. – not riding on the ground. VERY cool. She’s a big fan of Parelli’s as well.

      From one horse lover to another- you are outrageous!

  • Anonymus

    im afraid of myself and people, what shall i do?

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      I’d probably need a bit more information to give an opinion on what I’d do if I were you. When you say you are afraid of “yourself” what does that mean?

      I’d love to hear more and see if I have any words of advice…

  • natalia

    Hi Lori,

    I really like your articles and for sure they are true. was just wondering how do I use fear to get the job I desire?how will I increase the vibrations so that I can attract it more quickly?

    Once again thanks for your OUTRAGEOUS articles being Outrageous is good and works wonders.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Natalia you must see yourself in this job ALREADY and be grateful for the opportunity to have this “new” job. If you can get a friend to play along and call you Ms. President of Her New Agency (just made that up) or something like that it would help.

      I’d also take ACTION.

      Can you do so research online and find some people in your area who already do this job. Tell them you are researching this type of job for a project you’re working on and ask them how they got into the field, who gave them a big break and what advice would they give to someone starting out. Try and interview 5-10 people. You’d be surprised how easy this is.

      Then depending on your time – I’d find a similar company offer my services for free to “get experience” – seriously I’d do this. Then I’d take my new founded “resume” and march it into the company I wanted to work at.

      Last but not least I’d do one more thing (hard on this one as you didn’t say what type of job) but I’d find out who their biggest competitor was, their best customers and then send a paper to them as follows…

      Dear so and so,

      You don’t know me, but I know you.

      I’ve spend the last x months researching your industry and found out you were the best at what you do. You have some stiff competition with {competitor x, y and z} but you seem to be surpassing them quickly.

      I actually wrote a x number of page report on my findings for a project I was doing which might be a real eye opener for you.

      In fact on {call out page here – your best pages – your movie trailer} you will see exactly what your competition is doing that you aren’t and probably should be.

      If you are interested in [reducing your expenses and reshaping your division to be the leader of the [x} industry you won’t want to miss these 10 ways you could knock it out of the park in just a few short [weeks, months, days etc – depends on market)

      If after reading this, you’d be interested to hear some other ideas I have for you, I’d love to take you to lunch to grab a quick interview with you on the topic.

      Sincerely
      Natalia

      Ok – probably typos in there Natalia – but was trying to bang this out quickly for you. Hope that makes sense. :)

      And also make sure you do this…

      I’d send it FEDEX to the VP of the division I wanted to work for….

      I’d have a post it note on it that said – You might want to read this – it’s about you. Thanks Natalia

      The point of ALL of this is not what you DO, but it’s what you THINK. Just by asking me this question, the digging around as if you are going to do my outrageous pan and visualizing with gratitude it has already happened will open the door to getting what you want.

      Words of caution as you do this.

      Please make sure you focus on knowing you can have this job or ANY job you want – you just want the one that will fulfill you the most – or give you the most abundance all the way around.

      NO BLINDERS.

      Be fluid. Put it out there you want to start a new career and that you have faith and are grateful for all the doors the universe has opened and will opened to make your ultimate career a reality.

  • Avelar

    I really liked this lesson and it came in a good time, because I am feeling like a broken heart.
    But it is still confuse for me.
    I did understand that almost every time you get angry, sad, confuse you went brought there by the fear.
    But… Should I not resist? What is the difference between feel that and surrender to that?

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Avelar – I’m so sorry you have a broken heart. Let’s change that language though ok? Language matters – you can’t tell your heart its broken and heal it?

      So perhaps – I’m holding a tremendous amount of sadness right now. My heart knows the truth – that I’m outrageously amazing – but right now my mind and ego are driving the bus and they don’t feel so good. I look forward to connecting with my spirit and feeling peace as I have faith the universe will bring me the relationship that will serve me best.

      As for your other question.

      Every emotion (In my opinion & Rhonda Britten’s too who created the Fearless Living Institute – voted America’s Favorite Life Coach – Oprah’s guest) starts with fear…

      Of not being good enough
      Not being loved
      etc…

      But you have a primal fear you’ve had since childhood – for me it was “is it safe to be me” with a fear of rejection (due to being given up for adoption). So if someone doesn’t agree with me – I could get angry – why? Because they are rejecting my opinion – which in turn must mean to the 3 year old I’m not adding value – and well they could give me “back”

      You see?

      So for my friend Rod who was not handsome growing up (is now) – he’s insecure down deep inside – again, afraid of rejection. Only he gets so “big” with his energy – to bully you before you can bully him. Again – tough business man? Oh yeah – no doubt. But pussy cat inside. But at the end of the day – his fear of not being good enough drives him to create an aggressive exterior which can be intimidating to some. But “protects” him – puts him in the “rejector’s” seat.

      If that makes sense.

      Thank you for playing full out and raising your hand to ask a question – I LOVE THAT.

  • mandrake

    “If fear became your door to the next level of you, would you ever run from it again?..”

    Also a remarkable sentence, and happens to be totally right!

  • Edi

    Hi Lori,
    I have found that the fear is taking control over me some time ago, when I was so afraid that my boss will fire me, and I will not be able to find another job, and my family will be in danger!! I have tried to fight that fear. When I read your article I have thought that I found the GRAAL, but I could not go further from the point of seeing the fear and then think what to do? to run away!! I am afraid to fight, because the worst scenario I have imagine, that one, with living in a car, is something I have to avoid, and my brain is saying that the best solution is to run away!!!

  • Janayanderson25

    I am completely afraid about not making my school’s volleyball team and lately that has manifested into me playing poorly.  I am confused though on how I should turn this fear around: should I see it as a motivation because it proves that I really want to be a part of the volleyball team?  I came into the season thinking that I am good enough and lately my fear has taken over…I am lost.

  • Shelly

    Thank you for this insight Lori….  They way you presented this information really clicked within me.  I have always known the basis of this but your post was written in a way that really connected with me. 

  • Fear & Self-Loathing

    The thing I fear most about writing/developing for the Internet is that if/when you fail at something (more like when), be it a startup or a blog or whatever it may be, it’s there burned into the silicon of the site’s hard drives and among the collective meme hive (aka Google) until the cows come home…and guess what, the manure still stinks twenty years or so later. This is why I’ve spent whatever time I would’ve otherwise blogging or doing something similar commenting on other people’s sites — always a follower, never a leader, though I’d like to be the latter.

    Another problem is I just don’t have the requisite funds available to pick myself up a lot of the time. Sure, WordPress, Blogger and other platforms like LJ, Tumblr, and even the big ones Twitter, MySpace and Facebook are all free to join and to use, but if I ever want to start over from scratch, or do something more “professional” from the get-go, guess who’s SOL without any $ for a domain name/host package and probably branded as an “epic fail” for the remainder of my e-life.

    Such is the nature of fear and loathing in FarmVille (with sincerest apologies to Hunter Thompson): What happens on the Internet, stays on the Internet. Even Vegas might be a little more forgiving.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mcmillan.rachelle Rachelle McMillan

    Lori, this was so insightful.  I have been sitting here for the last few minutes thinking of all of the things that I am fearful of and how they have held me back.  That stops today! 

  • Kate

    I woke up in the night feeling enormous fear about going in the morning to meet a musician who is looking for a “celtic” style vocalist. I woke up thinking ” I cant do this, I’m not good enough, I’ll have to cancel etc etc”  BUT… I went , I sang and spent the rest of the day with this lovely guy and his wife, singing and talking – like meeting a real kindred spirit.  Facing fear…think I might be getting better at it  :-)

  • Quallo Nirro

    I totally agree. Trying to fight some of my demons off, I’ve learned that we cannot escape fear, nor we can hide it. Since it is just a feeling, it can come out of nowhere anytime. We should accept our nerves, avoiding the fear of the fear itself.

    “The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.”