If you have plans on becoming great, you’ll want to read this brief article.

They say success leaves clues; this implies, “if we look at people who are great, we’d find a common denominator, a golden thread tying them all together.”

Here’s what I think we’d find:

We’d find people who discovered their talent and then showcased that talent to the world in a ”new” and creative way.

Most of the people we’d find wouldn’t be doing anything “new.”  They would be doing something that’s been done before, in a “new” and unique way.

There’s nothing new under the sun

Take Thomas Edison the inventor of the everyday light bulb as an example; many scientist of his day knew that a heated piece of carbon filament would produce a light.  However, the light would only last for a brief moment.

…So what did Edison do?

Did Edison come up with a new idea?  No; Edison improved upon an existing idea through creativity and concentration, by finding a carbon filament that would burn for over 1500 hours if enclosed in an oxygen free case.  It wasn’t a new idea, but his improvement on an existing idea made him great, while most people don’t even remember who invented the first electric light bulb.  It was Humphry Davy back in 1800, in case you were wondering.

William Faulkner said, “The artist is of no importance. Only what he creates is important, since there is nothing new to be said.”

Becoming Great

To become great we must focus our attention on developing our unique and dominant gifts.

The full unhindered expression of our creativity is what can make all of us great.

What do you do best?

“The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy.” – Malcolm S. Forbes

Do you love to sing, fix broken things, talk to people, or sell?  Whatever it is, you must focus your attention on doing it to the best of your ability.  Give that dominant talent your focus, and allow it to develop through training.  Given enough time, and enough focus, we will consider you great.

Remember: There’s always room at the top for those who are dedicated to greatness, so whatever you do, do it well or not at all.

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Life is too short for you not to be great

I’m often criticized for telling people to go after their dreams.  My critics would say, “Get your head out of the clouds; face the realities.”  BUT, I believe life is too short to only give 50 percent.  You only get one bite at the apple, you only live once, why not live it to the fullest, why not play it to the hilt, why not die empty, with no regrets.

In the words of Paris Hilton, “Life is too short to blend in.”  It really is, you were born an original, don’t die a copy.

You can do it

Just like a seed, you have everything you need on the inside of you to succeed.  You just need to put yourself in the right environment so you can grow and become all that you were destined to become.  See you at the top!

“Life is too short to be small.” – Benjamin Disraeli

Mr. Self Development is an author who teaches a practical guide to success and wealth. Please visit him at Mr. Self Development.com. If you’ve enjoyed reading this article, then you may want to subscribe to his feed, follow him on Twitter, or read one of his most popular articles, “How I Manifested a Seven Bedroom Home at 24.”

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Mental Super Powers: How To Unleash The Full Potential Of Your Mind

Is there an ‘essential key’ to personal development? One without which the ‘unlocking’ of your potential might be difficult if not impossible?

If we define personal development as growth involving the mind and the body, then ‘yes’ – I think there is.

Without this ‘key’ personal growth is slow, and sluggish. Without learning how to tap into this essential human ‘tool’, change will be sporadic or imposed from the outside.

And I believe the really important part is this: without developing this function of consciousness, all deep change will be difficult.

It does not matter what courses you buy, which ‘gurus’ you listen to, how many self-growth seminars you take. Because this is one thing you cannot do without.

The ability to self-observe, what some people call self-awareness.

Self-awareness meaning the ability to become aware of what is going on in:

* Your mind’s eye (the cinema screen of your mind)

* Your inner ear (verbal self-talk, sounds, talk from other ‘parts’ of you)

* Your feelings (meaning tactile and visceral feelings inside and outside of your body)

* Your emotions (feelings that you have labelled as ‘emotions’)

* Intuition- literally ‘inner-knowing’

If you are not aware of what is going on inside YOU – what your perceptions are reporting to you on the inside, you lack access to vital information. It’s like sitting in a sport’s car without a key to the engine or being locked in first gear.

You can’t change what you’re not aware of.

According to Shelly Rose Charvet in Words that Change Minds x% of the population predominantly think using their visual system. But a common complaint for people learning technologies like Neuro-Linguistic Programming is: “I don’t see pictures”.

Actually, they do, they are just not aware of them.

But since so much of that field’s techniques use the questions: “Imagine that…” or “Remember a time when…” it is useful to understand some ways of accessing that information.

The most powerful way I have found (and I’ve been using it since at least 2001) is Image Streaming by Win Wenger.

This is a process of describing out-loud anything you are aware of in your mind, and numerous methods for kick-starting a ‘stream’ of images in your awareness.

I’ve found that people who ‘can’t see images’ report ‘break-throughs’ to ‘seeing’ in only a few minutes, thereby automatically increasing their access to their perceptions and self-insight (literally in-sight!)

My metaphor for using this technique is like clearing out a partially blocked drain.

At one end is the unconscious that wants to push answers and ideas through to the consciousness. But this conduit is blocked by rust (lack of use!) Image streaming allows you to receive more information from your incredibly powerful God-given unconscious mind.

Another way – if you already see blurry or indistinct images – is to use the snapshot method.

Quite simply, look at something like a rose or a car and ‘snapshot it’, close your eyes and describe as much of what you see in your minds eye as you can. Use only sensory words: I see…red, I hear birds warbling..I feel soft wool”. Then open your eyes and compare what you saw inside with what you see outside. This has the effect of sharpening your visual memory as well.

Benefits

Why would you put so much effort into becoming aware of your perceptions?

Well, if you like ancient advice the school of Socrates had ‘know thyself’ over the door. And if you have habits you want to change then you often need to find what’s making them tick.

The famous therapist Fritz Perls said “Awareness per se is curative”.

Think about it – have you ever realised something you didn’t know you thought, and exclaimed : “that’s stupid! I can’t believe I thought that” – and it was gone. That’s what he meant! The realisation can be the catalyst for the change!

An added bonus, however, is (and I saved the best for last) image streaming offers an increase in measurable intelligence.

Creator Win Wenger had tests of image streamers conducted by Charles P. Reinart at South West State University and the results found that there was nearly ½ point of measurable IQ increase for every hour of use and an average of 9 point increase after 20.5 hours of use (http://www.vth.biz/kb/html.php?category=10#category-10

- CTRL+F and search for ‘Reinert’).

Now, most of us know that nowadays intelligence is not considered to just be linguistic and mathematical abilities – Howard Gardner writes about Multiple Intelligences such as visio-spatial, musical and kinaesthetic.

But Image streaming can help with all of these.

I’ve personally used it to solve problems, get insights, create new techniques and improve as a coach.

In fact, Win Wenger has produced a kit with Paul Scheele of PhotoReading fame called The Genius Code: It has all the directions you need to tap into your ever-flowing unconscious yet brilliant Image Stream.

You can get it at by clicking here and searching for ‘Genius Code’.

If you are starting at the beginning I understand it can be frustrating to have to build little by little each day. But before long you will make a quantum leap and your self-awareness will show you things you never knew about yourself and your potential.

Douglas Cartwright is a meta-coach whose speciality is helping professionals who procrastinate get unstuck and start taking more action. Visit www.livingwords.net and get two free e-books and a presentation on coaching along with a bonus ebook on overcoming procrastination.

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]]> http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/personal-development-an-essential-key/feed/ 11 http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-get-out-of-bed-when-you-really-don%e2%80%99t-feel-like-it/ http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-get-out-of-bed-when-you-really-don%e2%80%99t-feel-like-it/#comments Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:41:43 +0000 Ali Hale http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/?p=1150

We’ve all been there: the alarm goes off, we’re feeling groggy, reach out and slap it to snooze. Five minutes later, the same things happens. We switch the alarm off again. The thought of getting out of bed seems like way too much effort. We know that, once we get up, we have to launch into the day – that to-do list we made last night, those  chores that need doing…

If you have to get yourself up to get to work by 8am, you’ll manage it. But if you work for yourself, if you’re a student, or if it’s the weekend, it can be a lot tougher.

Why do we end up talking ourselves into staying in bed … even when, if we think about it rationally, we’d much rather be getting on with something than going through the alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze cycle of supremely low-quality sleep?

Note: I’m not talking about depression here. If you think you might be depressed, please consult your doctor and get professional help and advice.

What’s Your Motivation?

First off, why are you getting out of bed? Why don’t you just spend the whole day lying around, snoozing, eating toast (and getting crumbs in the sheets)?

If you’re the type of person who can spring out of bed at dawn, just because it’s a beautiful day, gosh darn it, and you’re out to change the world, etc., then congratulations. You’re probably one of those weirdos that doesn’t drink coffee in the morning either.

(Michael Harrison, 10 Geeky Tricks for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, Wired.com)

I’ll bet you’ve got something important that you want to do: some reason that’ll get you excited enough to want to get out of bed. Find something that’s meaningful to you and make that your reason to get up in the morning.

It might be having time to exercise. It might be spending the first hour of your day writing your novel. It might be your chance to work on your small business before the workday. It might be the child-free time you get to put your thoughts straight.

Starting off your day with your hardest task (also known as “eating that frog”) can be counter-productive if it discourages you from getting out of bed! So, for a change, plan something that’s fun and energizing for the start of your day. It could be as simple as a tasty breakfast, or your favorite soap in the shower.

Don’t Think Too Much

There’s definitely a danger in thinking too much when you’re feeling groggy. It’s very easy to start running through your to-do list (“I must phone Jack … and clear my inbox … and clean the kitchen …”) and frankly, you can end up feeling exhausted just thinking about all those tasks.

I like Steve Pavlina’s method of not thinking about getting up: just get out of bed and start moving – your mind will catch up with you!

If you find yourself running through everything you need to do in the day, stop. Focus on that first half hour or hour of your day – the one thing you really want to get out of bed for. Then throw off the covers and move those legs!

Practical Tips

Sometimes, a deep-seated reluctance to get out of bed isn’t just due to a lack of motivation. You can help yourself by implementing a few very practical ideas:

Go to Bed Earlier

I know this sounds ridiculously obvious, but if you go to bed late and try to get up at 6am, you’re going to struggle. If you’re prone to getting distracted by watching TV, writing blog posts or hanging out on Twitter, set an alarm to tell you when to go to bed. You could also ask a spouse or housemate to remind you at, say, 10.30pm if you’re not already heading to bed.

Make sure you’re getting good quality sleep, too.

Put Your Alarm Across the Room

As a teen, I realized I can reach out, switch off an alarm, and go straight back to sleep. Since then, I’ve always positioned my alarm clock across the room, so that I have to get out of bed to switch it off. So long as you stay out of bed once you’re up, you’re there!

Have Your Clothes Ready

One of my dozy excuses for not getting out of bed is often “I can’t decide what I’m going to wear.” (Given that the answer is usually “jeans and a t-shirt”, I’m not quite sure why this causes such early-morning angst. It may be a throwback to my teen years…) If you make a similarly crap excuse, there’s a pretty simple solution: put out your clothes the night before.

(If you’re inclined towards morning exercising, set your gym kit ready too.)

So … are you one of those lucky folks who can wake up feeling well-rested and enthusiastic before the alarm? Or do you have mornings where you tell yourself “just five more minutes” for two hours? What tips – or cautionary tales – do you have for morning sluggards?

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Though a positive, successful, and engaging person, Pam avoided prolonged looks into her mirror. When she was brushing her hair or applying make-up, she stayed focused on the activity – but would intentionally not make eye contact with herself. Except sometimes. On those occasions a tirade of negative judgments erupted in her thoughts.

If she didn’t avoid the negative assessment machine in her mind by distraction or busyness, the stream of thoughts that flooded into Pam’s awareness would chide her, “Your nose is too crooked. Your skin is a mess. You’re getting wrinkles under your eyes. You’re too fat. Nobody would give you a second look. You need surgery to look better.” In these moments, Pam would cringe and feel the familiar black pit in her stomach suck the positive energy right out of her. And she would begin to doubt herself and her ability to create a rewarding life.

The strange part of this internal conversation going on in her mind was that Pam knew there was no truth to the accusations. Pam has a dancer’s body and is a highly accomplished dancer. In addition, she teaches dance to serious students. She also is a sought-after model due to her beauty and flawless complexion. Over the course of time, she has attempted to debate the negative voice and has tried thought stopping, positive affirmations, and positive thinking. And for awhile these techniques worked – then, like a thief in the middle of the night, the character assassinations would creep back into her thoughts and cast seeds of doubt in her mind.

Pam’s current stategy, common for many people, for dealing with this discomfort was to avoid the discomfort of this internal dialogue by busying herself with work, activities, or friends – anything to distract herself from listening to the critical Judge living within her.

The Internal Dialogue: You and Your Thoughts are Different From One Another

What Pam is experiencing in the example above is her internal dialogue masquerading as thoughts in her mind. This particular conversation is between a harsh critical voice and her self doubt. And like Pam, all of us have some variation of this internal struggle, whether we like to acknowledge it or not. The key is whether we identify with it as who we are.

If you have ever been conflicted about something and were of two minds about it, you have experienced the internal dialogue first hand. Most of us simply pay it no mind and believe that “it is only our thoughts running through our mind”. However, not being aware of it or not understanding it does not stop the force it exerts over your life. It drives our lives. It is like driving on a freeway while looking through binoculars. You are at the mercy of chance to see and understand the world you are attempting to negotiate.

The Internal Dialogue Goes Underground

Most of us are aware of this internal dialogue, but we push it away (much like Pam in the example above). We never mention it to others because of what they might think. This is our loss. Gaining a window into this internal dialogue is essential if we want to discover a deeper purpose, meaning, and joy for our lives. As we learn to observe the voices that lie beneath our thoughts, the transformation of body, mind, and Spirit becomes possible. Learning about these voices within the self is crucial for creating lasting transformation.

There is a lot at stake in this inner struggle going on within the internal dialogue. Staying mindless keeps Pam (and us) aimlessly drifting in the currents of life. Things happen repetitively that we do not understand. What is revealed in Pam’s internal dialogue is that the self is composed of a number of voices – some good, some bad. Let us explore this further.

Like Pam, many of us don’t even realize that an internal dialogue is happening in our mind. This is what I call “mindlessness”. To be blind to the internal dialogue of the mind is to be swept along on the unseen currents of life. Those who are swept along are blind to it – and to its power. Others hear an almost inaudible whisper that is moving too fast to comprehend. Still others hear the internal dialogue and it makes them uncomfortable and they do not understand it. So they avoid listening to it, and this limits their lives.

The Internal Dialogue Creates the Box of Our Comfort Zone

Instead they will distract themselves so that they are not aware of it. They busy themselves with work, conquest, exercise, drugs, sex, the latest toy, or whatever is necessary to distance themselves from the discomfort of getting out of their comfort zone. Others come to live in fear of the negative assessment machine in their mind and shrink their lives into a comfort zone so that they will not be noticed. The comfort zone locks them into familiar, habitual ways and they get stuck in old repeating patterns. This is called a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Very few people learn how to observe the internal dialogue, question it, and explore the design of its nature. It is through the exploration of these voices within the mind that we set ourselves free of their control over our lives and tap into the potential that lies buried within us. There are some negative aspects of the self that have to be observed and confronted, and there are some powerful parts of the self that we need to awaken. It is in awakening these empowering parts of the self that we change the historical script of our life and find new life.

We have to become aware of the war being waged in our minds. Once we grasp that thinking is simply a biological activity, a powerful question can surface – who, or what, is in control of the perception and thinking apparatus of our mind? The answer will surprise you. Thought is important, but it is the voice (or aspect of the self) that controls the thought that keeps us from becoming who we were born to be and transforming the potential of our lives.

Internal Dialogue:
Conversations in the Mind that Shape Our Perception of the World

To wake up to the internal dialogue opens the door for you to become an active participant in the creation of your life. We are all born into and adapt to a world of established patterns of perception. This is how we come to know our world. These perceptual patterns govern how we understand the world and what we see as possible in our lives. These historical patterns of perception are called conversations or narratives and become our comfort zone.

These conversations become us long before we develop the capacity to become aware of them. Once established, they become the world we live in. We don’t have patterns and internal conversations that govern our perception, they have us! If you want to transform your world, you have to have to learn how to identify the conversation that controls the thinking in your mind. And you have to learn to break free from the hold the narrative has over your life.

Breaking Free of the Narrative of the Comfort Zone Creates New Possibility

Let me give you an example of how this works. I work with an attorney who is employed by a large, high powered, litigating law firm and he is very unsatisfied with his life. In fact, he has become “depressed”, and feels hopeless. Yet if he could look at depression as a conversation, rather than a condition, a new world would show up ripe for transformation.

He feels like a victim (is consumed by a conversation of victimhood where he has always had to sacrifice his needs to win approval). With his wife and kids accustomed to an affluent lifestyle, he speaks to me as if he is trapped by his job. This produces his despair. He sees no escape from his dilemma and beats himself up for even wanting to change his life. He lives all week for the weekends when he can live his dream of having a small scale farm. Yet on Saturday afternoons, he begins to despair that he will have to go to work on Monday.

As he developed the ability to observe the internal dialogue and woke up to the conversation of victimhood going on in his mind, he also began to realize that these did not have to be the thoughts that controlled his life. He was able to label the participants of this internal dialogue as the Prosecuting Attorney (who wanted conviction) and a Victim (that beat himself up for not being good enough).

Simply becoming mindful of these two different conversations in his mind – and no longer identifying with them as who he was – gave him a new freedom. In that freedom he discovered that he could awaken other voices that could contribute to his internal dialogue. He found a Courageous Self and a Confident Self that, with practice, he could invoke to be part of the internal dialogue in his mind. He also discovered a Divine Voice living within him that (to his amazement) he had never connected to even though he was a practicing Christian.

As he developed these aspects of himself (voices within the self), his internal dialogue shifted. He no longer was trapped in a “victim conversation”. Discovering he could call up courageous and confident elements of himself into the thoughts of the internal dialogue created new possibilities for his life. Now, instead of drifting mindlessly in the currents of life, he began to learn how to navigate its currents. In doing so, he became a participant in the creation of his life. And yes, he is moving from being stuck in unseen patterns (comfort zone) to consciously designing the patterns that create his life.

Transforming the Conversations of the Self

This opportunity, this choice, to become a participant in the design of your life is available to all. What is required is the motivation, skill development, and discipline needed to learn how to observe the patterns and internal conversations that drive your life, disrupt them, and begin consciously developing new patterns and conversations.

As a human being, it is the greatest gift we have been given. The criterion is to recognize that the gift was not designed to serve the Ego. Rather it is built to serve a purpose greater than the self. Our job is to accept the gift, nurture the gift, and to bring forth the light that lives within us into the world.

It is at this moment that we begin the journey to becoming fully human. In the words of Nelson Mandela from his 1984 inaugural speech:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…. Your playing small does not serve the world…. We are born to make manifest the glory of God within us….. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. We are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Rande Howell is a guest blogger for PickTheBrain. He writes about Igniting the Spark of Your Potential and Creating a Lasting Transformation at www.randehowell.com

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Everyone knows sex sells. Greed sells too, and again, this is something we all know. But little did we know that the really big, best seller of all is FEAR and it’s companion, dread.

Here are some current ‘epidemic’, ‘impending’ ‘catastrophe-in-the-making’, brilliantly-marketed FEARS: Fear of recession, depression, terrorists, war, disease, food, air, climate change, computer crashes, natural disasters, breast size, impotency, break-ins, drug czars and addicts, immigrants and aging.

Here I focus on an area closest to my own experience as a physician-psychiatrist: the fear of illness and dying. As you read about overcoming and transcending this fear, think of it as an effective metaphor for the other fears listed above. When you come to the end reread the piece substituting each fear.

Start with this fact: To fear our body is a powerful way to create disease. Why is this? Because fear is about being attacked and when you think you are going to be attacked you are both hard-wired and soft-wired for flight or fight. This, in simple terms, is bad for your physical health when carried on continuously or repetitively on an intermittent basis. Your body is not set up to be constantly on the alert for danger or shocked repeatedly by the unexpected. It is not necessary to go into the physiology of why this might lead to high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke and even cancer. Here is the rub: If fear can be created it leads to disease thereby proving that the fear was warranted. This is every politician, salesman and businessman’s dream: to create a need for snake oil.

In the external world we no longer buy a car or a house just for comfort and to raise a family, former symbols of success and stability that they were. We now buy an alarm system surrounding a car or house to protect us from an attack that is inevitably coming.

Similarly in our internal world, in the case of fear of illness, we are taught to wait to be attacked from within by scary pathogens of all types, prions, viruses, bacteria, fungi, worms or ravaging cancerous cells. We are then inundated with words and images encouraging us to attack back with drugs and vaccines. Television sets, both advertisement and news, are now literally more like warning systems for an impending attack, even if it is a sneak attack like impotence. Get them, (it), before they, (it), get us. This simply doesn’t work to ease fear; it creates fear. In the process a lot of drugs are sold in pharmacies and in the streets, for when you are talked into fear and then become an attacker you solidify the idea that attack must be coming and complete a circle of dread. If I need one drug, then I must need another. If I attack anything I inevitably will be more afraid as I wait for retaliation.

The facts are that, as I point out in the book, your body is a perfect part of the perfect whole always healing itself. It is an error to think your body is defective or that you have a basic fault, or that you are split and separate from a perfect whole. The words you use to overcome fears are central to your sense of peace of mind and joyful living.

Focus the words you choose on wholeness and unity and thereby stop ‘buying into’ fears such as the fear of illness and the enticement to attack and demonize your body. As you see you are part of larger wholeness your immune system is strengthened so your body can naturally do what it does best, serve as an amazing communication device.

Put your attention on remembering yourself. Make it your intention to do the following simple exercise daily. With your eyes closed take a deep breath in and repeat these three phrases ten times, morning and night as you breath out: 1) I Won’t indulge in fear and I Won’t identify with my body 2) I Will love the world and I Will forgive myself and others, and 3) I Am whole and healed. I AM LOVE.

As you work these Three Words, Won’t, Will and Am, you will begin to experience recovery from their healing power.

Dr. Clark Falconer is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is a practicing Psychiatrist from Vancouver, Canada and the author of the new, critically acclaimed book The Three Word Truth About Love And Being Well. To receive daily tips on the power of words follow Clark on Twitter.

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The Language of Success

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Bob was a normal sort of guy. One day, he set the goal of making a million dollars. He took a job in sales because he figured that was the quickest way to get there. And, after a few years of hard and determined work, he did.

Bob’s a success, right? Bob’s the guy we all want to be – whether we’re in sales, or in a big company, or working for ourselves.

But – here’s the rest of Bob’s story.

During his time on the road, he barely saw his wife and kids. He missed them, sure, but he thought there’d be plenty of time for them after he’d got that money safely in the bank. Bob didn’t pay any attention to what he ate. He didn’t have time to exercise. He barely had time to eat.

He made that million, but in the process, he severely compromised his health – and lost his family.

Bob is not the guy we want to be.

Are you risking losing everything that really matters, in pursuit of your goals? What’s most important to you in your life? Here are a couple of big areas:

Your Health

Two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese. More than half of us are concerned about the level of stress in our daily lives. Around 30% of adults get six hours or less sleep per night.

How many of us are sacrificing our health in pursuit of our goals?

However much money you make, or however big a “name” you are, your health isn’t something you can easily get back through fortune or fame. Many of us live for the short-term, and forget about the problems we might be storing up for the future.

Are you cutting years of good health from your life by racing to accomplish everything right now?

Don’t forget about mental health either. Overwork, stress and anxiety can all lead to depression.

For both good physical and mental health, make it a serious priority to:

• Get some exercise each day – a 20 minute brisk walk is much better than nothing (and it’s important for your mind as well as for your body)
• Eat a fruit and vegetable rich diet
• Take some “time out” – just five or ten minutes of meditation, prayer or quiet time can work wonders

Your Relationships

Like your health, relationships can be damaged beyond repair. If you’re working long hours to provide for the partner and kids that you never see, something’s wrong. If you’re too stressed or busy to spend serious time with your children, you’re storing up problems for you and for them in the future.

If you think that having lunch or coffee with friends is a waste of time, you may end up isolated, lonely, and without people to turn to when you need help.

People without many friends get sick more often. Those with a strong social network are more likely to survive major health problems like cancer or a heart attack.

When you think about the love you have for your parents, partner, kids or friends, you realise that your relationships are what makes your life truly worthwhile and meaningful.

So if you find yourself too busy, too tired, or too cranky to enjoy spending time with your family and friends – question whether you’re sacrificing too much. Look for ways to keep your relationships healthy.

Turning Things Around

It’s easy to say that you shouldn’t sacrifice your health or your relationships for the sake of your goals. But how can you carry on reaching for your dreams without risking losing everything else?

Chase Fewer Goals

Don’t try to do everything at once. Some of us find it very hard to focus on one thing – we want it all! But narrowing your focus makes it much easier to succeed.

If you could only achieve one goal, or work on one project, or pursue one interest, what would you pick? Make that your priority – and make all your other goals, projects and interests subordinate to it.

Stop Rushing

Often, we’d be a lot less stressed and a lot happier if we just slowed down a little. Life isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. Don’t use up all your energy and resources right now.

Do you really need to finish your book this month? Does it matter if you don’t get out of debt before Christmas? Will it make any difference if you don’t start that new business this year?

I’m a firm believer in using deadlines as a motivational tool, and I certainly don’t want to encourage procrastination. But often, taking a little more time can make the journey much more enjoyable.

What price are you paying to reach your goals? Is it worth it?

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I never thought it would be such a relief to be wrong but I’m starting to love it. Ahhhh!

Does that statement surprise you when there are so many success texts on how to be, or do things, ‘right’?

Good!

Do you know the pressure of feeling you have to be right? Do you know what it’s like to not be able to stand being wrong? It’s not pleasant!

Maybe YOU don’t but I bet you know someone like that. Someone who has to have the last word!

It might be funny for a few minutes but ultimately it’s annoying. And destructive.

Being unable to admit you are wrong is what I call a ‘psychological knot’. Creating greater openness and being welcome to ‘get it wrong’ can untie you for greater success!

A pastor I know said: “I’m scared of a man who can’t admit he’s wrong.”  Hitler, for example, was that man at one point. Even when everything was going wrong at the end of the Second World War, the films portray his lieutenants saying: “He hasn’t led us wrong before. We should trust him.” Yeah, that worked out. Confidence does not equal correctness!

King Solomon said in his Biblical Proverbs: “Every man is right in his own eyes” and indeed, our brains are designed to reinforce our existing perceptions. If you don’t know that, you’re at a disadvantage and possibly so are the people around you!

Professor Michael Hall (creator of Neurosemantics) says that fundamentalism is: “believing in our beliefs”. He theorises that if every school in the world taught that our thoughts do not exactly or accurately map ‘reality’, terrorism would be impossible.

Because when you know your beliefs are about reality, subject to error – and not reality itself – you open up a chink of awareness that allows for the possibility of then being wrong. Even if just a little…!

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in God and I believe that my beliefs refer to a real Almighty Creator. And I also know that these thoughts exist as beliefs. I believe they are true but unlike some of the fundamentalists I know they are beliefs and may or may not refer accurately to ‘reality’. That is the difference.

So back to admitting that you can get things wrong – why is this such a problem for so many people?

First, there is the issue of linking performance with your worth. I believe our worth is unconditional but if you link ‘worth’ to your work (for instance) when someone criticizes your work they criticise – your ‘worth’.  That makes ‘failure’ psychologically painful, perhaps intolerable and you can take any criticisms of your efforts personally.

Or if, “I think, therefore I am”, then someone disagreeing with your thoughts is making YOU wrong. It’s seems like its just semantics… but few people like having their core sense of self questioned!

That’s why the word ‘failure’ is such a problem for some people.  It’s more than just a word to them.

For others, being ‘right’ has become a pre-condition to be achieved before happiness can be allowed. It’s become like one of those bloodthirsty ancient gods people used to think they had to appease. Some of these ‘gods’ wanted a terrible price to stop them being ‘angry’.

Psychologically, is the absolute need to be proved right any less dangerous? It demands the sacrifice of other peoples’ opinions on the altar of you ego.

In the end it can turn away friends, success and all the things that people want.

Even good friendships are built partly on the ability to influence each other. That mean’s admitting that your view could be different. Once that isn’t present, it’s hard to be around that person.

This is why I have started to stubbornly defend my right to be wrong! I am fallible! Yes, you could be right…. I actually don’t know…

It makes life so much easier. No-one can hold me over a barrel about my beliefs because my self-worth is not dependent on them. And my opinions, whilst I will defend them are (usually) open to question.

So how did I come to this conclusion?

Just getting the big picture on how many mistakes our perceptions CAN make is enough to humble even the most arrogant of thinkers!

It’s horrendously humbling to realise just how fault-prone our thinking is. Since the 1960’s cognitive-behavioural therapists have been identifying cognitive ‘distortions’ which are thinking styles/patterns of behaviour that make us filter our perceptions in a certain way. Here is one such list below:

1. Over-generalizing
2. ‘All-or-nothing’ thinking
3. Labelling – Name Calling
4. Blaming
5. Mind-reading
6. Prophesying – that the future will be awful.
7. Emotionalising-wishful thinking
8. Personalising
9. Awfulizing – Making things pervasive
10. Should-ing – Demandingness
11. Filtering
12. Can’t-ing – Taboo-ing: Prohibiting
13. Discounting – Perfectionism, Pessimistic Thinking
14. Identifying – Identifications of the self with other concepts

Along with this there have been identified at least 60 filtering patterns (called Meta-Programs). Any of these when overused can cause people to get ‘stuck’ in their thinking and behaving.

Does this mean we should doubt every single perception we have? I would understand if you thought it did!

No, but it does mean we could be a little more open to checking out how we’re making our conclusions! The more we learn about how our incredible brains process information, the more we might want to come to ‘tentatively definite’ conclusions. That is, conclusions we are as sure about as we can be – for now!

All of the above (he said ‘over-generalising!) might be a lot to take in. So here’s a thought. When you’re making a decision and you think you’ve made it just step back and ask yourself:

• “What else could be going on here?”
• “What am I assuming?”
• “Do those assumptions have any basis in fact?”
• “Are they useful?”

It’s a good start. Sometimes being wrong (even if just for a moment) is exactly what you need.

If you’re feeling ‘stuck’, and interested in checking out a free ‘explore your breakthrough session’ to get moving, please go to : http://www.livingwords.net/freeintro.html

If you want to learn more about what meta-coaching can do for you AND get a free copy of the PDF Mastering Cognitive Distortions – please sign up on the front page at www.livingwords.net

Douglas Cartwright is a guest blogger for PickTheBrain. His is a breakthrough and personal effectiveness Meta-coach.  And a dad.

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In Western society, we often think of “learning” in very narrow terms: it’s what we do in school, and once we’ve got our college degree, the learning phase is over – it’s time to work.

Of course, things aren’t really that black and white: we carry on learning after we’ve left school, and not just in our careers but in every aspect of our lives. And learning often doesn’t equate to taking qualifications or passing exams. Approached the right way, learning isn’t a process of ticking boxes on a curriculum or course outline – it’s about exploration, growth and enrichment.

Learning Adds Depth to Your Life

For me, the primary reason to keep learning new things is because I enjoy it. It’s not quite the same enjoyment that I get from watching a movie, and there are always frustrating and even miserable moments in learning anything new … but I’m happier in the long run.

If you take the time to consciously learn new things, you’ll find that you live life more deeply. Instead of chasing quick entertainment that fails to satisfy, you’ll have the pure pleasure of those aha! moments when something finally clicks. The more you learn, the more you’ll be able to make connections between pieces of knowledge – and the more creative you’ll become.

Learning Keeps You From Getting Bored

One of the reasons that I left my day job last year was because I was bored. The first month was fairly novel: it was my first experience of “real” work (I’d had a few student jobs) and I was learning a lot of new things, some of them stretching me beyond my comfort zone. But after that, the routine was the same day in and day out.

A huge advantage to working for myself is having the opportunity to learn all sorts of new things: both hard skills (including some CSS and PHP) and soft skills (like knowing how to interact well with clients). Each week, I’m learning new things – and this keeps me interested, motivated and happy.

Can you go on a training course at work to learn something that you’re interested in? Can you study in your free time, perhaps by joining an evening class or discussion group?

Learning Keeps You Healthy

Studies have shown that our mental facilities are best protected when we use them. Older folk who carry on learning and who stay mentally active are much less likely to suffer from illnesses like Alzheimer’s disease.

Taking the time to learn about nutrition will let you know how to eat well, and learning how to prepare and cook foods ensures that you can take charge of exactly what’s going into your body. Learning a new sport or exercise is a great way to take this even further. And learning about good time management habits can prevent you from developing stress-related illnesses.

Learning Puts You on the Fast Track to Success

The final reason to continue with life-long learning is because that’s what successful people do. If you settle back and decide that you’ve learnt everything you need to know about running a business, about succeeding in your career or about managing and motivating your team … you’ll lose out to competitors who have a passion for learning.

In your personal life, you’ll want to keep learning too. That might mean learning how to bring up your kids well. It could involve learning skills that let you maintain your house without having to pay for or rely on outside help. Learning about personal finance and money management – something which we’re rarely taught in school – can turn your life around.

What have you learnt this week? What benefits has learning brought you in your life so far? What do you want to learn during the next year?

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It’s a complex world, but most of us still manage to get on with it: whatever our job may be, we turn up every day and tackle the challenges that come our way.

When it comes to debt, though, it’s not so straightforward. Many people end up with serious debt problems they just don’t know how to deal with. Why is that?

• It could be because debt’s a complicated subject, full of unfamiliar terms and issues: repayment terms, APRs, early repayment penalties, and so on.
• It could be because we’re content to leave the details to the lenders. At the end of the day, it’s often tempting to assume that one set of terms and conditions is much like another – so all we want to know is ‘Can I borrow the money or not?’
• It could be because it’s just too easy to get credit – or at least it was until the credit crunch occurred. There are too many people who simply have too many debts: multiple credit cards, multiple store cards, an overdraft, a personal loan, a couple of hire purchase deals…
• It could be because we leave it too long before we look for debt advice.

In short, it’s easy to see how so many people who can cope with life’s other challenges still have a hard time coping with debt.

Is it worth getting debt advice?

If you’re in debt and you don’t know what to do about it, you should talk to someone who does know. To a professional debt adviser, debt isn’t something to think about once a month – and then try to forget about. It’s something they deal with all day, every day.

Whatever debt problems you’re facing, you’ll find that the right debt adviser has dealt with them before, and is able to give you some practical guidance on how to tackle them.

It might be something as simple as learning to make better use of your money – learning to budget effectively so you can be sure you’re not buying ‘luxury’ goods and services with money you really need to be putting towards your debt.

If your debt problems are more serious and/or you’ve already cut your non-essential spending down to a minimum, you might need to think about the various debt solutions that could help you sort your finances out.

Either way, a good way to find out what your options are is to get some professional debt advice from someone who does it all the time. In general, the sooner you do it, the sooner you’ll be able to start making some headway on your debts – put it off and you might find you’ve missed the ‘window of opportunity’ to bring your debts back under control without making any major changes to the way you live your life.

What Happens Next?

A debt expert will be able to examine your finances and propose the best solution for your situation. Common solutions include IVAs, debt consolidation loans and debt management plans. Each have their advantages and disadvantages which a debt professional will be able to inform you of.

IVA

An IVA or individual Voluntary Arrangement is legally binding and it works on the idea that you pay back as much as you can reasonably afford and then have the rest written off. The period you are likely to be paying back the debt, if agreed with your creditors will be 5 years. If both parties agree, the lender will agree not to pursue any legal actions against the borrower and write off the debt once the IVA has reached its conclusion.

Debt Management

A debt management plan involves liaising with lenders to lower monthly payments to ensure you will actually be able to afford the repayments and start paying off the debt. Depending on the type of creditor, they may also agree to freeze interest charges. By seeking debt help you will allow a professional to negotiate on your behalf. They have years of experience in dealing with lenders and will also take care of all the administrative work, phone calls and letters.

Debt Consolidation

This involves combining all of your monthly payments into one affordable monthly payment, making it easy to manage. You will also know exactly when the repayments end meaning you will know when you will become debt free.

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Some mornings, you don’t want to get out of bed. Your goals and projects don’t fire you with enthusiasm – they make you feel exhausted. It seems like you’ve been working on them forever, and you still have a long way to go.

You feel like you’re beating your head against a brick wall. You’re not making progress – or you’re forcing yourself onwards with gritted teeth, if you are. This happens with all sorts of goals in different areas of life:

• You dread going to the gym because you’re finding it so boring
• You can’t face spending another evening working on your side business
• Your garage is still full of junk, even though you’ve spent several weekends trying to clear it
• Your novel is languishing in a bottom desk drawer
• You’re swamped by books and papers and journals for your research project

However motivated and enthused you feel when you start working towards a major goal, there’s bound to be a point where you just want to throw your hands in the air and quit. Here’s what to do when you’re feeling utterly demotivated.

Take a Break

First off, take a break. Powering on through when things are grim can bring a certain masochistic satisfaction, but it’s often not a good way to get your motivation back. If you’re feeling exhausted, stressed out or miserable when you try to work on your goal, that’s a sign that you need to step back and have a rest.

I don’t mean that you should give up as soon as you feel any slight reluctance; you’d probably never accomplish anything if you did that. But if you learn to recognize when you’re in need of a real break, you’ll give yourself a better chance of getting to your goal.

List Your Achievements

It’s easy to get demotivated when you feel that you’ve been working hard for a long time without any real results. So sit down and list what you’ve achieved so far. Don’t dismiss what you’ve already done as being “small” or “silly”. Simply getting started is an achievement

You might want to think about:

• Where am I now compared with a year ago?
• Have I made measureable gains? (Eg. “Lost 5lbs” or “wrote 2,000 words”)
• Have I gained new skills? (Eg. “learnt to cook lasagne”)
• Have I tried something for the first time? (Eg. “spoke at Toastmasters”)

Listing what you’ve already achieved helps you to get back your motivation because it makes you focus on the distance you’ve already travelled. You’ve come this far: you know you can go further.

Look at the Bigger Picture

Next, turn your attention to the big picture. When you’re slogging away on a long-term project, it’s easy to lose sight of the awesome goal that inspired you in the first place. The small actions that you take each day may seem insignificant – but when you look at them in the context of a month or a year, you can see how they’ll build up.

Try to rediscover your original motivation. Think about the marathon day, or wearing smaller clothes, or having that novel in the bookshops, or having a small business that supports you full-time. Those are the things that will excite you and give you the motivation you need for the day-to-day work.

Many people get a sense of energy and enthusiasm through sharing their goals with others. Pick a friend or relative who’s always encouraging, and chat to them about your plans. This is another good way to re-find the motivation that got you started towards a goal.

Work out the Next Step

A lack of motivation is often due to not knowing quite what to do next. Typically, you’ll find that you’re stuck because the forward path isn’t obvious. You might think there’s no path at all, or you might have so many directions to choose from that you’re paralysed.

Looking at the big picture gives you the perspective you need to make a decision. In many cases, there won’t be one perfect route towards your goal. Find one step that you can take which would get you closer. Don’t worry about mapping out the whole path: often, your options will become clearer once you’ve made some further progress.

Take Action

The final step to getting yourself motivated again is to take action. Put that next step into your diary, and make a real commitment to doing it. You won’t stay motivated if you make promises to yourself which you don’t keep.

What could you do to get a bit closer to one of your goals?

Do you need to take some time “off” from the goal, to replenish your energy stocks?

If you’re not sure what to do next, can you ask someone for help?

Is there some small action you can take in order to make progress today?

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