When the going gets tough, we tend to seek out those people—and things—that give us the strength to be our best self. We yearn for the feeling that we’ve turned our lives around and are headed for better days.

Looking for the upside takes our mind off the down times. A positive attitude allows us forget, even for a while, the hardships that face us in many areas of our life.

Those times of contentment and happiness are wonderful. We need to spend time with them so when times are harder, we can remember the strength they gave us. But to expect those times to last is not realistic.

Here is the ugly truth: We learn very little by being happy and content. We learn everything by being engaged with the realities of life, especially when it’s hard, confusing, and difficult.

What are the stories that motivate us? They’re the stories of people who were beaten down by circumstances and defied the odds by pulling themselves up by the bootstraps to achieve the impossible. That’s why we love old western movies and Rocky Balboa.

The best motivational speakers are those who have been in the trenches and dug down, inside themselves, to find an inner strength that they didn’t know existed. These transformations remind us that we can find our best self too—it just needs to be teased out.

The unpleasant bits of acid that reality drops into our life every now and then are exactly what we need in order for that best self to thrive. The new science of post-traumatic growth is proving that in the wake of adversity, most people not only recover, they rebound.

Former Army combat veteran J.R. Martinez embodies the built-in human capacity to flourish even in the most difficult circumstances. Wounded in Iraq and suffering from burns over more than 40 percent of his body, Martinez underwent more than 30 surgeries before beginning a new career as a motivational speaker and winning the 2011 fall season of ABC’s  “Dancing With the Stars.”

As powerful as his story is, aren’t we’re all just a little relieved that the trauma didn’t happen to us? Whenever our peace is disturbed by adversity, isn’t our first reaction always something like, “Why does this have to happen to me?”

When I was going through the FBI Academy at the age of twenty-five, one of the physical fitness requirements was to dive off a 25 foot diving board while holding an M16 rifle, and then swim to the other side of the pool with the gun. I had two problems: I was afraid of heights, and I couldn’t swim.

As my training class and instructors waited for me to jump, I seriously doubted that in real life I’d ever need to jump into a pool of water with a M16 while chasing a suspect. This was something I had to do, however, to graduate from the Academy, so I plunged in and bounced back up to the surface—still holding the gun—and then floundered until I made the other side.

It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized the swimming pool test had nothing to do with superior law enforcement techniques. Instead, it taught me that those who keep their back straight when confronted with uncomfortable challenges or conflict will inspire others around them. Everyone knew I was afraid of the jump, but it was something that I needed to do. Once I took the plunge, the by-product was two-fold. First, I earned respect from my classmates; and second, I learned that when the chips were down, I could achieve more than I dreamed possible.

How can you gird yourself and prepare for adversity and future down times? There are many ways, but here are three simple and positive approaches:

1. Surround yourself with people who believe in you

• List 5 people who inspire you to be your best – and spend more time with them.
• Spend time with colleagues who ask “Why not?” instead of “Why?”
• Share your struggles, dreams, and goals but only with those who can help you be your best self.

2. Create a benchmark for choosing friends: Ask questions about which friends you choose to spend time with.

• Will spending time with this person drag me down or lift me up?
• Will they make me want to be a better person?
• Will they help make me a happier person? Successful? Stronger?
• Will they help me achieve my most important goals?

3. Revisit the past

• Identify what you did correctly and how it changed the course of your life.
• Evaluate how you could have done some things differently.
• Understand that we repeat behavior – spot positive behaviors in your past that have brought out the best in you so you can repeat those behaviors in the future.
• Ask trusted friends and colleagues to be honest and help pinpoint those times when you’re at your best . . . and yes—when you are not. The purpose is not to criticize, but to help you make better choices.

Like you, I don’t go looking for adversity and hardship, but if I didn’t encounter them I wouldn’t be learning the lessons I’m learning about developing a strong mind to overcome future obstacles—because guess what . . . they are going to show up.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!

How do you prepare for adversity? What tips can you share on how to surround yourself with friends you can trust? How have you learned from your past?

Let’s face it – You don’t have to be pregnant to know what it’s like to crave salty potato chips or sweet ice cream. The fact of the matter is that everyone has a craving now and then. But did you know your cravings might actually mean something?

Usually, when we crave a certain food, it’s because our body is telling us it needs a specific nutrient. You can go ahead and give into that craving to satisfy your body, but it’s important to know why you are craving a certain food and then choose the healthier alternative. Your system, and your waistline, will thank you for choosing the healthy way out.

Craving Salty Snacks

If you are craving potato chips or French fries, you need something salty. This is likely your body’s way of telling you that you are low on essential minerals. A low-calcium diet often leads to salt cravings. Salt tricks your body into believing that calcium levels are high enough.

Instead of the salt, reach for dairy. Drink a glass of milk or eat a slice of cheese. You’ll give your body the calcium you need instead of tricking it into thinking it’s satisfied.

Craving Sweet Treats

For some people, all you have to do is say the word “chocolate” and their mouth waters until a pound of chocolate has been consumed. When we crave sweets, it’s usually because of our mood. In many cases, we are sad when we crave sweets. Ever have a really tough day and the only thing that will console you is a big cupcake? That’s because when we are sad we want a quick mood lift. Our body wants to release serotonin, which you can get when you eat sweets.

If you really must have that chocolate, opt for dark chocolate. This variety contains antioxidants, which are needed to stay healthy. Or better yet, instead of eating the chocolate, go out for a walk or a bike ride. The exercise is much more likely to give you long-term mood benefits, whereas the treats will only make you feel better for a moment.

Craving a Spicy Kick

When your body is overheated, you crave the spicy foods that make you perspire. Your body wants to cool down and spicy food can help do that. Some studies suggest that people who crave spicy foods are addicted to the accelerated heart rate and rapid breathing that comes from really spicy Thai food or Mexican favorites. It’s the adrenaline rush you’re actually craving, not the food itself.

Again, go exercise to help you get the rush you need. Your body will perspire, which will help cool you down. Plus, you’re getting your heart rate up, which helps with the adrenaline craving.

When you apply these tips you can cut out a bunch of empty calories and increase your intake of healthy vitamins and minerals. You will feel healthier and look better, which everyone can agree is a good thing!

About the author: Allen is an avid basketball player and NBA fan. In his spare time he writes for YourLocalSecurity.com.

by David Michie

If meditation was available in capsule form, it would be the biggest selling drug of all time. It has been scientifically proven to deliver highly effective stress relief, boost our immune systems and dramatically slow the aging process. It has also been shown to make us much happier and more effective thinkers. In this partner recording to Hurry Up and Meditate, David Michie takes the novice meditator by the hand, and provides four guided Buddhist meditations to help you experience for yourself the benefits of these time-honoured and powerful techniques.

The Meaning of Life: Making Every Moment Matter

by Guy Finley

All who were there for these five days of groundbreaking dynamic talks were inspired, enriched, and deeply touched by the revelations Guy presented. In all, Guy presented seven powerful talks that built one upon the other to reveal the entire explanation of how we can discover and live the meaning of our lives. In addition, Guy gave two talks on meditation based on the theme, Start Letting Stillness Organize Your Life.

Every moment of these revealing talks was recorded, and the result is a seven-hour album that will open your heart and mind to new vistas of possibility and provide practical techniques you can use to make those possibilities your new reality.

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity

by David Allen

In today’s world of exponentially increased communication and responsibility, yesterday’s methods for staying on top just don’t work. Veteran management consultant and trainer David Allen recognizes that “time management” is useless the minute your schedule is interrupted; “setting priorities” isn’t relevant when your e-mail is down; “procrastination solutions” won’t help if your goals aren’t clear.

Allen’s premise is simple: our ability to be productive is directly proportional to our ability to relax. Only when our minds are clear and our thoughts are organized can we achieve stress-free productivity and unleash our creative potential.

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

by Roger Fisher, William Ury

Getting to Yes is a straightorward, universally applicable method for negotiating personal and professional disputes without getting taken – and without getting angry.

It offers a concise, step-by-step, proven strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict – whether it involves parents and children, neighbors, bosses and employees, customers or corporations, tenants or diplomats. Based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals continually with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution, from domestic to business to international, Getting to Yes tells you how to:

• Separate the people from the problem
• Focus on interests, not positions
• Work together to create opinions that will satisfy both parties
• Negotiate successfully with people who are more powerful, refuse to play by the rules, or resort to “dirty tricks”

Do you feel enthusiastic and inspired in the mornings – only to find yourself exhausted in the afternoons? Perhaps you only ever seem to perk up when you’ve got a coffee in hand, or you manage to concentrate for 30 minutes but then find yourself procrastinating.

If your energy levels fluctuate a lot, you might need to focus on achieving more balance. These ten tips should help:

#1: Drink Plenty of Water

Yes, you’ve heard this one a hundred times before. But are you actually managing it?

If you’re slightly dehydrated, you’ll struggle to concentrate. Try keeping a bottle of water on your desk so that you can easily sip while working. If you don’t like the taste of plain water, try buying sparkling or flavored varieties.

#2: Don’t Drink Too Much Caffeine

Coffee, tea and caffeinated sodas will give you a short-term energy boost, followed by a slump. If you’re relying on caffeine to stay alert and awake, you’re probably not sleeping enough.

But … don’t reduce your caffeine intake too suddenly, or you’re likely to get headaches. Try cutting down slowly – if you normally drink six cups of coffee a day, cut back to five.

#3: Eat at Regular Intervals

Your brain needs fuel: if you’re hungry, it’s hard for you to focus. It’s also difficult to concentrate after a heavy lunch – so rather than stuffing yourself, eat smaller amounts at regular intervals.

Many nutritionists recommend eating every three hours; that means having a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack to keep you going between meals.

#4: Don’t Eat Sugary Snacks

Eating regularly doesn’t mean filling up on cookies or donuts. Sugary snacks play havoc with your energy levels: they give you a quick boost followed by a crash.

If you’ve got a sweet tooth, try eating fresh fruit instead. On days when only chocolate will do, go for dark varieties (at least 70% cocoa) and eat just a small amount.

#5: Have a Power Nap

Although this one isn’t an option for many of us, a quick nap during the afternoon can really boost your energy. If you work from home (or have a very understanding boss!) then try taking a twenty minute nap to help you over the afternoon slump.

Make sure you don’t sleep too long, though; you’ll just wake up feeling groggy. You might want to set an alarm.

#6: Don’t Skimp on Sleep at Night

Even if you take a power nap during the day, don’t cut back on sleep at night. Most of us need seven to eight hours of sleep to function well – but some people need more.

It’s tempting to sleep less in order to have more time to cram everything in, but if you’re well rested, you’ll have more energy to tackle everything, and you’ll get tasks finished faster.

#7: Take Regular Breaks

No-one can stay focused on a task for hours at a time. You need to take breaks from whatever you’re doing in order to keep your energy levels up.

It’s a good idea to get away from your desk: grab a glass of water or go for brisk walk (even if it’s just round the corridors). At lunch time, make sure you take a real break from work, rather than eating sandwiches at your desk.

#8: Don’t Procrastinate

Taking a planned break is different from procrastinating. If you’re surfing the net when you know you should be working, you’re simply letting resistance to a task build up.

Sometimes, procrastination can look like work: for instance, you might work on emails so you can put off that difficult phone call or tricky report. This will leave you feeling demotivated. Instead, tackle the harder things first – you’ll get a real energy boost.

#9: Exercise at Moderate Intensity

Exercise is good for you in so many ways. One of the benefits of being active is that you’re likely to have more energy: moving around gets your blood pumping. You may also find that you sleep more soundly.

When you exercise, aim to work at a moderate intensity. That means you should be able to hold a conversation, but you shouldn’t be able to sing the lyrics to a song.

#10: Don’t Exercise Too Hard

If you’re just getting started with exercise, don’t overdo it. There’s no point in spending two hours in the gym after work – only to end up so exhausted that you slump on the sofa with a bag of chips instead of cooking a healthy dinner.

For most of us, thirty to forty-five minutes of moderate exercise, five times a week, is about right. You don’t necessarily have to do this in one daily session, either; you could aim for a twenty minute brisk walk in your lunch hour and a twenty minute cycle ride in the evening.

How do you keep your energy levels up during the day? Share your tips and ideas in the comments…

Photo credit: Stephen Vincent

“The opportunity to find wonder in the midst of our everyday lives transforms the agony of the struggle into the adventure of becoming.” – Kim Thomas

Do you wish your life were more exciting? I’m guessing the answer is “yes.” It probably feels like you have so many mundane things to do. You have dishes to wash, reports to write, kids to pick up, laundry to do, social obligations to attend to… the list goes on.

“If only my life were more interesting!” you might be thinking.

A while back, I read about an incident involving a live grenade that continues to remind me that the mundane matters.

Second Lieutenant Kok Khew Fai was overseeing the safety of 50 army recruits during a live hand grenade throw in Singapore. Kok stood a short distance away from the recruits as, one by one, they took turns lobbing a live grenade toward the target.

As one of the recruits attempted to fling the grenade forward, it slipped out of his hand and landed 10 feet behind him. Dumbfounded by what had just happened, he stood motionless. Death was literally seconds away.

Without any hesitation, Kok sprinted over to the recruit, jumped on him, and forced him to lie prone behind a low wall at the back of the throwing bay. The grenade detonated moments later, and thankfully both of them escaped unharmed.

When I read this news report, I imagined what I would have done if I’d been in Kok’s position. Military service for male citizens is mandatory in Singapore and I, too, was once a second lieutenant, so I could have been faced with the same situation.

Your natural instinct would tell you to run, take cover and save yourself. But as an officer who has a responsibility to your men, you know what you ought to do. With so much on the line but with absolutely no time to think, would I have put the safety of my recruit above that of my own? I wish I could confidently say “yes,” but the more truthful answer is that I really don’t know.

I often wonder how people like Kok become so brave. Do they have some sort of natural gifting? Did their parents drill into them the importance of courage when they were growing up? Before the incident occurred, did they even know that they were so fearless?

I’ve concluded that it’s in the mundane tests of day-to-day living that we ready ourselves to face exceptional challenges. It’s in the ordinary that we prepare ourselves for the extraordinary.

It’s important to note that extraordinary people only do extraordinary things some of the time. Most of the time, they’re occupied with the routine, the monotonous, the boring. In other words, they’re just like us normal people. But it’s in the mundane that they develop the skills, attitude and character traits that enable them to excel when the opportunity arises.

Extraordinary people aren’t extraordinary because of good fortune. They’re extraordinary because they make extraordinarily good use of the ordinary circumstances in their lives.

They see every choice as one between character and compromise. They recognize that a decision is never trivial, because they’re really deciding between becoming a person of greater character and becoming a person who compromises on what’s of real significance.

Every one of us will experience a limited number of defining moments in our lives—moments that test us and reveal who we are, moments that determine our legacy.

We’ll never know exactly when we’ll be tested, so we always need to be alert. Character and integrity never take a day off. After all, a great life isn’t built in a day; it’s built day by day.

We often look at the Michael Jordan’s, Mark Zuckerberg’s and Oprah Winfrey’s of this world and tell ourselves that we’re not as talented or lucky as them, so we’ll never attain similar success. We tend to forget about the immense, and unglamorous, effort they exerted early on in their lives, which allowed them to eventually make it big.

They mastered the ordinary before they had any hope of becoming extraordinary.

When we begin to grasp just how much power and potential lie hidden within the ordinary—the things we typically don’t want to do, or even the things we hate to do—we’ll see it as a chance to become a bigger and better person.

We’ll learn to embrace life—not just the thrilling experiences, but the dull and even painful ones, too.

So let’s not despise the mundane. Instead, let’s make the most of it. Let’s create a mundane masterpiece.

About Daniel Wong: Daniel Wong is passionate about helping people to maximize their education, career and life. He spent two years in the military and currently holds the rank of First Lieutenant. He currently works as a project engineer, and is the author of The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success. You can read his blog at Living Large and find him on Twitter.

Who the hell are you? Are you for real? That’s the message I got when I had forgotten my twitter password for the umpteenth time. And it got me thinking (something I have been known to do on occasions). Do we really know who we are?

Next time you pass by a mirror, just stay there for a while and look at the person staring back at you. Is that you or an image of you? This is how you present yourself to the world and yet does your inner self match your outer self?

Once upon a long time ago, there was a man who liked to fool around and play jokes on everyone. He used to put on an extraordinary mask that spanned an array of emotions from laughing and crying to grimacing. He took great pleasure in playing the fool and frightening everyone. Some people laughed at his antics, some people cried. All he cared about was the adrenalin rush and excitement that their reactions gave him.

He used to pop his mask on a few times a week, but as his need for excitement grew, he would wear the mask every day until he was wearing it all the time, even sleeping in it. He wandered around for years behind the mask until one day, he felt strange. He felt cut off from himself, isolated and realized that something was missing.

The next day he bumped into a lovely lady and it was love at first sight. But when he reached out to her, she screamed and ran away, frightened by his weird and shocking mask.

‘Stop’ he cried,’ this isn’t me!’ And he desperately tried to wrench the mask from his face. But he could not remove it because it was him. The mask was stuck to his face, it had become his face.

He tried to tell others the dreadful thing that had happened to him but no one was interested in listening because they had all done the exact same thing as him. They were all wearing masks, all playing at being people they were not.

Who are you? Are you wearing a mask?

There are times in our lives when we might put on a mask to stop our true selves from being seen. We do this out of a fear that if people really knew us they would not like us. We have a real fear of being exposed for the charlatan we think we are. But it is a great emotional burden pretending to be someone we are not. It is a very tiring and draining experience. How long has it been since you looked inside to experience your real self?

When I did my training to be a psychotherapist I had to have my own therapy and I remember this question. Who are you? I answered that I was a mother. Rap on the knuckles, Carole, that is not who you are that is what you do. Very often we cannot answer the question who the hell are you? Because we do not know.

Our real selves has been squashed and taken over by our false selves. It is up to us to redress the balance.

Do you spend much of your time putting other’s needs before your own?

Are you very conscious of your appearance? Do you hate your job? Do you ever do anything that you really want to do?

You may have put on a mask to protect yourself at some stage in your life but is it really necessary anymore? The mask has done its’ job and now it is only a barrier to your future happiness.

10 ways to step out from behind the mask

• Cut the crap of pretending to others that you are happy when you are not

• If you are in an unhappy relationship, either seek counseling or leave

• If you hate your job, start looking for a new one or re skill in a new area

• Delegate chores or work to others when you are overwhelmed

• Learn to say No frequently

• Stop being Mr. or Mrs. nice guy

• Stop rescuing others, try rescuing yourself first

• Take a risk and let others see the real you, if they don’t like it, tough

• Take time out to meditate or take a yoga class

• If all else fails, see a psychotherapist

About the Author:

Carole Lyden is a psychotherapist and writer living in Perth, Western Australia. PsycheBuzz is a website that will help you: Feel more positive about yourself. Add depth and meaning to your life. Enrich and empower your life. Attempt to ease your mental distress. Please join me there.

Don’t forget to sign up for the PickTheBrain NEWSLETTER!

Related Reading:

3 Steps to Mastering Empathy

36 Ways to Feel Absolutely Beautiful

In Making a Living Without a Job, Barbara J. Winter described the idea of Multiple Profit Centers: “I think of creating profit centers,” she wrote, “as being akin to what a juggler does when spinning plates on top of sticks. The juggler walks out on the stage with ten sticks and ten plates but doesn’t begin spinning them all at once. Methodically, he or she positions the first plate on a stick and gets it into motion. Once done, the juggler moves on to the next, then the next, and so forth. Eventually, all ten of the plates are spinning away, each with its own momentum”

Creating multiple streams of income is key to sustain and secure your message. When one of the streams faces a hard time, others lift you up.

When it comes to creating multiple streams of income (or multiple profit centers as Barbara likes to call), people are divided into two groups:

1. Dominant Passion:

Those are people who have one dominant passion and would like to spend the rest of their lives pursuing that single passion.

Around this dominant passion may revolve several streams of income.

I belong to this category. I’m extremely passionate about the field of success and motivation. Now, I’ve three major streams of income: speaking, life purpose coaching and motivational information products … and I’m always looking out for more.

2. Passion Mix:

When you have several passions, which I call the passion mix, you can turn each one of them into a stand alone stream of income.

Think of Sir Richard Branson!

Beside success & motivation, I have a strong passion for Chess. I’ve not considered creating a profit center around it yet. However, if I do, I will belong to this category of people pursuing different unrelated passions.

The secret to making the idea of “multiple streams of income” successful is to follow the juggler example.

Start with one plate, get it into motion and then move on to another plate.

Don’t start everything all at once.

You’ve to focus all your efforts on starting and building momentum for your first business idea. Then, when it acquires the momentum that makes it stable enough, you move on to build your next business idea or stream of income.

Now, what possible streams of income can you create around your passions? Let’s continue the discussion in the comments section below.

Mohamed Tohami is a bestselling author and the creator of “The P.A.S. Technique: The World’s Easiest Way To Find Your Passion and Purpose In Life”. If you want to set your heart & soul free from the prison of the paycheck and discover how to proudly follow your passion, give a visit to his Transformational Motivation blog now.

Everyone has up’s and down’s in their love lives, most commonly there are “those relationships” you’d rather forget, but should you forget them entirely? Why not use negative experiences from your love life to prevent you from making similar mistakes in your career? At least you’ll have something to show from those lousy relationships!

Although using a one-night-stand in your work environment isn’t recommended, there are some popular relationship problems which can be likened common career complaints. You can learn from these mistakes to resolve pressing issues in your career.

The Stale Marriage

Much like a weathered marriage, you’ve hit that point in your career where you generally feel BORED. You may feel that there’s no opportunity for progression within the company you work for and getting out of bed to go to work has become more challenging than the role itself. You feel you can’t just quit because you have financial outgoings and a family you need to support but the job is making you miserable.

In this situation you have 3 options: to stick it out and remain miserable and unfulfilled but financially sound; try relationship counselling to mend the damage or file for a divorce.

If you’re constantly miserable you’re not helping anyone; yourself or your family. It can also have effects on your health such as depression and fatigue. Taking no action means things will only get worse.

Trying “relationship counselling” with your boss is a viable option. Speak to your boss and say how you feel your skills would be better utilised in a higher role with more responsibilities. If you work for an organisation which values its employees then they should be open to negotiation (providing you’ve proved your worth), if not then maybe you should consider whether a job elsewhere would be more fulfilling and gain you more respect.

If the counselling really hasn’t worked then it’s time to file for a divorce. Your health and happiness is more important than the money your job brings – you have to take a few risks in life to be successful. To avoid putting a financial strain on your family, continue your employment in your current role until you’ve been accepted for another position elsewhere.

The Comparative Couple

This situation is similar to when you compare your relationship to other friends’ or family member’s relationships, common thoughts are “why’s my relationship not as passionate as theirs?”, “why don’t we do things as a couple like them?” This can also happen in your career if one of your friends or family members gets a new job, jealousy can rear its ugly head and occupy your mind.

This can be a dangerous situation to be in as you may begin to question your career or feel dubious about your job. The first thing to consider is why you are feeling jealous of other people’s jobs. Perhaps there’s more of an underlying issue; are you feeling undervalued at work? Do you need more feedback on your development from superiors?

The key here is to address you own issues and forget about your friend’s passion for their new job. Focus on what drove you to apply for your current job in the first place. Perhaps you’re feeling complacent in your role and need a new challenge, talk to your boss about the possibility of taking on new responsibilities that will challenge you. You’ll soon forget about your friend’s career as you buzz off your new accomplishments.

The Honeymoon Period

When you first start a new job you’re filled with excitement; meeting new people, learning new skills and taking on new challenges can all be exhilarating. Much like newlyweds however, this honeymoon period has to come to an end as normality sets in. For some people this isn’t a problem, for others it can cause them to come down with a crash and feel bored, stressed and even miserable.

As routine begins to set in you have to accept that certain aspects of the daily grind will begin to irritate you – the same commute will bore the life out of you and your colleagues will irritate you beyond belief but that will probably happen with every job and usually wanes with time! If you really feel like you’re not fitting in after a considerable amount of time then maybe you could ask for a transfer or look for a new job elsewhere.

When it comes to relationships there’s plenty to be learned from bad experiences. Rather than dwelling on them and feeling filled with regret, you may as well use them to build on in the future. Prevent the same mistakes from happening in your career as well as your love life!

This was a guest post written by Stephanie Staszko who writes career building tips and advice for Blue Octopus. They can help you to find a job if your current one’s driving you stir crazy.

Whether you have just started in the world of work or a seasoned professional, establishing a successful work-life balance can prove difficult challenge. Having a good work life balance is a huge factor in your general happiness and well being. We all feel pressured to work and worry about work and we are all pressured to be out with friends or family every night. Pressure comes from all around you and before you know it you are stressed at work and not going out.

The outcome is that you will be unhappy and this will affect not just you but your friends and family. Achieving balance will mean you will be happy with your life as a whole and enjoy work and appreciate the time you have when it comes. So with that in mind, here are the three ways that can help you find your work life balance and feel better as a result.

1)Know your boundaries

An important life skill, knowing your boundaries is a instinct that you learn as you age and that you learn to trust. Knowing your limits is a highly respectable trait, one which many wish they listen to. Your body will tell you when something is wrong and listening to these signals is a sure way to helping a work life balance. When I first started work I was always meeting up with my friends after work to chat and have a couple of drinks, it normally resulted in me coming home late and although i always had a great time, I also remember being absolutely shattered everyday for work. Simply put, there was no balance. When your body says you are tired or ill or out of sync, know when to go home and relax. Only going out a few nights a week, will mean that you get a regular routine of sleep, which will help you feel refreshed at work. Also not partying ever night will save you money, this will mean you can buy that item that you always wanted or go to that place you have dreamed of. It is important to plan in advance, not weeks in advance, not even days, but just make sure you set out when you meet up, what you are going to do and when you will be heading home. This leads us onto the next point.

2) Always make time for yourself

We all love those days where we stay in bed and do nothing. Physically and psychologically having time to yourself, where you can reflect, unwind and relax, can be hugely beneficial. Sometimes a busy week can take its toll on the body and mind. A day to relax in front of the TV can do a world of good and allow you to charge your batteries for whatever the future may bring. Knowing that you are the priority means that you will take time to appreciate what you like doing and as a result you will be more independent and less susceptible to peer pressure. This is a huge step to having a work life balance as you will be able to say no and as a result gain more self respect. It would not be wise just to stick to things that you like and never go out, having new experiences is a great part of life, making time for yourself is simply a step to help you manage your time better.

3) Learn to switch off

Once you step out of the office, work has finished, relax and forget about any work issues or deadlines, taking your problems home with you or to work is always going to end badly. It is your time and you should do what you want with it. This does not mean that everyone ends up with two contrasting lives. Simply that taking a fresh look at life and putting things into perspective can mean huge things for your general well being. You could start to worry less and be more enthusiastic about life. Knowing that there is more to life than just work will liberate many people and help them achieve true happiness. I never lose sleep over work now, I turn up to work fresh and enthusiastic and I still go out a couple of times a week with friends and family. As a result, I feel I have achieved my perfect work life balance and I am happier for it.

Everyone should take a step back and ask themselves do I have a good work life balance? Is work affecting you motivation to socialise or is partying all night affecting your work. Either way a balance has to eventually occur and everyone will have a different level, but most importantly it is what works for you and at the end of the day, what makes you happy.

Bio: Written by Tom Tolladay, an event’s organiser for www.chillisauce.co.uk. Tom has also written for sports website caughtoffside and is a contributor for the International Institute of Event Management. You can contact Tom on his blog www.eventsuppliers.co.uk

Whatever your plans are for the coming year, your friends can help.

You might be reluctant to let them. Perhaps you feel that accepting help will lessen your own achievement – or you’re worried that your friends might laugh at your goals and ambitions. You might think that asking for help is futile: the people you know might not possess the skills or knowledge that would be valuable to you.

The truth is, no-one achieves much if they work entirely alone. And by allowing others to help, you not only increase your chances of success, you also reinforce your relationship with them.

Even if your friends can’t offer advice about your new venture, they can still support you. Here are three key ways in which friends (and family, and co-workers) can help you reach your goals.

#1: Encouragement

Friends don’t need to share your goals in order to be encouraging. Your best friend might not know much about nutrition and exercise, but he can cheer you on when you’re trying to lose weight. Your sister may have no interest in writing a novel herself, but she can ask you how yours is going.

Some friends are naturally encouraging; make sure you let them know about your plans and your progress. They’ll probably be delighted for you, and keen to find out how you’re getting on.

If you’ve got a strong friendship group online, perhaps on Twitter or Facebook, that’s a great place to turn for encouragement and for accountability. You might want to post your weekly weight loss or your weekly word count or some other meaningful metric related to your goal.

#2: Practical Support

Although encouragement can be a huge boost to your motivation, it often isn’t enough to get you to your goal. Practical support is invaluable, and may well make the difference between success and failure.

This type of support might help free up time: your friend could babysits your kids on a Thursday night so you can go to Weight Watchers, or your spouse takes care of the chores so you can study. It could also involve resources: a co-worker lends you a useful book, or your friend gives you some exercise equipment that they no longer want.

#3: Advice

This final type of help is directly related to your goal. Good advice can save you lots of time, money and energy. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend or family member who’s pursued a similar goal, or who has expertise in this area, don’t be afraid to ask them for advice.

If you’re starting up your own business, for instance, and you have a cousin who did something similar five years ago, ask them what they wish they’d known then. People will usually be very happy to talk about their experiences and to share their knowledge.

Your Wider Network

Unless your friendship circles revolve around a shared set of goals or hobbies, you’ll probably find that you have some plans that no-one seems to be able to help with. Perhaps you’re keen to go to grad school, but none of your friends and family can offer any practical support or advice, or you want to learn the guitar but don’t know where to begin.

Start to look beyond your own circle, towards friends of friends. Although you might not know anyone who can help, your friend might have a relative or a contact who can lend a hand. Tell everyone what sort of information or support you’re looking for, and ask if they know anyone who can help.

You might feel nervous about approaching friends of friends. A great way is through a short, friendly email. Be specific about how they can help. You might write something like:

“John Smith suggested that I get in touch with you. I’m starting up my own small business as a graphic designer and I’m struggling to set my rates. Would you recommend charging by the project or by the hour? Do you have any tips for giving accurate quotations? Thanks so much.”

One of the best ways to achieve your goals faster is to let others help you. Who could you turn to today for encouragement, practical support or advice?