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We have two ears and one mouth. Just based on our body parts, you’d think we’d all be natural listeners. But we’re really not. You’re born with the ability to hear, but you have to develop the ability to listen. The normal listening mode for most people is passive. Words come in one ear, and go out the other. Important information is missed. Details are overlooked. Reasoning is misunderstood. People feel disrespected.
The alternative to passive listening is active listening, where you’re more of a participant than a spectator, even though you’re not the one talking. It’s a better way to listen effectively. Here’s how to do it:

1. Be prepared to actively listen.
If you start off intending to listen passively, you’ve already lost. Listening well is much harder than you think, and it won’t happen by itself. Simply deciding that you’re going to actively listen puts you in the right frame of mind for actually doing it.
2. Stay physically focused.
If your body can’t stay still, your mind won’t either. Being physically present in the conversation is obviously essential for good listening, but many people fail at it. Don’t multitask. If you’re checking your email while talking on the phone, you’re not listening to that person. Don’t fidget, drum your fingers, or do pen tricks. Make good eye contact, and don’t interrupt the conversation to take a phone call or perform any other task.
One great way to ruin a conversation is to look at your watch when someone’s talking. While you may have a good reason for doing so, it’s a clear signal to the other person that you’re not as interested in listening to them as you are in getting on to your next thing. Even if you think you can be subtle about checking the time, they’ll probably notice. If you absolutely must look at your watch, do it when you’re talking, not when they’re talking. This makes a huge psychological difference to the other person.
3. Stay mentally focused.
OK, you’ve managed to make your body sit still. That’s the easy part. Just because you appear to be listening doesn’t mean you are. Does your mind jump around between topics that have nothing to do with the conversation? Listening requires your full attention, so a wandering mind is no good here. Save the daydreaming for your own time. If other conversations are happening around you, tune them out. Block out all background noise and focus on the person you’re talking to. Specifically, focus on the message they’re trying to get across. If you’re thinking about how they don’t pronounce the g at the end of a word they’re sayin’, you’re paying attention to the wrong thing. The important part is their message, not their grammar or diction. Tone and body language can be very important too, so don’t forget to look beyond their words. If you find yourself in a boring conversation, try to find something interesting about it. Putting up with a few minutes of less than stellar discussion might pay off. Anyway, it’s the polite thing to do.
4. Let them talk.
When they’re talking, you want to be sure you give them room to say what they want to say. Don’t get impatient if they don’t get to the point as quickly as you’d like. Be respectful, and let them talk their way.
Don’t correct mispronounced words, finish their sentences, make disapproving faces, or interrupt to say you disagree. In fact, you shouldn’t even be thinking about what you’re going to say next. Just listen. To make sure they know you want to listen, encourage them to keep speaking by nodding and saying “go on” or “tell me more.”
5. React appropriately.
After they’ve finished talking, only then should you respond. Don’t jump the gun by rushing to judgment before they’ve even finished. In fact, even after they’re done, you still might want to pause to think before responding.
Do it in a way that shows you were paying attention. You can summarize what they said in your own words, to make sure you understand it correctly. You can ask follow-up questions. Offer feedback based on your careful consideration of what they said. Listening is fairly simple, but it’s not easy. It does take effort, especially when you’re not really in the mood for it. But it’s worth it. By listening well, you not only greatly reduce misunderstandings, but you also give people that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that someone really listened to them.
About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

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Listen: This Habit Will Dramatically Improve Your Conversations

How To Improve Your Daily Communications

1. Always Ask for a Receipt or Staff Number

Whenever you have a need to contact a call center – even if it is for the simplest of queries – you should make a note of the call which includes either a receipt or staff number. Call centers for large corporations are huge, and simply writing down that you spoke to “James” or “Jenny” is not enough. This tip is particularly important if there is anything that needs to be followed up.

2. Even if You Are Angry, Stay Calm

If you have a problem with a company, it is very unlikely that the person you are speaking to actually caused it. So don’t waste your time screaming at the person who is on the other end of the line. How you treat that person will have a big impact on whether they try to genuinely help you, or whether they try to get rid of you as quick as possible. Be polite, but firm, with the person you are speaking to. And if you are not happy with what they are telling you, use the following tips.

3. If You Are Unhappy, Ask to Speak to a Supervisor

If you are unhappy with what you are being told, ask to have your call escalated to a supervisor. Typically a supervisor will have better knowledge, more time to answer your query, and greater discretion when it comes to things such as refunding fees.

4. If You Don’t Like What You Are Told, Hang Up and Call Again

You would be amazed at how effectively this one works. The reason it does work is because in large call centers there is a huge difference in the experience and knowledge of different representatives. Call centers typically have a high rate of turnover for staff, which means there is a good chance you will end up talking to someone new to the company. Also, remember you are speaking to someone in a high pressured job, so if they are unhelpful you may just have caught them on a bad day.

5. Ask to Close Your Account

This was how I saved over $200 on my phone bill. I was trying to get our home phone connected and the incompetency of the telecommunications company was finally too much. I asked to cancel my order and was transferred to a department called “Account Closures”. After outlining to the representative why I was canceling my order, I was offered 6 months of free phone service if I didn’t cancel. A similar situation occurred when I once tried to cancel my credit card. Not only did I get the annual fee permanently waived on my card, I also had the annual fee I had paid the previous year refunded.

Why does this tactic work so well? Basically, companies will do anything to retain you business. When I worked in the call center for the bank we had a specialized team called the “Client Retention Team”. Apart from being specially trained to retain the business of angry customers, they were given a lot of flexibility when it came to waiving fees.

Peter writes about how to enjoy life at The Change Blog. If you enjoyed this article, you may wish to download his free e-book, A Year of Change.