Everyone has up’s and down’s in their love lives, most commonly there are “those relationships” you’d rather forget, but should you forget them entirely? Why not use negative experiences from your love life to prevent you from making similar mistakes in your career? At least you’ll have something to show from those lousy relationships!

Although using a one-night-stand in your work environment isn’t recommended, there are some popular relationship problems which can be likened common career complaints. You can learn from these mistakes to resolve pressing issues in your career.

The Stale Marriage

Much like a weathered marriage, you’ve hit that point in your career where you generally feel BORED. You may feel that there’s no opportunity for progression within the company you work for and getting out of bed to go to work has become more challenging than the role itself. You feel you can’t just quit because you have financial outgoings and a family you need to support but the job is making you miserable.

In this situation you have 3 options: to stick it out and remain miserable and unfulfilled but financially sound; try relationship counselling to mend the damage or file for a divorce.

If you’re constantly miserable you’re not helping anyone; yourself or your family. It can also have effects on your health such as depression and fatigue. Taking no action means things will only get worse.

Trying “relationship counselling” with your boss is a viable option. Speak to your boss and say how you feel your skills would be better utilised in a higher role with more responsibilities. If you work for an organisation which values its employees then they should be open to negotiation (providing you’ve proved your worth), if not then maybe you should consider whether a job elsewhere would be more fulfilling and gain you more respect.

If the counselling really hasn’t worked then it’s time to file for a divorce. Your health and happiness is more important than the money your job brings – you have to take a few risks in life to be successful. To avoid putting a financial strain on your family, continue your employment in your current role until you’ve been accepted for another position elsewhere.

The Comparative Couple

This situation is similar to when you compare your relationship to other friends’ or family member’s relationships, common thoughts are “why’s my relationship not as passionate as theirs?”, “why don’t we do things as a couple like them?” This can also happen in your career if one of your friends or family members gets a new job, jealousy can rear its ugly head and occupy your mind.

This can be a dangerous situation to be in as you may begin to question your career or feel dubious about your job. The first thing to consider is why you are feeling jealous of other people’s jobs. Perhaps there’s more of an underlying issue; are you feeling undervalued at work? Do you need more feedback on your development from superiors?

The key here is to address you own issues and forget about your friend’s passion for their new job. Focus on what drove you to apply for your current job in the first place. Perhaps you’re feeling complacent in your role and need a new challenge, talk to your boss about the possibility of taking on new responsibilities that will challenge you. You’ll soon forget about your friend’s career as you buzz off your new accomplishments.

The Honeymoon Period

When you first start a new job you’re filled with excitement; meeting new people, learning new skills and taking on new challenges can all be exhilarating. Much like newlyweds however, this honeymoon period has to come to an end as normality sets in. For some people this isn’t a problem, for others it can cause them to come down with a crash and feel bored, stressed and even miserable.

As routine begins to set in you have to accept that certain aspects of the daily grind will begin to irritate you – the same commute will bore the life out of you and your colleagues will irritate you beyond belief but that will probably happen with every job and usually wanes with time! If you really feel like you’re not fitting in after a considerable amount of time then maybe you could ask for a transfer or look for a new job elsewhere.

When it comes to relationships there’s plenty to be learned from bad experiences. Rather than dwelling on them and feeling filled with regret, you may as well use them to build on in the future. Prevent the same mistakes from happening in your career as well as your love life!

This was a guest post written by Stephanie Staszko who writes career building tips and advice for Blue Octopus. They can help you to find a job if your current one’s driving you stir crazy.

Whether you have just started in the world of work or a seasoned professional, establishing a successful work-life balance can prove difficult challenge. Having a good work life balance is a huge factor in your general happiness and well being. We all feel pressured to work and worry about work and we are all pressured to be out with friends or family every night. Pressure comes from all around you and before you know it you are stressed at work and not going out.

The outcome is that you will be unhappy and this will affect not just you but your friends and family. Achieving balance will mean you will be happy with your life as a whole and enjoy work and appreciate the time you have when it comes. So with that in mind, here are the three ways that can help you find your work life balance and feel better as a result.

1)Know your boundaries

An important life skill, knowing your boundaries is a instinct that you learn as you age and that you learn to trust. Knowing your limits is a highly respectable trait, one which many wish they listen to. Your body will tell you when something is wrong and listening to these signals is a sure way to helping a work life balance. When I first started work I was always meeting up with my friends after work to chat and have a couple of drinks, it normally resulted in me coming home late and although i always had a great time, I also remember being absolutely shattered everyday for work. Simply put, there was no balance. When your body says you are tired or ill or out of sync, know when to go home and relax. Only going out a few nights a week, will mean that you get a regular routine of sleep, which will help you feel refreshed at work. Also not partying ever night will save you money, this will mean you can buy that item that you always wanted or go to that place you have dreamed of. It is important to plan in advance, not weeks in advance, not even days, but just make sure you set out when you meet up, what you are going to do and when you will be heading home. This leads us onto the next point.

2) Always make time for yourself

We all love those days where we stay in bed and do nothing. Physically and psychologically having time to yourself, where you can reflect, unwind and relax, can be hugely beneficial. Sometimes a busy week can take its toll on the body and mind. A day to relax in front of the TV can do a world of good and allow you to charge your batteries for whatever the future may bring. Knowing that you are the priority means that you will take time to appreciate what you like doing and as a result you will be more independent and less susceptible to peer pressure. This is a huge step to having a work life balance as you will be able to say no and as a result gain more self respect. It would not be wise just to stick to things that you like and never go out, having new experiences is a great part of life, making time for yourself is simply a step to help you manage your time better.

3) Learn to switch off

Once you step out of the office, work has finished, relax and forget about any work issues or deadlines, taking your problems home with you or to work is always going to end badly. It is your time and you should do what you want with it. This does not mean that everyone ends up with two contrasting lives. Simply that taking a fresh look at life and putting things into perspective can mean huge things for your general well being. You could start to worry less and be more enthusiastic about life. Knowing that there is more to life than just work will liberate many people and help them achieve true happiness. I never lose sleep over work now, I turn up to work fresh and enthusiastic and I still go out a couple of times a week with friends and family. As a result, I feel I have achieved my perfect work life balance and I am happier for it.

Everyone should take a step back and ask themselves do I have a good work life balance? Is work affecting you motivation to socialise or is partying all night affecting your work. Either way a balance has to eventually occur and everyone will have a different level, but most importantly it is what works for you and at the end of the day, what makes you happy.

Bio: Written by Tom Tolladay, an event’s organiser for www.chillisauce.co.uk. Tom has also written for sports website caughtoffside and is a contributor for the International Institute of Event Management. You can contact Tom on his blog www.eventsuppliers.co.uk

Whatever your plans are for the coming year, your friends can help.

You might be reluctant to let them. Perhaps you feel that accepting help will lessen your own achievement – or you’re worried that your friends might laugh at your goals and ambitions. You might think that asking for help is futile: the people you know might not possess the skills or knowledge that would be valuable to you.

The truth is, no-one achieves much if they work entirely alone. And by allowing others to help, you not only increase your chances of success, you also reinforce your relationship with them.

Even if your friends can’t offer advice about your new venture, they can still support you. Here are three key ways in which friends (and family, and co-workers) can help you reach your goals.

#1: Encouragement

Friends don’t need to share your goals in order to be encouraging. Your best friend might not know much about nutrition and exercise, but he can cheer you on when you’re trying to lose weight. Your sister may have no interest in writing a novel herself, but she can ask you how yours is going.

Some friends are naturally encouraging; make sure you let them know about your plans and your progress. They’ll probably be delighted for you, and keen to find out how you’re getting on.

If you’ve got a strong friendship group online, perhaps on Twitter or Facebook, that’s a great place to turn for encouragement and for accountability. You might want to post your weekly weight loss or your weekly word count or some other meaningful metric related to your goal.

#2: Practical Support

Although encouragement can be a huge boost to your motivation, it often isn’t enough to get you to your goal. Practical support is invaluable, and may well make the difference between success and failure.

This type of support might help free up time: your friend could babysits your kids on a Thursday night so you can go to Weight Watchers, or your spouse takes care of the chores so you can study. It could also involve resources: a co-worker lends you a useful book, or your friend gives you some exercise equipment that they no longer want.

#3: Advice

This final type of help is directly related to your goal. Good advice can save you lots of time, money and energy. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend or family member who’s pursued a similar goal, or who has expertise in this area, don’t be afraid to ask them for advice.

If you’re starting up your own business, for instance, and you have a cousin who did something similar five years ago, ask them what they wish they’d known then. People will usually be very happy to talk about their experiences and to share their knowledge.

Your Wider Network

Unless your friendship circles revolve around a shared set of goals or hobbies, you’ll probably find that you have some plans that no-one seems to be able to help with. Perhaps you’re keen to go to grad school, but none of your friends and family can offer any practical support or advice, or you want to learn the guitar but don’t know where to begin.

Start to look beyond your own circle, towards friends of friends. Although you might not know anyone who can help, your friend might have a relative or a contact who can lend a hand. Tell everyone what sort of information or support you’re looking for, and ask if they know anyone who can help.

You might feel nervous about approaching friends of friends. A great way is through a short, friendly email. Be specific about how they can help. You might write something like:

“John Smith suggested that I get in touch with you. I’m starting up my own small business as a graphic designer and I’m struggling to set my rates. Would you recommend charging by the project or by the hour? Do you have any tips for giving accurate quotations? Thanks so much.”

One of the best ways to achieve your goals faster is to let others help you. Who could you turn to today for encouragement, practical support or advice?

“Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life.” – The Dalai Lama

Responsibility is one of the most important skills your child can learn. It influences all pursuits in life, affecting your child’s ability to make friends, to excel in school and to excel in her career.

Most parents understand the importance of being productive and responsible, but are unsure of how to begin teaching this skill to their children.

Children often learn best when they are having fun. Games teach children that life skills don’t have to be boring and encourage children to think about problems in unique ways.

Here are 5 ways to make learning responsibility fun:

Timed Competitions

Children love to compete with their siblings and friends, and even the most boring tasks can be turned into a game when you add a competitive edge. Try giving your child a set amount of time in which to complete a task. Announce, “Whoever can get their room clean first wins!” Or try saying, “Whoever can put away the most dishes in 10 minutes gets to go to bed late!” Tasks that your children were previously loathe to complete will suddenly become fun family activities.

Problem Solving Games

Children are creative thinkers who, when given the chance, can come up with unique solutions to problems. They especially love when they can display their knowledge to adults and think of things grown-ups couldn’t. Try presenting a family problem to your children. For example, if you’re having trouble getting children to participate in your dog’s care, try saying, “Muffy needs to be house-trained. Whoever can come up with the best strategy for potty training the dog can go to bed late for a week!” Your child will suddenly become invested in a task both you and he previously had little interest in.

Reward Systems

Child psychologists have found that rewarding good behavior is much more effective than punishing bad behavior. If there’s a particular behavior you’d like for your child to improve, a gold star chart can be the ticket to responsibility. Simply place a chart on the refrigerator and give your child a sticker every time she does the right thing. When the chart is full, she gets a special reward such as a toy, later bedtime, or family outing.

Teaching Parents

Children want, more than almost anything else, to have the same privileges as adults. They love being treated as mature grown-ups and will do just about anything to have their opinions respected. You can use this to your advantage by encouraging your child to teach you something about responsibility. Pose a specific problem to her and ask her to research the solution. Give her lots of crafts supplies and encourage her to put together a presentation to teach the whole family. For example, if your dog needs better dental care, ask your child to figure out how to keep the dog’s teeth clean. You may be amazed at the solutions she comes up with, and she’ll relish the opportunity to play expert.

Taking Someone Else’s Perspective

Empathy is the ability to place yourself in someone else’s shoes and predict how he might feel. It encourages responsibility toward others and a healthy respect for rules. This skill must be nurtured in children for them to develop it. Play games with your child that encourage her to adopt alternative perspectives. For example, while driving in the car, ask your child, “What do you think the woman behind us is thinking right now?” When children get into a fight, ask them, “Why do you think your brother is mad at you?” If you are angry at your child, ask her, “What would you do right now if you were the mom?” This not only gives your child the opportunity to think about other people. It also helps you to understand why your child does the things she does.

About the Author

Jane Warren is a freelance writer providing valuable tips and advice for consumers and families. Her numerous articles offer money saving tips and valuable insight on all types of family and pet-related topics.

Photo Credit: Doug Robertson

If you’ve been reading a lot of articles on how to make friends that tell you to start conversations, be more outgoing, and be yourself, and you’re not getting the results you want, I’m writing this because I found myself in the same situation seven years ago, and I had no idea how to make friends, or how to build relationships and take things from the “acquaintances” stage, and I’d like to share with you what I learned in this article.

Most of the advice you read is very similar to telling someone with no knowledge of how to fix a car to “go fix a car”, then them out and expecting them to be able to do it.

They tell you “start conversations” and “be real” and “be yourself”, but they don’t give you action steps on how to do any of those things… and that’s the missing gap in understanding that you need to fill in if you want to be successful at making friends.

Since being able to start conversations is the starting point to making friends… and being able to keep a conversation going is the key to building relationships and making friends, I figure it’s as good a place as any to start talking about.

In this article, I’m going to give you two very simple techniques you can use in any social situation to IMMEDIATELY improve your conversational skills, help you start making friends, and getting people to like you and want to be friends with you.

1) Have Something Interesting To Say When You Speak

A lot of people throw around words like “interesting” or “boring”, but few people actually take time to understand what the words interesting and boring actually mean, and how that information can help them to be more interesting.

Here are the definitions according to Dictionary.com:

Interesting: engaging or exciting and holding attention or curiosity; arousing a FEELING of interest.

Boring: not interesting; tedious; so lacking in interest as to cause mental weariness.

Which one of these two things are you doing during your conversations?

Being interesting literally means arousing a FEELING of interest inside another person to hold their attention.

Being bored means not interesting (aka no feelings)… and if you think back to times when you were bored, it’s because of the way you were FEELING in that situation… and when you started to become interested in something your FEELINGS changed in that situation.

So the first thing you want to do is make sure you’re interesting by making sure you’re stimulating people’s EMOTIONS when you’re talking to them.

This leads us to our next question:

How do you make your conversations, or whatever you’re talking about, more interesting?

It’s actually ridiculously simple and easy to do.

2) Tell A Story During The Conversation

Building on using feelings, and how you can’t have an interesting conversation without them, I’d like to talk about the second piece of the puzzle, which is telling stories (which is the key to keeping someone’s attention and keeping them focused on YOU and interested in what you’re talking about).

Here’s the first rule about stories:

Our brains think in pictures.

For example, if I say the word beach, a picture of a beach forms in your mind, and you can build a story off that by putting people in it, and talking about how they were all swimming together as the waves came crashing down over their heads.

Did you notice how you’re imagining these images almost like you were watching them on television, how the thoughts of a beach create FEELINGS in your body, exactly the same way as when you’re watching something on television, and  that it’s holding your attention, making you FEEL things, passing the time, and keeping you focused on what I’m talking about?

But if I say an abstract word like productivity (a word that doesn’t have a physical equivalent), your brain can’t use its imagination to build pictures… and since your imagination and the pictures you form in your head are what cause the feelings you experience in your body, you can’t hold a person’s attention for very long.

If you can’t build a picture in a person’s head, you can’t make yourself or the other person FEEL anything… and you can’t, by definition, be INTERESTING.

For this reason, when you’re talking to people, you want to use vivid DESCRIPTIVE words that build a picture in the other person’s mind, and always be focused on telling a progressive story that has a theme and is always leading somewhere, creates curiosity, interest and keeps a person focused on what’s happening.

This is the difference between talking at a person, and communicating with them… when you’re communicating with them, you’re building a picture in their mind as you’re telling a story, so that there is a connection between the two of you, and their brain is being entertained (much like watching television) by the story in their head.

In fact, if you watch 99% of television you’ll quickly realized it’s focused on exactly what I just did:

Telling stories to hold attention for HOURS and stimulate emotions… and when you finish the first series of your favorite DVD series, even after 7+ hours, you could literally watch 5 more episodes because it is INTERESTING and holds your attention.

This use of storytelling and emotions is how a television show can hold your attention for HOURS without any hesitation, how it keeps your attention, and how it makes you feel focused and captivated on it (and tune out everything else)… that’s the effect you want to have on people socially with your words.

Another example is sports… all sports do is make people feel emotions to get them involved in the game and hold their attention, and if you can do this when you talk to people, you can make them instantly like you and want to be friends with you.

Using sports and television as examples, you can see the EXACT formula for making friends, and getting people to like you… because both (two of the most popular forms of entertainment ON EARTH) both follow this formula… people are literally ADDICTED to sports and television.

People like a story, drama, a plotline, tension, curiosity, they like something to wonder about, to debate about, argue about; something to focus on and think about that can get a genuine conversation going.

As an example of this social principle, think about Facebook, it’s another perfect example right in front of our eyes of how socializing works:

People post something that has debate or opinion value, and other people respond by posting their thoughts/opinions/feelings on the subject… that’s the core of what socializing, and two-way communication, is all about.

Or if you want a further example look at music; it has two things:

EMOTIONS and a STORYLINE that makes us FEEL a certain way… and it’s the most universally popular part of life throughout the world, and all throughout history.

We relate to the story in the lyrics, and the FEELING that the melody gives us as we’re listening to the song (notice we listen to certain songs when we want to FEEL a certain way).

This is what creates laughter, pleasure, excitement, drama… and this is the key to arousing FEELINGS, and being INTERESTING, which is the key to starting and maintaining a conversation going that really grabs people’s attention and makes them want to be friends with you.

The reason just “starting conversations” alone isn’t enough, is because if you start a conversation, or you just start talking to people, but you’re BORING, and you’re not grabbing people’s emotions while you’re talking to them, you can get their contact information, or try to build relationships all you want, but people are just going to see you as an acquaintance and nothing more, and they’re going to have no real interest in being friends with you, or hanging out with you.

So next time you’re in a conversation, remember that you’ve got a prime opportunity to make a friend… but what you say and do is going to determined where the relationship goes, what happens, and whether the other person is even interested in talking to you at all.

So make sure you keep them interested in whatever you’re talking about by focusing on telling stories, generating feelings by using visuals to create the story when you talk, and letting people know that, like a TV show, you’re interesting and entertaining, can hold their attention for long periods of time, and you’re someone they would FEEL GOOD around by being friends with.

Chris Nosal is a social skills expert who learned everything about how to make friends through trial-and-error trying to make friends in the real world, as well as from a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology, and used his unique experience of combining textbook education with real-world education to develop revolutionary social strategies that work in any situation and are incredibly simple and easy to learn and use.

If you want to learn more you can visit his website to download his free eBook, and read more free articles and advice, that will show you EVERYTHING you need to know about starting conversations, overcoming shyness and social anxiety, and cover every inch of how to make friends in step-by-step detail.

In this age of technology and materialism, when many wonder what tomorrow will bring, the resurgence of spirituality is a normal phenomenon. For centuries, people have turned to religions or other belief systems for support and understanding. Yet it never resulted in a better world on a global level. An improved personal life perhaps, but not a better planet. So one can wonder why, after centuries of religious or spiritual teachings on love, forgiveness, presence or service, the world situation has not improved spiritually; why acts of sharing and forgiveness are the exception, not the norm. We can guess that the big majority of people weren’t ready for these teachings, that the failure to bring peace, love or the end of suffering on earth is the failure of humanity.

After all, the spiritual realm did its job, didn’t it? So why are people not listening?

The answer lies in each one of us. Our perception of the world is a very personal thing, it involves our mind and the infinite interpretations it can make about our experiences. This is how most of us lead our lives: We base our actions on what our minds are telling us. Yet many spiritual teachings tell us to go the other way: love, meditate, watch your mind, forgive, practice compassion, open your heart. The discrepancy between the teachings and what we do with them is as wide as the gap between faith and belief. Faith is the mysterious spiritual touch which brings a sacred dimension to our life. Faith doesn’t abide by rules. Unlike belief, it has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with following one’s heart. Faith is our personal affair with our spiritual Self. Are we in a relationship with our soul or are we cut off from it?

We can tell by the quality of our life: A person who has faith acts from a place of trust and inner knowledge. A person who doesn’t have faith acts from the mind, this person doesn’t trust life and often second-guesses himself.

Faith is this indescribable feeling of knowing what’s right for oneself and acting on it. That’s what soul work is about: the inner knowledge of what one has to learn and do in this lifetime. Every soul has its purpose, every heart its calling. The work required to discover it is a spiritual journey some feel drawn to take. As you embark on this path, the real adventure begins, a new perspective slowly arises, old attachments vanish to leave room for new experiences. Your outlook on life shifts to incorporate spiritual realities and your inner transformation is mirrored in the outer world.

Every spiritual journey leads to a better understanding of your place in the world. Spiritual practice helps you connect with your Self, which is a drop in the sea of consciousness. As you connect with consciousness, you slowly learn that there is an intelligent design underlying your life, and that the spiritual realm contains all you need to know. So why not pick up a spiritual practice?

How do we define spiritual practice? A spiritual practice is the very simple act of getting in touch with your Self. Not with your mind, your feelings or your body, but with this sense of presence or being behind them. How to go about it is a matter of personal preference. A few things should guide your choice: Religion or tradition do not matter, except to your heart, so it is very important to follow your intuition, not your mind (or another’s). Practice will make all the difference:  Spirituality is an experience, not an intellectual pastime. Discouragement is common, the best way to deal with it is not to expect anything from your practice. Flowers only bloom in the right season, provided they were well taken care of.

Your spiritual practice also will bloom in the right season.

Sophie Rose is the author of The Way of The heart, Teachings of Jeshua and Mary Magdalene. She is a contributing author of The Sacred Shift, Co-Creating your Future.  Sophie is not aligned with any particular religion or tradition and has always favored a direct experience of spirituality.   She can be contacted through www.thewayoftheheartcourse.com, facebook or Twitter

Photo courtesy of: Travel Photo Pictures

Just recently, I did what I thought was near impossible.

I dropped a bomb on my parents.

In their mid-60s, both my parents are in the comfort zone of an alarming (or if it isn’t, it should be) statistic of the population that is overweight, which contributes to their being diabetic (Type 2), have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Actually, the list is longer, but not nearly as long as their list of medications.

While my family has always encouraged and practiced a healthy amount of honesty, weight is such a sensitive topic that for years I just avoided discussing it.

My biggest issue was not that they over did it on food, but that they gave absolutely no importance to exercise. Granted there is a ton of information these days on how/what to do to stay healthy, but it’s not really a secret that a healthy lifestyle takes both.

Maybe it was the timing, or the fact that I felt bold, but an opportunity presented itself and I took it.

No more excuses

I gave them all I got; from using age as an excuse to not exercise, to the health risks they were facing; even the cost of their medications. I also alluded to the fact that my in-laws had neglected the very same things, and eventually both suffered strokes.

When it comes to your life, caring for your body is non-negotiable. The first thing that needs to go is the list of excuses.

An honest and loving conversation

If you’re thinking it was malicious or condescending, it wasn’t. It didn’t need to be. I spoke from my heart-honest, firm, but most of all concerned about what their reality was going to be if they continued down this path. I didn’t want to get that phone call in the middle of the night.

Once the excuses are gone, you have to get real with yourself. And that means total honesty.

Starting simple and small

Making any lifestyle change can be daunting. I asked them to start at a simple place — walking. Taking a 20minute walk 2-3 times a week in their neighborhood was doable. More, if they felt like it.

Amazingly, they received it well. Here was their daughter telling them, quite bluntly, that they needed to get priorities in place. The tables had somehow turned.

I’d like to believe I made an impact. But I know only too well how hard it is to have difficult conversations with the ones you love.

And sometimes, this is the kind of conversation we need to have with ourselves.

It is never too late to remember that health GOOD health is precious.

And you need to work at it. It won’t fall out of the sky at your beck and call. Yes, genetics may present a challenge, and so will time, age, children, work, chores, family and a hundred other things that will place demands on you. Without health, though, all those other things will not give you nearly enough joy as you want.

The choice of health, like all the things that make life worth living, is an active choice, and therefore, requires activity.

Are you going to stay passive to your loved ones’ health, or stand up and well . . . take a stand?

Ritu Rao is a dentist whose blogging style is like a breath of fresh air in her niche. Catch her at www.raodentistry.wordpress.com, or at www.bizzytoothmommy.com, where she writes for mom biz owners.

Each day, you play a number of different roles in both your professional and your personal life.

Your professional world is a large part of what you do – but if you’re striving for excellence in this part of your life, it makes sense to strive for excellence in every area.

How are you doing in each area of your life? What are you committed to in each of those areas? What’s the gap or the creative tension between where you are and where you want to be?

As the people around us grow and change, our roles change too: as parents, children, siblings and spouses. We need to be intentional in looking at the roles we have and the level of priority that we give to each. Being excellent at each of our roles means following a constantly moving, evolving target – bridging the gap between our current reality and our vision for the future.

Consider how you spend a typical day:  perhaps you go to the gym at 5am, work from 8am until 5pm, and then spend time with your family in the evening. How might you change and evolve in each of your current roles?

Professional Life

In my professional life, I’m not just a coach. I’m also a community leader, board member, and speaker.

As a community leader, I love to support individuals and organizations in Michigan to lead more fulfilling professional and personal lives.

As a board member for the Troy Chamber of Commerce, I am able to help many small businesses in my local area.

As a speaker, I can be a catalyst for change for a whole group of people by delivering a customized presentation to suit their needs.

As a coach, I’m part of a large network of coaches. Today, I can point to literally hundreds of coaches who I’ve influenced. To me, that’s the true power of community.

For example, I saw a new acquaintance on LinkedIn mention how awesome her coach was: it turned out I was her coach’s coach years ago. To see my contributions showing up in this way gives me an enormous amount of pleasure.

Sometimes we take on roles out of a sense of obligation. These can feel oppressive, like carrying a heavy weight. Other roles reflect our genuine self and are characterized by lightness and joy: they allow us to express ourselves with authenticity and delight.

How could you shift your perspective about the more difficult roles that you play? Could you bring a sense of playfulness to these? What could you learn from them?

Personal Life

In my personal life, I’m a husband, father, brother and son. Each role has its challenges – and its rewards.

As a husband, I’ve learnt to focus on becoming the person I need to be in the relationship, rather than thinking that my wife should be the person I want her to be.

As a father, I am honored and delighted by my children’s evolution and growth, even now that they’re both out of the house and doing astoundingly well.

As a son, I try to live by “honor thy mother and father” – and as I observe and embrace my parents’ life changes, I become increasingly aware of my own.

And as a brother, I try to stay in contact with my older sister and younger brother, and be the “glue” in my family.

Reflect on your own role as a partner, parent, sibling or child. What opportunities have these relationships given you for growth? How do you live out your core values in your relationships with family members?

Barry Demp is a highly-skilled Michigan Business and Personal coach, working with small business owners, executives and other professionals. He has a free downloadable workbook on “Masterful Networking” available on his website www.dempcoaching.com, and he blogs regularly about self-improvement.

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I love vacation don’t you? I love it so much that I have found a way to have loads of vacation time anytime I want.

I’m not flying all over the place though, and I don’t need to keep a carry-on packed. I can have a vacation anytime I am with anybody.  It is simple and with some practice you too can be having vacations regularly.

The dictionary defines empathy as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. What it doesn’t say is that empathy provides one of the best, shortest and most intimate vacations you can have.

Years ago I was training in something called Neuro-linguistic training.  It is interesting stuff and it is all about how your brains work, how you think and why some people get really good at things while other people don’t. NLP provides a blueprint for excellence which, in my opinion, along with vacations, is something that we all need more of.

Using NLP I have discovered a short route to empathy. And I can teach it to you really quickly. The more you practice the steps to empathy the better you will get at it and the more naturally and easily you will be able to step out of your world and into the world of another person. One of the amazing things about practicing empathy is that it not only helps you connect with another person it reveals many more resources in yourself.

Empathy Explained

There are three steps to mastering empathy.

The first step is really easy and fun too. Step outside yourself, do this by putting your attention outside of yourself and on someone else. You can do this by listening to someone carefully while looking at them. You can, as your attention shifts, begin your vacation. Your worries will melt away and so will any social discomfort or performance anxiety. You can only be nervous or worry if your attention is on yourself.

Get your attention off of yourself and you are well on your way to having a little inter-personal vacation through getting to know another person. Practice shifting your attention outside of yourself. You can put in on another person or a book or a tree, you can put in on anything you want. Throughout your day your attention is often split between being inside of you and outside of you. For the first step toward empathy you intentionally shift it onto something else. Actually, for the sake of practicing empathy, onto someone else.

You can shift your attention to someone you know well or a stranger. It is often easier to start with someone you don’t know well. That way you won’t have as many opinions about them or shared experiences with them. It is just easier that way.

The second step into the unlimited vacation that empathy provides is to ask yourself three questions. Begin by asking yourself one of these questions and notice what happens. The three questions are:

What does this person think?

What does this person feel?

How is this person holding his or her body right now?

Imagine what the person you have shifted your attention to is thinking. You don’t have to answer the question, just get curious about what they might be thinking. While curiosity might have killed the cat it made the human being much more interesting and interested. Get curious about what this other person is thinking.

Curiosity enhances the path to empathy. If you come up with answers to the question about what are they thinking celebrate, you are well on your way. Then ask yourself what they are feeling. It t isn’t important to come up with a specific answer, just being curious is the first step to empathy.

The third question is a little different in that as you notice how the person is sitting or standing you adopt a little bit of their body position. If their arms are crossed you might cross your arms. If their head is cocked or they are leaning forward you join them by turning your head or sitting forward. Adopting a similar position to someone else increases empathy greatly. You might even want to begin your play with empathy by adopting their physical position first and then asking yourself what they are thinking or what they are feeling.

It is possible that when you ask yourself what they are thinking or feeling you come up with the answer “I have no idea what they are thinking or feeling.” This is natural at first but it won’t take you long to begin tapping into their their thoughts and feelings. The more you practice empathy using these three steps and getting curious about each of the three questions the more vacations you will have and the more fun it will be to move on to step three.

Step three is really simple and can be surprisingly rewarding. Step three is to shift your attention away from them and back to yourself. In other words, step three is returning home with your attention.

When you bring your attention back inside you will discover that you have not only had a vacation but learned something about the world another person lives in. You will, probably, be glad to be back home but at the same time be glad that you had your little trip.

Conclusion

You can practice empathy anywhere anytime. By doing so you will get a vacation and you will get to know more about yourself and another person. You will have also given someone attention, which is a very nice reward for them. And you will benefit by practicing moving your attention on purpose.

In our fast paced world attention is something people often don’t get enough of. The simple empathy exercise strengthens your ability to put your attention where you want it. As you practice the empathy you will become the master of your own attention. So not only do you get a vacation but you come back with new skills and strengths that will help you many times a day.

Jerry Stocking is a personal growth author and workshop leader. He has helped people from all walks of life transform their relationships, careers and personal lives. At the root of all of his advice is the idea that life works best when we don’t take it too seriously. To learn more about how to Lighten Up and Let Go and get more done with less work, visit Jerry’s blog at http://www.jerrystocking.com/blog

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It turns out Garth Brooks was right. When you have friends in low places, you’ll have plenty of company to help you drown your blues away. But did you ever consider that your friends are contributing to your problems? Research shows that who you are is a function of who you know. Your friends help shape your outlook, values, emotions and behaviors. Their influence acts like an invisible hand that can either pull you down and thwart your efforts to reach your goals or give you a physical and psychological boost to help you create the life you want. Psychologists call this invisible hand “emotional contagion” or “social contagion,” and it can work for or against you. Learn how to avoid its death grip and start letting social contagion help you create a richer life.

News flash! Your income, weight, happiness and professional success are the average of your best five friends. When you hang out with rich, fit, happy and successful friends, guess what happens? They rub off on you. More specifically, social contagion says their emotions and behavioral attitudes rub off on you. If you think about this, it makes sense.

Parents have long known to be careful of who Johnny befriends, knowing that the wrong crowd could sway little Johnny to do things he might not be inclined to do on his own. Of course, once we grow up, we’re sophisticated and mature enough to not let outside forces shape us, right? Woops.

Emotions and attitudes are infectious. Have you ever brainstormed with somebody really creative and found yourself becoming more creative? That’s why having a workout partner is so successful. You pull each other up and shape each other’s attitudes and behaviors. You instinctually want to order the chili-cheese fries but at the last minute decide to order what your more fit and healthy friend orders instead. However, social contagion also has a dark side. Ever been around a bunch of Debbie Downers? What happens to your creativity, outlook and ideas. They turn to rubbish.

So what’s the takeaway? How can you exploit social contagion to help you create a richer life? You need to be more conscious about who is in your life. You wouldn’t let a stranger in your house to rob you, so why would you let a colleague or “friend” rob you of your best life, something much more valuable than your big screen TV and Bee Gee’s record collection? It’s time you give the finger to those people in your life that are dragging you down — kindly, but firmly, pointing them toward the door.

Sound too harsh? Social contagion says emotions, attitudes and behaviors are contagious and can spread from one person to another like a virus that causes the flu. Do you go out of your way to be around people who can make you sick? No, of course not. Then why risk being infected by those in your life that spew their negative attitudes and behaviors onto you?

But how do you know who’s a friend and who’s a foe? There are only two types of people in this world, and the sooner you discover this, the happier, more fulfilled and successful you’ll become — even if it means dumping your best friend, neighbor, or, yes, even your mother.

The “friend” types are what I call Energizers. These are people that lift you up, give you energy, make you want to be a better person, inspire you, make you feel good about yourself and your life, encourage you to take risks, and motivate you to achieve your goals and dreams.

The “foe” types are what I call Leeches. These are people who suck the energy from you, who make you feel bad about yourself and your life, complain, are negative, gossip, talk you into doing nothing, and bring you down.

The next step isn’t rocket science. You need to rid your life of Leeches and replace them with Energizers. Yes, it’s really that simple. It might not be easy, but it’s simple. If you’re struggling with eliminating the Leeches in your life, then give them a second chance. Tell them that you’re on a mission to reach your goals and that you need positivity, constructive feedback and support. If they’re not willing or able to do this for you, cut them loose. They’ll be okay. They’ll have plenty of friends to drown their blues away.

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