“He who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness”
~Chinese Proverb

I was at a Women’s Leadership Conference about a year ago and had an “ah-ha moment”. We were all introducing ourselves and asked to share a few things to help with the process. One question left me baffled and ultimately changed my life; “What do you do to make yourself happy?”.

At the time I honestly didn’t know. I had a great job, friends, and family. I was independent, young, healthy, and yet I couldn’t figure out what made me happy. I vowed that day that I would be happy on purpose because I was tired of waiting for happiness to happen.

It’s not been an easy road, but it’s been the most fulfilling adventure I’ve ever been on and I feel that I should now share what I’ve learned with others.

1.  Know Yourself

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you.”
~Dr. Seuss

How many times have we heard “no one will love you until you learn to love yourself” or “nobody knows you the way you do”?

So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes you happy? What drives you crazy?

The good news is that if you don’t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to know what you’re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure that out!

2.  Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that.

“Open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?”
~Bob Marley

The question we all got asked when we were little was “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Now the question is “WHO do you want to be when you grow up?” You’ve taken a good hard look at who you are in this moment, and now is the time to figure out what’s next.

Think of the “ideal you” and start doing the things that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain a while back entitled “How To Fake It Until You Make It” in which the author, David Wright, suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work it takes) and start putting them into practice.

It’s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking action! Let’s DO this!!!

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
~Dr. Seuss

3.  Be Authentic

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
~Bruce Lee

Always be true to yourself. When working towards becoming your idealized self it’s important not to lose sight of who you are in favour of who you think you should be. Don’t compromise your values, morals, or true personality. Your individuality is important! Some people live their lives trying to be more like somebody else. My question to you is this: If you’re trying to be somebody else, who’s going to be you?

There may be certain things about yourself that you’d like to change or improve upon, but be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone else, and it’s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.

To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find your truth; a reason for which to live and die.

“Few are those who can see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”
~Albert Einstein

4.  Understand that you can only control yourself.

“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you”
~African Proverb

As I started my journey to being happy on purpose, I realized very quickly how little in my life was within my control. I had no power over other people; others will do, think, and feel what they want and there’s little I can do to change or even influence that. I could only manipulate my environment and the things that happened to me to a certain degree.

I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and my reactions to what the world throws at me.

For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the attitude of “moving on” or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your mind off things until you start to heal.

The idea that you have such little control over life might be scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from worry. If I have no control over something, there’s no point worrying about it because I can’t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take action, and again I no longer have to worry because something’s being done!

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
~Maya Angelou

5.  Achieve balance in all things.

“Before Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.”
~ Zen Buddhist Proverb

There is a Yin and Yang; everything has its opposite, and the key is harmony between them. For example you must strike a balance between selfishness and selflessness. Chose either extreme you will quickly find yourself unhappy. If you always give to others you end up being useless to everyone because no one will take care of you for you, and a person who never gives to anyone will live a lonely and unfulfilling life.

The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of living.

6.  Learn to let go.

Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life despite what the world throws at you.

Ask yourself “How is this working for me?” Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event that you have no control over in the first place?

To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you can’t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself, not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring about someone, not caring for them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew; just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
~Dr. Seuss

7.  Give your life meaning and actively seek your inspiration.

“Love the life you live. Live the life you love.”
~Bob Marley

So many of us go around searching for the meaning of life or waiting for inspiration when really it’s within ourselves and up to us – no one will do this for you!

While at the Woman’s Leadership Conference I had the privilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for yourself.

Don’t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did this for myself was by becoming a “mother” to something – I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he’s been such a blessing for me. We’ve worked really hard on establishing a good relationship and I’ve learnt a lot being a “Pack Leader” for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be more assertive, and have become more active.

So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and you’ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your life.

8.  Focus on the positive.

“There are two ways to live; you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle”
~Albert Einstein

The expression “everything happens for a reason” annoys and upsets some people because it suggests that your path is predetermined and that The Fates or God is in charge of your life. The idea that a child dying of cancer, for example, is meant-to-be is frustrating and unfair; but the reality of it is that you have no control over your outside world. So I choose to think “in everything I have to find my own reason”. Instead of asking “why did this happen to me?” I ask myself “What positive thing can I find in this?” By focusing on the positive of any situation (and trust me if you look hard enough you’ll find it) I help keep myself positive and happy.

The good wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It’s in experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with gratitude for what you have that is good.

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”
~Bob Marley

9.  Surround yourself with like-minded people.

“A man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends”
~Chinese Proverb

Change is never easy. It’s even more difficult if the people you choose to spend time with aren’t the “right people”. Just ask someone who’s had to kick a bad habit (smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.) what it’s like being around people who haven’t quit or cut back yet. It’s easy to fall back into your old habits because they come with a certain comfort. It’s the same when you’re trying to be positive and happy and surrounding yourself with people who are negative and miserable. Misery loves company right?

So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can’t think of one person in your life that meets this standard it’s probably a good sign that you need to find new people!

I’ve had to “weed out” people who I thought were my friends – these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn’t fun or easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.

Sit down and write out two lists for yourself – on one side write down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you and are positive.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.”
~Dr. Seuss

10. Keep going

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

I was watching Firefly (2002-2003 TV series) and there was a saying that a few soldiers shared that was an even better version (I think anyway) of the Martin Luther King Jr. quote: “When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you can’t crawl you find someone to carry you”.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own. But you can’t just stop either. I went and talked to my doctor about my depression when it got so bad that nothing I did seemed to make a difference. I talked to my friends and family about it and found support and love when I did. I got the help I needed when I could no longer do it on my own and it’s made all the difference in the world.

I’m proud to announce that I am doing much better now. I know what makes me happy and I do it for myself. I am purposely happy every day, even when it’s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
~Albert Einstein

—

Melissa Morrison is a Job Developer with YesYouCan Employment Consulting in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario Canada. She works with people who have disabilities in finding meaningful employment and facilitates motivational and job-ready workshops. Find out more about Melissa and YesYouCan here.

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Finding Bliss: How to Reverse Engineer Happiness

The 6 Components of a Happy Life

Your mind is an interesting tool and lives in symbiosis with the sensations from your body. It is proven that your emotions can alter your perceptions and actions, but also that your actions can alter your mood.

All the time these two factors affect each other, that is why smiling when sad makes you happier and it is why you laugh when you find something funny.

Self-Affirmations
I learned a long time ago to tell myself “I like myself!”
Telling yourself that you like yourself affects your mind and increases your sense of self worth.

Before I used this exercises it was as if I had a little voice in my head saying;
“Ooh, that looks difficult, you can’t do that, stay away!”.

By using self affirmations I have been able to drown that voice out and replace it with a voice screaming
“YOU CAN DO IT! GO GO GO!”

Obviously this voice is a lot more motivating and helps me keep my courage up when I feel scared or insecure.

Self affirmations have the potential to help you change your mindset and your emotions, by repeatedly feeding yourself positive thoughts you can make yourself more motivated, happier, more relaxed and more confident.

Every morning I read the following passage out loud:
“I like myself
I love my work
I am going to be happy today
I can do it!

I like myself
I love my work
I am going to be happy today
I can do it!

I like myself
I love my work
I am going to be happy today
I can do it!”

You can use anything you need
Telling myself this has made me happier at work, more confident, happier and it has helped me take more action.

Try using this, or something else that might fit you better.
You can tell yourself anything, my advice is to always say it in an active form e.g. I am, I have. Instead of I will, I wish.
It is a lot more powerful to say “I like myself” than “I will like myself”.

Some suggestions
I deserve success
I am a good X
I am motivated
I am the best Y
I am great

Daniel M. Wood works as a Coach, Mentor and is a Time Management Expert with a background in Psychology, Sales, Marketing and Sports. On his blog Looking To Business you can get free advice on how to complete your goals and how to be a successful time manager. He also has a free newsletter giving away both his ebooks “The Beginners Guide to Success” and “How to Make Selling Easy”, join now for free!

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Have you ever wondered why you do all that you do? What is the aim of all the effort? Why get a job, why earn, why build a house, why get a car, why save for the future? Think about it for a moment…

You might say, we do this to ensure security and comfort for the rest of our lives… And why do we need security and comfort?

I think security and comfort are both geared towards one final aim, to ensure lasting and genuine happiness. Happiness is the ultimate aim of everything we do. Again, take a moment to think about this…

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. –Aristotle

The question I will raise is, do security and comfort really make us happy?

A secure life

Look at some senior folks who have pursued security all their lives and are about to finish their journey. How happy do they look?

Has your own pursuit of security thus far, kept you happy?

And then how real is safety? As I read in this thought provoking article, how helpful was security for the people in Japan who were hit by the Tsunami recently?

Life and future are too uncertain for anything, even money, to secure. There is absolutely no security in life. This realization need not be traumatic, in fact, it can be liberating! You don’t have to be a slave to the future any more!!

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing –Helen Keller

Do possessions make us happy?

You may say that happiness requires nice comforts like a house, a car, big bank balance, a high paying  job.

Here in India where I live, I have traveled through villages where people seemed to earn just enough to make ends meet. I have seen happiness there. I have seen smiling faces and smiling eyes that readily gave me directions to my destination, that displayed a friendly curiosity in me and my journey.

I have also worked for 3 years on Wall Street, in a big Investment Bank. I have seen some people with a lot of money but still unhappy. I am not implying that all rich are unhappy(or the poor, happy). But the fact that there are some rich who look angry or listless and there are some people of modest means who look happy, points out that there must be something else to happiness, than just money, luxury and comfort.

Most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind. –Henry David Thoreau

Happiness, it seems, is not a factor of how much you have. You can feel happy listening to a good song, you can feel happy witnessing a beautiful sunrise, you can feel happy in any number of ways that don’t require any possessions at all.

So what causes happiness?

Happiness, to me, is the result of a decision to be happy. I feel all the happy people I have met, whether in villages or on Wall Street, had just decided to be happy. No matter what the situation, they just smile. The ones who are not happy have postponed their happiness, they have made it contingent upon some event, some amount of money, a certain status… They have put certain limitations on their happiness. They don’t believe that the only limitations we have are the ones we put on ourselves.

The happy ones remove all conditions on their happiness. They are dedicated to their decision to be happy, they focus on it constantly. They are not perfect, they falter sometimes. But their focus comes back quickly. They have brought happiness into routine, they have made it a habit.

A few things to try

Go ahead and make your own resolve to be happy. Practice it, try to be happy no matter what. If you falter(and you will falter, many times), don’t feel guilty, just bring your focus back to your resolve. Slowly, you will find a sense of lasting happiness.

Denounce the idea of working for a ‘future happiness’. Instead, form goals that make you feel happy right now, form goals that make you feel enthusiastic and passionate in this, present moment.

Listen to that favorite song of yours. Make a resolution to not think about anything till it ends. This is a simple choice, totally in your hands. No one can force you, without your complicity, to not enjoy.

Look at a beautiful picture, play with your kid, talk to a genuine friend…

Happiness is so readily available, right now!

About the author: Rahul is the owner of the personal development blog, www.rahulspeaks.com. His interests include(but are not limited to) philosophy, personal development, analytical reasoning, martial arts, motorcycles, travel, writing. Get his free eBook : The Eight Pillars of Lasting Happiness.

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“I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.” - Louis D. Brandeis

It’s become popular over the last several years, to create vision boards in order to manifest your dreams. Vision boards are collages, made with images cut from magazines. Their purpose is to represent the abundance you want in to create and obtain in your life.

The manifestation guru’s want you to believe that reaching your goals and manifesting your dreams will bring you happiness.

The problem with vision boards is that they are all about ‘me,’ my needs, my wants, and my desires. They don’t stand for community, service to others, or making a difference, things I believe that are required for personal happiness.

If money, possessions, fame, and status, brought happiness then Amy Winehouse would still be singing, Michael Jackson would be still be dancing, and Hollywood would be the happiest place on earth.

Tal Ben-Shahar author of The How of Happiness: A scientific Approach to Getting What You Want says, “Happiness is a combination of meaning and pleasure. We need what we’re experiencing to be meaningful.”

Happiness comes from within. Being content requires living from within, putting more focus on personal values, and loving others. Happiness is more about internal qualities than external stuff. It’s more about inclusion than separation. Happiness isn’t something you search for or go after, it’s a moment by moment decision you make.

Anyone can become a happier person because happiness begets happiness. However it does takes a lot of effort.

Read on for steps to implement your personal happiness plan:

1. Make an intentional choice.

Happiness is an intentional choice. Each morning tell yourself, “I’m happy today.” Take daily responsibility for your happiness quotient. Choose to enjoy the next 24 hours, then the next, and the next. If nothing else ever changes in your life, know that in spite of everything, you can be happy. Make a commitment to happiness, be happy now.

2. Practice self-acceptance.

Honor your uniqueness. Dance with your spirit and reach for the stars. Shine your light on your quirkiness. Appreciate your magnificent talent and enormous wisdom, use them to make the world a better place.

Stop chasing happiness. When you quit neurosing about a better job, a bigger home, a smaller body, joy bubbles to the surface. Happiness isn’t something you chase or become in a distant future. Happiness is all that you are right now.

3. Invest in the best.

The best investment you can make is in the relationships you have with your family, friends, colleagues, and community. Communicate. Spend time together. Participate in volunteering, a feel-good activity. As you enrich the lives of others you enrich your own. Strong connections to others increases your well- being. Chasing happiness causes you to miss the happiness right under your nose. Extend love to others today. Notice how good it makes you feel.

4. Live in a state of appreciation.

Learning to be grateful throughout the day will change the way you interpret life. It changes your brain and opens your heart. Writing down your gratitude list helps solidify it in your brain.The more you express gratitude, the more you find to be grateful for.

Happiness isn’t acquiring something or in some future event. Gratitude is found in the present moment, happiness follows.

5. Drop grievances and resentments.

Forgiveness is giving up being a victim. It turns ‘poor me’ into ‘free me.’ You create your own suffering, stress, and misery by your need to be right. When you hold on to resentment, you miss the present by reliving stories of the past. Happiness dwells in a loving heart and a healed past. Decide to see things differently. Don’t worry about how to forgive, instead choose to be a forgiving person.

6. Enjoy your life.

According to University of California, Irvine’s Professor Lee Berk, “If we took what we know about the medical benefits of laughter and bottled it up, it would require FDA approval.” Take the time to enjoy doing the things you love. Don’t allow the pursuit of a dream trump your time to play and have fun. Be spontaneous, lighten up and laugh. Untether yourself from technology. Leave your electronics at home. Never underestimate the power of creating good times for yourself.

7. Get connected.

Know what inspires you and supports you. Draw strength from a daily spiritual practice, draw, meditate, pray, spend time in nature or do yoga. When you feel connected and grounded, you rush less, do less, and desire less. You become happy with your life exactly how it is in this moment. Spiritual happiness allows you to squeeze all the joy you possibly can out of everyday. There is no other time, there is no other place, find happiness right here, right now.

8. Celebrate your life.

Happy people take time to celebrate themselves and their everyday growth and progress. Validate yourself by being your own cheerleader and tooting your own horn. Recognize your accomplishments big and small. Don’t wait or rely on the approval of others. Celebrate that you have your basic needs met. You are worthy of all life has to offer. Know it, own it, celebrate it!

Life is a grand event, participate in it fully. Researchers have found that people are happier being with others, than being alone. When you are with others, you become more alive, social, and care-free. In turn others want to be with you and near you. Happiness spirals upward. I’m all for that, are you with me?

—

Tess  is a speaker, author, fear shattering, calculated risk taker, obsessed with being happy and bold.  Her blog, The Bold Life is a juicy mix of inspiration, spirituality, and personal development.  Download for free her eBook, “Peace, Love, and Connection.”

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Some people think that they are always unlucky, stressed out and unhappy.

No matter what the day is, no matter what the season is, when you meet them, they start out with their problems (I will define what’s a problem and an activity, later in this post) and magnify every little point to larger than life extent.

If not their personal problems, they start blaming others, government, politics and you name it they have their negative remarks ready for it. In other words they flood you with negativity and you start wondering that life is so unfair for them.

This article is for them. If you are one of them, then this article is for you.

Because I truly want to you help you and make you life more enjoyable and stress-free. I want to elevate you to a higher level and equip you with tools and action points to handle problems (wait for my definition of a problem). Be with me for the rest of this article.

Difference between a problem and an activity

When you face an unexpected situation or unplanned task, instead of embracing stress and start getting panic attacks, stop here for a moment.

Is this really a problem? Or it could be an additional activity you need to perform. Then just do it. Don’t think too much that why this is happening for you. If you don’t know what is that additional action you need to take, then just ask others and seek help. Finish the matter. Become stress free. Now tell me was that really a problem?

Let me reverse engineer the situation for you. You would have considered this additional activity as a blocking stone and kept on procrastinating and increased your stress levels reaching nowhere.

No, I don’t want you to do that. I am provoking you for an action. Problem solved.

Activity is different than problem. Activity is something you need to do anyway and you know how to do it. Problem is you don’t want to do it.

So plan well, get information, finish one task at a time. Be happy.

Stop the negative streams

Yes, stop it. If you feel you are getting negative news from TV then stop watching that channel or even better switch off TV. If you think you are constantly influenced by negative thinking friends, then deal with them.

Don’t expect perfection in everything

Don’t expect perfection in everything you see. Mistakes do happen once in a while from everyone including you. When someone commits a mistake, point it out positively and offer the solution. We are only human.

Involve yourself in a hobby

Whether it’s listening to music or learning a new language or playing chess. Make sure that you give yourself a leisure time. Read inspiring content and motivate yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others

This may be the one of the root causes for your so called unhappiness feeling. Understand that everyone is unique and blessed with their own happiness or faced with own challenges (note that I have not said problems).

So focus on yourself. Reduce distractions. Invest in yourself. Eliminate fluff. Don’t fall for the comparison trap.

Free up yourself from undue stress.

Do above small changes to your life. Your unhappiness is just an illusion. You are already happy. You just need to realize it.

About author: Naveen Kulkarni writes about ideas for enhancing your life on his blog Winning Ideas.

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Do you think you’d be much happier if you won the lottery?

Do you think you would be much less happy if you were paralyzed in a car accident?

If you answered ‘yes’, science is against you.

In 1978, Brickman, Coates, and Janoff-Bulman published an article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. They’d looked at 22 people who had won the lottery and 29 people paralyzed in accidents and found that, some time after these major, supposedly life-changing events, their levels of happiness went back to being similar to a control group who had had neither major good things nor major bad things happen to them.

In other words, they were living in the snow globe.

If you’ve ever played with a snow globe, you know how, when you shake it up, the snow flies everywhere and it’s all very dramatic.

But after a while, it all settles down again and it’s just the way it was before. Nothing has changed except the exact distribution of the individual flakes of snow. Overall, it’s the same as before you shook it up.

The ability to live in the snow globe is partly a reflection of human resilience. Our minds and bodies are designed to cope with challenges and return to a balance similar to what we had before. It’s called homeostasis, and we’re very good at it. (That’s because if we stop being good at it, we tend to die.)

Leaving the snow globe

So, can we ever leave the snow globe? Or are we stuck with about the amount of happiness we have always had?

Well, according to studies of twins, between 22 and about 55% of our individual difference in happiness is genetic. So there is a limit to how much we can affect – but it’s a generous limit.

And recent research into “sustainable happiness theory” suggests that, while the study of the lottery winners and the accident survivors was probably right in what it found, there was also some important stuff it missed.

See, the thing about winning a lottery or being injured in an accident is that both are life circumstances over which you have almost no control. (I adjust my chances of winning the lottery very slightly downwards – from almost zero to actually zero – simply by not taking a ticket.)

And work in 2010 by Sheldon, Abad, Ferguson, Gunz, Houser-Marko, Nichols, and Lyubomirsky in Motivation and Emotion found that changing your life circumstances – even if you take action to do so – has very little impact on your happiness. (You become used to the new level of income, the new car, the new house, the new job – it becomes your new norm – and your happiness with it drops back more or less to your average level.)

How to be happier

What does improve your happiness is not changing your circumstances, but changing your patterns of activity to give yourself a continual series of “fresh positive experiences”.

In particular, the researchers found that happiness increased for people who were taking successful action to improve three things:

1. Autonomy. Increasing your perception that you “own and agree with your own behavior” also increases your happiness.
2. Competence. Feeling that you do things well or are improving in ability increases happiness.
3. Relatedness. Feeling connected with at least some other people increases happiness.

You also need a “will” (to want to increase your happiness) for the process to work, and you need a “way” (concrete means of increasing happiness) for the effects to be strong.

Social messages, like advertising, will tell you that buying something or increasing your status, or pursuing a goal that’s selected for you by someone else, will make you happy. It’s not true. Any gains in happiness that you do get from those approaches are probably because they incidentally lead to an increase in autonomy, competence or relatedness. (If you’re very poor, getting some money will give you more autonomy, for example – extreme poverty doesn’t give you many options. But the difference between $100,000 a year and $150,000 a year doesn’t give anything like the same gains in autonomy, or happiness, as the difference between $10,000 and $60,000.)

How to be the happiest you can be

This study had three other important findings about the pursuit of happiness.

Firstly, if you pursue a life goal to do with autonomy, competence or relatedness and fail, it’s likely to bring you down more than failing at a life-circumstances goal. Presumably this is because it means more. You’ve got more to gain, but you also have more to lose. So make sure you pick a realistic goal.

Secondly, to continue at a higher level of happiness, you need to continue to work at success in those life-need-related goals. It’s the flow of new challenges, successfully met, that seems to be producing the happiness. So pick a goal that allows you to continue to challenge yourself.

Finally, people who went in believing more strongly that they could increase their happiness (and that this would be a good and appropriate thing to do) gained more happiness. Which sounds at first like another way of saying that a positive mental attitude helps you have a positive mental attitude. Who would have thought?

What it means, though, is that being open to the benefits of new experiences is part of increasing your happiness.

So, what goal will you choose to pursue to meet your needs for autonomy, competence and connectedness? It’s likely to make you happier, and bust you out of that snow globe you’ve been living in.

Mike Reeves-McMillan has much more to say about how to be happy at his blog, How to Be Amazing.

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“Everything in moderation,” my grandmother tells me. It seems as if the generation that went through the Depression and their offspring have held that belief as a method to happy living, or at least contentment. I have often contemplated that attitude, and while I can begin to feel somewhat comfortable with it to an extent, and understand it’s precipice, I’ve always felt it lacking.

The problem with living moderately is that eventually life becomes mediocre.

The body-brain machine is an amazing vehicle for our spirits. It is built to withstand tremendous pressures and excitement and change, countering them with chemicals and ideas that give us the strength to overcome. As importantly, the human machine produces other drugs and thoughts that bring us back to equilibrium, able to maintain every day life.

This ability to soar and sustain gives our souls room to expand. We achieve greatness by pushing the edge of the envelope. We rise above by feeding off the energy of others. We sense that our bodies are ready to move, so we do. The more we stretch and respond, the stronger we become.

It is not moderation that is the key, it is balance.

I was talking with my good friend TC (not Magnum’s buddy) recently about getting and staying healthy. His personal philosophy is one I found quite interesting. [I take his word to heart because is has both a high IQ and a high PQ (physical quotient), and has proved both through his actions for years.]

His take to being physically healthy was to rate all input (food, meals, chow, grub, drink, etc.) and output (exercise, workouts, sports, etc.) on a scale of 1 to 10. One side gets positive numbers, the other side negative. If trying to get physically healthy after a vacation full of food, drink, and laying around, then work toward numbers on the output side of the scale. When goals have been met and he moves into maintenance mode, then a weekly goal of zero is set.

Balance.

Go crazy for a little while. Back down a bit. Turn up the heat for a while, counter it with a cooldown. Such a rating system as above could be used in all aspects of life. Certainly the foundation of it fits in all we do.

Spending a lot of time at work recently? Acknowledge it and take some time for yourself or your family. Losing touch with your significant other? Adjust and set aside some QT. Achieve a huge goal? Reward yourself with a little vacation or time off.

The idea of work hard, play hard is a great attitude to have. Yet I would make one addition to it:

“Work hard, Play hard, Rest hard.”

Picture a waterfall. Powerful. Energetic. Forceful. Yet upstream and downstream there is a calmness. The river flows quietly toward the fall. Peacefully. Then the beautiful, wonderful crash through and over the rock. Below is a magnificent pool followed by more soothing currents. The waterfall itself is transformational. Certainly nothing moderate about it. Above and below this shift in pace lies peace and tranquility.

One could argue that our own physical machines want to be pushed. Bodies in motion stay in motion. Rolling stones gather no moss. As a species, for thousands of years we have asked ourselves, “Can we fly, what is on the other side of that mountain, can I do that?” It is innate. Just as a big V8 engine seems to settle in at 110 mph, the human bodies and brains demand to be pushed from time to time.

However, happiness, contentment and satisfaction dictate that we stop and take a look from time to time as well. Ponder. Contemplate. Acknowledge and applaud.

So I say go for it. Moderation schmoderation. Make that leap. Take that risk. You have the capacity. You were made for it. Just plan a little time on the other side for reflection and rejuvenation.

Blue Andrews  is a freelance blogger for PickTheBrain and the founder of Simple Random.

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Unlocking the riddle of what makes humans happy is the subject of much research, aimed perhaps at finding a formula or creating a map to help us in this endless and universal quest. The following are 10 recent studies that examine the factors at play in human happiness.

1. Disproving the myth of the grumpy old man…

Stanford research conducted over a period of a dozen years suggests that age brings increased happiness, balance, and even ability to get along with others – contradicting the stereotype of the grumpy old man. That comes as good news to a society that is, itself, growing older; baby boomers can look forward to leaving behind the frustrations and let-downs of youth, and gain an appreciation for each moment as the time to enjoy them dwindles.

2. Keeping up with the Joneses…

A massive global study into the connection between income and satisfaction levels seems to disprove the old adage that money can’t buy happiness, instead showing that the proverbial “Joneses” remain the yardstick by which we judge satisfaction with our own lives. Over the course of two years, Gallup polled nearly 140,000 people in 132 countries to paint the most accurate portrait yet of how humans define happiness, revealing a universal link with the notion of the good life.

3. Time for a raise…

According to Princeton research involving 450,000 Americans, an income of $75,000 a year is key to the happiness equation, representing freedom from money woes; drop below that level, and your happiness plummets while stress and sadness increase. Although momentary moods are not apparently elevated by even higher incomes, a more profound sense of life satisfaction seems to be the reward as you climb the earnings ladder.

4. Adding kids to the equation…

A report in the Journal of Happiness Research contradicts anecdotal evidence and earlier studies that suggest children bring more stresses than pleasures. In fact, based on nearly 90,000 observations, author of the study, Luis Angeles, finds that marital status is key to whether kids enhance or detract from happiness, actually increasing satisfaction levels in marriage; however, this is an overall measure – when it comes to social life, for instance, kids can be a real downer.

5. Feeling the burn…

Although those who participate in fitness activities commonly report that doing so improves mood, Dutch research on twins and their families concludes there is no causal effect. In the study, those who tended to avoid exercise manifested a greater incidence of depression, but the link was genetic – so for those who are already feeling blue, money spent on a gym membership might be better used for traditional therapy, including anti-depressants.

6. Location, location, location…

A Gallup study of 155 countries found that Scandinavians are the cheeriest bunch on the planet, while Africa is a hotbed of suffering. Less expected findings included the poor showing by Asian powerhouses, China, India and Japan – while the US managed only a fifth place finish just in the Western hemisphere.

7. When feel-good philosophies fail…

Research reported in Psychological Science refutes the feel-good platitude popularized by Norman Vincent Peale in The Power of Positive Thinking, suggesting that those with lower self-esteem only feel worse following a round of self-affirmations. The latest studies reinforce the new direction in therapy that advises acceptance of your negative self-talk; gaining a truer perspective may be more productive than reciting affirmations about self-worth that simply don’t ring true.

8. The overstated importance of happiness…

The fixation on achieving the elusive state of happiness is probably counterproductive, and so is the pressure to participate in feel-good activities like volunteering. In an ongoing study called MIDUS (Mid Life in the US), eudaimonic well-being (“well-being that comes from engaging in meaningful activity”) is replacing happiness as the ideal goal, and it seems to originate in the pre-frontal cortex where high-level thought takes place – allowing people to realistically evaluate situations and find challenges instead of obstacles.

9. The health-happiness link…

A number of studies show a strong connection between health and happiness, including research at Carnegie Mellon that found subjects identified with positive emotional traits proved more resistant, and suffered fewer symptoms, when exposed to cold and flu germs. Another study, reported in The American Journal of Health Promotion, followed up with approximately 10,000 Australians to compare self-reported life satisfaction with future health, and found that happy respondents reported a 160% greater incidence of good health.

10. The unhappy mind-wanderer…

Harvard researchers utilizing an iPhone app called Track Your Happiness to gather real-time reports of feelings from 250,000 participants worldwide found that sex, exercise, conversation and music-listening headed the happiest activity list, while personal hygiene, commuting and working were the biggest bummers. Curiously, the less happy the activity, the more the mind wanders; furthermore, their findings show that daydreaming actually causes dissatisfaction – proving that real happiness is indeed achieved by living in the moment.

Do you agree with these findings? Please share your thoughts below.

Charles Sipe enjoys listening to audiobooks, blogging, and playing basketball. He also writes for Teacher Certification Degrees, an informational site on how to become a teacher in each state.

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Do you have a friend or colleague who complains constantly?

If you do, you’ll know how you feel after a conversation with them: tired, drained, feeling a bit fed up about your own life.

Do you know anyone who’s always cheerful and positive?

If you talk to them, you’ll feel quite differently afterwards: enthused, re-energized, happy.

I’m guessing you can see why positive thinking matters. By being grateful for the good things in life – instead of moaning about the bad ones – you’ll find that your mood is better, and that almost miraculously, more good stuff starts happening to you.

It’s easy, of course, for me to tell you to “look on the bright side!” – but I know that’s easier said than done. So here are five ways to be more positive about life, every single day:

#1: Recognize That You Have a Choice

When something “bad” or “good” happens, you choose how to respond. If you’re finding that hard to believe, think about how other people might react to the same event: your dad, your best friend, the President….

Whatever happens to you, you can always learn something. If you made a mistake and got something wrong, at least you’ll know what not to do next time!

#2: Wake Up Positive

Start your day off with something that you can really enjoy. That might be your favorite food for breakfast, or a gorgeous scented soap in the shower. If you’re looking forward to just one little thing when you wake up, then you’ve got your day off to a good start.

You might want to deliberately end on a high note too – you could read a few chapters of a great novel before bed, or have a long, relaxing bath.

#3: Watch Your Language

When you talk to colleagues, family or friends, what sort of language do you use? If you tell your partner “I’ve got a horrible day ahead, I’m so stressed just thinking about it,” then you’re putting yourself into a negative frame of mind.

If you and your colleagues habitually whine about work, look for more positive topics of conversation. Try asking “what are you looking forward to this week?”

#4: Reframe Events

“Reframing” is a popular technique in life coaching, where you make a negative event into a more positive one by deliberately viewing it in a different light. So, “I’m really busy, but we’re out of milk, and I have to go to the store” can become “I’m going to take a quick walk to the store, grab the milk we need, and have a mini-break from work so that I can come back refreshed.”

For lots more advice on reframing, there’s an excellent series on life coach Vlad Dolezal’s blog.

#5: Write Down Three Good Things

You might have come across the concept of a “gratitude journal” before, where you keep a record of things you’re grateful for. This is a surprisingly powerful practice which can help you to not only feel better, but to also take action to keep improving your life.

You don’t have to spend hours writing a long-winded journal. Today, try writing down just three things that you’re thankful for – you can use single words, or short phrases.

For more on positive thinking, check out Pick the Brain’s other posts:

• 7 Steps to Positive Self Talk
• The Internal Dialogue: Mastering the Unseen Forces That Shape Our Destiny
• It’s All About Attitude: 6 Ways To Stay Positive

Herm Albright once quipped, ““A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”  Many thousands have praised the importance of possessing a positive attitude, but can one truly be positive about anything without first being positive about oneself? Any truly positive outlook on life always begins first with a truly positive outlook on yourself.  Any truly positive outlook always begins with thinking positively rational.

Being Positive Does Not Mean Being Irrational!

I once used to think that being positive meant that I had to be irrational.  Let me explain.  When I was younger, I had a skin problem that caused me some measure of embarrassment in high school.  For about six years, the skin problem caused me to start thinking rather negatively about myself.  Every time I heard someone talk about being positive, it would irritate me because I thought: How can I be positive about myself when I have this skin problem! The answer lies in thinking positively rational.  Does my skin problem define everything about me? Am I disqualifying everything else about me that is not problematic? Am I thinking in all or nothing terms? You see, the answer to many people’s life problems are simply irrational beliefs about themselves.

Rational is Positive (In the Right Context)

On the other side of the pendulum, if things are really bad in your life, thinking rationally about yourself may at first seem negative. The fact is that if we are in a mess, it’s probably our fault.  Wouldn’t thinking rationally about yourself make you feel worse about yourself? Well yes, it that’s where you left your thinking.  You do not leave your thinking in your areas of defeat or the areas you do not like about yourself.  If you got yourself into a mess, isn’t rational to believe that you can get yourself out? Isn’t it rational to believe that you too can make right choices for a better future? Yes, you can! It takes being rational to be truly positive.

Seeing Yourself Rationally and Positively Will Increase Self Image and Success

Most of the people I know who are not successful do not think rationally about themselves or positive about their futures.  Here’s a story to help illustrate what I mean:  The person who always seems to be self-sabotaging themselves.  This self-sabotaging person with a poor self-image goes around all day wondering why everyone else is so much happier and more successful than they are.  They struggle daily with feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and social anxiety.  Why does that person always seem to get all the breaks? Why am I so stupid? Why does no one like me? He asks these kinds of questions daily and feels hateful towards other successful people.  What’s his problem? His problem is simple: He is thinking negatively irrational instead of positively rational.  Did you catch the irrationality of his questions?

Why does that person seem to get all the breaks? They get all the breaks? Does he even know what breaks this person got? What about all the hard work the successful person has done?

Why am I so stupid? Stupid is simply a label some people like to use to describe a person’s behavior.  Though we may feel stupid sometimes, most of us are not stupid. We may have made some bad choices, but we usually were operating from the best information we had at the time or we knew the right choice and failed to make the right choice.  Either way, our IQ is not the question.  Thus, stupid is not the issue.

Why does no one like me? No one likes you. Really? Not even your mom? It’s true that sometimes people are liked more by others than they like you or I.  Most of the time, people simply like someone else more because that person shows more interest in them.   It has nothing to do with likeability.  Likeability comes from liking yourself, which begins with thinking positively rational about yourself.

Conclusion

I hope that I have opened some of your eyes to the idea of thinking positively rational about yourself and your life.  If you will begin to think more rationally and positively about yourself, your life will dramatically change.  You will feel happier, healthier, have more friendships, do better at work and do amazing things you may not have thought possible.

Joshua Shelton is a freelance blogger and founder of the site Break Through Self Image.

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