photo credit: Dakimapics
There are no shortage of ‘experts’ that claim to know the secret of maximum productivity. At first someone will swear that the only way to really get things done is to multi-task: more done, less time. Then immediately someone will counter that it’s far simpler, more effective and rewarding and ultimately more ‘zen’ to do one task at a time: single-tasking.
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Some people appear to be hopped up on happy pills, being oblivious to any bad events going on around them. Others are all too quick to express their disgust at anything that doesn’t go exactly their way.
Could it be that the healthiest emotional mix is somewhere between the extremes? Say, four parts good feelings to one part bad feelings, shaken not stirred, and served with a twist of lime?
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Photo Credit: Niklas
Often we see things that others have and wish that we had the same. Or sometimes, if we see somebody who is very happy, we feel a lack of happiness in our own life and feel jealous of the other person. Jealousy is a very unhealthy, counterproductive feeling that directly results in making us feel discontent and unsatisfied.
As jealousy is an emotional response and almost seems involuntary it feels like it is something that cannot be fought. The biggest problem of a jealous person is that we makes a lot of assumptions and don’t see the clear picture. In order to stop feeling jealous, we need to make an effort to think clearly and rationally. The following are some tips that can help in thinking straight and tempering jealous emotional responses:
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Image courtesy of Chelsea Grainger
Are you progressing in life, or are you just treading water? This is a brief article intended to motivate you beyond stagnation into purposeful action, once and for all. These are the steps I use to get things done.
Almost everyday I go to the gym, and almost everyday I see people in the gym who are unfortunately making very little progress. Although these individuals frequent the gym quite regularly, they are experiencing very little change in their bodies. This is quite the misfortune.
Today I want to discuss this phenomenon and explain the steps that cause some people to progress, while others stagnate.
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When I’ve got a case of the blues, I sometimes cheer myself up by buying a new book or two on Amazon. Perhaps you have some similar habits: you know what cheers you up, whether it’s going shopping, eating a giant bag of chips, opening a bottle of wine, lighting up…
The problem is, a lot of these little habits don’t really cheer us up, and, over time, they can have a very negative effect on our health, our wallet, or both.
These are some perennially popular ones – and reasons why they’re not a good idea:
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Image courtesy of SeanRock.
One tenet you’ll often hear in personal development circles is that “it’s good to talk” or “a burden shared is a burden halved”. Sometimes, though, when feeling down, you’ll talk to a spouse, parent or friend about how you feel … and you’ll find that you’re just dragging yourself into a deeper and blacker mood.
So why is it that talking doesn’t always help? And how can you help someone who wants to talk to you about their woes?
Talking Often Focuses on the Problem
Perhaps you’ve been feeling a bit down recently. Maybe you have bleak days when it seems like you’ve lost your direction in life. You might talk to a friend about it, detailing all the things you wish you could do (if only you had the money, or the time, or the skills), and endlessly dissecting everything that’s wrong in your life.
Talking about everything that’s wrong just reinforces your focus on things that aren’t currently working. If you’re already in a bad mood, it’ll send you spiralling further and further down. Have you ever had the experience of “working yourself into a state” – feeling a bit anxious or angry about something, and dwelling on it until the molehill becomes a mountain?
Tip for Helping: If someone wants to talk to you about everything that’s wrong in their life, encourage them to find something that’s good. Ask “what’s been better recently?” This is a technique that the coach Mark Forster uses and explains in his book How to Make Your Dreams Come True.
Talking May Mean Saying Something You Regret
When you’re in a bad mood, or feeling very fed up about something, it’s easy to think that your state of mind represents your real feelings about a job, relationship, or life situation. The truth is, how you feel when in a bad mood is no more “real” or objective than the way you feel when everything’s going swimmingly.
One danger of trying to talk through your bad moods is that you’ll end up saying something you’ll regret. Perhaps you’ll think, at the time, that you’re telling your friend a few home truths … but later you’ll realise that you don’t really think that of them at all. Maybe you’ll tell colleagues that you hate your job, despite finding it perfectly pleasant most of the time: do you want your words making their way through the office grapevine to your boss?
Tip for Helping: Try to treat anything that someone says in anger, or while upset, as something that they don’t really mean. If you do end up saying something that you regret, don’t be too hesitant to apologize once you’ve calmed down.
Talking Only Works if Someone Listens
Unfortunately, most people in the world are not good listeners – and I include myself here. When listening to someone, it’s easy to let your mind wander, or to stop concentrating on their words in order to think about what you’re going to say next. We often don’t even hear the actual words that are said – let alone the intention behind them, and the wealth of stuff that is implied.
You may get frustrated when you talk about your problems because people just don’t seem to understand. Perhaps they brush off the major issues as unimportant, and attend to the minor ones; perhaps they offer advice when all you wanted was someone to listen patiently. Maybe they’ve completely missed the point.
Tip for Helping: Learn how to listen actively. If you’re seeking help, try going to a life coach, counsellor or someone else who has been trained to listen and to help you work through problems.
Do you find that talking to someone when you’re in a bad mood helps you to feel better – or does it tend to make things worse? Have you been able to help people by listening to them when they’re going through a bleak spell?
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At times, we all have things going on in our minds. There can be the little worries of having to go to the shop because there’s no food in the cupboards, to the big worries like being severely in debt or having a family member in hospital.
The “problem” with worrying is that it can have serious implications on our physical and mental health. People who have previously been in top shape can let one problem get to them so badly that they start having panic attacks or have their problems incessantly on their mind.
I should know, I’ve had times in my life where I have let my problems literally take over my thought patterns and consume me at all times. Yet, with the four simple steps today, it’s actually fairly simple to literally eliminate unnecessary worrying from your life.
After this, I also believe that life will start to feel a lot lighter, as if a heavy burden has been lifted from your shoulders.
1. Consider the Worst Possible Outcome
A few years ago one of my friends confided in me that he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to continue playing for the school football team that we were on. At the next training session when he didn’t show up, the coach asked me what was wrong, and I told him that my friend might have lost his passion and I wasn’t sure if he would be back.
A couple of days later my friend came back to me and said how he really wanted to start playing again, and had merely been going through a rough time when he told me what he did. I instantly remembered how I had told the coach my friend might not want to play anymore, and started worrying about the possible outcome.
Thoughts ran through my head such as “Would the coach pick him for the next game?”, “Would the coach tell him what I said?”, “Would he be dropped from the team?” and so on. I let this situation really get to me and the possible outcomes really consumed my thoughts.
About a week later I built up the courage to tell the coach I might have been wrong about my friend and the coach gave me a very nonchalant reply “Oh it’s fine, I had forgotten about it anyway”. Instead of worrying for a week, I could have looked at the worst possible outcome – probably that the coach would tell my friend and I would have to explain things – and then just taken action.
The worst that could have happened is rarely that bad when we really look at things, so I advise you to do this with all of the things you are worrying about. Look at the worst possible outcome, and then work to improve on that as best you can.
2. Keep Yourself Busy
The reason that we love Television so much is that it literally absorbs us into what is going on. When we are watching the black box we forget about everything else for a while and are totally consumed in the flashing images on screen.
It is for this amount of time that our worries and problems disappear, even if at the time we aren’t aware of it. It is only when we have the time to think and worry about something, that it actually becomes a problem.
If, on the other hand, you can keep yourself busy doing something like studying, cleaning or just socialising then you limit the time you have to let your problems consume you. After all, something is only a problem when you think about it.
3. Realise You Can Get Through Anything
I firmly believe that it is completely up to us how we deal and react with every single situation in life. And, for that reason, I believe it is possible to see the positive in everything and enjoy almost all aspects of life. That being said though, it is much easier said than done, and there are definitely hard times which we have all faced in life.
Have you struggled? Is there something that has happened in your life that was really terrible? If so, then realise you got through it in one piece. How do I know? Because you’re sitting in front of a computer screen and able to spend your time reading an article like this.
No matter what challenges you have came across in your life, you have been able to get through them. Because of that, you will be able to do exactly the same again with whatever you are worrying about now or anything that faces you in the future.
4. Put Things Into Perspective
Just like looking at the worst possible outcome can force us to realise our worries really aren’t that bad, so can the art of putting things into perspective.
Unless something threatens your health or the health of those around you, then it is not that big of a problem. Debt, a break-up or even losing a material item is really nothing compared to the possibility of death or something really serious.
I remember the story of one man in a poor area of America who really wanted to become a music producer. He spent as much of his spare time as he could making music and honing his talents. Yet, his parents wanted something different. They wanted him to become a lawyer or a doctor purely for financial reasons, despite the fact that he had no interest in either.
They pushed him so hard and so often that one day he ended up committing suicide, leaving a note of how he wished they would have supported him. Put things into perspective.
Thanks to the four steps above, and living in the moment as often as possible, I have practically eliminated all worries and problems from my life. If you follow these steps and put them into action, you’ll find that it is perfectly possible for you to do the same.
I would love to hear your feedback and additions in the comments below!
Glen is Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain.com. He writes on the subject of Personal Development at PluginID. He also teaches people that they can be who they want to be through personality development.
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How many new thoughts and new skills can you learn over a lifetime? What number would you give it?
I’ll give you a clue. The number is huge. Humungous. Out of this world. Any ideas?
Here’s the answer. Think of the number 1, followed by zeros that would fill an 800 page book, both sides of the page and in standard font size 12. Then go off the last page for another 6.2 million miles of zeros.
Read that again.
Now isn’t that amazing? That’s how many new things and skills we as humans can learn. That’s how many new thoughts we can own. That’s how many new behaviours we can expose.
Your possibilities have no limits. There is no limit on your capacity to learn new things. No limits whatsoever for your brain to learn, to memorize, develop, achieve and perform at higher levels than you can ever imagine.
It makes no difference what your age is. You are capable of learning anything new that you want to learn. You are able to develop your brain right up to the moment that you breathe out your last breath.
Your brain has the capacity to achieve way beyond what was ever thought possible.
So now is the time to break out of your limited thinking by dreaming big dreams and imagining unlimited possibilities.
Becoming successful is not impossible. In fact, it is virtually impossible not to be successful. It’s a choice you make, your decision. Every day, step by step, you may climb the mountain of success if you’ve decided to do so – if you are committed to accomplish what others think impossible.
Make it your choice, from today, to head towards improving your life; whether it is to learn more about your business or job, to start your own part-time or full-time business, to develop your writing skills, to practice for your driving test.
Whatever your goal is make that decision to do it. Feel excited and motivated to take unconditional action; to act in spite of fear, doubt and inconvenience.
How would you motivate yourself to take unyielding action? Here’s how:
1. Create an attitude of determination. Every action that you take in life is first filtered through your feelings that are in your unconscious mind. How you feel about something determines what you do and how well you do it.
Where do those feelings come from?
Your feelings are created, controlled and influenced by your attitudes. Your attitude is your perspective from which you view life. Whatever attitude you have about anything will affect how you feel, which affects how you act.
It is your attitude that will determine your motivation level; whether you will take action or not.
2. Create an attitude of motivation. There are many people out there who believe, or are under the strong impression, that motivation is something that will come to them when the time is ready. In the meantime, they can carry on with their lives as is.
Of course, this is not the case. Motivation is an attitude, a way of thinking that we create for ourselves. It is not something we wait for in the hope that ’someday’ I will have all the motivation I need to accomplish all that I want.
That ’someday’ might never come!
Science of success experts have concluded that the brain is a goal-setting organism. No matter what goal you give to your unconscious mind, it will work day and night, 24/7, to achieve it for you; to make it a reality.
Dig deep. Find the goal, the strong feelings and attitude behind the goal that will spur your unyielding motivation to get you and keep you moving. Every day, make that choice an intention to have what it is that you are aspiring after.
And day by day, your level of motivation will stack one layer over the other, providing you with a warehouse of motivation energy. The more motivated action that you take, the easier it will be for you to escalate your feelings, your attitude and your motivation.
The more you generate high feelings and attitudes of energy the more motivation you will feel surging within you. And the more you store your ready-to-be-released motivation, the easier it will become for you to be motivated to take all the necessary action to accomplish your objectives and reach your goals.
Hani Al-Qasem is a published author and personal growth specialist. He co-authored Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps and Establish Powerful Self-Enhancing Beliefs.
Download the free e-book Establish Powerful Self-Enhancing Beliefs and eliminate the limiting beliefs that keep you from enjoying happiness and success. Get motivated and Stay Motivated to achieve more.
Got a Motivation Question? Click here to have it answered!
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“You spent the first half of your life becoming somebody. Now you can work on becoming nobody, which is really somebody. For when you become nobody there is no tension, no pretense, no one trying to be anyone or anything. The natural state of the mind shines through unobstructed – and the natural state of the mind is pure love.” Ram Dass
I recently turned 40.
No, I’m not wearing “old man socks” yet but I certainly understand the trait of being that brings about this tragedy of fashion; which I believe can be summed up quite bluntly in two words:
“Who cares!?”
This carefree trait is one of contentment and it illustrates the process of (and value inherent in) becoming nobody – where “the natural state of the mind shines through unobstructed.”
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” ~ Chinese Proverb
Have you ever worn old man socks? These socks are soft, form-fitting and made to be worn comfortably for long periods of time. The fact that dress socks don’t “look right” with tennis shoes and plaid shorts is barely an afterthought in relation to the priorities of comfort and practicality.
Most of you likely understand the value of comfort, such as the little pleasures found in wearing a t-shirt and an old pear of jeans or staying in your flannel pajamas and slippers all day.
Before I digress entirely away from my point (there actually is a point here), a certain attitude or life perspective that goes beyond material pleasure can be found underneath these old man socks.
“One’s own self is well-hidden from one’s own self; of all mines of treasure, one’s own is the last to be dug up.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Of course, age or gender certainly does not preclude one’s appreciation of old man socks and the wisdom of becoming nobody.
The realization that the hyper-intentional pursuit of trying to be somebody other than one self is a misguided (and entirely too common) pursuit influenced by the ever-presence and dominance of social conventions and media noise.
From childhood, social messages implicitly and explicitly tell us how to behave, what image to portray, what products will supposedly provide the perception of such an image, what to study in college, what career to pursue (usually based upon money and social status) and how to define “retirement” and how to obtain it in the quickest fashion.
Amidst this noise, and along the path to become somebody, the true self becomes covered or hidden.
“Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend. Non-being is the greatest joy.” ~ Lau Tzu
I expect many readers of PTB can add their depth of thought to this subject (and I hope many will do so in comments following this post), but here are my thoughts and observations attributable to the values found underneath old man socks – the wisdom of becoming nobody:
• Contentment: Being comfortable in your own skin (and socks) and being content with your present monetary, material and social wealth (or lack thereof) actually makes you “rich” – not the attainment of “more.” As Epicurus said, “If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires.”
• Giving / Unintended Success: The dedication to a cause greater than oneself, with little or no selfish motives, is the greatest enabler of success. In other words, not caring about success will sooner provide a higher quality of success than a hyper-intentional desire to quickly create it.
• Self-awareness: The simple awareness of who you are, where you are going and why you are going there is essential in separating (and uncovering) your self from social conventions. As Lau Tzu said, “If you don’t change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
• The Power of Nothingness: Continuing upon the Taoist theme, there is power in “nothingness” and assuming the “low position:” The rivers flow to the ocean because it is in the lowest position; the high inclines toward the low; a ship floats because the hull is hollow; simplicity is stronger than complexity; less is more; creation follows destruction; something comes from nothing; and somebody comes from nobody.
“We get so much in the habit of wearing disguises before others that we finally appear disguised before ourselves.” ~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Returning to the primary theme, woven into the lighthearted fabric of old man socks, one can see the value of becoming nobody.
Which of these is more of a tragedy – wearing a “disguise” in the pursuit of becoming somebody or something other than one self or wearing old man socks and being content with becoming nobody?
The former is an empty victory – a tragedy of self. The latter is a tragedy of fashion; however, it is a victory of self – it embodies the wisdom of becoming nobody.
What are your thoughts? Have you discovered the wisdom of becoming nobody?
Kent Thune is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is the author of the Financial Philosopher.
‘If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six sharpening my axe.’
Abraham Lincoln
Have you watched TV programs like Downsize Me? I really enjoy watching this! People who lead unhealthy lifestyles are given a ‘lifestyle makeover.’ They usually end up losing weight and finding more happiness by the end of the show. Obviously they do make great strides over the two months they are being followed by the cameras, but I often wonder how many of these people go back to their old unhealthy ways once the TV cameras have left. The trouble is that these kind of programmes focus on external things – diet, exercise, giving up smoking – but they don’t address the inner world of the individuals they are seeking to treat. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with eating better, giving up smoking, drinking less and doing more exercise, but there’s something deeper here.
The mind-body connection
The connection between mind and body is becoming more accepted in mainstream medicine. If you think about it, this connection is pretty obvious. When you get excited or nervous or panicky, that feeling starts in your mind but has an immediate effect on your body. When you fall in love, you can feel it in your body. When you watch a sad movie, you might start to cry. When you find out you’ve won the lottery or got an ‘A’ grade on an exam, your heart will start to beat faster and you’ll feel all sorts of other physical effects.
R. Veenhoven carried out a scientific study of the effects of happiness on health and concluded that happy people are less likely to get sick and that they live longer. The difference between happy and unhappy people was comparable to the difference between smokers and non-smokers in terms of life span. Veenhoven’s findings can be found in The Journal of Happiness Studies (yes there really is a scholarly journal about happiness!)
Our autopilot
We all run on subconscious programmes. It’s how we manage to survive in the world. If we had to think about everything we did, we wouldn’t be able to function – there would simply be too much to think about! Our subconscious takes control of much of our life so that, in essence, we are running on autopilot. Examples of these habitual patterns are being untidy, being late and being poor. All these things come from the subconscious mind. Being sick is also a subconscious habit. I’m not suggesting that all sickness has its origin in the mind (though it might, and many people believe this), but we all know people who constantly get sick, and if they were ever healthy for more than a few months, their subconscious mind would find a way of getting back on track by bringing along an illness of some kind.
Our subconscious scripts often come from our childhood and they were developed because they gave us an advantage. The benefits of being sick, as a child, are that (for example) people will pay more attention to you, you might get a day off school, you might get some special treats or you’ll get treated better than your siblings. I’m sure we all remember the sheer joy of days off school as a child because of some minor ailment. When we grow up, these scripts stay with us. Sometimes they can still confer an advantage on us – maybe we still get attention from our family or a day off work – but they may also be problematic and destructive to our lives.
The strange thing is that many of us (most of us, in fact) don’t realize this is what’s happening. We are not even aware of the autopilot and think that things are happening to us, and not that we are controlling the way things turn out. But the reality is that we are in control and we do have a choice.
How to re-script your subconscious
Viktor Frankl wrote that ‘between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’
In that space, we can create ourselves anew. We need the right kind of self-talk. We talk to ourselves all day long, so we need to make sure we are saying the right things. We also see ourselves in certain scenarios in our mind’s eye. We need to make sure these visualizations are of what we want to achieve, how we want to feel and what sort of person we want to be. Ultimately, we are trying to construct a good self image. When we have clear image of the person we intend to be in our mind, then our subconscious will start to run that script and the image will become reality. A change in our mind will work its way out.
We need to take responsibility for our lives. Forcing ourselves to endure exercise and eat salad whilst all the time telling ourselves that we are unhealthy and unable to really change will get us nowhere. We need to do it the other way round – start off with the belief that we are fit and healthy, and this will become part of our reality. Spending a lot of time on our mental preparation makes all the difference to our success or failure. Sharpening the axe will make it a lot easier to cut down the tree.
Michael Miles writes at effortlessabundance.com. You can download his new book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life, at the site.
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