If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you have an email account. You may well have several – perhaps separate accounts for professional and personal contacts.

It’s easy to assume that we know how to use email effectively: it’s been around for long enough. But if you find yourself struggling to communicate effectively by email, these six tips should help:

#1: Start With an Appropriate Salutation

Some people jump straight into the text of an email without so much as a “hi”. It’s polite to add a salutation, just as you would with a letter.

That might look like:

Dear Sir/Madam

Dear Mr. Johnson

Hi Sue

Hello Fred

Your salutation needs to be appropriate. If you’re writing to a prospective employer, “Dear Mr. Johnson” is probably the best way to go. “Hi Bob” is going to look unprofessional.

But don’t assume that formality is always the right answer. If you’re writing to a friend of a friend, using “Dear” plus their surname is going to seem oddly stilted.

If in doubt, “Dear [firstname]” will usually work just fine.

#2: Get Straight to the Point

Your correspondent won’t want to wade through paragraphs of waffle – so get straight to the point. If you’re writing to someone out of the blue, don’t give them your life story before you make a request.

Getting straight to the point might mean that the first line of your email (after the salutation) looks something like this:

I’m working on an article about Acme Widgets for XYZ publication, and wondered if you had a few minutes to answer the following three questions.

Could you supply me with a quote for the following project?

I’d like to discuss the revisions with you. Would Tuesday at 2pm be a good time?

I’ve attached the documents you requested at our meeting yesterday.

You may well need to include more details, but if you put the important point up front, your email is more likely to get a timely response. If your question comes too far down, the recipient may not even realise that you need a reply.

#3: Keep it Short

Try to keep your email as short as possible. Make the paragraphs short, too – long paragraphs can be difficult to read and take in.

Do make sure you give enough information for your correspondent to be able to make a decision, if that’s required. You might find that it’s best to offer this as an attachment – you’ll have more flexibility over formatting, and your correspondent can print out the attachment easily.

#4: Use Numbered Points

If you’ve got several questions or points to make, it’s very helpful to number them. This makes it easy for the other person to respond to each one, especially if some just require a yes/no response or a single word answer.

For instance:

Could you let me know:

1. 1. How much it would cost for the website design
2. 2. How much for the website design plus a tri-fold brochure
3. 3. Whether you could complete #2 by the end of April

It’s also useful to list your questions or points as bullets in this way; if you write a single paragraph, some of your questions might get missed.

#5: Re-read and Use Spell-Check

A typo or spelling mistake can turn one word into an entirely different one. If you’re using email in a professional capacity, that mistake could be embarrassing – or even offensive. It might alter the whole meaning of your email: a missing “not”, for instance, could potentially cause problems.

Spell-check should help you avoid any silly mistakes – but use your eyes and brain too. There are plenty of words that spell-check won’t pick up. If you’re emailing from a device with predictive text and an auto-correct feature, make sure you always re-read what you’ve typed.

#6: Make Your Signature Useful

Do you have an email signature? (That’s the text that appears automatically at the bottom of your email.) Some people don’t use one at all; others have a funny quote or favorite saying.

Whether you’re using email for professional or personal reasons, make your signature useful for both you and your recipient. That might mean:

• Giving the link to your website
• Including your work address and/or phone number
• Adding links to your social media accounts
• Putting in a line to promote your recent book / blog / product

If your email provider allows it, you may even want to create several signatures to use for different purposes (e.g. one for emailing friends, one for new business contacts).

Do you have any great tips to add? Or any pet hates that crop up in your inbox? Let us know in the comments…

The inner jerk is the anti-conscience of your thought process. It is the tiny voice inside your brain that says, “you’re not good enough. You’re not pretty enough. No, you can’t do that. You’re a loser. You’ll never amount to anything.” Sometimes it makes a home inside of your brain. It might even be the kind of jerk who makes frequent visits to your thoughts.

We all have an inner jerk that feeds us negative thoughts about us, but we don’t have to listen to its nasty comments. There is a way to defeat the inner jerk within ourselves.

1. Establish a Goal

Set your sites on a goal, something you want to accomplish in your life. Envision yourself achieving this goal and enjoying the rewards of your success. This will inspire you to work towards meeting that goal and it will also give you hope. At the same time, be open minded and be realistic about things. The path to success is a rocky path and you need to be prepared and fully equipped for the trip. There will be times when you will stumble and fall. But, don’t look at your falls as failures. Learn from the mistakes you made and establish a guideline on what you plan to do differently in the future. You learn and grow from your failures and you become a stronger person. Most importantly, always keep your eye on the prize. When you are focused and committed to the pursuit of your goal, you give your inner jerk no chance to hurl insults at you.

2. Get Involved

Involve yourself in social groups and/or professional organizations, like Toastmasters, your local theatre community, a book club, or any leisurely activity you enjoy doing when you’re not working. When you get involved in any activity, you give yourself the chance to develop a new skill and to meet like-minded people. That is how lasting friendships form. Also, your confidence builds up when you learn a new skill.

3. Surround Yourself With a Network of Supportive Friends

Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with people who are trustworthy, positive, encouraging and open-minded. Avoid people who are pessimistic, overly competitive, jealous and superficial. These people will only bring you down, not build you up.

4. Establish Healthy Boundaries

In a world where negativity prevails, you must have a good intuition. Know when to say NO to people who try to take advantage of your kindness and know when to give in to those who genuinely need a helping hand.

5. Believe in the Power of Prayer

At some point in our lives we all face obstacles that seem insurmountable and instinctively, we know that we cannot overcome them alone. Perhaps you have to deal with a very self-centered, domineering co-worker, a lover who has decided to break up with you, or maybe you’re a newly published author who has no support from your publisher’s marketing department. In hard situations like these, it is easy to become confused and depressed because they are beyond your control.

While you cannot control what life gives you, you can seek out guidance to steer you in the right direction. You don’t have to be a Christian to pray. There is a loving God who knows you and the situation you are in and He only wants the best for you. If you seek Him, He will provide guidance. At the same time, God does give us free will. Therefore, He requires you to meet Him half way. With His help, you can take control of your situation and can make important decisions that will redirect your life on the right path.

With strength from above, you will be strong enough to repel the voice inside of your head that tries to put you down.

If you take all five of these steps, you will become a well-grounded, happy person. Why? You will know yourself as an individual, what you want in life, where you belong in this world and you will have a purpose. So, if your inner jerk decides to tell you otherwise, you can tell it, in a strong voice, to go away and never return.

Deanna Proach is the author of two novels. Her first novel, ‘Day of Revenge’ is a historical suspense that is set in revolutionary France. Her second novel, titled ‘To be Maria’ is a contemporary YA suspense.

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Clarity of thought helps us make decisions that will lead to the outcome we desire.  Unfortunately, at some point in our lives we give into the fast paced world around us and disregard the faculties of our own mind.  These faculties of reasoning, processing information, and determining truth help lead to clear thinking.  Clear thinking comes from having being informed.

Going through school we are taught to question things, at least in science class.  When I went to church it seemed quite the opposite.  Most people simply took what was spoken by the preacher as an unquestionable truth.  To not do so was almost heresy.

This goes against the very nature of being human though.  If God wanted us to not question things, why even give us the ability to reason?  For that matter, if we are given the freedom to choose, how are some things right and others wrong?  It seems hypocritical to give your kids freedom, and then say “However, these actions are punishable”.  That doesn’t seem like a benevolent god to me.

Enough of religion though, lets discuss some other aspects of life.  These are questions that few people have even considered to ask, much less been asked.  You may think the answer to them is obvious, but take some time to really ponder where you got your beliefs from.

Are the answers you put down things that you personally researched, studied and found definable, concrete answers to?  Or are they simply vague, wishy-washy answers you were told by someone else?  If they are the latter, you need to take the time to study them on your own.  It’s past time that you gave power over your mind to someone else.

What is money?

If  cash is money, then how did the first one ever get made?  Doesn’t it take money to make money?  So, if it didn’t exist already how was it made later?  Ah, you say that someone used “other money” to make it.

This is perhaps one of the least understood questions here, so I started with it.  Money is not a piece of paper, nor is it the gold that backs that paper up.  In reality, what backs the cash that we use up is the people of the country.  When other countries see us bailing out companies that are going bankrupt, they lose trust in the dollar bill.

It is nothing more than a medium of exchange that we use to express to others the same thing: value creation.  You grow corn for someone that knows nothing about it and they give you cash in return.  Each person knows how much a dollar bill is worth, not everyone knows what it takes to make that corn.  So the corn maker then negotiates a deal with others so that they get an idea of what kind of value it takes to get it from him.

How is it created?

You dig it up right?  No, you cut trees down and make paper, then mix that with cloth right?  Both are incorrect.  Money creation has nothing to do with materials, it has everything to do with people.

People going about their days, serving others.  Doing things that other people find valuable and offering an exchange of something in return.  Money doesn’t always have to be cash.  It can be a handshake, a hug, a kiss, or even just a smile.  It is created by what you do that others desire.

What is a relationship?

A relationship are the connections you have with other people.  Some of them are physical, like sports.  Others are emotional, like romantic relationships.  Many are simply professional, you speaking with people at work.

What is the meaning of marriage?

It really depends on who you ask.  In ancient times women were treated as property, given to men as a prize or gift.  At other times arranged marriages were done simply to help strengthen a country, or family.

In modern times, they still have different meanings.  To some they are a form of pairing off, giving oneself to the other only.  This (hopefully) means that you give yourself just as much emotionally as physically to each other.

What do you do in a bad marriage though?  Some people say never leave no matter what.  Others say only if they cheat, or abuse you.  Yet who decides what cheating is?  Did the two of you actually discuss and agree on what it is?  Or is it simply “known”?

Some say marriage is meant for a man and women only.  A covenant between the two until death, or eternity for others.  Some wish to marry someone of their own sex.

What is the purpose of sex?

Speaking of sex, why do we always think that you are only allowed to have sex with the person you are married to?  Or why do you have to wait before having sex?  Can’t sex simply be an enjoyable activity?  If you are doing safe sex practices isn’t that alright?

Is it just for procreation?  Only to be done to have kids and not at other times.

Conclusion

While everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, don’t just turn your brain off and not think about it.  I’m not saying one person or another is right, or wrong.  I’m simply saying that you need to free your mind from the dogma that holds you down from seeking the principles and truths that govern these areas of life.

Joneric Bohman has been doing self improvement for the last 10 years and finds it to be a real passion.  He desires to help provide thought provoking articles to help change the lives of many people.  Find more insightful articles at JonericBohman.com.

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” -Frank Crane

Everyone does it at some point in their lives. They seek out advice from a higher authority, someone who knows what the heck they’re doing, hoping to achieve their same level of success. Whether you’re simply trying to learn how to tie a tie(which I still can’t do) or trying to start a successful business, you’re going to be seeking help sooner or later.

And don’t think you’re a one of those amazing people who can learn to do everything themselves. Trust me, you’re not, unless of course your name is Clark Kent.

How I took advice

5 years ago when I was 15, I developed a big interest in fitness. Like many teenagers my age, I wanted to know how to gain muscle and get big and strong. I surfed the web for hours trying to look for the best way to reach this goal.

The problem at the time was that there was so much conflicting advice online. It was literally a verbal war between websites.

Since I was so young at the time, I really had no idea who to trust. Some sites told me that lifting weights would make me shrink (is that even possible?), while other sites told me that lifting weights will enhance my bone density and help me grow.

I truly didn’t know what to do, so I just chose a random decently reviewed workout and diet program.

I stuck with the program for 3 weeks before quitting. Why did I quit? Because I felt like I was missing something. I felt like I was messing up my body by neglecting all the other advice online.

This continued for the next 6 months or so, I alternated between different workout and diet programs every 3 weeks. Even though most programs were meant to last for multiple months, I had trouble putting my trust in 1 program. And due to this mistrust, I got little to no results.

I got incredibly frustrated, so in the end on the 6 months, I just decided to set a goal and stick with a program for 3 months. No matter what happened, I told myself that I would NEVER deter from the program and would just see what happens in 3 months.

And guess what, it worked. It really really worked. I gained a nice amount of muscle and was actually happy with my results.

I then learned that my success wasn’t because I chose that 1 specific program.

I succeeded because I decided to listen to someone and no one else.

How should you take advice?

So who should you listen to?

I only have 2 rules when it comes to taking advice from someone:

1) LISTEN TO ANYONE YOU WANT BUT MAKE SURE YOU ONLY LISTEN TO THEM AND NO ONE ELSE.

2) MAKE SURE THE PERSON HAS MORE EXPERIENCE THAN YOU.

That’s all. Seriously, I don’t care who you listen to as long as that person has more experience than you.

For example, if you’re trying to start a new business, you could either listen to your college business professor, your local deli shop owner, or you could hire a coach who charges $500 per hour. It really won’t make much of a difference unless the latter is a con artist.

However, what does make a difference is whether you put that advice into action.

You could literally spend 10 hours a day reading different websites on “how to build a business,” but none of that really matters if you don’t apply a single thing you learn.

Finding that “best” person

I can’t stress this enough. There really is no “best” person. Taking advice from someone who says that they know everything and have the “secrets” to success is typically just really really good salesman.

Sure there are people who give better advice than others, but you’re never going to make progress if you spend all your time searching for that “best” person.

The truth is, most of the advice being given to people isn’t half bad, in fact, most of it’s pretty decent. The problem is that people don’t put their trust in the advice.

Jumping around

Please don’t be that person who constantly jumps from 1 product to the next just because that new product supposedly better.

So if you want to lose weight, I don’t want you to jump from a yoga program to another program that combines salsa dancing with mixed martial arts moves.

I’m not saying that yoga sucks, I’m just trying to make a point that it’s not going to make or break your success.

Just give yoga a chance. Try it out for 3 months or so before you conclude that it sucks and doesn’t work. That’s all I’m asking.

Conclusion

So the next time you need help with something, only take advice from 1 person. Don’t complicate this stuff.

Getting a second opinion is fine, just don’t let it conflict with your goals.

———————————————–

Keith Lai is the author of the fitness blog FitMole.net where he talks about his simple and flexible approach to all things fitness. He also has a big mole on his face. You can keep up with him on Twitter and Facebook here and here.

Art Credit: Roy Lichtenstein

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Not so long ago, influence was claimed as a matter of birthright. Now, even for the highborn, influence is a skill that is honed with dedicated practice, feedback and reflection.

Here’s how to be more persuasive:

Being right doesn’t equal winning

Too often people get stuck in a trap of thinking that if I’m right I should win. You won’t. It’s a terrible flaw – and I’d advise you against it.

Truths are subjective – and both parties must accept them as true or they’re just opinions. And haven’t you ever noticed how often what people think should happen is quite often what they want to happen?

More than we’d like to admit, we structure our beliefs based upon emotions and desires rather than facts. Understanding that is the core of powerful persuasion.

Understand why they want what they want

Develop a keen understanding of your audience. If it’s one person or 6 billion, find out what they want. Do not assume that you already know. You don’t. Ask them lots of questions, and seek to be surprised.

Ask them about what’s important to them, and then what is important about that, and so on, until you reach a really fundamental human emotion like ‘So I feel safe’ or ‘Then I feel needed’. When you do, you have reached the core of what’s important to them (about that).

[It can be difficult doing this and not sounding like a therapist – but try. A bit of “Oh wow, okay. Why is that?” in a conversational tone can help]

Identify which are the logistical challenges, and which are the emotional triggers.

The logistical challenges might include:

• Time constraints
• Financial constraints
• Other (laws, travel, prior commitments)

And emotional triggers might include:

• Appearances (How will this make me look?)
• Internal struggles (How do I feel about this?)
• Happiness (Does the idea of this make me happy?)
• Trust (Do I feel comfortable?)

Handling the logistical challenges is a matter of being flexible – “What about if you paid in installments?” – and that is relatively simple. But logistics will probably not be at the root of whatever is going on. Aren’t there times you’ve made crazy decisions, that you couldn’t really afford to make, simply because you wanted to so much? Make them want to, let them find a way.

Copy their wording exactly

Copy their wording exactly. If you paraphrase, your wording will quite likely make them want to reject the idea because it sounds unfamiliar. To them, feeling ‘safe’ might mean something similar to ‘security’ or it might be closer to ‘intimacy’ – you won’t know, so just copy them. You want your audience to feel as if you understand them really well, and using their wording will create that illusion.

Asking questions can simply be a matter of repeating their statement with an upward inflection so it sounds like a question: “So getting married in a church is important to you?”

Let them agree with you

The act of asking them questions and repeating their wording will encourage them to keep saying ‘Yes’, and this has a very powerful effect. The more times someone says yes to you, the more likely it is that they’ll agree with your final conclusion.

People will feel compelled to maintain any view they’ve stated publicly, so it’s also important that you don’t let them state their objection to whatever you’re persuading them to do or believe. They’ll stay stuck with that rather than admit they’re wrong. So don’t go straight for your goal, and if you think they’ll disagree, start asking more questions.

Make them like you

For them to like you, they must feel alike to you. That was a stupid sentence. The more you can subtly mimic their patterns of speech, choice of words and body-language, the more they’ll experience the feeling ‘This person really gets me’ – and as you are similar, you’ll naturally adopt similar views.

If you do this overtly, they’ll feel mistrustful, so be natural and just get into a mindset of being like them. If they are introverted, keeping their limbs tucked to their body and head bowed, then do that. If they speak loudly, then match that. You’ll gain insights into their way of seeing the world, too.

Sell them an experience

Then, backed with a full understanding of how they think, what they feel and what’s important to them, create an experience. Still mimicking their style, gently nudge them towards your goal.

If safety is important to them, emphasize the safety, using their words. If they like adventure or excitement, make it appeal to that. If they have a competitive streak, then set it as a challenge. Ideally, it should feel like their decision.

Then, really set a scene: “When you’re there, standing at the open door of a plane as wind rushes around you, an instructor strapped to your back. When that green light comes on…” Make it visceral and engaging, using as many senses as you can; the new car smell, the first-date nerves, the sound of dolphins.

If you’ve attached positive emotions to it, and woven it into their core values, they will feel compelled to follow.

Clinch it

If you’ve convinced them with facts, then you’ll need to clinch the deal straight away, before their emotions create some rationalizations to change their mind.

There are various techniques for this – the ‘double bind’ is a famous one: Offer them a false choice – like ‘Would you like me to call you, or would you prefer that I text you?’ – so either result is in line with your goal.

Generally, if you’ve done your job well, it can simply be a matter of letting them stew on it.

Emotional changes take longer but are more sustainable, so giving them private time to adjust is probably advisable. Leave a door open for them; give them a business card or some way of taking it forward. Make sure it’s simple and personal.

Voila!

You’re now someone who knows many of the elements to becoming a powerful persuader. Now, practice it – over and over. Convince people of strange facts, to do things, and to do things they were already going to do. Try things out and see what works for you.

Harry Key is a ‘provocative speech and confidence coach’ based in London. He teaches people and businesses how to get the results they want by engaging with the world in a confident and congruent way. Visit http://www.harrykey.com

Screw you! You Fu*k**g idiot.

Did you forget to pay your brain bill?

I don’t know why I waste my time with your stupid a**.

With the destructive force of an enraged carnivorous animal that has tasted blood we use our tongues as uncontrollable weapons of mass destruction. Although the original intent is to passionately prove a point sometimes disagreements transform into a clash of raw emotion that is just as spontaneous as it is combustible.

An argument is supposed to be a junction of ideas where different perspectives merge together cohesively to form a bond between two opposing viewpoints. Now they are an un-officiated cage match of mixed martial arts fighters inflicting demoralizing blow after blow in attempts to not only humiliate but also destroy anyone who dares to view things in a differently.

Just because we have different points of view does not mean we are mortal enemies. When did communication become so brutal?

Well today my intention is to give you some non-violent and less explosive alternatives to getting your point across without permanently damaging a relationship. Here are some tips on how to win an argument.

1. The Truth Hurts-Base it on the Facts

The worst thing you can do during an argument is base your conversation on what you feel. Even though displaying emotion is important it is not the best used technique to win an argument. When a lawyer presents a case before a judge they want to have as much factual evidence as possible. This gives them the greatest odds of winning the trail. Would you trust a lawyer who doesn’t have any facts?

2. Name Your Source-Challenge Information

A gentleman, whom I will not name for fear of retaliation, had the nerve to tell me that Rodney Stucky was the best point guard in the NBA. He then went on and on about why he felt that way wasting all of my precious time. Obviously I didn’t agree. To save you some time here a tip. If the person you are communicating with seems to be stating a lot of their personal feelings ask them for facts, proof, or statistics.

The best way to do this and not make the situation more uncomfortable is to ask open ended questions like, Why do you feel….? After reviewing the important statistics we were quickly about to move on to something more important like lunch.

3. Control Your Boiling Point-Self Control

Maintaining your focus and self control will swing the odds in your favor when in a heated debate. Try not to lose your temper. The purpose of an argument is to prove a point with tact and finesse. If you lose control an argument can quickly transform into a deadly war of words that might become a physical altercation.

Have you ever seen two people who were really upset try to talk to one another? It is a waste of time. The people spend more time screaming over the other person while they are talking that no actual communication is happening.

4. How Old Are You?-Ignore Statements without Merit

In an argument people will get angry. They might even raise their voice. The thing I want you to consider is the reason why people yell in arguments. They want you to hear them. So do you best to give your undivided attention. Even then some people are just immature and will say things to intentionally get under your skin. You do not have to respond to everything another person says.

If they call you a raging idiot ignore them and terminate the conversation. Last time I checked name calling was done mostly by kids.

5. Paint a Picture-Use Vivid Examples

I believe the best way to prove your point peacefully is to use factual information that you can describe so vividly that the recipient can visualize it.

“Down by two with 10 seconds left on the clock, Dwayne Wade received the inbound pass at the top of the key after fighting through two defenders. He jabbed stepped to the left, did a two dribble drive, and jumped stopped outside of the three point line to take a shot. As the ball left his hands the entire crowd drew silent until.. That is why I think Dwayne Wade is one of the best player in the clutch.”

This statement is a lot more power than just saying that Wade is one of the best closers in the NBA.

Don’t get me wrong even when using these tips you will still lose some arguments but now you have some tools that will swing the odds in your favor.

Now it is your turn to share your tips with me. What would you do to win an argument?

Frank Jennings is the founder of A Spark Starts where he writes stories of inspiration to help you reach your greatest potential. All it takes is one spark to start a fire that will change you life.

Communication is always looked upon as key factor in a person’s overall growth whether in career, personal or professional relationships. Therefore to truly be successful, one of the major techniques that must be mastered is the art of communicating – understanding people and being understood by them.

What is effective communication?

Many people confuse communication with excessive talking. Effective communication is not excess talking. It’s actually talking less, saying more.

It is the art of conveying a message effortlessly which most of the crowd understands and grasps quickly.

I meet a lot of talented people who can deliver excellent results when it comes to their work but struggle when it comes to communication. They can’t express or explain what work they have done in a convincing manner. It’s true that work speaks for itself but we are in the modern world and one need to have minimum level of effective communication. You will get right answers if you ask right questions. Communication helps you to ask right questions. Communication helps you to bridge the gap between what you know and what you want to know.

Let me share a few tips that have helped me immensely:

Breaking the ice

To become an effective communicator, first thing you need to do is to learn to break the ice. You need to get started with something (even by asking a question) whether be it in a meeting or a general discussion. You also need to be a good listener if you want to ask right questions.

Once you break the ice, continue with your normal tone and speak few words about relevant matter. Don’t worry if it doesn’t sound effective at first attempt. Your mind if powerful and it knows how to better your speech next time. It’s important to get started.

Let the words flow

Deliver your words like a flow of water. Speak to the point, be clear and maintain continuity. However you can pause in between to get the feedback of audience if you’re giving a public speech. Try to make your public speech interactive by asking questions or launching an on spot quiz. People love quizzes.

Don’t repeat words

Next thing is enhancing your vocabulary of words. You shouldn’t use same words repeatedly in your speech. Learn new words and add quality to your speech. It also helps to improve your written communication as well. This wont happen overnight but with little effort and consistency, you can enhance your vocabulary.

Pictures speak a thousand words

Effective communication also plays very important when it comes to expressing your ideas if you work in a creative field. Feel free to use few tools to aid your communication (in this case, a presentation) such as a drawing, a flowchart or a PowerPoint presentation.  Picture speak thousands words.

Learn time management

Effective communication needs time management. If you are presenting a research paper, learn to manage the time and set your internal benchmarks for completing certain portions of the paper. Aim to finish the presentation in allotted slot of time – and you won’t be rushed at the last minute, and unable to convey your arguments/points.

Participate

Try attending seminars where a seasoned speaker gives a speech about a topic. Observe his gestures and mannerisms. Observe his tone variations. Start putting your learning into practice. Soon, you will start noticing gradual changes in your communication pattern and an effective communication has positive effective in career and relationships.

Invest your time in learning effective communication.  It gives you unbeatable rewards.

About the Author: Naveen Kulkarni writes about personal development and ideas about productivity at his own blog Winning Ideas.  You can follow him on Twitter.

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Every moment of every day is a new beginning for your life through the words you choose to use.

Words make up your thoughts and ideas. They shape the images in your mind, coloring what you perceive and believe.

In the world around you, words make up text messages, tweets, and on your Facebook page they explain your pictures, your past and your plans. They make up the laws that rule much of your experience.

Yet all this being true, we seldom stop to think about the ongoing power of the words we use and string together, the empowerment of words at our disposal when used effectively, or the power unleashed against us at our peril when words are used without awareness.

Our mind is the light we shine second by second on the words we choose from the infinite lexicon before us. It is critically important that we be alertly aware: The words we choose to shine the light of our mind on, shape our very life and its quality.

Now if we stop for a moment and think of the avalanche of words we are inundated with from without, never mind from the running dialogue within, it is easy to see the confusion this can lead to. Which words to choose and will they lead to an effective direction in our life?

NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE WORDS

One common way to think about the words we use is to refer to them as negative thoughts or positive thoughts. This kind of classification provides some assistance in that it points out that negative thoughts and words often lead to negative feelings.

For instance: “I am too this or too that,” (This is often a comment about a body feature.), will lead to feelings of depression, anger or self-pity.

Conversely, it is popularly believed with this classification, sometimes to the point of it being called a secret that positive words and thoughts lead to positive feelings and outcomes in ones’ life.

For instance: “Just think positive and you’ll feel better.”

This kind of classification of our words and thoughts unfortunately polarizes words into good and bad, however, and this polarization can paralyze us. This is because at times so-called ‘negative’ words can be most positive in their impact on our life, and conversely positive words can easily lead us astray.

For instance, as I discuss in the book, The Three Word Truth about Love and Being Well, the word Won’t, seemingly negative, is a most powerful word leading to peace of mind and personal joy when used as follows: I Won’t judge, I Won’t criticize, or, I Won’t attach to outcome or stuff.

Conversely again, the seemingly positive word Will if not chosen with great care can lead one far astray in the power it unleashes and lead us into the dark.

For instance: I Will open that bottle of wine. I Will drive my car.

It is easy to see how the negative word Won’t can clear a space for the positive word Will, but Will needs to flow back to Won’t to keep it from going astray. I Won’t open that wine. I Will do that work I have been avoiding.  Won’t can eliminate the toxic in your life as Will can invite it back in.

TRANSCENDENT WORDS

Contrary to words classified as positive or negative, words that focus us in the ‘here and now’ tend to be transcendent. These are words like Am.

Here we can think about beginning each moment of our life with a transcendent word: I Am energy. I Am light. I Am Love.

Similarly a word like OM is used in meditation to center us in the power of the present.

I Am says there is no doubt and no obstacle that cannot be overcome; I AM transcends perception.

For example: ‘I Am going to do this’ says in fact it is already done. ‘I Am Love’ says I love the world and my view of the world is loving; as this is not a hostile view, it dissolves fear, guilt and anger.

WORKING THE WORDS

If we decide to center our life around just Three Words, Won’t, Will, (Intention) and Am we can see and feel the empowerment presented to us in the abundance of the world; we also see a way to cut through the confusion of endless words coming at us from inside and outside.

If you become clear as you begin each moment of your life to work these Three Words, that is decide what you Won’t do, you open up a space to begin the next moment with what you Will do.

Centering in WILL as the creation you are, you are able to transcend your fear, doubt, guilt and anger by realizing in your essence I Am, as is everyone else.

This realization in turn will lead you back to what you Won’t do and what you Will do as you shape your surface personality that is now ready to extend truth, beauty, creativity, love and joy to the world.

Dr. Clark Falconer is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is a practicing Psychiatrist from Vancouver, Canada and the author of the new, critically acclaimed book The Three Word Truth About Love And Being Well. To receive daily tips on the power of words follow Clark on Twitter.

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It has been 7 years since my graduation day and I still remember the excitement; I was relieved that the ”exam phase” of my life was over; I looked with enthusiam towards my first job. Little did I know that the “working world” would require an extraodinary effort and loads of other skills!

My journey on the career ladder would have been smoother, had I known a few important lessons. While there are many ”on the job” lessons, some things in life must be experienced, to be truly understood. What follows are 8 such career lessons, I wish they’d handed out to me along with my diploma.

1. Your career is not your life. Many of us rely heavily on our careers for satisfaction in our lives. We get immersed in the day-to-day rush of our work and discover that we no longer have the time, energy or inspiration.
For some people (my former self included), it’s as if our jobs are part of our bodies, and if we don’t see ourselves as successful in them, we feel almost physically unhealthy. As a result, we question ourselves when things aren’t going in the direction we hoped. Consciously separating your self from your career allows for a greater perspective on both.

2. Be indispensible (at least one area)
There are certain things that you can do, or that you can learn to do, that can make you extraordinarily valuable to yourself and to others. Identify your special areas of uniqueness and then to commit yourself to becoming very, very good in those areas.
Take stock of your unique talents and abilities on a regular basis. What is it that you do especially well? What are you good at? What do you do easily and well that is difficult for other people? Identifying what separates you from thoses around you, and concentrating on those skills will make your unique skill set invaluable and hard to replace.

3. Don’t grow stale in your career. We live in a world where technology is evolving rapidly. This has a direct consequence on your career. Stay up to speed on the latest happenings in your field. Read various articles and books to keep your mind sharp. Attend seminars at your present job if offered. Seek out mentors who can advise or educate you. Don’t become comfortable with the status quo or complacent about things you are already good at – you can always be better, so taket he time to find out how.

4. Guard your time like a hawk. At work, we often find ourselves bombarded with ‘urgent’ requests. All of these urgent requests can disrupt the thinking processes. Sometimes it may take twice as long to get something done, simply because of the interruption. Learn to say No (with good reason!) and prioritize your tasks.

5. Polish your people skills. You may do your job well, even so well that no one can complain. But you never seem to get ahead. Sound familiar?
People issues can be one of the main reasons people leave jobs. It can also be a cause for dissatisfaction and reduced productivity. Bottom line: you need people skills to move up.

6. Communicate effectively. No matter what career path you choose to follow, you have to have good written and oral communication skills to get ahead in your career.
Make a real effort to listen to everything that’s being said to you. Observe and learn from others who make it seem effortless.

7. Keep your cool. We sometimes forget that we are in a professional environment and tend to curse and behave like a teenager. Whatever happens, don’t explode or throw your arms up in resignation. Keep your mind clear at the worst of times and you’ll be able to handle anything. There’s nothing more respectable than being calm under fire. So take a deep breath, or a walk around the block, and find away to diffuse your frustration before you address whatever the problem is.

8. Shield your reputation. The people you hang out with will add value or break your good name. Also, if you spend time with people who gossip and tear others down, you are likely to catch it too.
So, identify ways to develop and maintain a professional image that is positive and genuine. Surround yourself with positive people who seek to grow and improve.
Looking back at your career, what has been most responsible for your success? Any lessons you would like to add to this graduation day handout?

Shamelle is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain and the founder of The Enhance Life, a blog offering real life wisdom, for modern life growth.

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One tenet you’ll often hear in personal development circles is that “it’s good to talk” or “a burden shared is a burden halved”. Sometimes, though, when feeling down, you’ll talk to a spouse, parent or friend about how you feel … and you’ll find that you’re just dragging yourself into a deeper and blacker mood.

So why is it that talking doesn’t always help? And how can you help someone who wants to talk to you about their woes?

Talking Often Focuses on the Problem

Perhaps you’ve been feeling a bit down recently. Maybe you have bleak days when it seems like you’ve lost your direction in life. You might talk to a friend about it, detailing all the things you wish you could do (if only you had the money, or the time, or the skills), and endlessly dissecting everything that’s wrong in your life.

Talking about everything that’s wrong just reinforces your focus on things that aren’t currently working. If you’re already in a bad mood, it’ll send you spiralling further and further down. Have you ever had the experience of “working yourself into a state” – feeling a bit anxious or angry about something, and dwelling on it until the molehill becomes a mountain?

Tip for Helping: If someone wants to talk to you about everything that’s wrong in their life, encourage them to find something that’s good. Ask “what’s been better recently?” This is a technique that the coach Mark Forster uses and explains in his book How to Make Your Dreams Come True.

Talking May Mean Saying Something You Regret

When you’re in a bad mood, or feeling very fed up about something, it’s easy to think that your state of mind represents your real feelings about a job, relationship, or life situation. The truth is, how you feel when in a bad mood is no more “real” or objective than the way you feel when everything’s going swimmingly.

One danger of trying to talk through your bad moods is that you’ll end up saying something you’ll regret. Perhaps you’ll think, at the time, that you’re telling your friend a few home truths … but later you’ll realise that you don’t really think that of them at all. Maybe you’ll tell colleagues that you hate your job, despite finding it perfectly pleasant most of the time: do you want your words making their way through the office grapevine to your boss?

Tip for Helping: Try to treat anything that someone says in anger, or while upset, as something that they don’t really mean. If you do end up saying something that you regret, don’t be too hesitant to apologize once you’ve calmed down.

Talking Only Works if Someone Listens

Unfortunately, most people in the world are not good listeners – and I include myself here. When listening to someone, it’s easy to let your mind wander, or to stop concentrating on their words in order to think about what you’re going to say next. We often don’t even hear the actual words that are said – let alone the intention behind them, and the wealth of stuff that is implied.

You may get frustrated when you talk about your problems because people just don’t seem to understand. Perhaps they brush off the major issues as unimportant, and attend to the minor ones; perhaps they offer advice when all you wanted was someone to listen patiently. Maybe they’ve completely missed the point.

Tip for Helping: Learn how to listen actively. If you’re seeking help, try going to a life coach, counsellor or someone else who has been trained to listen and to help you work through problems.

Do you find that talking to someone when you’re in a bad mood helps you to feel better – or does it tend to make things worse? Have you been able to help people by listening to them when they’re going through a bleak spell?

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