The only help is a mirror on the other side of the intersection. If you look into the mirror, it is like you are standing in a different position. It is like you cross the road, and now have a clear view straight around the corner. This is the only way to see around blind corners. Looking from this different position makes the way forward obvious.

In life, blind corners are everywhere. You are dealing with a problem or are faced with a challenge and you just can’t see the solution. You are blind to the solution because your perspective is limited by the position you are in. You can’t see the way forward because of who you are, what you believe and how you normally behave.

When you are stuck like this you need to look at the situation from a different perspective, but how?

A quick and easy way to get an alternate perspective is to play a little mind game called “Thinking Around Corners”. This excercise sets up alternate perspectives so that you can see past your own limitations. It works by looking at the situation through the eyes of a completely different person. By imagining how another person would behave in your situation, you can discover some simple but effective solutions.

The process is easy:

1. Make up 3 different characters. Three people that are nothing like you.
2. Give them names, occupations, and try to make a rough mental picture of how they look. Remember that the less like you the better.
3. Spend a couple of minutes thinking about the details of these people’s fictional lives. Give them personalities and a few habits. Base them on someone you know, or just pull the characters out of the air if that is easier. Get to know them because they are going to help you solve a lot of problems in the future.

So far, this should only take you 10 minutes or so. At the end you should have a memorable trio of helpers ready to give you a new perspective on a problem. So put them to work.

Pose your problem to each of your characters in turn. Quickly write down 10 responses from each. Assuming that Steven Styverson is one of your fictional characters, the question would be:

“What would Steven Styverson do in this situation?”

Simply because you are attempting to answer the question on behalf of someone very different from you, you will come up with some remarkable solutions. No matter what situation you put Steven Styverson in, you will come up with solutions that would not naturally occur in your thoughts. You will easily come up with 10 ways forward. All you have to do then is decide which you can use in the real world and then put the solutions to work.

It all sounds too childish to work, but if you develop your characters carefully, it will be effective. Don’t be put off by its simplicity, this is a high powered technique. If you put your imagination to work, you will soon end up with too many solutions rather than too few.

Here are 3 fictional characters that have helped me solve problems as I looked from their perspective.

1. Mrs Ruffle, A friendly old grandmother. Addicted to knitting and gossip. Never without a cup of tea. A shrewd bargain hunter. Shuffling around the neighbourhood talking with everyone she meets.
2. Steven Styverson, a hard nosed business man. Refined and restrained. Perfectly disciplined and cold. Conformist and conventional.
3. Ritz Paris, a celebrity socialite. Famous for being famous. Known by everyone and always in the social pages. Never seen alone.

These caricatures are 100% stereotypical and politically incorrect, but they work. They usually provide about 10 solutions, to any problem that I feed them, very quickly. The reason that they quickly and easily come up with these solutions is because these fictional characters are so different to me. They are different in personality, habits, behaviours and attitudes. Their different perspective is what makes the solutions so useful.

Early this morning I used this method with these 3 characters on a problem that I have been stuck on for a while. I came up with a total of 28 ideas of what these three fictional characters would do. I discovered that I could use (after a little modification) 13 of those ideas.

They include some conventional ideas and some quite remarkable. In looking over them now, they seem so obvious, but from my own perspective I just couldn’t see around the corner. Either way, I am no longer stuck at the blind corner.

Why not try this for yourself? Think up a few personalities that are very different to your own. Flesh out some details about each of them, to bring them to life. Then put them to work on your problems. List everything that they would do, then from that list pick the solutions that will work for you.

I hope this gives you as much success in solving problems as it has for me. And yes, I would like to thank Mrs. Ruffle, Steven Styverson and Ritz Paris for help in writing this article.

Tom O’Leary researches, writes and lives personal development that works. Join him at www.LifeGoalAction.com

image by jayniebell

How can apologies be so valuable but so misused?

Genuine apology is an unfashionable concept. With humility and one way service it’s among the least popular traits in our advanced culture. Nonetheless, it’s a vital part of life that’s indispensable in building strong relationships.

What then, is an apology? In its simplest form, an apology is taking responsibility for a disturbance in a relationship. These insincere apologies imply nothing about your attitude towards the disturbance you are taking responsibility for. A useful apology always acknowledges that you regret your part in the disturbance and are trying to stop or reverse its occurrence.

An apology is not just a tool to make peace. It’s not another way of saying “Get off my back”. It’s not a way of introducing harm, “sorry but I am going to have to divorce you”. It’s not a tool to manipulate others.

When should you apologize? Whenever there is a break in a relationship. No matter what the issue, there will usually be a part, even a small part, that was your responsibility. For this you should apologize. Realizing that a disturbance is your responsibility is a giant step towards emotional maturity.

But WHEN should you apologize? As soon as possible. Depending on the relationship this may be immediately or when you’ve cooled off after a few days. It is our responsibility to take the initiative to apologize. If you wait for the other party to come to you, you may be waiting forever. It takes boldness and integrity to make the first step. Never let an apology swing on timidness or lack of confidence.

A genuine apology is not a habitual apologetic mannerism. It is a deliberate effort to solve a relational problem that you have contributed to. This requires of discipline. Believe me because I know from experience.

I struggle with apologies as much as the next person. I find it’s usually the hardest when the relationship is particularly important to me, like my direct family. When I’m in the wrong, I will try anything I can think of, short of apologizing, to try and solve the problem.

Sooner or later, though, I have to swallow my pride and apologize. It should be no surprise but usually my apology contributes to healing a damaged relationship. Often the relationship ends up stronger than ever. Apology is one of the toughest but most productive habits that I am trying to adopt. We all need to sharpen up our apology sense.

There was, and still is, an Australian Prime Minister who refused to say sorry to the Australian Aboriginal people for crimes against them in the past. This isn’t a political article so I won’t go into details, but it appears the main reason that he wouldn’t publicly apologize on behalf of our country was that he was afraid of the backlash. He feared an apology would mean admitting guilt and that this would fuel the disturbance rather than remedy it.

This sort of attitude is all too prevalent in our society. We no longer trust each other. We realize that if we apologize, we’re admitting guilt. If we admit guilt it can be used against us. This may be true in a legal sense — I have held car insurance policies that are void if I admit guilt or apologize at the scene of a potential accident — but it is totally wrong in a relational sense.

We have to get past the paranoia that makes us believe that everyone will try to use an apology against us. There will be times when an apology is abused, but more often than not, a genuine apology will be well received and will go a long way towards solving a disturbance between two people.

How to apologize:

1. Make it genuine – Anyone can spot a false apology and it will do more harm than good. A genuine apology is aimed solely at taking responsibility and overcoming a disturbance. There are no hidden obligations or expectations attached.
2. Don’t justify your actions – If you are busy explaining why you did what you did, it will start to sound like you aren’t apologizing at all, that you aren’t ready to take responsibility. A brief explanation may help understanding, while a justification may just fuel the disturbance.
3. Make a commitment to change – If you can’t confirm that you mean to improve, then you aren’t committed to an apology. If you aren’t committed to changing your habit of getting home late, don’t say “Sorry I am home late”. This will be a hollow and ineffective apology. You are better off thanking the other person, “Thanks for putting up with me coming home so late. I appreciate it” and taking it from there.
4. Phrased you apology carefully – Make sure the other person knows why you are apologizing. “I was passing by so I thought I’d drop in and say sorry” is a lot different to “I wanted to come and apologize because I really do care about this relationship”. Don’t fake it. If you have a good reason to keep the relationship alive the other person will want to hear it.
5. Be prepared for an awkward conclusion – While sometimes an apology is followed straight away by a counter apology and peace and flowers and little birds carrying banners of love through the air, not everyone reacts this way. Some people will behave indifferently, some will behave coldly, and some will react in a downright hostile way. This is out of your control. You have made the step to apologize. Doing it in a productive way is the best you can do. Maybe the other person will appreciate it now, later, or never. No matter what, you have done your bit and you can relax. The rest is up to them.

Who do you need to apologize to today?

This article was written by Tom O’Leary from www.LifeGoalAction.com. His site is loaded with effectivity tools that help people make the most of their finest asset…their lives. Head there now if you want to kick your personal progress into hyper-drive.