7 Common Reasons Relationships Fail

Failed relationships are one of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life. Working on successful relationships, whether they are with our children, parents, friends or partners, is one of the most important life skills we can learn. If we cannot maintain lasting relationships, we will always struggle to be happy.

This article looks at seven common reasons why once harmonious relationships break down. If we know why relationships are liable to break down we can avoid the pain involved.

Jealousy

It is ironic that we can easily become jealous of our closest friends. Jealousy often occurs when there is a feeling of separation and competition. We need to learn to be happy at the success of others; it only when we can feel a sense of oneness with others achievements that jealousy will remain far away.

Also, we need to trust our partner -  a suspicious mind is very poisonous. It is better to be trusting rather always suspecting infidelity or disloyalty. Others will be rightly discomforted if we mistrust them. If our partner lets us down, it is not our fault. But, if we suspect, because of our own insecurity, we are bound to create serious problems in our own relationships.
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How to Develop R-E-S-P-E-C-T for Yourself

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ~ Mark Twain

Self-respect is a fundamental for a great life. If we lack self-respect we will be insecure and strive to be someone we are not. To develop self-respect means to cultivate the self confidence to deal with whatever life throws at us. The following are some ways we can improve our self-respect. Remember, self-respect comes from an inner belief and not an egoistic feeling of superiority.

1. Be True to Yourself

There is great social pressure from parents, work and society to become a certain person and to achieve certain things. It is a pressure hard to detach from. But, a real self-respect only comes from being true to our inner calling. It is important you have faith in your own values and remember what is important to you. Just because other people think you should behave in a certain way, doesn’t mean they are right. Everyone needs to follow their own path. Even if others don’t respect your decision it is important that you do. Just ask yourself whether you come into the world to please Tom, Dick and Harry or live your own life?
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How to Survive an Economic Meltdown

There is no shortage of bad news on the economy. Falling house prices, rising gas prices, rising unemployment and falling growth. Even on the most optimistic assessment the future prognosis is bleak. This recession has already caused hardship for those with risky mortgages; rising energy prices means everyone is being affected in some way. These are some tips to deal with the current economic downturn.

Be Flexible

An economic downturn can force us to change direction. Maybe we will lose our job or are faced with declining incomes. Unforced change is rarely welcome, but, if we can be flexible to changing circumstances we will be better able to deal with any new situation we find ourselves in. Flexibility is particularly important in today’s modern economy – full time jobs for life are far less common these days. These are some practical tips to increase our labour market flexibility.

Keep improving your skills. Look for opportunities to develop relevant skills – IT, foreign language, vocational qualifications. It is these extra qualifications which will help in job search and job retention.

Don’t have a fixed mindset. Just because you have had a 9 to 5 job for the past 10 years doesn’t mean this has to be your future. It is important to be open to new opportunities and job prospects, otherwise we unconsciously close off many avenues and income sources.

Be willing to travel. Any downturn is often focused in particular regions or sectors of the economy.

Look beyond your sector. Some sectors such as auto industry, estate agents, construction are being very badly hit in this recession. Don’t fight a losing battle, if your made unemployed in this area, it is better to seek work in different sectors. You could always consider opening a pawn shop – apparently business is booming there.

Be willing to work for yourself. Self employment is one of the fastest growth areas of employment. It involves more risk, but, also offers more opportunities.
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How To Deal With Indecision

“People say I’m indecisive, but I don’t know about that.” – George Bush

“Ummm… I’m not sure…” We all suffer from indecision at times. If we are not careful, this can become a debilitating problem which feeds on itself. Indecision is often related to lack of self confidence and a tendency to worry about potential problems. To overcome indecision we need to have the faith to follow our intuition, bearing in mind that sometimes it is not what we do, but rather how we do things that is important.

Both Options Can Work

“Indecision is often worse than wrong action.” – Henry Ford

Sometimes we feel that it is of vital importance to choose the right course of action. We feel that one choice must be the ‘right’ one and the other option ‘wrong’. However, this is often a mistake. What is important is how we make use of our choices. Maybe we have a choice between going to two different places; as long as we have the right attitude we can cultivate happiness wherever we go. If we are constantly worrying about our decision, then we will not be able to enjoy life even if we choose the so called ‘right action’.

I know a friend who regrets a choice he made at age 21 (not getting a certain job). He blames this for unhappiness in is life 15 years later. This is a mistake as the choice is much less important than he thinks; life is what we make of it and is not just about making the ‘right choices’. Don’t fret about making the perfect choice; just retain the best attitude to wherever life might take you.
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Do You Talk Too Much?

Talking is such a natural act we tend to take it for granted. But when you think about it, this life skill is crucial to the development and maintenance of strong and healthy relationships. Our talking habits can also be very revealing of our personality. Some people talk too much – they are the kind of people you try to avoid at a party. Others avoid talking when actually it would help quite a lot.The following are a few suggestions for getting the right balance between being a talkative bore and a shy recluse.

When We Talk Too Much

Nervousness / Insecurity

Sometimes we talk out of insecurity and nervousness. We feel it is our obligation to fill any silence with conversation – even if it is mostly meaningless and conversation just for the sake of it. Often, if we lack a sense of inner poise, we cover up by nervously chattering. But if we have nothing interesting, worthwhile or important to say, we should not worry about keeping quiet. Don’t feel obliged to force conversation; be at peace with yourself and allow conversation to be natural.

Talking About Yourself

Talking about yourself is the biggest mistake people tend to make. There is someone at work who is terrible at talking about himself and his activities. If you go to ask for a paper clip, you will have to endure several minutes of hearing about his recent camping holiday. Do matter how much you fidget and signal that you are completely bored – he won’t stop his monologue. All you want is a paper clip, but you have to endure the tedious exploits of an Englishman camping in Provence.
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How to Resolve Conflicts in Your Relationships

Every relationship in our life – friendships, family, romantic and professional – can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find a set of perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere.

To a large extent, the only thing we can change in relationships is ourself and our own attitude. We can’t expect to change other people, but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes harmony and diffuses conflict. Resolving conflicts in relationships is one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is something we need to value.

Seeing the Issue From the Other Person’s Perspective

If we have a difficult issue, it is important to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a different perspective. This empathy can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset. If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at things from our perspective, conflict will be much more likely to occur. For example, a parent dealing with difficult children should consider the perspective that children can have at that point in life.

Tolerance

A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain behaviour is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations. Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is not indifference; we shall retain concern and goodwill, but there comes a point where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices – even if we don’t agree with them. This is especially true for parents who have an overbearing expectation of how their children will live their lives.
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How to Live a Life of Inner Peace

“You cannot buy peace; you must know how to manufacture it within, in the stillness of your daily practises in meditation.”

Sometimes it is necessary to step back and realize how stressed we are. If we are not careful, stress can creep up on us and we will become unhappy without realizing it. However, once we are aware of how stressful our lives are, then we can take steps to reduce it. Nothing is as valuable as inner peace; but, it is not something we can buy – it is something we have to cultivate ourselves.

1. Relaxation Exercises

The state of your body will have an effect on your mind and vice versa. If you body is tense, it is reflection of your stressful mind. Learning to relax the body can be a helpful way to reduce stress. A very simple relaxation exercise is to tense and relax your muscles. Concentrate on a particular area and tense the muscles. Then let go of all tension and try to feel as relaxed as possible; feel all the stress and tension leaving the body. Try lifting up an arm, if it drops with a thud this is a sign that you are relaxed; if there is resistance this is a sign of tension.

2. Physical Exercise

We were not built to spend 15 hours a day sitting in front of the TV, driving a car and sitting at a desk. If we do no exercise and are lethargic, life becomes unbalanced. Taking physical exercise gives great relief both mentally and physically. Exercise releases different chemicals which contribute to a feeling of well being. It is also an opportunity to clear the mind and concentrate on something completely different. Often when we are stressed, the idea of exercise doesn’t sound appealing; it is easy to think of excuses like “I don’t have time”. But, here we are making a mistake; we need to make time and once we try we will definitely appreciate the benefits of exercise.

3. Deal with One Thing at A Time

When we have several demands on our time we feel stressed. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by demands placed on our time. The secret is to deal with one problem at a time and do what we can to improve the situation. When we have taken the necessary steps we can forget about it and move on to the next thing. Either take appropriate action or leave it. But, don’t just worry helplessly.
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Things We Hate to Admit

Often we are our own worst enemy. We make mistakes, but struggle to admit them. In some cases we try to justify our bad actions and motives, only to have our self deception heighten our mistakes.

To grow and develop we need to develop the capacity for honesty and self evaluation. It is only when we can admit where we are going wrong that we can start to put things right.

The following are some common things many of us struggle to admit. Can you see yourself in any of these?

Other’s Faults are Our Own

It is easy to pick fault with other people. In fact, often we gain a subtle enjoyment from highlighting the faults of others. If we are truly honest, however, we will see that when we criticize other people we actually have the very same weakness ourselves. Perhaps we may not make this mistake quite as frequently or as badly, but we still share it to some extent.

A funny example is how frequently people will say things like, “X is such a terrible gossip, he’s always negative and criticizing other people.” We say things like this; but ironically, we are doing exactly what we are criticizing them for! Another interesting point is that often people who grow to dislike each other are often very similar. The faults and personality traits we can’t stand in other people, are often traits of our own personality. I’m sure you can think of two people who dislike each other, but share many similarities in habits and personalities.

We are Wrong

Why can we find it so difficult to admit that we are in the wrong? It is because we worry about our ego and what others think. But, when we avoid the truth we only compound the situation and make things worse. We appreciate people who can admit they are wrong and then resolve to avoid repeating the mistake.
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The Truth About Money and Happiness

It is an oft repeated axiom that money cannot buy happiness. While this is certainly true, poverty will not buy happiness either. Some people become very wealthy, yet struggle to enjoy their lives. On the other hand, others manage to go through life with very few money problems simply because they are able to make the most of what they have.

Ideally you should try to combine both prosperity and happiness. To do this I recommend the following steps:

1. Learn to Value Simplicity

The aim of life should not be to accumulate as many possessions and as much wealth as possible. We should learn to be content with what we have and appreciate the benefits of simplicity. For example, if we clear out our unnecessary clutter we will achieve a greater feeling of space and freedom.

If you feel happiness is directly related to material possessions, you are making a mistake. Happiness can be gained just through being content with a small amount of possessions. Our inner wealth is not just about what we have, but what we are content to live without.

2. Do Not Be Attached to Your Money

Does it pain you to spend your own money – even if it is for something useful? Even someone like Bill Gates can feel uncomfortable spending his billions; it is said he used to always travel economy class because he didn’t see the need to spend more money on first class. The problem with this, however, is that if we are always reluctant to spend money we miss the whole point of earning it.

A good attitude is to see money as a circular flow – that is, spending money enables more to come into our lives. It is not like a big dam where we just try to hold onto it all. We need to let the money out by spending on useful and necessary things. It is no good having a stockpile of water unless we use it to generate power; similarly it is no use accumulating large savings if we we feel miserable spending it.
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6 Ways to Cope with an Abusive Boss and Irritating Co-Workers

Difficult people are a fact of life. At home you can avoid them by surrounding yourself with agreeable people, but in the work place most of us don’t have that luxury.

While your natural tendency may be to avoid them at all costs, it’s better to deal with them in a thoughtful manner. This is crucial to your career. If you develop the ability to work with anyone and handle the tough nuts, you’ll be the natural choice for promotions and leadership positions.

The following are some suggestions for resolving potentially awkward work situations. Just remember, if we can learn to effectively deal with difficult people our work life will become much less stressful and far more enjoyable.

Self Confidence

When our lives are made difficult by unsympathetic and dominating people we can quickly lose our self-confidence. To avoid this it is important not to value the opinions of negative people. If we can maintain a self confidence and self belief then it will be easy to ignore the criticisms of difficult work colleagues. Self confidence will not be built by heavily criticizing the difficult person. Self confidence comes through remembering our own positive qualities.

Should You Find a New Job?

Sometimes the people we work with are so awkward that we want to move and get another job. This is a difficult choice. The first thing to remember is that if we move jobs, there is a high chance we will meet similar problems, just with a different set of people. If we keep moving jobs with the hope of finding an office full of saints, we will be continually on the move.

The first thing is to try and deal with the situation; we need to be detached from the awkward person as much as possible. However, if we have really tried everything possible and work is still making us miserable, then is it worth considering a new job. We spend so much of our waking time in our job that we can’t allow unpleasant people to spoil it.
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