After hearing those three words, life as I knew it was never the same. It put me directly in the path of discovering courage I never knew I had. And I learned that the opportunity to overcome adversity with this kind of courage sometimes strikes when we least expect it….

A week after Mrs. Jordan belted out THAT’S RIGHT STEPHEN!, I was out on the playground during lunch recess. It was a beautiful spring day. Skies were clear and a warm, gentle breeze was blowing across the landscape. I always loved the spring. It always put me in a good mood. It felt as if the warm spring breeze caressed my face, giving me the feeling that I was being taken care of.

Ten minutes into lunch recess I saw David, the class bully sauntering towards me. He walked with a cocky swagger, his lips pursed like Elvis Presley. It was typical of an undefeated bully in those days. Up to that point, he had literally beaten up everyone else in the whole school, except for me. Not that I was tough or anything but he left me alone for some reason.

Oh, no, my time has come, I thought. My body went rigid with tension. I didn’t dare move. With steady eyes, I watched him approach me.

My eyes did a quick dart around – the other kids were fast forming a circle around me like a bunch of spectators at Madison Square Garden. They were hungry for some action. They left just enough room for David to make his grand entrance into the circle.

As soon as he was in, the circle closed up immediately. It was almost as if the other kids didn’t want to let either of us to get away without first shedding some blood.

My heart quickened with each step he made towards me. I licked my lips. I had no clue what I was going to do or say.

Unexpected Courage

I slowly turned my head to face the bully. He was still on his way with a sneer on his face.

Almost as if some unseen force took over, I suddenly shoved my right palm upward, like a traffic policeman.

Thrown off guard, the bully slowed to a crawl.

I licked my lips some more.

Back in those days, I wore a hearing aid box that was harnessed by a strap that wrapped around my chest. It was an albatross that shouldered the hearing box in place. There were two hearing aid cords that ran from the hearing aid box up to both ears. Although the box was underneath my shirt, its rectangular shape stuck out like a sore thumb. It looked as if I had just stepped off a spaceship.

In the next instant my life was forever changed.

Dripping with sarcasm, I pointed to my chest and said, “David, do you see this hearing aid box? “

The bully snickered some more and cackled like the cruel witch in “The Wizard of Oz.” As he was doing that, his eyes briefly flickered. No one else noticed it but I did.

It gave me a little more courage.

I raised my voice another notch and told him, “IF YOU PUNCH THIS BOX, IT’LL BLOW UP THE WHOLE SCHOOL!” My hands clapped like thunder, startling the bully.

His face instantly turned paper white with widening eyes. He slowly took one step back and then another and then another. Out of the corner of my eye, I couldn’t help notice that the circle was once again opening up behind him.

Then he did something that forever ruined his rough and tumble image.

He ran home as fast as his legs would carry him!

I folded my arms across my chest and triumphantly watched the figure of David grow smaller and smaller. Then I looked around at the other kids – they were laughing, clapping and whooping. Others were vigorously rubbing their eyes in disbelief.

Wow! Did I really defeat the bully? I had just whipped him without laying a hand on him! Man, how was that possible?

A Lasting Change

Well, would you believe I became the most popular kid in the whole school after that? My confidence soared like never before. All of a sudden everyone wanted to be my friend.

Sometimes we find out that we have courage when we’re tested. We never want to be tested like this because when we think about it, it’s very scary but it does happen and we’re all stronger because of the adversial experience.

The story illustrates the power of how someone else can make a difference in our lives. My fifth grade teacher told me years later that she had no idea how much of an impact she made on my life in her classroom the week before the bully incident.

If she hadn’t called on me and thundered THAT’S RIGHT STEPHEN!, the bully might have beaten me to a bloody pulp.

Who knows?

About the Author of this Post: Help and support Stephen by subscribing to his blog at Adversity University to receive inspiring articles about the power of achieving the impossible, overcoming and dealing with adversity in addition to some of the most revealing, in-depth “Stephen Hopson Interviews” of authentic bloggers. He is a former award-winning Wall Street stockbroker turned motivational speaker, author and the first deaf pilot in the world to earn an instrument rating in 2006. Read more about Stephen here.

Since it never occurred to anybody at the school to retain the services of an interpreter, I had to sit in the front row so that I could read the teacher’s lips. Classroom discussions were virtually impossible to follow because I couldn’t hear what was being said around the room. In a vain effort to keep up with the flow of conversation swirling around me, I was always asking whoever happened to be sitting next to me what was being said. Eventually, I got tired of watching everyone shrug their shoulders indifferently and rolling their eyes. I began to pretend that I knew what was going on. Fitting in was so important to me that every time the kids laughed, I laughed along even though I was clueless most of the time.

I spent every spare moment trying to keep up with my peers. While most of them finished their homework well before dinner, I was often holed up in my room right up until dinnertime, only to go back and work well into the night.

One evening, I was working on a math word problem. For the life of me, I couldn’t solve it so I asked my father to help me out. We had been going over it for more than a half-hour and making no progress at all. The smell of pizza drifted in from the kitchen. It was almost suppertime.

My father decided to try one last time.

“Stephen, read through the word problem again,” he said.

After I read it aloud, he added, “Now, do you add or subtract?”
Hesitantly, I replied, “Add?”

“NO, STEPHEN YOU HAVE TO SUBTRACT, SUBTRACT, SUBTRACT!”

His eyes were bulging, ready to pop out while slamming his fist on my tiny desk, almost knocking over the little green lamp.

I shivered in fear. I wanted to dash beneath my bed and stay there forever.

Going to school wasn’t much better either. Kids taunted me and called me names mainly because of my hearing aid and the way I talked.

I remembered thinking, “What have I done wrong?”

Not only did I have trouble fitting in, but I also had difficulty reading the clock, counting money and reading. Although I was gregarious and acted as a happy-go-lucky kid, I actually thought of myself as an ugly yellow bucktooth kid with wires that ran from the hearing aid box to my ears. Other parents didn’t want me to hang around their kids fearing that my deafness would rub off on them. How absurd was that!?!?

Because of my academic struggles, I was fast on my way to being held back in fourth grade. Teachers didn’t know what to do with me.

But then fate intervened.

I was allowed to pass, making the way for my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Jordan, to make a grand entrance into my life.

She uttered a simple three-word phrase that was delivered at the right time in just the right way, forever changing my life.

Three Simple Words

A large woman with salt and pepper hair, and twinkling brown eyes, Mrs. Jordan, my fifth grade teacher, had a voice that boomeranged off the walls of her tiny classroom. The school was Blue Creek Elementary in Latham, New York (just outside Albany).

On one sunny afternoon, she asked the class a question. I read her lips from my front-row seat and immediately raised my hand.

I couldn’t believe it – despite my fears, I felt uncharacteristically confident because — for once — I was sure I had the right answer.

But, when she called on me, I was suddenly afraid. Here was an opportunity to impress the powerful teacher and show her I was worthy of her love. Maybe even impress my classmates a little.

I didn’t want to blow it. I took a deep breath and nervously answered her question.

Her explosive response startled all of us.

She enthusiastically slammed her right foot on the floor and whirled her finger a full circle until it pointed directly at me. With sparkling eyes and a wide smile she cried, “THAT’S RIGHT STEPHEN!”

For the first time in my young life, I felt like an instant star. My heart burst with pride as an ear-to-ear grin filled my face. I sat a little taller in my chair and puffed out my chest. My confidence soared.

It was amazing how a simple three-word phrase delivered with incredible enthusiasm had totally transformed my young life.

“THAT’S RIGHT STEPHEN!”

All it took was three words to get me to think that I would make a place for myself in this world no matter how many obstacles I had to overcome. From that day forward, my grades and speech improved dramatically. My peers suddenly looked at me with new respect and my outlook on life did a complete turnabout.

About the Author of this Post: Help and support Stephen by subscribing to his blog at Adversity University to receive inspiring articles about the power of achieving the impossible, overcoming and dealing with adversity in addition to some of the most revealing, in-depth “Stephen Hopson Interviews” of authentic bloggers. He is a former award-winning Wall Street stockbroker turned motivational speaker, author and the first deaf pilot in the world to earn an instrument rating in 2006. Read more about Stephen here.

Everyone has to deal with difficult people, whether they are argumentative, abusive, stubborn, or combative. The question is, how can you assert your own rights without creating an unnecessary incident?

In most cases, angry people are screaming to be heard. They want to be valued, loved, and listened to. They want to feel important but aren’t able to express themselves constructively. With the right attitude, it’s possible to get past these insecurities and reach an understanding.

These 7 strategies will help you setting disputes quickly and peacefully for the benefit of everyone involved:

1. Remain calm. Be still and say nothing. Let the storm run its course. Often times the angry person wants to provoke you. Arguing is ineffective because it raises barriers. Consider how I handled the barber situation.

2. Let the other person do the talking. He or she will soon grow tired of it. Sometimes that’s all they want. To be heard. To feel important. Everyone wants to feel important. Some people just express it in ways that are counterproductive.

3. Genuinely consider the other person’s point of view. Imagine yourself in his shoes. Never say “you’re wrong.” In fact, try hard to look for areas of agreement and build on them.

4. There’s power in the words “Yes, yes, I see exactly what you’re saying. You mean…….” This shows the other person you hear him/her. That’s all they usually want — to be validated. By agreeing with them, you gradually break down the other person’s anger.

5. If the situation turns verbally abusive, put a stop to it. Firmly but calmly state: “You’re very angry right now and you’re saying things you don’t mean (give them the benefit of the doubt). I’m going to excuse myself. We can talk again after you calm down.” Then leave the room or ask them to leave.

6. If you are wrong, quickly admit it and take responsibility. You could say, “You’re absolutely right, it is my fault and here is what I’ll do to fix it.” Even if you’re NOT wrong, at least give them the benefit of the doubt, “I may be wrong, let’s look at the facts together.” It’s hard to argue with that!

These words have tremendous power. Not only does it validate the other person’s viewpoint but it also diffuses the tension. You might be surprised by what happens afterwards. The person could end up defending you. You’d be amazed how an attacker suddenly becomes an ally.

7. Use the power of visualization. If you’re dealing with someone you interact with on a daily basis (like a boss or co-worker), try to imagine that person as a loving spiritual being. I did this with a boss I had at a Wall Street bank several years ago. He was an absolute tyrant and gave everyone a hard time. In retrospect, he was clearly unhappy and insecure.

One day I started to visualize him as a loving grandfather. When he was in a good mood, he would lovingly talk about his grandchildren. His eyes and face would light up with incredible joy, leading me to realize there was a softhearted man behind the hard facade. Every morning before going to work, I imagined him romping around in the backyard on a warm, breezy day with his grandkids squealing and laughing with delight.

Long story short, this man promoted me almost 1 year later, in no small part due to the power of visualization. No one can dispute that this works because I’ve lived to tell the story. I’ve used it win trips to Mexico and Bermuda (sales contests at Merrill Lynch), to forgive those who have hurt me, to become the world’s first deaf instrument pilot, and to give powerful presentations.

Food for thought: Think about how you’ve dealt with difficult people in the past. Were you tempted to prove them wrong, trying to save face? Were you able to see through the facade and recognize that all they want is to be heard, loved and validated? Have you tried the power of visualization?

Stephen Hopson is a former Wall Street stockbroker turned motivational speaker, author and pilot. He blogs at Adversity University and shares his personal experiences in dealing with adversity through stories, observations, and tips.