“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~ Benjamin Franklin.

Worry is a great destroyer of happiness. It is a totally unproductive thing to do, and yet most of us engage in it with great enthusiasm. I’m always amused when I hear things like ‘is this something we should worry about?’ or ‘What should we really be worrying about?’ The answer, of course, is that we shouldn’t be worrying about anything – there is always a better option.

Worry comes from living in the past or (more often) the future. We have all made mistakes, we’ve all got things wrong. We’ve made foolish decisions and behaved badly. This is part of everyone’s past, and whatever has happened, nothing can be done to change it. But we can learn from this experience and move on. Regret and worry over the past are dead ends.

Similarly, nobody knows the future. Nobody can predict what is going to happen tomorrow, and yet we spend so much time trying to do just that, and worrying about all the things that could go wrong. Mark Twain wrote, ‘I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.’ Sage warning indeed.

‘That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change. But they that build nests in your hair, you can prevent.’
~ Chinese proverb.

The most important thing to keep in mind here (as in all other areas of life) is that you are in control. You are pulling your own strings, you can choose what to think and how to act. So many people don’t understand this, not realising they are unable to change their thinking and so becoming trapped in their own thoughts of worry and fear. It’s very common for people to blame their unhappiness on the outside world – other people, circumstances, the government, etc. – without ever realizing that the problems, and their solutions, lie within.

It is true that some things are outside our control. But I am convinced that happiness is a choice. It’s a decision we all make, whether we know it or not. It is possible to be happy in any situation, because happiness is our natural, default state of being.

‘Joy is not in things; it is in us.’ ~Richard Wagner (1813-1883)

There is Chinese proverb that says. ‘happiness is right in front of your eyes.’ We don’t have to acquire anything to be happy. Often, we think that we need ‘stuff’ to be happy – we need money, we need a good job, we need our family to behave differently, we need to change our appearance. But really, it’s the other way around. When we’re happy, things start to work. When we desire something, the best thing to do is to be happy and appreciative at the prospect of receiving it, and not to to postponing your joy until that certain something arrives.

One of the most powerful ways to find happiness is to make a list of all the wonderful things that have happened to you. At the end of the day, just run through the things you have appreciated during the day. These can be the smallest of things – perhaps someone said a kind word; perhaps you laughed at something; perhaps you were paid a compliment, or spent time with friends. Are you well? Are you free from pain? Did you eat? These are all things to appreciate.

It’s also important to cultivate a habit of seeing the good in things. Many events can be interpreted in positive or negative ways. Is the glass half empty, or is it half full?

Each day, try to develop an awareness of your thinking so that you can catch yourself starting to worry and make a decision to think more productive thoughts. It’s hard at first, but with practise it will become second nature.

Make a commitment to being happy – it’s the most important work of your life!

Michael Miles is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He also writes at EffortlessAbundance.

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Have you watched TV programs like Downsize Me? I really enjoy watching this! People who lead unhealthy lifestyles are given a ‘lifestyle makeover.’ They usually end up losing weight and finding more happiness by the end of the show. Obviously they do make great strides over the two months they are being followed by the cameras, but I often wonder how many of these people go back to their old unhealthy ways once the TV cameras have left. The trouble is that these kind of programmes focus on external things – diet, exercise, giving up smoking – but they don’t address the inner world of the individuals they are seeking to treat. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with eating better, giving up smoking, drinking less and doing more exercise, but there’s something deeper here.

The mind-body connection

The connection between mind and body is becoming more accepted in mainstream medicine. If you think about it, this connection is pretty obvious. When you get excited or nervous or panicky, that feeling starts in your mind but has an immediate effect on your body. When you fall in love, you can feel it in your body. When you watch a sad movie, you might start to cry. When you find out you’ve won the lottery or got an ‘A’ grade on an exam, your heart will start to beat faster and you’ll feel all sorts of other physical effects.

R. Veenhoven carried out a scientific study of the effects of happiness on health and concluded that happy people are less likely to get sick and that they live longer. The difference between happy and unhappy people was comparable to the difference between smokers and non-smokers in terms of life span. Veenhoven’s findings can be found in The Journal of Happiness Studies (yes there really is a scholarly journal about happiness!)

Our autopilot

We all run on subconscious programmes. It’s how we manage to survive in the world. If we had to think about everything we did, we wouldn’t be able to function – there would simply be too much to think about! Our subconscious takes control of much of our life so that, in essence, we are running on autopilot. Examples of these habitual patterns are being untidy, being late and being poor. All these things come from the subconscious mind. Being sick is also a subconscious habit. I’m not suggesting that all sickness has its origin in the mind (though it might, and many people believe this), but we all know people who constantly get sick, and if they were ever healthy for more than a few months, their subconscious mind would find a way of getting back on track by bringing along an illness of some kind.

Our subconscious scripts often come from our childhood and they were developed because they gave us an advantage. The benefits of being sick, as a child, are that (for example) people will pay more attention to you, you might get a day off school, you might get some special treats or you’ll get treated better than your siblings. I’m sure we all remember the sheer joy of days off school as a child because of some minor ailment. When we grow up, these scripts stay with us. Sometimes they can still confer an advantage on us – maybe we still get attention from our family or a day off work – but they may also be problematic and destructive to our lives.

The strange thing is that many of us (most of us, in fact) don’t realize this is what’s happening. We are not even aware of the autopilot and think that things are happening to us, and not that we are controlling the way things turn out. But the reality is that we are in control and we do have a choice.

How to re-script your subconscious

Viktor Frankl wrote that ‘between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’

In that space, we can create ourselves anew. We need the right kind of self-talk. We talk to ourselves all day long, so we need to make sure we are saying the right things. We also see ourselves in certain scenarios in our mind’s eye. We need to make sure these visualizations are of what we want to achieve, how we want to feel and what sort of person we want to be. Ultimately, we are trying to construct a good self image. When we have clear image of the person we intend to be in our mind, then our subconscious will start to run that script and the image will become reality. A change in our mind will work its way out.

We need to take responsibility for our lives. Forcing ourselves to endure exercise and eat salad whilst all the time telling ourselves that we are unhealthy and unable to really change will get us nowhere. We need to do it the other way round – start off with the belief that we are fit and healthy, and this will become part of our reality. Spending a lot of time on our mental preparation makes all the difference to our success or failure. Sharpening the axe will make it a lot easier to cut down the tree.

Michael Miles writes at effortlessabundance.com. You can download his new book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life, at the site.

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Our western puritan work ethic has taught us that hard work, industry, struggle and effort are necessary prerequisites for achievement. I respectfully but passionately disagree. In fact, I believe that the opposite is true, that struggle and effort are vices, unhealthy addictions and pathologies. They only tire us out with struggle and they get us nowhere, like the fly caught in the spider’s web enmeshes itself all the more by its attempts to work its way out.

The Taoist notion of ‘Wu Wei’ refers to a state of action where there is little activity on our part, and yet a great deal gets done. Wu Wei is not apathy or passivity. It is not laziness or torpor. It is like swimming with the current, sawing wood in the direction of the grain or sailing with the wind. There is action, but little effort. In other words, it is ‘going with the flow.’

The world can be ruled by letting things run their course; it cannot be ruled by interfering. (Lao Tse)

Using intuition

Lao Tze, the semi-mythical writer of the classic Taoist text, the Tao Te Ching, tells us that we should be quiet and open to hearing our own inner voice, and receptive to the natural way of things. Our thinking mind is to be subordinated to our intuition. When we are truly moving in the flow, it is an almost unconscious activity – it just feels right; we simply know when we are doing the best thing. This is in stark contrast to the endless worry and mental gymnastics many of us subject ourselves to day after day. Stop – calm down, close your eyes, empty your mind, and listen to that still, small voice inside.

Letting go

Our obsessive tendency to seek control and influence over our environment and our future are in stark opposition to the fundamental principal of Wu Wei. The feeling that we have to dominate nature and direct it is, to the Taoist way of thinking, a pathological state – instead, we should be fitting in, finding how we can become more authentically part of the whole. Cooperation, not competition, is the key.

Using strength

Observing, learning, and respecting nature is, curiously, how we can learn to command it. For example, in the martial art of kung fu, students are taught to observe their opponent carefully and use his own strength against him. There are many examples of the way in which we harness the power of nature for our own benefit. When a sailing boat sets out, its crew uses the power of the wind. Water and wind turbines harness these respective powers in the generation of electricity. Even the strange and silent power of gravity is used in some water delivery systems. Did Gandhi get the British out of India by going to war with them? No, he tapped into an enormous power and used it to his own ends.

Those who take hold of the world and act on it never, I notice, succeed. The world is a stange instrument, not meant to be handled. (Lao Tze)

Take it easy

Does a tree grow by making an effort? Does water reach the sea by working at it? Action should be spontaneous, natural, easy and without effort. Struggle and strain have no place. Although Darwin taught us to believe that nature is ‘red in tooth and claw’ and enchanted us with phrases like ‘the survival of the fittest,’ there are many examples of cooperation and collaboration in nature. The symbiotic and mutually interdependent nature of ecosystems and even individual organisms is remarkable. Let’s learn from nature – take it easy, and the job will get done. Let’s learn the lesson of Wu Wei.

I leave you with a Taoist story which makes the point rather well:

There once lived a man who was scared of his own shadow and was even afraid of his own footsteps. One day, as the sun was especially bright, he panicked and started to run, trying to get away from his shadow. But however fast he ran, his shadow kept up with him, and his footfalls became louder and louder until eventually the man fell down, exhausted, and died. If only he had sat down under the shade of a tree, all his problems would have been solved

About the writer: Michael Miles writes at http://effortlessabundance.com.

What can we do to become more successful? How can we excel in all areas of life, whether professional or personal? A vast body of literature has been written on this subject over the decades, but here are five points which I regard as being fundamental.

Be Proactive

Viktor Frankl said that between stimulus and response there is a gap, and within this gap lies all our freedom. Even as he was suffering immense privations in a Nazi concentration camp, he realized that he was responsible for his thoughts and actions and was not simply a bundle of conditioned responses.

Like Frankl, we should strive to be the creators of our own destiny, orchestrating our experience of life. Everything starts in the mind and ripples out, so what happens around us is a reflection of our own inner world. Whether we allow our inner world to grow wild, whether we let weeds spring up and take hold or whether we cultivate a green and pleasant garden – it is all our choice: this is what it means to be proactive.

Take Responsibility

Since we have the power to choose our experience, we also need to accept responsibility for this. Perhaps not that everything that comes our way is a direct result of our own thinking (though some might say it is) but what we attract into our life is, largely, a reflection of our thinking. Much of this occurs on a subconscious level, but the subconscious takes its lead from the thinking mind, so changing our thoughts will change our world, and we are responsible for this.

Our behavior is a natural outcome of our mental images, and so we are responsible for our behavior too, and also for the behavior we tolerate in others. If we allow others to ride roughshod over us, then we have ourselves to blame.

Be a Good Leader

We cannot be effective in any area of life unless we have good leadership skills. Leadership is an art and each of us needs to find our own approach to it. Primarily, we need to understand how to lead ourselves, and this means having a compass, a direction which guides all our actions. This compass often takes the form of a personal mission statement, a document spelling out the values we live by.

As we lead others, whether as parents, bosses, in families or organizations of which we are a part, we need first and foremost to lead by example, making it clear what our values are and that we live by them. Any inconsistency in our professed values and our behavior will be spotted, seen through and will ruin our effectiveness. Personal complicity and double standards are the nails in the coffin of our ability to lead.

A good leader will lead quietly and subtly, from the rear, without fuss, without fanfare. In the words of the Tao Te Ching,

‘A good soldier does not inspire fear;
A good fighter does not display aggression;
A good conqueror does not engage in battle;
A good leader does not exercise authority.

This is the value of unimportance;
This is how to win the cooperation of others;
This to how to build the same harmony that is in nature.’

Don’t Let Fear Stop You

I love the movies of M Night Shyamalan. My favorite is The Village. The film is about facing the fears that haunt us and realizing that, when we do so, they disappear – nothing is as it seems. I heard once (though I can’t remember where) that the most commonly given command in the Bible is ‘do not be afraid.’

Whenever we grow, there is fear. Whenever we do something new, there is fear. Whenever we push ourselves to new heights or expand our comfort zone, there is fear. This is the nature of life. Life is always moving – either we are moving forward, growing, or we are moving back, dying. We have a choice – we can either grow or we can die. Growth and fear go hand in hand. It’s part of a package, and if we fail to embrace the whole package, we will die.

Don’t fear failure – failure is inevitable and necessary. Look at the life of any successful person and you will see a litany of failure. This failure is the foundation of success, so long as we learn from it.

Don’t fear other people. They are as vulnerable and as beautiful as you are – only sometimes they lash out in various ways to protect themselves. Everyone is doing their best, so be gentle on other people and don’t be scared of them.

When you face your fears, they will vanish like smoke.

Never Stop Learning

I have come to the conclusion that learning is the fundamental activity in a successful and purposeful life. If we fail to learn, we fail to grow, and this means that we die. Life gives us endless opportunities to learn, and the more difficult the situation, the more we are likely to learn.

We can learn from other people, especially difficult ones – they are like angels sent from heaven to teach us about ourselves. We can learn from the things happening around us. And most of all, we can learn by watching ourselves, seeing how we react and reflecting deeply on what moves us.

These five activities, if they can become habits, will lead to success in all areas of life. They are not a quick fix, but are the foundation of a life lived well.

About the author: You can download Michael Miles’ new book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for free, from http://effortlessabundance.com

Who’s in control of your life? Who’s pulling your strings?

For the majority of us, it’s other people – society, colleagues, friends, family or our religious community. We learned this way of operating when we were very young, of course. We were brainwashed. We discovered that feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience and so we learned to do everything we could to make other people like us. We didn’t want to be singled out by the crowd for being different because this wasn’t such a nice feeling. We learned this way of being so well that, as adults, we continue – mostly through mutual peer pressure – to keep each other in check. Like sheep without any need for a sheepdog, we keep each other in line.

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”  – Oscar Wilde

It works both ways. First, we are afraid of disapproval. Am I dressed right? Will people laugh at my accent? Will I look stupid? Will I make a mistake? When we feel that others think badly of us, it makes us feel bad and so we try to avoid this.

Second, we all want to feel important and so we crave the positive attention of others. This is one of our basic needs, according to Dale Carnegie, author of the multi-million best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People. And so when people stroke our ego and tell us how wonderful we are, it makes us feel good. We crave this good feeling like a drug – we are addicted to it and seek it out wherever we can.

We are so desperate for the approval of others that we live unhappy and limited lives, denying huge swathes of ourselves and failing to do the things we really want to do because we’re worried about what other people will think. Just as drug addicts and alcoholics live impoverished lives to keep getting their fix, so we impoverish our own existence to get our own constant fix of approval.

The drug is so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense. But, just as with any drug, there is a price to pay. The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves. Do you want your drug or do you want to be free? You cannot have both. If you want to pull your own strings, you need to stop giving away your power – you need to genuinely stop caring what other people think about you.

The truth is that it’s all an illusion anyway – you cannot control what other people think. People have their own agenda, they come with their own baggage and, in the end, they’re more interested in themselves than in you; in fact, they’re thinking about themselves ‘morning, noon and after dinner,’ as Carnegie wrote.

If we try to live by the opinions of others, we will build our life on sinking sand. Everyone has a different way of thinking, and people change their opinions all the time. The person who tries to please everyone will only end up getting exhausted and probably pleasing no one in the process.

So how can we take back control? If we are truly ready to give up the drug of approval and importance (which most people are not), I think there’s only one way – make a conscious decision to stop caring what other people think.

This doesn’t mean that you should start to treat people badly, step on them or use them. Why would it? I read somewhere recently that the world would be terrible if nobody cared what other people thought of them. But why so? We all know what’s right and wrong. I have written before about guiding your life by means of a set of values – not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective, purposeful and happy life. We will be actualized and successful.

Only one question remains – do you really want to be free?

About the author: You can download Michael Miles’ new book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for free, from http://effortlessabundance.com

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For the past few years, I have been in a position of management at a fairly large organization. Not large like Microsoft or Coca Cola, but big enough to have taught me some really important things about management, leadership and life. The organization used to be a lot smaller – it has grown and I have grown with it. Over the years, I have had to adapt to the place getting bigger – more people, more complex provision of services, more departments, bigger buildings.

Here are some thoughts on the skills necessary to navigate the ship through the sometimes stormy waters, keeping the vessel and its crew safe and on course.

Realize you are the captain!

Here’s a wonderful story from Anthony de Mello’s amazing book, Awareness.

One morning, a gentleman knocks on his son’s door. “Jaime,” he says, “wake up!” Jaime answers, “I don’t want to get up, Papa.” The father shouts, “Get up, you have to go to school.” Jaime says, “I don’t want to go to school.” “Why not?” asks the father. “Three reasons,” says Jaime. “First, because it’s so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school.” And the father says,”Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school. First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster!”

Apart from the comedy value of the unexpected ending, this story is so great because it is about waking up and realizing that you are in control. Your life is a ship and if you are not the captain, then who is? Do you think anyone else is going to chart your course and keep you on track? When we were kids, our parents might have done this for us – a lot of us have failed to realize that we’re not the kids anymore; we are the headmasters!

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl writes that ‘between stimulus and response there is a gap, and in this gap lies all our freedom.’ Frankl calls this being proactive, an idea which is the foundation of all personal development. If we fail to realize that we are in control of our own experience, then we cannot hope to guide our ship to safe harbor.

Make sure you know where the ship is going

So you’re the captain. You’re in control. But where are you going? Unless you have a plan, your ship will meander through the water, drifting along with no destination in mind. I am not suggesting that this is a bad thing in itself – it may be very pleasant to drift along and see where you end up. But most of us, sooner or later, come to the conclusion that we want to achieve something, and our goals are destinations that require a map, a compass and a set of navigational skills. Even a cruise liner has destinations in mind, though it deliberately takes a long time to get to them.

Surprisingly few people have given serious thought to where they are going in life. Of course, we all want to be ‘rich’ and ‘successful,’ but we need to be a bit more specific than that! We need a clear idea of where we are going. Of course, life is strange and unpredictable, and we may not end up where we originally intended to get to, but without an initial guide, where we end up will be largely a matter of chance. Strange attitude for a captain to take!

Keep the ship on a steady course

Since the ship has a destination, the simplest way to get there is to point in the right direction and then keep on going. If you’re at the helm, as we often hear managers say, all you need to do is to steer a steady course.

This assumes that the ship’s destination is known and that you are actually pointing towards that destination. Sometimes the ship will be knocked off course, perhaps by a strong wind or a storm. Maybe the ship will have to take a detour because of an iceberg or to avoid some other sort of collision. But the good captain will see these events coming and will maneuver the ship slowly, gradually changing its direction and steering around the obstacle without the passengers even noticing.

Sometimes the ship’s destination might change, in which case, once again, the good captain will prepare the new course and move the ship slowly until it points towards its new direction. Jerking the ship around will make everyone feel sick, put strain on the ship and undermine confidence in the captain. Slow and steady is the best thing!

Be ready for anything

Lao Tzu said, ‘Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.’

In management, as in life, change is the only constant. As the ship sails on, who knows what storms, what bad weather, what pirates will come along? We only know that tomorrow won’t be quite like today. The good captain understands this, prepares for every eventuality and does not bemoan the changes that come along. Indeed, he embraces them, for he knows that change is the essence of life.

Michael Miles runs a blog at http://effortlessabundance.com/blog. You can download his e-book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life, from http://effortlessabundance.com/books.htm.

Dale Carnegie is one of my favorite authors. He, more than most of us, knew how treacherous the journey could be, and he provided us with some wonderful guidelines for traversing the territory. Here are some of the traps about which he warns us in his own words. These traps can rob our happiness and our freedom if we let them.

Circumstances

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”

As he was suffering unimaginable privation in a Nazi death camp, the psychiatrist and neurologist Viktor Frankl made the discovery that it isn’t the outside world that makes you happy or not; it’s what is in your own head. Frankl’s insight, which he writes about in Man’s Search for Meaning, is that we are responsible for our experience of life. From Buddha, who said, ‘we are what we think’, to Earl Nightingale who, in ‘The Strangest Secret’ tells us that ‘you become what you think about’, countless great writers and thinkers have echoed the same theme. You are pulling your own strings; so don’t give away your power to anyone or anything else.

Criticism

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.”

People will often criticize you for getting things wrong or for making mistakes. I used to take these criticisms very seriously and I would berate myself a great deal. But when I truly accepted the fact that I am imperfect and that, like everyone else on the planet, I make mistakes (all the time!), my own life was transformed. I became more confident, took more risks and, above all, worried a great deal less.

Now, when someone accuses me of getting something wrong, I will usually say (at least to myself), ‘Yes, sure, I screwed up. I am human and I am imperfect. I forget things, I am inconsistent, I get the timing wrong. But you know what? That’s OK. You’re allowed to do all that.’ And I also remember that whoever is pointing the finger is pointing three fingers back at themselves.

Of course, we must reflect upon and learn from our mistakes – to keep making the same mistake over and over again is not a good thing – but to accept our fallibility and forgive ourselves is a vital part of being happy and successful. To pay too much attention to our detractors (and the more we achieve, the more detractors we will have, you can be sure of that) is, once again, to give away our own power.

Fear

“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear”

Like many people, I used to be terrified of public speaking. My heart would pound, my mouth would be dry, my hands would be trembling and my skin moist. I don’t think anyone could experience greater terror than I felt when I had to talk to groups of people. I would rather have confronted a hungry lion than given a five-minute speech. But I found myself in a job where I had to speak to groups of people on a regular basis. It was a job I liked and wanted to keep, and the public speaking part simply could not be avoided. So I did it. And it was awful. Truly, truly awful. But I kept on doing it and, although there have been ups and downs, I am now a pretty confident public speaker. In fact, many people have, over the last couple of years, made a point of complimenting me on my public speaking, especially mentioning my poise and the content of my speeches.

I am not telling you this to brag about my achievement (though I am proud of it), but to illustrate the point that fear is ephemeral – it can be dissipated. But the only way to do this is to face it down. You can go through life in fear, or you can overcome it.

We all know that, in the end, none of what we do actually matters. In a hundred years we’ll all be dead and buried. In a thousand years nobody will remember us. In a million years the human race probably won’t exist. So we must seize the day, while there is still day! Don’t let fear take your power. Face it down; do what you fear and you will transform your life. I have seen this for myself.

Dreaming

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.”

Without dreams, life is nothing. It is a great tragedy that so many of us allow life to crush our dreams. There was a time when we dreamed of great and fantastic things – it was that time when everything was possible, when the world was our oyster. Yet dreams must guide us somewhere. A dream can be a compass and can, if followed persistently, bring great success and happiness.

Yet to become caught up in dreams is to get lost in a mirage. Today we prepare for tomorrow, and our actions and thoughts of today shape the future, but to live in that future is not an option if we want to be happy. If we get used to living in the magical rose garden of which Carnegie speaks, then when we finally get there, we shall not recognize it and we will not enjoy our reward.

As we travel through the rich and complex terrain of our own experience, we only have ourselves to thank, or to blame, for our level of happiness and freedom. We are, in a sense, alone. But let’s take heart – we can lean on the wisdom of others that have been before us and let them be our guides. I recommend you consider carefully the words of Dale Carnegie.

Michael Miles runs a blog at http://effortlessAbundance.com/blog, where you can download his new book ‘Thirty Days to Change Your Life.’

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus was Roman emperor from 161 until his death in 180. A great thinker, Marcus embodied Plato’s ideal of the philosopher king to a considerable extent. He was a strong emperor, engaging in various wars in defense of the Roman empire for his entire reign, but he was also greatly concerned with social justice and welfare, even going so far as to sell his own possessions to alleviate people’s suffering from famine and plague (from which he died).

Marcus left behind a corpus of writing which, despite it’s antiquity, offers us some truly timeless wisdom. Here are six lessons we can learn from his observations on life.

Lesson #1: We Are Responsible for Our Own Experience of Life

“Such as are your habitual thoughts; such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the color of your thoughts.”

Much has been made recently of the (so called) ‘law of attraction.’ Before ‘The Secret,’ a wealth of writers had tapped into the idea that what happens in our mind is the most important thing in shaping our experience of life. From Norman Vincent Peal’s ‘Amazing Power of Positive Thinking,’ and Joseph Murphy’s ‘Power of the Subconscious Mind’ to

Wallace Wattles ‘Science of Getting Rich,’ all were taking about a truth which Marcus understood so may centuries ago.

Viktor Frankl said that between what happens to us and our response to it, there is a gap, and in that gap lies our whole experience of life. Steven Covey, in his ‘Seven Habits’ called our ability to widen this gap ‘being proactive.’ It is the first habit of a highly effective person to cultivate an awareness that s/he is in control. To coin a phrase, life is what you make it.

Lesson #2: Everything Changes

“Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.”

I keep a sign posted over my desk at work. It reads ‘this too will pass.’ It is a reminder to me that, whatever I am experiencing in life, it will disappear and be replaced with something else. Only one thing is certain – everything changes. People who know this and tap into the natural course of change can be very successful. Let’s take one area as an example – the stock market. People who bought stock after the dot com crash, knowing that the market would rebound after such a dramatic fall, reaped enormous rewards. Those who sold when prices had become stupidly inflated and wildly disconnected from earnings, knowing that the market couldn’t keep on rising forever, also did well.

Clinging on to the way things were can be a source of great misery. The past is gone and it’s never coming back; the present is already changing. So why complain that things used to be better? There are opportunities if only we can see that change is coming.

Lesson #3: Live a Real Life

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

I recently picked up a copy of Felix Dennis’ book ‘How to Get Rich’ while waiting for a flight recently. It’s a great read – unlikely to make you rich I suspect, but full of wonderful observations. In the first chapter, Dennis (who is ‘one of the richest self-made men in Britain, according to the back sleeve of the book) tells us that one of the main obstacles to being rich is comfort – a regular paycheck, a pension, a nice title, stock options. In other words, people don’t want to risk losing what they have. In other words, they are afraid. They are not living the life they want because they are scared they might lose more than they gain.

In the British comedy ‘The Office,’ Tim is set to leave his dead end job and go to university when he is given a small promotion. This persuades his to stay at work because although, as he puts it, he has ‘rolled a three and could very well roll a six,’ going to university might not work out – he might end up ‘rolling a one.’

Taking risks is no easy thing, but when we come to the end of it all, shall we regret that we stayed too much in our comfort zone?

Lesson #4: Be Grateful

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Marcus clearly understood that gratitude is an important commodity to possess. We take so many things for granted, and only when we lose them do we stop to think just how important they were to us. If you cannot sleep because you have stomach ache or you have injured yourself, you will quickly become grateful for a good night’s sleep!

Every day is a gift, and there are so many, many things to be happy about. We all have problems and we all suffer lack and privation, but why not focus on the good things we have? If you can read this, then you have had an education and you are probably rich enough to own a computer and pay for an Internet connection. Make a list of things you can be grateful for – you might be amazed at how long it is!

Lesson #5: Be Detached

“Receive wealth or prosperity without arrogance; and be ready to let it go.”

Felix Dennis, in his book ‘How to Get Rich,’ speaks plainly about the real meaning of wealth. It is nothing, he says. It isn’t real. Getting rich, he writes, is just a game. If we take the pursuit of wealth (or anything else, for that matter) too seriously, we are likely to fail. In the Bhagavad-Gita, Lord Krishna says to Arjuna, ‘Plunge into the heat of battle, and keep your heart at the lotus feet of the Lord.’ He is saying, I think, that the battle of life is a game – we must play it with all our heart, but we must not be attached to the outcome. In this detached state, we can be ready and open to receive wealth or success. We can pursue these things with energy and passion, but if we cling to them, or pursue them as something of importance, they are likely to elude us.

Lao Tze, who lived seven hundred years before Marcus Aurelius, wrote

“Those who take hold of the world and act on it
Never, I notice, succeed.
The world is a mysterious instrument,
Not made to be handled.”

It seems that Marcus understood this paradox.

Lesson #6: All Is Well

“Everything is unfolding as it must, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so.”

In 1373, Julian of Norwich was suffering from a severe illness. Believing she was near death, she had a series of visions. In one of them, Jesus appeared to her and said, ‘All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.’

The idea that things are unfolding as they should is a common theme in the mystical traditions of the world. Anthony de Mello, in his wonderful book ‘Awareness,’ writes ‘When you awaken, when you understand, when you see, the world becomes right…You’ll never explain it… Life is a mystery, which means your thinking mind cannot make sense out of it.’

The world looks like a big mess to me, but if we take Marcus’ advice, sit quietly, abandon our opinions, and simply observe, then perhaps we shall indeed see that ‘all is well.’

Michael Miles runs EffortlessAbundance.com. You can download his new book ‘Thirty Days to Change Your Life, by visiting http://effortlessabundance.com/newsletter/.

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” ~ Raymond Hull

‘Be yourself!’ This is a common piece of advice, often given before an interview or a date or some other occasion when we need to impress. Sounds like a strange piece of advice, though. How could you not be yourself?

Strange at is seems, we have been conditioned all our lives to behave according to other people’s expectations, to dance to their tune, to let them pull our stings. The truth is that most of us – unless we have really thought about it and made an effort to change – are puppets, controlled by the world around us. We crave approval. We need to fit in. In many ways, this is just a characteristic of being human – we are social animals and need to fit into the group to survive. But this natural and healthy tendency has taken over our lives to such an extent that we are often paralyzed by a fear of the outside world and obsessed by how others see us.

But what would things look life if you could really ‘be yourself’?

Don’t give away your power

“The King is angry. See, he gnaws his lip.” ~ Shakespeare, Richard III

It is impossible to really be yourself when you are worried about how other people perceive you. We all care (at least a little bit) what other people think – we have been raised to believe that the approval of others is important. And in some ways it is – other people do have power over us. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter as much as you think; usually it doesn’t matter at all. Sometimes you’ll be flavor of the month; other times you might be public enemy number one. But you cannot control what other people think of you, so why even try?

Let them think what they will. To give the opinions and thoughts of others so much importance is to make your own life a misery. When you stop giving your power away to other people like this, your life will be so much lighter and easier. To genuinely not care what others think is an amazing and enlightening experience. Try it.

Live with integrity

“The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.” ~ Boris Pasternak

Living with integrity means being an open, honest person. It means saying what you think – not in an arrogant, conceited way, which is usually a sign of an inferiority complex – but because you shouldn’t hide what you believe. If you are not true to yourself – if you are dishonest, if you hide part of yourself, either as a defense mechanism or to get a promotion or make money, you will create what I have heard called an ‘inner darkness,’ and this will haunt you.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the most widely read and influential self-improvement books of all time, Steven Covey writes that truly successful people operate from a principle-centered paradigm, steering their lives by means of a clear compass of integrity. You might be able to succeed in some senses by being dishonest and duplicitous, but in the end you will be unable to face yourself, and if you cannot look in the mirror with a clear conscience, how can you be yourself?

Don’t take yourself so seriously

“When you can laugh at yourself, you are free.” ~ Ted Loder

Will the world stop turning if you screw up? Believe it or not, the world got along fine without you for millions of years, and will do so long after you’re gone. So keep things in perspective. Will any of this matter in a year, ten year, 100 years? In many ways, the world is a ridiculous place, full of crazy things that make no sense at all. You can’t make sense of it all however hard you try. It is what it is, and so are you, with all your contradictions and faults and failings. Remember the old saying: ‘laugh and the world laughs with you.’ So relax, lighten up; don’t get things out of proportion.

Don’t worry: accept things as they are

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Buddha

We have a tendency to think we are in control. But the truth is that there are surprisingly few things we can influence directly. I read somewhere recently that life is no about avoiding the storm but about learning to dance in the rain, and I think this is a wonderful truth. We spend so much time trying to change our world, but in reality we can only change ourselves. If the rain is coming, it will come; if the sun is setting, it will set. Accept these many, many things which are outside our control and, whatever comes along, learn not only to live with it, but to embrace it, to love it – to live any other way is madness.

Do what you love

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t let other people tell you what to do and how to live. In the end, you are responsible for your experience of life, and if you don’t follow your dreams, you only have yourself to blame. ‘You’re a long time dead’ as the saying goes, so don’t waste time with worry or regret . Don’t be a puppet – don’t let the world around you pull your strings. You cannot control it, so don’t let it control you either. If you are true to yourself and live with integrity, honesty and without fear, then you will, perhaps, begin to see the answer to that most perplexing of questions: “Who am I?”

This guest article was written by Michael Miles. Michael writes about using your mind as nature intended at his blog, Effortless Abundance. If you enjoyed this article, you may like to subscribe to his RSS feed.

Image by *Zara.