Depending on your cultural background and beliefs, you may or may not compare your salaries with your family and friends openly. However, most of us are interested to know how much we earn relative to our peers.

Why is this so? The reason is simple – we are interested to know if we are valuable.

Before you start crying foul, hear me out. Obviously, you know that your self-worth is not dependent on your income. How much you earn has nothing to do with your value as a person.

But in reality, how often is this applied? I’m afraid it’s not very often. At least accordingly to my observations, it’s not so.

The fact that people compare their material assets is a good indication: the car that you drive, the brands that you wear and the kind of houses that you live in. All these material assets are proves of your earning capabilities. The more expensive these assets are, the better one feels about themselves.

So intrinsically, we have knowingly (or unknowingly) associated our self-worth with our income.

THE DAMAGE OF ASSOCIATING YOUR SELF-WORTH WITH YOUR INCOME

I have an ex-colleague, Mandy (not her real name), who worked in HR. Given her privileged position, she had access to personal information unavailable to others, including salary.

Now, Mandy has two bad habits:

• She likes to compare her salary with others’.
• She likes to talk about it.

Sometimes, she would tell me how little a particular colleagues was earning. Although she didn’t share the exact figures, it was obvious that she was very happy about being “more valuable” than that particular colleague.

Other times, she would complain to me how much more another colleague was earning. Again, it was obvious that she was very upset about how someone else was more valued than she was.

Over time, Mandy grew bitter about how others were earning more than she did. Her attentions were focus on how little she earned and how under-valued she was. As such, she started to push responsibilities and refused to do more than she was paid for. She would only do what she was paid for.

It became a vicious cycle – the more under-valued she felt, the lesser she contributed and the more opportunities she missed.

As you can probably guess, Mandy was passed over for a few promotions. In the end, she left the company.

Mandy didn’t realize that her self-worth is not dependent on her income.

THE BUSINESS REALITY BEHIND HOW MUCH YOU EARN

In my work, I am involved in many hiring and budgeting discussions. The reality is this – value is only one of the many considerations in hiring or promotion decisions:

Value – obviously, how much a person earns is dependent on the value of the work that he/she is doing. It’s related to one’s capability, knowledge, experiences. This is the reason why people link income to self-worth – how good you are.

However, as you will see, there are many other considerations.

Budget – There is always a hiring/staffing budget. A closed-minded employer’s goal is to hire the best person at the lowest salary possible. This is to ensure he minimize his cost and maximize his profits. From this perspective, the value of a person becomes a secondary consideration.

Market Rate – different jobs have different market rates. During the dot com boom, IT workers enjoyed a much higher income than most non-IT workers. Does this mean that an IT worker is really more valuable than a non-IT worker?

Market rates are usually driven by greater supply and demand forces. Something that is scarce and in demand will have more people willing to pay a higher price for it. My observation is that these market forces are not always rational or logical, and often, it has little to do with true value.

Having said that, to prevent hiring difficulty or risk of overpaying, employers will usually try to peg your salary against the market rate – despite the irrationality of it.

Urgency – If an employer needs someone to fill a position quickly, he is more inclined and open to salary negotiations. Otherwise, he may just pass over the demanding candidate and wait for the next one. After all, he can afford to wait for a “cheaper deal”.

This is simply a timing issue. If you chance upon such opportunity, then you have more room for negotiations. However, don’t count on that to happen all the time.

Ease of Replacement – If an employer can easily find someone else to do what you are doing, then he is less open to salary negotiations. Even if he negotiates, he will not be willing to compromise very much.

The implication for us is to increase the value we create. In so doing, you make yourself more painful to replace, and increase your bargaining power.

MY TAKEAWAY

Whether you are employed or self-employed, no remuneration system is 100% fair. It can never be.

It is a necessary evil that we need to live with for the world to function as we know it.

Learn how this imperfect system works; know that your income is not directly related to your self-worth as a person. There are many other considerations and forces involved. Don’t take it personal by comparing income – it probably has nothing to do with your true value.

At the same time, continuously increase the value of your work. Learn how to work the imperfect system in your favor and maximize your income, so that you don’t get exploited by ill-meaning employers.

It’s a fine balance, and each of us has to constantly work at it. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.

Lawrence Cheok writes about living a balanced life and provides tips to improve your career, relationships and money at A Long Long Road. Other than writing, Lawrence does business development and project management in his day job.

I have a habit of reading the obituaries. It’s weird, I know – it’s not a common past time for most people. Before you strike me off as another nut case, please hear me out.

Each time I read the obituaries, I will look out for young faces, people in their twenties, thirties and even forties. With an average mortality rate of between 70 to 80 years, these folks had a really short life. It’s such a shame.

OBITUARIES ARE REMINDERS

Each time, I’ll ask myself what it feels like to be in prime of your life and have it ended prematurely. Did they feel shortchanged by life? Did they feel any regret about dreams still unfulfilled? I guess if given another chance, they would probably want to change something; maybe go and actually do something that they have been dreaming of, but never really got around to doing. Maybe they like to tell someone how much he/she mean to them.

Reading the obituaries is a constant reminder to me that our time is limited; a reminder for me to appreciate life, to love life.

It’s also a reminder to me to go out there and do the things that really matter. Maybe I should stop playing it safe. Maybe I need to take some risk and hopefully do something remarkable. Maybe I’ll fail. Maybe I’ll succeed. I don’t know. But I know that as long as I don’t try, I won’t know. I certainly wouldn’t want to die one day thinking “if only I had tried…”

DEATH’S MESSAGE TO US

I’m 30 this year, and I expect to have at least another good 30 years to go before my time is up. However, I am also keenly aware that the outcome of this expectation is not up to me to decide. I can be gone anytime, maybe tomorrow.
Fortunately, I have a few encounters with death throughout my life:

• When I was four, my father passed away due to heart disease. He was in his thirties. That was my first encounter with death.
• My uncle died in his thirties as well.
• My aunt died of a rare illness in her forties.
• A friend’s sister died of bone cancer – she was not even twenty.
• An ex-schoolmate of mine collapsed while running. He never woke up. He was twenty-seven.

Yes, you didn’t read wrongly – I said ‘fortunately’. Through these encounters, I have learned that death is a very real thing. It’s not something that just happens to somebody else only. It can happen to you and people around you.

I’ve come to appreciate the message that Death gives us – our time is limited, value it. No matter who you are, what you do, the color of your skin, or the amount of wealth in your bank account, we all share a common destiny – the appointment with Death.

DEATH IS POSITIVE, REALLY!

The topic of death is still a taboo in our society. I guess most people don’t like to talk about this eventuality as there is a lot of negativity surrounding it. I can certainly understand the discomfort to discuss this openly.

By talking about the social taboo – death around the New Year period, I’m taking a risk. Indeed, I am. But I feel it’s important to get the message out.

The New Year is the time when many people are having a fresh, new start. It’s the time to review the past and look forward to achieving more in the coming year. It’s the time to anticipate, be eager and positive; not to be talking about something as solemn as death.

I disagree.

Death does not need to be negative. It’s like a glass half filled with water; you can either see it as half empty, or half full. Yes, death can be positive as well.

When viewed as half glass full, death helps us to prioritize the truly important things. It also gives us the much needed kick-in-the-butt.

THE MYTH OF ‘SOMEDAY’

For me, death has taught me to appreciate the value of time. It has also taught me to stop putting off important things to ’someday’. Maybe some of the following will be familiar to you:

• Someday, I will go on a nice holiday with my family.
• Someday, I will go have a heart-to-heart chat with my Dad/Mom.
• Someday, I will travel the world.
• Someday, I will do a job that I love.

Sometimes, for some people, ’someday’ never arrive.

I remember the last time I saw my ex-schoolmate who collapsed and died, was at a wedding. When parting, I said we should really catch up and chat over coffee someday. Although we really wanted to catch up, it was a casual comment which I soon forget. It was back to life as normal and the usual hassle-bassle of my life took my focus away.

A few months later, I received a phone call and the news of his death. Funny, the next time I saw my friend was at his funeral.

Indeed, for some people, ’someday’ never arrives.

STARTING THE NEW YEAR WITH DEATH IN MIND

My friend, as you go about setting goals and resolutions for the New Year, bear in mind Death’s message and stop putting things off to someday.

• Write down your list of things that you have been putting off.
• Write down another list of things you want to STOP doing.Write down also the action plan to stop doing these:
  • Pay someone else to do it.
  • Delegate to someone else in your team to do it.
  • Negotiate with a teammate who’s willing and happy to do it.
  • Just stop doing it.
• Take out your calendar and schedule those things you want to do into a specific date (hopefully not too far from now).
• Talk to your family and friends about your dream and your resolution. Commit yourself. Put yourself on the line by announcing to the whole world what you plan to do.
• Take small and incremental actions starting today to fulfill those resolutions:

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

• Don’t be afraid. Don’t think “what if I fail?” – it cannot be as bad as “if only I had tried…”

With that, I hope that 2008 will be a more fruitful and meaningful year for you. Happy New Year!

Lawrence Cheok writes about living a balanced life and provides tips to improve your career, relationships and money at A Long Long Road. Other than writing, Lawrence does business development and project management in his day job.

This brings to mind Steve Job’s success story at Apple Inc:

At 30, Steve Jobs was fired from Apple in a very public falling out; he persevered and started two more companies, NeXT and Pixar. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now one of the world’s most successful animation studio. NeXT was bought by Apple, which saw Steve’s return to Apple, and the technology he developed at NeXT is now at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance.

As much as there are proponents of perseverance, there are as many which advocates “quit while you’re ahead.” One example would be Eugene O’Kelly, Ex-CEO of KPMG.

Since young, Eugene O’Kelly had aspired to be a great baseball player. He tried very hard at it, but never really made it great. At 14, he finally quit his aspiration to become a great baseball player and later became an accountant. 30 years on, this pivotal decision that changed his life, allowed him to become the CEO of one of America’s Big Four.

When Is It a Good Time to Quit

• For Steve Jobs, if he had quit too early, then he would not have stuck around long enough to achieve the success that he commands today.
• In the case of Eugene O’Kelly, if he had stuck to his aspirations till the end, then he would have probably ended up only as a mediocre baseball player, not a CEO.

So, the question begging for answer is: “When do you quit, and when do you stick to it till the end?”

In my work and career, whenever there is lack of progress or when I’m facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, I often question if it is meaningful to persevere. On one hand, I know that I need to persist long enough to succeed. On the other hand, I don’t want to be blindly hanging on, only to realize later on that it was all in vain.

It is a tough judgment call.

It is a fine and difficult balance between flexibility in adjusting to prevailing reality, and the dogmatic persistence to hang on till success is ensued.

A Strategic View OF Failures

In order to answer the question of quit or stick, you must first learn to view failures strategically, and appreciate the significance between temporary failures and intrinsic gaps.

Temporary Failures – These are transient due to lack of experience or prevailing circumstances. Failures of this nature are not permanent.

• Lack of knowledge or experience – the time between starting any endeavors and its mastery is the period where you will make the most mistakes and face the most failures. There is a learning curve required and as such, time is required to hone your skills. You can overcome this by learning from your experiences or through a mentor’s guidance.
• Unfavorable circumstances – being in the wrong place and time or having the wrong people around can result in failures sometimes, as you are simply operating in conditions unfavorable to you. If you bid your time and wait for the opportunity with a supportive environment, you will overcome these temporary failures.

Intrinsic Gaps – these are permanent gaps between your endeavors and you as an individual. These will hinder your level of success and are very difficult to overcome:

• Lack of talent – to be successful, you must play to your strength. Each of us has different talents/strengths due to differences in character, personalities or inclinations. If your talents don’t complement your pursues, then you will have to work doubly hard to achieve the same results that others do; you’re handicapped right from the start.
• Lack of passion – your passion is a key driver to your endeavor. If you are passionate about your work, then you simply derive more enjoyment and fulfillment from doing it. A lack of passion in your pursue is detrimental to perseverance and success.

In the two cases above, both men of great achievements failed at one point or another in their life. The key differentiator between their different decisions lies in the nature of their failures.

For Steve Jobs, he was really passionate about technology and he possesses the talent in developing technology. His reason for failure then was choosing a wrong partner to run Apple, who later ousted Steve from Apple. That was an unfavorable circumstance. To a certain extend, it was also his lack of influencing skills to garner support from the board of directors, which is an experience issue that he overcame through the years.

For Eugene O’Kelly, his failure to become a great baseball player was due to intrinsic gaps – even though Eugene was passionate about baseball, he was not talented at it. His real talent lay in analytical work, dealing with numbers and business which he discovered later in his life.

Key Questions to Ask Yourself

With the above understanding of failures, here are some pertinent questions to ask yourself before deciding to quit or stick:

• Are you failing because you are new to this and are still learning? Is there anyone who you can consult with to increase your learn curve?
• Is this the right place and time for you to pursue your initiatives with full force? Do you have the right supportive people around you who buy into your ideas? If no, should you bid your time?
• Do you enjoy what you’re doing and can you continue to enjoy it years from now, even without great success at it?
• Do the results justify the amount of effort you put in? Are others achieving more than you do with significantly lesser efforts?

If you can’t find very strong indications of intrinsic gaps to justify quitting, you should try sticking it out for a while more until you have more definite answers to the above questions.

Sometimes, we don’t have all the answers due to limited life experiences. Sticking around for a while more will get you the necessary exposure to make an informed decision.

Quit and Stick Strategically

If you quit, you must quit for the right reasons. Quitting at the first sign of failures or difficulties is a sure way of condemning yourself to a life of mediocrity.

By understanding the nature of the failures that you are facing, you can do a logical analysis to determine if it is a worthy investment of your time to continue in your current pursue, or if you should switch course. It helps you to pick the right battles to fight (and fight till the end) while avoiding unnecessary heartaches in pursuing strategically handicapped battles in your life.

Lawrence Cheok writes about living a balance life through and provides tips for improving your career, relationships and money at LawrenceCheok.com.