You come out of a deep sleep. Something’s wrong. You can see and hear, but you can’t move! No matter how hard you try, you can’t budge. It’s like you’re paralyzed.

And it gets worse.

You get the impression that there is someone in the room with you. You can’t see or hear him, but somehow you know he (it?) is there. He’s not nice. He means you harm. You instinctively try to draw a deep breath, but you can’t. It feels like there’s some sort of weight on your chest, like you can’t breathe. You start to panic. Will this ever stop?

As suddenly as it began, it’s over. You can move. You turn on a light and survey your bedroom. You see nothing out of the ordinary, nothing out of place. You take a few minutes to calm down and then try to get some sleep…

If something like this has happened to you, you probably experienced Sleep Paralysis.

A lot of people experience sleep paralysis. If you experience it, it does not automatically mean that there is anything ‘wrong’ with you.

What Happened?

Your body couldn’t move because your body often can’t move when you’re asleep. In REM sleep, for example, many of your voluntary muscles are atonal (the muscles have no tone). Sleep researchers think that REM atonia happens so that people don’t act out their dreams. In essence, sleep paralysis occurs when your mind and your body don’t wake up at the same time.

Terrifying

Sleep paralysis is “normally harmless,” but that doesn’t mean it’s the greatest experience in the world. In fact, many people who experience sleep paralysis report being terrified. My research on sleep paralysis, conducted with Al Cheyne and Steve Rueffer, repeatedly found that many sleep paralysis experiencers were deeply disturbed and scared by what they felt and saw.

The Sensed Presence

The sensed presence certainly doesn’t make the experience any more enjoyable. A lot of people who experience sleep paralysis feel as if some evil person or entity is in the room. When I researched sleep paralysis with Al Cheyne and Steve Rueffer, we concluded that people sensed a presence because of a sort of short circuit in the brain. It looks like the part of your brain that ‘lights up’ when a threat is detected becomes active even though no threat is detected. So, you have the feeling that someone/something means you harm when, in fact, nothing is there at all.

Difficulty Breathing

Being unable to breathe is probably tied to the paralysis. You have anti-gravity muscles that help you breathe. When you’re in REM, your anti-gravity muscles are sluggish. You really can breathe, of course. It just feels like you can’t. Believing that you can’t breathe only adds to the terror.

Seeing Things

Some people hallucinate during sleep paralysis. They see all sorts of strange things. The hallucinations are happening because part of your brain is still in a dream state. Instead of seeing those weird and wacky images in your dreams, you’re seeing them in the room with you.

If you’ve experienced sleep paralysis, you might be worried. Please don’t worry. Remember that it is common and, as far as anyone knows, a sleep paralysis experience does not mean that there is anything medically or psychologically wrong with you.

How to Stop/Avoid Sleep Paralysis

That’s all well and good, of course, but how can you avoid and/or stop sleep paralysis experiences? There are a few things you can do:

1. Avoid irregular sleep patterns and get plenty of sleep. People who are sleep deprived or who have unusual sleep patterns (like shift-workers) can have disturbed REM sleep. Because sleep paralysis is a ‘malfunction’ of REM, disturbed REM sleep probably makes people vulnerable to sleep paralysis.
2. Don’t sleep on your back. Data that Al Cheyne, Steve Rueffer, and I collected indicate that people who sleep on their back experience sleep paralysis more often. Of course, maybe people who sleep on their back are the kind of people who experience sleep paralysis. But, might as well give it a shot.
3. I’ve also seen it suggested that you should try to move your facial muscles.
4. Someone else touching you might bring you out of it, but this has yet to be confirmed.

The number one thing to remember is that there is nothing truly wrong. If you find yourself experiencing sleep paralysis, you might try relaxing and taking in the experience. Remind yourself that sleep paralysis is nothing more than a ‘waking dream.’ You’ll be truly awake soon enough.

Ian Newby-Clark is Professor of Psychology at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. He studies habits and methods for changing them. You can read more about his findings at his blog, My Bad Habits.

You and your significant other decide to go out for a rare evening together. You book a table at the best restaurant in town. The babysitter is hired. You both spend hours grooming and dressing for the big event. At the restaurant, the maitre d’ greets you and escorts you past the other diners to a secluded corner. The décor and elegance overwhelm you. You think of the babysitter trying to minimize the damage from the flying macaroni and spilled milk. You feel yourself relaxing for the first time in a long time.You and your mate discuss the wine list with the sommelier. You agree on a wine—a charming Pinot—staring into each others’ eyes all the while. You lean forward to say something intimate and bump your water glass. It flies off the table and lands in front of a passing waiter. You bend for the glass, but the waiter— in a friendly but firm voice—says, “No monsieur, allow me.” You right yourself and pull the menu close to your face. Your mate slowly sinks under the table…

You feel so embarrassed. You’re sure that dozens of people saw what happened. “They probably think I’m a buffoon,” you tell yourself. Relax. It’s not nearly as bad as you think.

No one is staring (much). How do I know this? Easy: Science says so.When I do something embarrassing in public, I feel like there is a huge spotlight shining on me. I feel like everybody is staring at me and thinking the worst. Not so, though.

That’s what the research of Tom Gilovich and his colleagues show. Sometimes, their research subjects wore embarrassing t-shirts in front of observers. Other times, subjects were introduced to observers as bed-wetters. Subjects felt like there was a spotlight on them. Subjects believed they were judged harshly.In truth, they weren’t noticed by many observers and, when observers did notice them, the observers weren’t all that hard on them. So, why do you feel like there’s a spotlight on you? Why do you think your social standing is suffering?

It’s Not Them, It’s You

What we do, think, and feel overwhelms our experience of the world. We are the main characters in our own dramas. Now, we’re not all egomaniacs. We know that we aren’t at the center of everybody else’s experiences, but our experience of ourselves exerts such a strong pull—like an anchor holds a boat firm in a fast current—that it’s hard for us to completely adjust away from it.

Gilovich and colleagues showed that the “spotlight effect” can be eliminated simply by having people focus on things other than their own experience. This scientific insight leads to some good advice: Next time you do something embarrassing and feel like everybody’s staring, focus on all of the other goings-on around you. You’ll be reminded that you are but a bit player in a much larger social drama.

Your significant other should relax as well. My research shows that your mate thinks that your actions have brought shame to the both of you. Not so. If anything, the few people who did notice your water glass hit the floor feel a bit sorry for your lover. And they don’t think you’re that bad either. So, relax: Nobody’s staring (much). Enjoy the soup. I hear it’s good.

Ian Newby-Clark is Professor of Psychology at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. He studies habits and methods for changing them. You can read more about his findings at his blog, My Bad Habits.

Not all plans are created equal. Here are some suggestions that will help you construct better plans and improve your likelihood of success.

Plans Are Usually Too Optimistic

For over ten years, I’ve researched people’s plans. I’ve studied plans for completing tasks and plans for increasing exercise frequency. Over and over again, I’ve found that people’s plans are usually too optimistic. Most contain almost no consideration of how things might go wrong.

People anticipate that everything will go as well as it possibly can. They don’t consider set-backs or, heaven forbid, mistakes that they might make. In fact, they typically don’t consider the possibility that they will make any mistakes.

Because their plans are too optimistic, people’s expectations of themselves are too great. Research has consistently shown that people fall short of their expectations. People finish school assignments and household chores much later than expected. They don’t exercise as much as expected.

This problem is not trivial. Failing to meet expectations can make us feel bad about ourselves. In some instances, we might give up on our goals in despair.

Please keep this in mind. Consider the possibility of set-backs. By doing so, you can plan how to overcome them. Realize that sometimes reality ‘conspires’ against you: There might be times when your new exercise plan has to be put aside. Maybe your favorite uncle dies and you have to turn your life upside-down for a week. Maybe your kid gets sick (which means you get sick…). If you anticipate interruptions, you won’t be as thrown when they occur. When an interruption is over, you can get back to business.

Make Mini-Plans

Big picture plans are necessary, but they aren’t enough. Suppose you’re planning to exercise more. You could tell yourself something like, I’ll go to the gym three times each week. I’ll go in the morning before my husband and kids are awake.” Sounds good. But which three days? Will you prepare the night before?

There is no way to plan every detail. Plus, how would you remember it? Instead, form ‘mini-plans’ that are put into action soon after. For example, before you go to bed at night, simply tell yourself, “When I wake up in the morning, I will put on my gym clothes and get in the car.” It seems inconsequential, but research psychologists have repeatedly demonstrated the value of forming these mini-plans (they call them ‘implementation intentions’).

So, failing to plan is planning to fail. But, remember to be realistic when you plan, and don’t expect the “grand plan” to do all the work for you. Mini-plans can do a lot to get you to your goals. Best of luck.

Ian Newby-Clark is Professor of Psychology at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. He studies habits and methods for changing them. You can read more about his findings at his blog, My Bad Habits.