Some people appear to be hopped up on happy pills, being oblivious to any bad events going on around them. Others are all too quick to express their disgust at anything that doesn’t go exactly their way.

Could it be that the healthiest emotional mix is somewhere between the extremes? Say, four parts good feelings to one part bad feelings, shaken not stirred, and served with a twist of lime?

We all know that some people seem determined to be miserable. The other day on the radio, I heard about a study that found many people actually resist being happy. It turns out that trying to reassure someone when they’re depressed is likely to make them feel worse.

The suspected reason for this is that some people feel the need to stay attached to their perception of reality. They make a negative statement like “I hate my job.” Then someone tries to make them feel better by saying, “It’s OK, your job isn’t that bad.” But this statement conflicts with their perception.

They may resolve this conflict by saying, “Yes, my job IS that bad, and I’ll tell you why…” Feeling that they’re forced to prove their point, they end up making themselves feel worse.

Of course, there’s no need to prove that you hate your job. Instead of remaining attached to that perception and defending it against any evidence to the contrary, you could instead change your perception. Everything can be seen from multiple perspectives, and if you choose to look on the bright side of things, you’ll dramatically boost your happiness.

At the same time, do you want to improve your life solely by forcing yourself to see the good side, or do you also want your life to actually get better? Here’s where negative emotions come in. They tell us that something’s not right, thereby steering us towards what we want.

Consider the evolutionary purpose of pain. If you were to stick your hand in a fire, it would hurt. The pain would make you quickly recoil your hand and run off in search of water. Of course, you wouldn’t enjoy the pain, but if you didn’t feel it, you’d leave your hand in the fire and cause serious damage or death. The pain tells you you’re doing something wrong, and provides some very strong motivation to correct it immediately.

It works the same way with emotions. You may not like feeling negative emotions, but if you felt perfectly happy regardless of your circumstances, why would you ever try to make the right choices?

Even homeless people have a lot to be thankful for. But if a homeless person is constantly overjoyed with their life, they won’t be motivated to change it. On the other hand, someone who feels the fear of becoming homeless will do whatever they can to prevent that from happening.

The purpose of pain is to make you avoid danger. But once you’re doing everything you can, feeling more pain doesn’t help. If something is medically wrong with you, then a little pain is good, because it makes you go to the doctor. But chronic pain after you’re already receiving treatment is bad, because it hurts without a purpose. Likewise, negative emotions are bad once they get beyond the point of being constructive.

There are two extremes that you want to avoid. Staying constantly focused on what’s wrong with your life may make you determined to fix the situation, but it will put you through far more misery than necessary. On the other hand, acting like Pollyanna on Prozac all the time may make you feel good, but it won’t inspire you to action when something is going wrong.

The best mix is to enjoy good emotions most of the time, while allowing negative emotions to serve their purpose now and then. By looking for the good side in everything, you’ll make the most of what life has to offer. And by periodically acknowledging what’s not working for you, you’ll keep up the motivation to work towards what you really want.

Hunter is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain and a personal development blogger, seeking life lessons wherever they may appear.

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We have two ears and one mouth. Just based on our body parts, you’d think we’d all be natural listeners. But we’re really not. You’re born with the ability to hear, but you have to develop the ability to listen. The normal listening mode for most people is passive. Words come in one ear, and go out the other. Important information is missed. Details are overlooked. Reasoning is misunderstood. People feel disrespected.
The alternative to passive listening is active listening, where you’re more of a participant than a spectator, even though you’re not the one talking. It’s a better way to listen effectively. Here’s how to do it:

1. Be prepared to actively listen.
If you start off intending to listen passively, you’ve already lost. Listening well is much harder than you think, and it won’t happen by itself. Simply deciding that you’re going to actively listen puts you in the right frame of mind for actually doing it.
2. Stay physically focused.
If your body can’t stay still, your mind won’t either. Being physically present in the conversation is obviously essential for good listening, but many people fail at it. Don’t multitask. If you’re checking your email while talking on the phone, you’re not listening to that person. Don’t fidget, drum your fingers, or do pen tricks. Make good eye contact, and don’t interrupt the conversation to take a phone call or perform any other task.
One great way to ruin a conversation is to look at your watch when someone’s talking. While you may have a good reason for doing so, it’s a clear signal to the other person that you’re not as interested in listening to them as you are in getting on to your next thing. Even if you think you can be subtle about checking the time, they’ll probably notice. If you absolutely must look at your watch, do it when you’re talking, not when they’re talking. This makes a huge psychological difference to the other person.
3. Stay mentally focused.
OK, you’ve managed to make your body sit still. That’s the easy part. Just because you appear to be listening doesn’t mean you are. Does your mind jump around between topics that have nothing to do with the conversation? Listening requires your full attention, so a wandering mind is no good here. Save the daydreaming for your own time. If other conversations are happening around you, tune them out. Block out all background noise and focus on the person you’re talking to. Specifically, focus on the message they’re trying to get across. If you’re thinking about how they don’t pronounce the g at the end of a word they’re sayin’, you’re paying attention to the wrong thing. The important part is their message, not their grammar or diction. Tone and body language can be very important too, so don’t forget to look beyond their words. If you find yourself in a boring conversation, try to find something interesting about it. Putting up with a few minutes of less than stellar discussion might pay off. Anyway, it’s the polite thing to do.
4. Let them talk.
When they’re talking, you want to be sure you give them room to say what they want to say. Don’t get impatient if they don’t get to the point as quickly as you’d like. Be respectful, and let them talk their way.
Don’t correct mispronounced words, finish their sentences, make disapproving faces, or interrupt to say you disagree. In fact, you shouldn’t even be thinking about what you’re going to say next. Just listen. To make sure they know you want to listen, encourage them to keep speaking by nodding and saying “go on” or “tell me more.”
5. React appropriately.
After they’ve finished talking, only then should you respond. Don’t jump the gun by rushing to judgment before they’ve even finished. In fact, even after they’re done, you still might want to pause to think before responding.
Do it in a way that shows you were paying attention. You can summarize what they said in your own words, to make sure you understand it correctly. You can ask follow-up questions. Offer feedback based on your careful consideration of what they said. Listening is fairly simple, but it’s not easy. It does take effort, especially when you’re not really in the mood for it. But it’s worth it. By listening well, you not only greatly reduce misunderstandings, but you also give people that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that someone really listened to them.
About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

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I previously wrote about how to take criticism, a very important life skill. In the comments, someone asked for a post about how to criticize. Good idea! It only makes sense to look at the flip side of the coin.

Some people get a kick out of insulting others. It’s really easy to find some friends, neighbors, politicians, actors, comedians, athletes, or other people who aren’t doing everything exactly to your liking. And when someone is making mistakes, some people feel the need to make sure they know it.

This kind of destructive criticism really doesn’t help anyone. People who partake in destructive criticism often seem to think there’s a limited amount of success to go around, so putting others down makes them feel better about themselves.

That’s crazy. Criticizing someone just for the sake of putting them down makes both of you miserable. Criticism should always be done with the goal of helping the other person improve. So then, how do you deliver constructive criticism?

1. Decide on your objective up front, and remember it.

Are you trying to help the other person improve, or are you trying to win an argument? These are very different goals. What you set out to do sets the tone of the whole conversation, so be clear on your objective.

2. Tread softly.

Remember that they didn’t ask for your advice. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it, but you should approach with caution. They might be very sensitive, or they might have been dealing with a bunch of unconstructive critics lately.

3. Be aware that you might not know the whole story.

While you might see something you think should be done differently, there might actually be a good reason for it. Before going off on an angry rampage, seek to understand the situation first. Things are often more complicated than they appear.

4. Be careful about the word “why.”

Surprisingly, “why” can be a tricky word. You might use it to ask an innocent question, but it might not be heard that way. It can potentially sound a lot more confrontational than intended. Fortunately, there’s a safer substitute: “how?”

Consider the question “Why did you decide to do that?” vs. “How did you decide to do that?” They’re both asking the same thing, but the latter is showing curiosity, while the former is possibly showing judgment.

If you’re just curious, they’ll be happy to explain their decision. When you get a conversation going, it’s better for both of you. And who knows, you might end up seeing things their way.

5. Say what they can do better.

Don’t point out a problem without also presenting a solution. Telling someone about their flaws is just useless complaining, unless you tell them how they can improve. If you don’t know the answer to that, then what good can come of your criticism?

One possible exception to this is if someone’s planning to do something they’re really not cut out for. Some people really shouldn’t start their own business, and some people really shouldn’t try to become professional athletes. Isn’t it a good idea to stop people from heading down the wrong path? Maybe, but probably not.

It’s possible that you could spare them from disappointment, but it’s much more likely you’ll create resentment for standing in their way. If they’re destined to fail, they’ll probably figure that out soon enough. But a lot of the time, well-meaning people will discourage friends from trying something that’s difficult but achievable. It’s usually not your place to decide whether they should take a risk.

Final thoughts

Nobody is perfect, and we should all take the opportunity to try to improve ourselves and others. Criticism has its place and can serve a useful purpose. Armed with the ability to both give and receive criticism well, you’ll be able to make the most of it.

About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

There are lots of people on this planet, and they all have their opinions. That means that all of us should expect to receive lots of criticism in our lifetime. Friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, random strangers…they all have something to say (just as we often do ourselves). And if you have any kind of online presence, you can expect to receive much more criticism, as everyone comes out under the veil of anonymity.

There’s no avoiding this, so we need to be prepared to take criticism in a way that’s going to be best for everyone. Here are some tips for doing just that.

1. Check the critic’s motives

Some critics are not honestly trying to help, but just want to provoke a reaction. If someone attacks you with a nonsensical anonymous comment online, they’re not seriously interested in having a real discussion. You wouldn’t take the bait if a loud drunk wanted to tell you what’s wrong with you, because there’s nothing to be gained by arguing.

With that in mind, whenever you sense that someone is criticizing you without having the intention of helping, don’t lose your temper. Ignore them if you can, or just give a quick response to indicate that you’re not going to bother trying. Then get on with your life.

2. If the critic just gives a vague complaint, ask what you can do better

Sometimes people will say something like “you’re awful,” without explaining why or suggesting what you can do better. Even if we give them the benefit of the doubt in assuming that they’re trying to offer constructive criticism, they need to be much more specific for any good to come of it.

So just ask what you can do better. The nice thing about this is that it’s very easy to ask for details, and then the ball’s in their court. The burden is on them to come up with specifics. If they can’t come up with anything, it’s easy to disregard their criticism.

3. If the critic gives helpful advice, say thanks

If someone’s trying to help you, there’s no need to be defensive. If someone tells you something you can improve, they’ve done you a favor. Because without them, you might have continued to make the same mistakes for years without realizing it.

You don’t need to try to explain why it’s not your fault. Just accept responsibility for it. Be grateful that the other person decided to bring a problem to your attention instead of saying nothing. Remember that they’re trying to help you. So don’t get upset, just say “thank you.”

4. If the critic doesn’t know the whole story, talk to them about it

A lot of times, the situation may be more complex than it appears. People might see what appears to be an obvious solution, without realizing that there are drawbacks to that approach.

If somebody just wants to give you a tip, you can say “OK, thanks” and move on. But sometimes, especially if the other person knows you well, it’s helpful to talk about it.

You can say, “You know, I hear what you’re saying, and I’d really like to be able to do it that way. But the last time I tried something like that, it didn’t work because _________. How can I get around that?”

Assuming this is somebody who’s willing to take the time to talk it out with you, this shows that you really appreciate their opinion. Not to mention that you can get some great insights.

One last tip

Finally, when you’re the one giving advice, be sure to remember how it feels to be on the receiving end! If you think you can help someone, offer your advice, but proceed with caution.

Keep in mind that what’s right for you might not be right for them, and that there might be other sides of the story you’re not considering. And be aware that the other person might be more defensive than you’d expect them to be, especially if they’ve had to deal with many critics whose intentions weren’t as good as yours.

Make a point of taking criticism well, and you’ll be able to deflect pointless attacks while making the most of good advice.

About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

On January 1st, many people make resolutions for the new year, such as to go to the gym every day. You can’t help noticing that gyms suddenly become much more crowded. But by February 1st, most people have abandoned their resolutions. Gyms become empty.

Sometime between January 1st and February 1st, people realize that they don’t really care that much about their New Year’s resolutions. In many cases, it’s because they chose their resolutions for the wrong reasons. This applies not just to New Year’s resolutions, but anything people do just because they think they should.

Think about why you do what you do

Maybe they think they’re supposed to exercise, so they decide that’s what they should focus on. But regardless of the wonderful benefits of exercise, you won’t stick with it if it doesn’t support something that truly matters to you.

This goes for exercising, losing weight, reading, writing, socializing, or anything else. Just because something is beneficial doesn’t mean it’s right for you. And one of the biggest mistakes you can make is focusing on the wrong things.

We have to accept that we can’t do everything. It’s not just a matter of time management, although that’s certainly part of it. We have a limited amount of resources such as time, patience, energy, and support from others, and we have to decide how we’ll use our limited resources. We have to prioritize.

Define your priorities

So decide what your priorities are. Don’t just blow this off by saying you want “happiness” or “success.” That’s far too vague to be helpful. Spend some time thinking about what you really want in life, and be specific.

If one of your priorities is “happiness,” fine. What specifically does this entail? What makes you happy? This is one of the most important questions you could ever answer, because everything else follows from this.

Enjoy the journey as well as the destination

We know how to eat an elephant: one bite at a time. So be sure that you enjoy your day to day life, instead of doing only what you think you have to do, or obsessing about the ultimate outcome.

Maybe you decide that to you, the ultimate happiness is having your own private island. And that’s fine; there are no right or wrong answers here. But remember that the private island is not a priority per se. You merely came up with the private island as a means of pursuing your actual priority of happiness. Don’t focus so much on a goal that you lose sight of why you want to achieve the goal.

If your priority is happiness, then your daily actions should support that priority right now, regardless of whether some future goal is achieved. Maybe right now, a cup of hot chocolate will make you happy. By having some hot chocolate now, you’re satisfying your priority of happiness. That doesn’t stop you from working towards your private island, but it makes the journey a lot more fun.

Focus on what really matters

If going to the gym every day is not fun for you, maybe you shouldn’t be doing that. Yes, it could bring you terrific results over time, but what is your real reason for doing it?

Is it because you want to have a long, happy life? OK, then focus on having a long, happy life. If you don’t like going to the gym, then how is it going to make you happy? It might increase your lifespan, but if you’re spending that extra time doing something you don’t enjoy, then what do you get from living longer?

Focusing on your real priorities might give you a better solution than focusing on what you think you’re supposed to do. For example, maybe another one of your priorities is spending time with friends. Maybe then, you and a friend could work out together just a few times a week.

OK, you might be breaking your resolution to go to the gym every day, but you’re spending time on what you’ve identified as your priorities, which is what really matters anyway. Because when your life is directed at what matters to you, you can’t go wrong.

About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. We all know the saying, but we often fail to apply this lesson in our lives. If you view the elephant as one giant goal that your whole life depends on, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Why not enjoy the bites along the way?

If you ask somebody what goal they’re working on, what kind of answer do you think you’ll get? Assuming they even have goals, they’ll probably say they’re working on something really big, maybe even something that will make them feel like they’ve achieved their life purpose.

It’s not just about big goals

Many people make a major mistake in being entirely focused on big goals. If your goal is to become a best-selling novelist, great. But that’s a really big goal. If you base too much of your life satisfaction on achieving it, you’ll be unhappy for a very long time (possibly your whole life).

Long term goals are great, because aiming high lets us strive to be the best we can be. But for every long term goal you have, you want to have many short and medium term goals. If being a best-selling novelist is your long term goal, what smaller goals can you come up with that you should achieve along the way? Maybe for now, you’d be happy to come up with an idea for a character you want to include in your first novel.

The beauty of small goals

When you have small goals like that, there are a couple of advantages. First, a small goal gives you something concrete to focus on. If you want to become a best-selling novelist, how will you make that happen? You can easily be overwhelmed by such a huge task. If you don’t know specifically what to do, you’re only going to get frustrated. As time goes by, you notice over and over that your goal still hasn’t been achieved, yet you’re not sure what to do about it. But it’s a lot easier to come up with an idea for a character. When you know exactly what to do, you’re much more likely to take inspired action.

Second, you enjoy the satisfaction of achieving a goal and enjoying the benefits. Even if it’s a small goal, you feel good for checking it off your to-do list (whether it’s on paper or just in your head). You also get to have something that brings a little satisfaction right now. When you have your idea for a character, that in itself means something, even though you have a long way to go to your ultimate goal.

Life is a journey, not a destination

Your life satisfaction will probably be a lot higher if you view your life as a series of many small milestones, instead of one huge milestone that you may or may not ever achieve. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have big goals, only that you should also have smaller ones to focus on along the way.

If you want to lose 40 pounds, great. But don’t just focus on that one huge goal. If you do, then every time you get on the scale, you’re only going to notice that you haven’t achieved your goal yet, and so you continually reinforce failure in your mind.

So break it down into smaller goals. There are plenty of goals you can try to accomplish even before losing 1 pound. Maybe you want to read a book about weight loss, or find a support group, or learn a new healthy recipe. A series of small accomplishments will keep you on track and make you feel good about your life, whether or not you eventually go on to accomplish your ultimate goal. If you end up eating the whole elephant, that’s wonderful. But don’t forget to enjoy the bites along the way.

About the writer: Hunter Nuttall is an eclectic personal development blogger and author of the free ebook Why We’re Failing the 4-Hour Workweek.

But while they’re screaming at you and telling you why they want you to buy it, they’re sending an even stronger message with the words they’re not saying. The fine print may say “results not typical” or “these are paid actors,” but they sure don’t want you to see that, lest it destroy the perfect illusion they’re trying to create.

They’re not trying to help people understand the pros and cons of the product so they can figure out if the product is right for them. Instead, they’re trying to just cram it down everyone’s throats and pressure people into buying.

We’ve all seen this, and we all despise it. Even in one-way media like television, communication is still meant to be a two-way street. The problem is essentially that they’re talking AT people instead of talking WITH them. But is it possible we’re doing similar things without realizing it?

It Starts With The Other Person

When we’re having a conversation with someone, we often have things on our mind that we’re eager to share. That’s fine. But more important than our interest in talking is the other person’s interest in listening. It’s easy to get so caught up in recounting our latest adventure, that we don’t even notice that the person we’re talking to isn’t interested, or they don’t have time to talk, or they don’t understand something.

So start by focusing on the other person. What kind of mood are they in? If it looks like something is bothering them, maybe they have something they need to share before you describe the vacation you just came back from. If they’re avoiding eye contact, turning away, or even looking at their watch, that’s a sign that for whatever reason, they’re not ready to listen to you. Don’t force them.

Don’t just keep talking and talking, but involve the other person. When watching a formal presentation you may have to hold all your questions for the end, but you don’t need to have such a rule in normal conversation. Pause once in a while to hear what they have to say. It should be back and forth, not one-way.

When You’re Selling Something

We all have pretty sensitive sales pitch detectors that go off whenever someone wants to sell us something. Sell is a four-letter word, but it’s not inherently a bad thing. And we all do it. Asking for a favor, asking for a raise, asking for a date–it’s all selling.

Whenever you want someone to do something, it’s extremely important to communicate in a natural, non-sales pitchy way. If you think about it, people usually do a good job of asking someone to marry them. No one goes up to a stranger and says “Are you ready to change your life? If you’re SERIOUS about living the life you’ve always wanted, you’ll need to MARRY ME NOW before this exclusive offer expires!”

No, they build up the relationship over time, understand the other person’s needs, and show that there’s a good fit between them. And that same kind of thing, usually on a smaller scale, is what we need to do whenever we want someone to do anything.

Sometimes I get an email from someone asking if I want to advertise on their site, promote their product, etc. These emails almost always sound like canned sales pitches, and I’m sure they’re just sending out a form letter to everyone. But no one wants to be treated like just another prospect.
You don’t expect to withdraw money from the bank before you first make a deposit. And you shouldn’t expect to grab someone’s interest before you get to know them. Otherwise, you’re just another ad screaming at them. Why should they care? How will they benefit? They can’t know unless you’re willing to be a real person to them.

It’s just the golden rule, you know. Treat people how you’d like to be treated. And you’d like for people to talk WITH you, not AT you.

About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

We’ve recently celebrated Thanksgiving in the U.S., a time when many people stop and think about what they’re thankful for. Now that the holiday is past us, should we return to taking everything for granted? No!

Gratitude isn’t meant to be something you pull out once a year, use a little bit, and then stuff into a closet until next Thanksgiving. It should always be on our minds. Most people spend so much time thinking about what they want, that they forget about everything they already have.

An attitude of gratitude not only lets us appreciate our lives more, but it also puts us in the right frame of mind for doing even better. And if you think about it, you’ll quickly see that you have plenty of amazing things to be grateful for.

The Basics

You’re alive. You’re a conscious being. You probably have four limbs and five senses. You can probably read and think and speak and laugh and walk and use your opposable thumbs. It’s very easy to take these things for granted, but think about how much you’d miss any of them if you didn’t have them one day.

Your mind might not be perfect, but it’s far more powerful than the vast majority of life forms on the planet (most animals are insects). Your body might not be perfect, but you’re probably capable of doing most things an Olympic athlete can (though with less speed or strength). You’re virtually a god compared to the dead body you will one day occupy, and that’s a big thing to be thankful for.

The Luxuries

When I say luxuries, I’m not talking about things like a private jet or a fleet of Rolls-Royces. Those things provide very little enjoyment relative to their cost, and don’t really matter. But you have plenty of things that would be considered luxuries by billions of people.

These luxuries will vary from person to person, but we all have some. We’re living in a great time in human history, and things that were once unimaginable are now commonly available to the average person. Do you think Alexander the Great had anything that could compare to Gmail and Firefox? Probably not, but we’re just used to having these things for free.

We all complain about things that seem like a big deal to us, like our Filet Mignon being slightly overseasoned. But that must seem like a pretty dumb complaint to all the people who don’t have enough food to eat, don’t you think? What about indoor plumbing, heating/AC, lightbulbs, libraries, TV, the internet, cars, airplanes, cell phones, etc? Even lower middle class people are practically living like royalty when you think about it. What more could anyone want?

Some people enjoy an even higher level of luxury, such as having a family. You might have arguments sometimes, but how would you feel if they weren’t in your life?

Why Be Grateful?

It’s easy to point out how things could be better. You could make more money. Your house could be bigger. Your spouse could argue less. But no matter what, there will always be an infinite number of things you could wish for. If you want to be unappreciative, it’s easy to justify that attitude, but it’s not helpful.

For one thing, being unappreciative doesn’t help things change. You’re not going to patch up a relationship by complaining about your partner’s faults, or do a better job at work by fighting with your boss. Being grateful puts you in a good mood and makes other people more receptive to you, which makes it easier to constructively work out solutions to problems.

But aside from that, being grateful just makes life feel better. Your perception of events is entirely up to you. You just need to decide whether to feel good about what you have, or dwell on what you don’t have. Think about how much you’d miss all the things you have if they were gone, and it’s easy to find plenty of reasons to be grateful.

About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

Many people find it hard to forgive. As we go through life, it’s inevitable that we’ll come across people who wrong us in one way or another. From the one who cuts you off in traffic to the one who puts you on hold and forgets about you, there’s no shortage of people out there who aren’t treating us exactly the way we’d like. Unfortunately, we’re rather limited in our ability to influence their behavior. But the good news is that we have a lot of control over how we react to them.

Why forgive?

First of all, keep in mind that it’s generally in your best interest to forgive people. Choosing to carry a grudge forever keeps you from ever repairing the relationship. Long after you’ve forgotten what the other person actually did, you’re still focused on being mad at them because you’re stuck in that habit. It’s very easy to blow something way out of proportion because you think too much about what went wrong instead of how to make it right. Don’t be too attached to your anger.

Another thing to consider is what you accomplish by not forgiving. You might decide never to forgive Hitler, and I can’t really object to that. In that case, many people would consider forgiveness to mean compromising their integrity. But what about someone who just made a rude comment about you? Do you really need to be mad at them forever? Is it really worth the stress and the higher blood pressure, or can you just let it go? Just because you might be justified in being mad, doesn’t mean it’s your best option.

Forgiving others

To be able to forgive others, it’s helpful to understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes we make assumptions that someone must be a jerk to act a certain way, when there might be factors we aren’t considering.

The person who cut you off in traffic? Maybe they were racing to the hospital. Maybe they were late to an interview for a job that they really need. Maybe they swerved to avoid someone else.

The person who put you on hold and forgot about you? Maybe they were severely understaffed because some people were sick that day. Maybe they were trying to track down the perfect person to solve your problem. Maybe their phone system malfunctioned and you got transferred to the wrong place.

The person at the store who gave you bad service? Maybe it was their first day. Maybe they hadn’t been trained properly. Maybe they had a bad experience with the previous customer that had them frazzled.

In many cases, the person who wronged you might have acted completely out of character for some reason, and they might truly be sorry. It’s also possible that they don’t even know they did anything wrong! Try not to make assumptions, and just talk to them instead. Say what they did, why you think it was wrong, and how it made you feel. If they didn’t mean for it to be an act of vengeance, then why not forgive them?

Forgiving yourself

Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. If someone else makes a mistake, we’re more objective about it, and we can see that they really did the best they could. If we make the same mistake, it’s a lot harder to be objective. We think back over all the details and see how many things we could have done differently. Other people might say it’s OK, but how do you appease your own toughest critic?

As with other people, you need to consider what you have to gain by not forgiving yourself. Usually it’s very little. If you can make the situation right, do it. Otherwise, work on doing better next time. If necessary, avoid similar situations until you’re sure you can handle them better. But don’t wallow in guilt. It’s one of the most useless emotions of all.

Is there anyone you need to forgive today?

Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.

The great playwright and Nobel laureate George Bernard Shaw once said, “Take care to get what you like, or you will be forced to like what you get.” Wise words indeed.

The concept of lifestyle design was popularized by Tim Ferriss in his book The 4-Hour Workweek. The idea was to create a system that would generate enough money to meet your living expenses, while requiring only 4 hours a week to maintain it. And then by not having a full time job, you’d have the freedom to do whatever you wanted with your life.

As great as this sounds, the reality is that very few people will be able to make a decent income in only 4 hours a week. Most people will be lucky to work only 40 hours a week in the U.S. But that doesn’t mean that you just have to take what you get. On the contrary, with a busy schedule, it’s even more critical that you make the effort to design your own lifestyle.

Make no mistake, your lifestyle will be designed. The only question is whether it will be designed by thought or by chance. Here are some tips for making sure you get what you like, instead of having to like what you get.

Pick the Right Career

Far too many people pick their career based on money. Money is important, but it’s not everything. If you’re going to spend several decades doing something, don’t you want it to be something you actually like?

I’ve known people who said they would change jobs if they found one that paid an extra $2,000 a year. That’s putting far too much value on money. $2,000 a year is only $166.67 a month. After taxes, it’s maybe $100 a month. Such a small amount of money is insignificant compared to how much you enjoy the job.

It might be hard to pursue a career path that pays far less than your current field, but if you know you’d be happier, you owe it to yourself to consider it.

Give Priority to Your Relationships

A huge chunk of your life satisfaction will come from your relationships, so be sure to give them the attention they deserve. Don’t just leave your relationships to chance and hope it all works out.

First, you want to bring the right people into your life. Don’t date someone you don’t like just to have someone in your life. I know that sounds obvious, but it’s surprising how many people do it. Be honest with yourself about what you want, and don’t stay in a relationship that you know isn’t right.

The same goes for friends. If the people you spend your time with just aren’t a good fit for you, go find people who are. Or if you just need more friends because you don’t know anyone who shares particular interests with you, then bring some more friends on board.

Second, when people are a part of your life, you need to remember that relationships are a two-way street, and you need to keep up your end of things. If you neglect people, or become a burden, they’ll leave you. And since your relationships are a huge part of your lifestyle, that’s probably not a price you’re willing to pay.

Find Fulfilling Hobbies

Everyone needs hobbies. Some are good for blowing off steam, some are good for keeping your mind sharp, and some just make you feel alive.

Up through college, people have enough free time that finding engaging hobbies isn’t very hard. With a job and maybe a family, it’s harder to make time for hobbies. And since your interests might change as you get older, you might find that you no longer enjoy the same hobbies you once did.

To find the right hobbies, think about what you want to get from them. Maybe you want to challenge your mind, maybe you want to spend time outdoors, maybe you want an adrenaline rush. Think about some obvious ways to meet those needs, but also get creative and think about other possibilities that aren’t so obvious.

Many people will take up a new hobby relatively late in life, and find that it’s one of the most important things in the world to them. Maybe it’s writing, or sculpture, or horseback riding, or auto racing, or any number of things you haven’t thought of yet. But find some activities that are hard to tear yourself away from, and you’ll never be bored.

Final thoughts

Lifestyle design isn’t only for people who make their living with passive income. It’s for everyone who wants to have some say in their future. We all need to do what we can to make our life what we want it to be. Be sure to get the life you like, or you’ll be forced to like the life you get.

Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.