It is inevitable you will be turned down at various points in your life. You may get rejected when applying for a job, making a marriage proposal or asking your boss for a pay raise. It is not a nice experience to have, but thankfully it is possible to learn how to handle rejection without letting it destroy you.

Here are 7 tips on what you can do:

1. Don’t take it personally. There are times in our lives when we are rejected simply because of timing. If you ask someone out to lunch but they have already eaten lunch, well they are going to turn you down! If you apply for a part-time job at a department store during the Christmas holidays the week of Christmas, they are going to turn you down because they have enough staff. Some rejections have nothing to do with us. So if you got turned down, do not second guess that you are no good or that no one likes you. It may just be a question of timing!

2. Think positively. It can be hard to think positively when you have been rejected, but try to turn the tables on this. If someone declines your offer for a social event, think about all the times when you have said no to others as well. Also, sometimes, getting rejected is a blessing in disguise. It may provide you with the space for something bigger that is about to happen!

3. Listen to the rejection carefully. It is important to pay attention to the reason for the rejection. This will tell you if you have a second chance or not. If you apply for a job and the Human Resources Director says “Not now, but call me in three months,” you can choose to focus on the part about timing. Try asking a follow up question to understand why you are being rejected now and get creative in coming up with an alternative solution.

4. Be kind to yourself. Being rejected is a disappointment to say the least. It can be very frustrating to put yourself out there for either personal or professional reasons and then, be told “no.” So, be kind to yourself after getting rejected in some way. Engage in positive self talk and encourage yourself for the future. Do not be silly by drowning your sorrows in food, alcohol, cigarettes or overspending.

5. Have confidence in who you are. Learn to have confidence that people will like you just as you are and to make yourself the best “you” that you can be. Engage in hobbies and activities that you. Laugh and sparkle! People will respond in amazing ways and you will get to experience less rejection!

6. Know that everyone gets rejected. There are six billion people on this earth. We are all beautiful, unique and different. There are times we are in demand and times we may get rejected. Knowing that rejection is an emotion that many people go through is a reality check! So get over your victim mentality and move on!

7. Try and try again. A popular sales motto is that it takes twenty “nos” to get to one “yes.” Many successful authors like Robert Kiyosaki and Mark Victor Hansen got their manuscripts rejected several times by publishing houses before they hit big time! Learn from these authors. Do not therefore take rejection as a sign of failure. Instead, press on in your dreams!

A lot of rejection is not the actual rejection, but how you handle it. If you engage in positive self-talk and have a confident attitude, it is possible to attract a better outcome. Hence, keep picking yourself up when you fall. Do not feel daunted but rejoice because you have found one less way to being turned down. So, even if a new party says “no” to you, you will always be able to transform your negative state of mind to a more empowering one!

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This guest post was written by Evelyn Lim of Attraction Mind Map. Image by Lovely Petal.

Most of us are in constant mental chatter. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. Often it is tainted with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams.

Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. It is human nature to seek personal growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us greater rewards.

The following are seven steps to positive self talk. By following these steps you will begin to rid your inner conversations of negativity and instead have empowering thoughts.

1. Eliminate Internal Negative Chatter

The first step is one of awareness. It will be hard to make a change to positive thinking without being acutely intimate with the thoughts that run through your mind. Recently, I was amazed to discover deep buried emotions from negative thoughts that I had for fewer than 10 minutes. Without awareness, I would have carried the hurt and anger inside. Awareness helped me to bring them out to the open for me to deal with.

Undoubtedly it will not be easy to make a switch if you have a long history or negative self talk. Your talk became negative over the years due to various factors. For instance, if your first grade teacher repeatedly told you that you were “stupid”, you might believe it to be truly the case. You would find that your inner chatter would often be filled with talk of “I am so slow” and “it is so hard to learn”. If you constantly tell yourself such negative stories, your actions are going to reflect your low self esteem. It will be difficult to get very far if you are always putting yourself down.

A common negative talk involves telling yourself “I can’t”. When you say to yourself “I can’t” or “it is too difficult”, you are creating a resistance. Having such a mental block will prevent you from achieving a task you could otherwise succeed at.

Anytime you catch yourself saying “I can’t…”, turn around and challenge your own claim with, “Why can’t I?” Research shows that most geniuses became the people they are also because of the hard work they put in. So if you would like to be successful, you need to start saying “I can” a lot more.

A great method that I have also found useful is to say “Cancel Cancel” each time I find myself saying something negative, whether in the mind or verbally. The method works if you sincerely have the intent of becoming a positive thinker.

2. Positive Affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements of a desired outcome or goal. They are usually short, believable and focused. By repeating them over and over again, you build inroads into your subconscious mind, opening up the possibility of a new state of thoughts.

An important step when repeating affirmations is that you need to read your affirmations aloud with feeling. The mere reading of the words bears no consequence unless you put some emotions behind them. Of significant fact is that your subconscious mind takes any orders given in complete faith and after repeated self talk. So the daily practice of repeating affirmations is important.

Initially you may be skepticism toward the statement of your positive affirmation. However, if you follow this simple set of instructions your skepticism will soon give way to a new set of beliefs and then crystallized into absolute faith.

3. Positive Scripts

One thing that you may observe is on how easy it is for your mind to build negative thought upon negative thought. The chatter not only does not stop but it spins a drama that traps and limits you.

From now on, regularly do this exercise instead. Spin an uplifting story that runs like a movie script. Some visualization will be helpful. You build on a story with a positive outline. The longer you can tell this story to yourself the better. It is also best if you can make this story one about having all your goals achieved. When you do this, you start to internalize your goals and dreams, as if they are something that you have already achieved.

4. Replace Negative Influences with Positive Ones

It is important that you identify external negative factors in your life which may be holding your thoughts hostage. For instance, your mental state can become toxic by being around friends who are negative. If you are not vigilant enough, you will start to adopt their thoughts as your own. Hence, be alert to what your negative influences are. If they come from certain friends, limit your exposure to them as much as you can. Refrain from discussing your plans with people who will be unsupportive of your dreams and goals.

Instead surround yourself with thoughts and actions from people who will empower you.
From being uninspired and de-motivated, you will begin to feel uplifted and driven to greater self growth. The positive energy that they vibrate will start affecting the self talk that you engage in as well.

5. Present Tense Messages

You may find yourself daunted by the many things you need to do in order to reach your goals. It just seems overwhelming to become the success that you secretly desire for. Your mind gets caught up in an endless stream of worry.

What may be helpful is to concentrate on steps you can take in the present. If you find yourself becoming stuck, stop and say, “What can I do right now?” Change your internal talk from a future anxiety ridden one to one that is about the more manageable present. You cannot control what will happen in the future but you can take the necessary steps now that will build a better tomorrow. Taking the necessary steps require you to focus your thoughts and inner talk on Now.

6. Confront Fears

Fear is often what holds you back from your success. You are scared of taking chances because you fear losing the security that you enjoy now. You try to convince yourself that you are happy in your current state when in fact, you are not. Your self talk may sound positive in your attempt to lie to yourself. But somehow, there is an inner knowing that you are short changing yourself.

Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What can be the worst that can happen? Take a step-by-step approach in breaking down your fears and see if there is any way round to looking at things more positively. When you confront your fears, you will often realize that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you think. In fact, the benefits of change are worth the risk. Your inner talk begins to change at this point.

7. Focus on Enjoyable Moments

It is much easier to have a positive attitude if you focus on the enjoyable moments in life rather than the difficult ones. While there will inevitably be challenges, you need to remember that life consists of ups and downs and the good times are forged through the bad.

So choose to fill your mind with positive images and thoughts. Make it a conscious habit. Simply bring your mind back every time it goes astray in its thoughts. For a start, if you can be grateful for what you have presently, your self talk will also change to be in alignment with one of joy. A state of gratitude does wonders to your psyche.

Conclusion

Replacing self talk from a negative to a more positive one is not going to happen overnight. If your mind has ingrained habits of thinking negatively, it will take some work and time. However, if you find yourself often struggling, unable to achieve your goals and talking yourself down, then you should grit your teeth and commit to the process of change.

By following the above tips to positive self talk, you will experience an improvement in the quality of your life. The rewards are plentiful with greater happiness, peace and joy. Best of all, you feel empowered. With the change in energy, you are more likely to reach your highest potential and achieve success.

This guest post was written by Evelyn Lim of Attraction Mind Map.

Image by *Zara.