I like opening doors for men and I’ve gotten quite a few thank yous for that. No I don’t think that a man has to open the door first. I think its whoever thinks and acts first. I also think there are lots of feminazis out there who ruin things for good people.

Oh and also, a guy shouldn’t just be passive, that gets boring. You want to challenge each other in relationships. Same with girls. Passive is boring on both ends.

I think women are rational but they are caught up in silly things just like guys are.

As for me. I wish that I had never believed in god, ever. I’m 24 now and yeah I got out of it at an early age than most but a part of me wishes that I wouldn’t have wasted that time and energy and faith.

I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my perfection disorder recently. It still lurks in the shadows ready to reassert its hold on my life.

I live a better life when I replace perfection with good enough.

On number one: women aren’t rational. I would suggest that women are perfectly rational, they just (often) value different things to men. To take the opposite example to the “am I fat” question – perhaps my boyfriend might say to me one day “I’m nervous about this big presentation, do you think I’ll do OK?” Now, by your example of what it means to be “rational”, I’d have to logically weigh up his chances and say something like “well you know, you did fluff that important meeting a few months ago, and you haven’t done as much preparation as you could have – yeah, I’d say the chances of this presentation going OK are only 60% at best.”

Would I say that? No. Not because I’m not capable of rationally making that assessment, but because I _rationally_ look at the different outcomes of the different responses I could make. (It’s strategic thinking, just like chess ) On the one hand, a cold, clinical, detached response: which might give him facts to work with like, “do more preparation next time” or “don’t expect a good outcome”. On the other hand, a less detached response such as “you’re great at making presentations, look at what you did with x project last week. And these clients have really warmed to you.” The results of which are that he would feel supported, encouraged, relaxed, and confident (and probably do a better job).

I think that’s a pretty rational decision to make. Women aren’t crazy, irrational creatures who do things for no logical reason. The point is that I put greater value on the way my words will make the person feel, and less value on giving a clinical assessment.

On point two: I’ve heard this thing about how “women don’t want a nice guy” before and it always puzzles me. I have lots of girlfriends, they’ve all married really nice guys, putting kindness, gentleness and dependability ahead of looks or money or “coolness”. The only explanation I can think of is that this comment is made by men who think women are all pretty much the same. That is, who cannot tell the difference between a “nice girl” and a “not-so-nice girl”.

Basically, nice people want to meet, date and marry other nice people. Kind people value kindness in others, thoughtful people value thoughtfulness in others, and so on. But NOT ALL GIRLS ARE NICE PEOPLE. Some are, some aren’t. If you’re looking for a kind, sweet girl then you’ll find they’re (we’re ) all over the place. But if you’re picking your dates purely based on eg hotness, you are likely to meet quite a number who aren’t such pleasant people.

There will always be superficial people in the world. People who value those very surface things more than anything else: money, looks, possessions, “coolness”. There are guys who only date models, there are girls who only date millionaires. Fine, let them have each other – the things they think are valuable aren’t going to be keeping them soul-nourished for the next 50 years.

If you meet a girl, think you’re getting on great, and then she throws you over for some guy with a flashy car and a mean attitude… she was never what you thought she was. If you keep having this problem, get yourself a couple of good female-friends (try the wives of your guy-friends) and ask their opinions of the girls you’re hanging out with. [Ask them for their real opinion, not their kind opinion ]

If I may also suggest, you might find yourself in a few years time wishing you never believed that all women are the same, or that one or two rules can teach you how to relate to women.

1. That anyone has any answers.
2. That life is more than this moment.
3. That we aren’t all just playing grown-up.
4. That God exists.
5. That we need “fixing”.
6. That there is any benefit to religion whatsoever.

Though I personally don’t really regret believing any of those things; after all, it’s just how so many of us are raised. What’s sad is choosing to stick with those beliefs when deep down you know them to be false.

As an example, one need merely think of the classic “Am I fat?” problem. A guy’s natural inclination is simply to look at the woman, analyze how fat she is, and respond accordingly: “Well, for the most part you’re not fat, but you butt is a bit pudgier than the other parts.” I think you know what happens next. >:O

Women and men most definitely think and act in vastly different ways, and for vastly different reasons.

I think this is one of the hardest aspects of life to figure out, because we can’t ever experience what it’s like to be the other sex – it’s therefore extremely tough to see things from the other sex’s perspective…

Regarding #6, this is related to my realizing my true nature as a man, and not avoiding expressing my power for fear of being overwhelming. Men need to engage their sexual and primal energy, and channel it into their everyday interactions without fear that simply being strong will offend. Some never have a problem with this, while I believe the more intellectual of us attempt to suppress ourselves at some point.