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Are You Talking Yourself Into Failure?

A couple of days ago I watched a fascinating You Tube clip about mantras. Mantras are the things you say to yourself in your head, over and over again – and they have the power to impact how you feel and act in the short term, which ultimately impacts how your life turns out in the long run.

The clip I watched was presented by Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project, and you can view it over here (http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2011/05/re-evaluate-your-mantras.html). Gretchen spoke about some of the mantras affecting her life, and I could straight away relate. I think you might as well. For example, how often have you said to yourself something like the following?

“I have no self-control”

“I’m so busy, I don’t have time for that”

“I’m so disorganized”

All the time, right? And you’re not alone. It’s human nature to be tough on yourself, most of the time. Inherently I think this comes from the fact that we are driven to constantly improve ourselves and excel at most things we do. There’s just one teensy little problem with coupling this inherent drive with modern-day living, and I’ll be this one will come as no surprise –

You’re trying to do too much, you’re trying to be too many things, and you’re trying to have more than you need.

Put it all together and you have a sure-fire recipe for overwhelm. It’s no wonder you can’t get out of the vicious thought cycle in your own mind for long enough to actually take massive action and feel successful or happy!

Gretchen, whose book The Happiness Project (http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Project-Morning-Aristotle-Generally/dp/0061583251) is currently #1 on the New York Times list for the second week in a row, says that changing your mantra can dramatically impact the way you feel and the way you live your life. If you think about it, this means that changing the little things you say to yourself – those small attacks or undermining statements that you barely even register – can actually influence how successful you are in achieving your big goals dreams.

Does that scare you a little bit? It sure as heck scares me, particularly when I think back over some of the things I’ve said to myself just this past month or so:

  • “I’m just not motivated enough to follow my nutrition plan 100% of the time”
  • “I’m constantly tired and overwhelmed”
  • “I’m doing too much; there is no way I can achieve everything I want to achieve”
  • “I have to sacrifice sleep in order to fit everything in”
  • “I have a negative relationship with food”

So how about you?

What have you been drumming into your own mind without even realising it? What have you perhaps even said to yourself in the last 24 hours to undermine your skills, talent, and natural potential?

And isn’t it time you stopped being such a freakin’ you-know-what and gave yourself a bit of a break?

Even better – why not actively seek to create new and uplifting mantras. Gretchen’s new mantra, for example, is “I have plenty of time for the things that are important to me”. Of course she does admit that with these sort of mantras there’s a bit of a catch – you have to stop and work out the things that are really and truly important to you.

For me this would be time for myself and my family the way I feel after choosing healthy and energising foods or completing a great workout, and pursuing more of the activities I’m passionate about and love – like writing more and speaking more. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t mind one jot if all of the other busywork just – fell away. It’s an interesting way to look at things, because the truth is that I tend to live my life stuck in little tasks or ‘have to be done’ jobs that I don’t truly love. Always saying to myself that I’ll have more time to relax, play, laugh, LIVE once I’ve achieved ‘just this next step’.

Do you ever do that? I’ll bet I’m not the only one.

And what else do you say to yourself? If you stop and think about it, how much of your current success or lifestyle is affected by what you believe to be true about yourself?

My challenge to you today is the same challenge that Gretchen extends on her Happiness project blog – why not resolve to take a moment to re-evaluate your mantras? Perhaps you could even set some new and more inspiring mottos to live by!

Kat Eden blogs about health, fat loss and motivation over at www.bodyincredible.com, and about nutrition, exercise and lifestyle for driven women at www.womanincredible.com. Kat’s motto is ‘Life is Now. Press Play’.

 


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  • http://www.themindproject.com Alen Faljic

    Hello!

    I am glad somebody wrote about self talk. It is a neglected topic in our circles. But it is very important.

    One way I found it really easy and almost automatic to change my self talk was self talk tapes / mp3′s. You record yourself on a mp3 using your mantra. Then you listen to this mp3 30 minutes per day and after three months you subconsciously implement this mantra into your every day talking. It works!

    If somebody finds this technique interesting I would be glad to make a self talk mp3 for him (for free of course)
    Youtube video about self talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvzfnm9uk-0

    • http://www.bodyincredible.com Kat Eden

      Great idea Alen, thanks for the tip!

  • Nette

    I couldn’t agree more with this article. Our mantras are like shadows that follow us around and we can’t escape them, after all you can’t escape from yourself. I find it helpful to journal frequently and release some of the not so helpful thoughts off my mind.

    It can be a struggle to change your mindset but I read this book recently by Carol Dweck called Mindset. It was very Interesting but best of all she explained why we do this and what we can do to teach ourselves to change.

    You can find other books like the secret that has their own theory of how the way you think determines the energy you release out to the world and therefore what you attract to your life. Yet this might not really seem functional for some people. It’s all in what works for you finding that is the tricky part.

    • http://www.bodyincredible.com Kat Eden

      I agree completely … the key is to try different things and figure out what the missing link is for you!

  • http://www.clintcora.com Clint Cora Motivational Speaker

    I recall that when I first started my martial arts competition career many years ago, I would sometimes be a bit intimidated when I saw some of the really good competitors in my division show up. One of my instructors then told me that if I go in with any thoughts that are less than positive just before a competition, I am already defeated psychologically and there’s no way I’m going to perform well. He was right. This notion of course is applicable to pretty well anything we do in life so this post about talking yourself into failure is so relevant.

    • http://www.bodyincredible.com Kat Eden

      Great analogy Clint. Thanks for sharing your own experience!

  • http://www.intentionalselfimprovement.com Intentional Self-Improvement

    I absolutely agree that positive self-talk is the number one thing you can do to get yourself focused and successful! It’s difficult in contemporary society, though, because our lives are filled with things that implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) tell us “no, you can’t do that.” Do you have any book recommendations about self-talk and/or mantras? I plan on picking up Gretchen’s book soon!

    • http://www.themindproject.com Alen Faljic

      I would definitely recommend book “What to Say When You Talk To Yourself.:
      http://amzn.to/jglKL6

      Contact me when you read it. I can give you some further advice on application of ideas described in the book.

    • http://www.bodyincredible.com Kat Eden

      I love ‘change your thinking’ by Sarah Edelman

  • http://www.mylifemotivation.com Matt Maresca

    I’m a huge believer in positive mantras. I try to set my day up for success by affirming positive thoughts in my head about the important things I have to do that day. I may slip up during the day, but the more I do this the better my chances for living out the positive thoughts. It’s better than being negative anyway, right? Set the tone!

    • http://www.bodyincredible.com Kat Eden

      Definitely. And a great reason to take a few minutes for yourself before the madness of the day begins!

  • http://www.Mazzastick.com Justin | Mazzastick

    Kat,
    It’s easy to program ourselves with a negative inner-dialogue. Those words go right to our heart. That is why we get feelings and subsequent emotions as a result. It’s our body’s way of letting us know what we are thinking.

    It’s ideal to practice a empowering inner voice with words of encouragement.

    • http://www.bodyincredible.com Kat Eden

      Hi Justin. I’m quite interested in the idea of programming and re-programming; I think it can be very powerful. Good reminder – thankyou!

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  • http://www.unlikelysuccessstory.com Tonyne @ Unlikely Success Story

    Wonderful article and a reminder I greatly needed.

  • Andy

    Good message.
    For many years I would read all the positive things the bible had to say about me.
    Because of it my perseverance and stamina was very good. But I slowly let negative words from another person close to me, breed in my thoughts. In about 3 years time I fell into a deep depression. With the help of a counselor, I am heading back in the right direction.
    Moral of the story. Don’t eat what pigs eat. You will end up wallowing in the mud.
    As a man thinks, so is he. Bible

  • http://www.onlinecounsellingservice.co.uk/ The Online Counselling Service

    Great tips, what we tell ourselves is very important. Thank you for addressing this