According to those who follow the cycle of the moon, the solar eclipse that took place on January 15 is actually the day we should all be making New Year resolutions. Whether it be January 1st or the 15th, we all tend to feel pressure to ‘resolve’ ourselves to do something when January rolls around: lose weight, workout, spend less, make amends. Ultimately, when we revisit New Year’s Eve on that same year, we look back and realize we have fallen short, or even worse, haven’t accomplished any of these resolutions. And if we haven’t had enough champagne to dull the nagging sense of failure, we are left feeling a little defeated, maybe lazy or worse, without real direction in our lives.
Why do we torture ourselves like this?
And what exactly is a ‘resolution’ anyway? A resolution is a firm decision to do something. “ I resolve to lose 20lbs. this year.” “I will stop smoking this year.” “I am going to run a marathon this year.” These are all very firm, and certainly noble decisions, but sometimes life itself gets in the way, and our decisions become our burdens simply making us feel guilty for not being able to achieve them. What if you have spent the entire year trying to quit, but just can’t seem to put the cigarette down, or what if you’re constantly on the road for work, eating out all the time and away from the gym making it impossible to lose the weight? Why put yourself in a specific box… why commit yourself to the possibility of failure? Furthermore, and more importantly, why make one decision on one day that you are committed to accomplishing in one year?
A firm decision sets an expectation and more often than not, an expectation is just a resentment in the making.
Now, I am certainly in no way saying that we shouldn’t set certain goals for ourselves, or that I think it’s best to wander through life without some sense of purpose or direction, but why do this on only one particular day of the year? Why not spend every day making affirmations about yourself that will reinforce your intentions and better prepare yourself to accomplish these ‘firm decisions’. Affirmations, in my opinion, are far more mentally healthy and much more realistic than a new year’s resolution.
An affirmation is a positive statement or declaration of the truth or existence of something. “I am a beautiful person, and I deserve to be healthy.” “I am capable of accomplishing any goal I set for myself.” Positive thinking can do wonders for your mental attitude thereby making these firm decisions much more attainable.
Here are a some tips on how to make affirmations:
Think about things in your life you want to improve. The best way to create affirmations is to consider areas of your life that you would like to improve. Would you like a better job that pays more money? Do you want to have a closer relationship with your mother, brother or sister? Would you like to lose weight to feel better about yourself image? Spend some time thinking about areas of improvement and jot them down. Be clear about your goals and this will help in making them a reality.
Keep your affirmations focused and believable. Based on the list that you have written, choose what you want now. Be clear with yourself. “I want to lose 10lbs” is clear, focused and concise, so don’t decide tomorrow that you think you’d look better if you lost 15lbs. instead. Furthermore, it is even more important to keep your affirmation believable… don’t set yourself up for failure. So, instead of saying “I want to lose 10, 20, 30lbs.,” you are better off saying “I am on my way to a more healthy body by losing weight and exercising regularly.” Essentially, it is important to draw a line between your wants and your feelings. You want to lose a certain amount of weight, but this want stems from the desire to feel better about yourself. The feeling is the focus.
Always state your affirmations in the present tense. Tell your mind that your desire is actually already the reality. If you use words like “I will” or “I am going to,” then what you are really doing is postponing the attainment of your goal. If your affirmation is your reality, well then, you are already accomplishing it! “I have a loving relationship with my mother” is much more positive for your mind than to say you will have this type of a relationship with mom. By saying you will, you give yourself the opportunity to postpone that difficult first phone call or meeting with her. Tell yourself you already have this positive relationship with mom, and you are already halfway there to achieving it. Our minds are incredible gifts that have the power to make our goals a reality.
Always keep your affirmations brief and simple. Formulate your affirmations in your own language, and by this I don’t mean English or Italian or Russian, but rather… speak to yourself the way you speak all the time. Don’t use long sentences or big words because this only counteracts the ability to remember them… and repeat them.
Repeat them daily and say them out loud. Preferably in front of the mirror. You will be shocked at how awkward you feel when doing this the first few times… but DO IT! It forces you to believe in yourself!
Write them down. And refer to them often. It’s also a great idea to keep them in a visible place… in your office, or taped on the bathroom mirror or your closet door.
Remember you can never make an affirmation for another person. As much as we might want to make positive statements about another person in the hopes of changing them to fit our expectations, we must learn, immediately, that we can never change another human being. We only have control to change ourselves.
Lastly, and I think most importantly, let go of your expectations. Of yourself and of others. Life can get in the way of life… can get in the way of our affirmations. Trying to control everything that happens in your lives will not bring us closer to attaining our goals or affirmations any sooner. In fact, it might actually hinder you. If you are constantly focused on a particular obstacle or occurrence that goes against your affirmations, you will surely lose focus. Stay open, be free and accept what life brings to us, even its’ challenges. This way you are able to continue to focus on what IS positive in your life. And affirmations are ALWAYS positive!
Good luck. And Happy New Year!
Melisa Verrecchia is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain and a freelance writer.
Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!
Related Articles:
Overcoming A Loss Of Motivation
21 Tactics To Increase Motivation
It’s all about scoring goals!
Every person is different and how they most effectively achieve their goals will be similarly different. Positive thinking is important and your “affirmations” idea I think will compliment the strategies one must put in place if they are to realize their dreams.
Dear Melissa:
I have tried affirmations, but they alone do not seem to work. At least for me. One thing that I have noticed that works the best is putting myself in an environment which will support the type of person that I want to become.
I do not believe that life just gets in the way. We let it get in the way. Maybe, it is just that we do not have our priorities right and therefore we never achieve what we “want”.
One thing that came to my mind is that when we set a resolution we set it to change something about ourselves or at the very least a perception of how we view ourselves.
For example, if we resolve to lose 20lbs, then the issue seems to be the negative body image. So, the first step would to learn how to love our selves as who we are.
If we do that, then I strongly believe that resolutions will become much easier to accomplish.
Best,
Tomas
Your thoughts on not being able to change people really hit me. I needed to hear that! Hopefully, we can still have influential affects on others, but I recognize that “those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.” Great article Melisa!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lissa Duty, Elaine Dodson. Elaine Dodson said: Affirmations: A More Effective Way To Kick Off The New Year http://bit.ly/5tz6do [...]
Thanks for the article Melissa. It’s a nice reminder about something simple we can be doing to start the year off.
I absolutely agree that “letting go” is the most important. I’ve never had a lot of success with affirmations because I think I care too much about the result – and look too soon for something to happen. Affirmations are one of those things you have to do on faith and trust the process. But they are so simple there’s no reason not to do them…
Hello Everyone!
Thanks so much for all the feedback… I learn so much from reading all the comments! I agree with you Tomas that we often ALLOW life to get in the way… and maybe that ought to be my first affirmation! “I have control of my life and I do not allow the obstacles to deter me from achieving my goals.” (I’m running to say it in the mirror right now!) : )
I also agree that this article is only one point of view in regards to how to achieve goals we set for ourselves. I think it’s up to each individual, as you say Mr. Hockey, to devise a plan to achieving goals that may or may not include affirmations. They certainly can’t hurt, if done right! As Avish says… its a simple exercise to start off the year on a good foot!
Letting go of expectations, Avish, is still a very difficult thing for me to do… as is accepting that we cannot change people, as you wrote John. These two are going to take some hard work on my part, for sure. I think I might have just thought of two more affirmations!!!
Again, I so appreciate all of you taking the time to read my article and to share your thoughts with me. You all make me a better person with every comment.
Thank you so so very much. And to the many people who have re-tweeted… many thanks to all of you too!
Melisa
The power of affirmation has real science behind it. I recently read The Brain That Changes Itself,by Norman Doidge, M.D. about the discoveries with the science of neuroplasticity. This science reveals the brain can rewire itself and grow new neural pathways through repetitive learning and practice. By regularly making affirmations and visualization, you are stimulating that area of the brain and making it grow. That can translate into physical action. A study is reported in the book where people regularly visualized doing bicep curls without physically doing them. Over a period of weeks, their biceps grew by 13% — just using the brain!
super post!
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by jatropos: Affirmations: A More Effective Way To Kick Off The New Year:
According to those who follow the cycle of the moon,… http://bit.ly/53xP5C…
Affirmations are indeed powerful. The only problem I ever had for visualising myself with the goal already completely and I felt it was my only drawback with affirmations. But, once I could do that – the possibilities are endless. Nice post.
wow this is so cool
I came here to say the same thing
Affirmations work so long as they are used in the right way, as you point out. When enhanced with a visual image, as Barrie notes in his comment, the effect is tremendous. Its great that scientific research is now proving the powerful effect of having a focused mind.
Melissa, I’m going to disagree with you on this one. To me it seems that comparing resolutions and affirmations are like comparing apples and oranges. By your own defintion a resolution is a firm decision, while an affirmation is a thought about that decision that you either feel or want to feel. Just like resolutions can make you feel rotten, affirmations have that same effect on me sometimes. I can’t help but remember that I haven’t reached the goal I’m affirming yet and often beat myself up for not reaching the finish line. So to me, according to what you’ve written, affirmations aren’t all that different from resolutions in terms of the ability to help you reach your goal.
Wonderful ideas Melisa. I’ve noticed that people create success by practicing the affirmations you’ve talked about and making sure to couple them with actions. Every action someone takes builds confidence and helps them practice until they become an expert at whatever it is they would like to achieve. The success that comes from achieving goals is also a great affirmation in itself.
Hi Guy…
Love that last sentence!!! So true! “The success that comes from achieving your goals is an affirmation itself.” Awesome! Thanks for reading my article.
Melisa
Hey Melisa, Great article – you’ve got it right girl. I have a great tradition for New Years. Do you get Kinder Egg surprise in the states. It’s a little chocolate egg you buy at the supermarket and it has a small toy that you can assemble while you eat the chocolate. A Russian friend introduced me to the tradition of opening a Kinder Egg at 12pm on New Years, and the toy that you find there is indicative of your year. Its really fun because it is always pertinent. I have all the toys from the last 4 years lined up on my altar!!
Hugs
Oona
Great idea, but will this work over the long run?
love it…live it…great article melis- truly motivated me
thanks xo
Great idea, thanks for this tip!
Hey, ok, I get it, I guess – but does this really work?