Reality, when looked at truthfully, is quite depressing. We’re all doomed to tumultuous lives filled with toil and frustration. Most of us won’t live up to our potential. Most of our hopes and dreams will never be realized. Most of us will never become rich or famous or successful.
Just when you think a problem is solved, an uglier one replaces it. The cycle of desperation continues as our faculties decline. We lose our strength and beauty. We become shells of our former selves and eventually die.
Fortunately, thinking about the nasty truth can be averted with a well crafted Life Lie.
How? Luckily it’s easy. If you are relatively happy person, my guess is you already have one.
A Life Lie is a story we tell ourselves. A story we actually believe about our lives that lets us ignore reality and focus on a glorious future. Allow me to provide a background story.
I first learned about the Life Lie (in explicit terms) from reading a play; The Wild Duck by Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen. The main character of The Wild Duck is a man named Hjalmar. By all accounts, Hjalmar is pathetic. His father was ruined by a shady business deal and he’s lived his entire life in shame. His poor family makes a living from a photography business. A business that his father’s arch enemy gave to him out of pity and that his wife runs for all practical purposes.
Useless old Hjalmar should be miserable, but in fact he’s quite the opposite. Despite his pathetic life, Hjalmar is happy because he’s created a beautiful Life Lie.
Hjalmar’s Life Lie is ingenious. He truly believes that he’s going to invent an incredible machine that will make his family wealthy and erase his shame. He doesn’t just tell himself this lie, he actually lives it. Each day he goes off on his own for a few hours, supposedly working on the invention.
What is he really doing? No one knows. It truth, it’s irrelevant. Each day he comes back in high spirits, believing he’s on the cusp of completing the invention and elevating his family.
This is the key to a great Life Life. You can’t just tell yourself a beautiful story. You really have to live the delusion.
After learning about Life Lies, I immediately identified with the concept. Despite myself, I tried to deny it.
I’m different, I thought. I’m no washed up old coot. All my hopes and dreams will come true. Or so I thought. Eventually I realized that it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is being happy, and a great Life Lie accomplishes that.
My Life Lie really isn’t that much different than Hjalmar’s. I believe that if I keep working hard, this blog will become incredibly popular or that I’ll come up with a great idea to make money online. Once I have the money problem taken care of, I’ll be free to indulge my passions for the rest of my life.
I don’t just tell myself this. Every day after work, I come home, boot up my personal computer, and start working on the next blog entry, Photoshop tutorial, redesign, or traffic building activity.
Let’s be real. Is my Life Lie really going to happen? Maybe. It’s not impossible, other people have done it, but success is far from certain. The odds are probably against it.
But that isn’t important. Believing a Life Lie gives my mind something to focus on. I can ignore the pain and uncertainty of life and work towards a goal. I sleep better at night because I know I’ve done my part. If it doesn’t happen, that’s fate.
Sometimes I lose my Life Lie. Reality sets in and it’s incredibly depressing. I feel my smallness, weakness, and the lack of control I have over my life. It’s almost unbearable. Fortunately, I always come up with a new Life Lie.
If you want to be happier, create a fantastic Life Lie for yourself. Don’t worry about what other people think. Convince yourself and start living it. If you’re already happy, keep living the lie.
If you lose faith in your Life Lie, don’t panic. Think about what really makes you happy, create a plan to achieve that happiness, and start working towards the plan. A Life Lie is merely a more accurate description of a life dream.
Thomas Jefferson said that the greater part of our happiness and suffering is caused, not by physical pain or pleasure, but by our hopes and fears. Knowing this, you can make yourself happy and avoid suffering.
By creating a beautiful Life Lie you can fill your life with hope and purpose. You can avert the paralyzing uncertainty of reality. You can live a life of ignorant bliss.
Even if your Life Lie isn’t real, your happiness is. In the end that’s all that matters.
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I think whether a Life Lie will make you happy or is necessary for happiness depends on your perspective. If you believe that you are somehow special and deserve or expect your dreams to come true, then yes, a Life Lie will make you happy.
I try to make it my policy, not to expect things to happen, or to have any type of comfort in life. This seems rather harsh and evident of reality depressing nature, or that I’ve given up on something or the other.
But this is not true. While I do not *expect* my dreams to come true, I will try my hardest to make this come true. Anything that does happen is a bonus and result of my hard work or good fortune.
Life is in the journey anyways,
~Dalton Rowe
I agree to what Dalton said. It depends on the person’s perspective. Happiness may come in different form and may be viewed by people differently.
Why must a ‘life lie’ be a lie? It is only a lie according to a particular worldview, paradigm or ideology. If you are not happy with the depressing results of your current worldview you may want to find a new one.
Many have gone before you in the sixties when thousands of people traveled the world in search of meaning, nirvana, God, etc.
I still haven’t made my mind up about this blog entry. Are you playing Devil’s advocate. . I read negativity in your thoughts. Pessimism of sorts. Reality isn’t good or bad. It is just that. Reality. We as individuals choose to see it in whichever way we choose it. eg “The Reality about life is that we all die/The Reality about life is that we live until we die” Your post sounded as if you have already decided that life sucks, so we have to manafacture a new reality in our own heads. Of course as individuals we have to. Where else as the human race do we do our conscious living. In our heads/minds. I’m not sure we have to create any life lie to make acceptance of reality any easier. Surely its how we choose to deal with situations that arise through life thats important. Perhaps you perceive someone who is optimistic as selling themselves a life lie. I do hope that your view of life as having to suffer through toil and frustration is not a personal view of your present reality. If so perhaps you should consider giving up this blog. I did say that you might be acting as Devil’s advocate. Thank you for the posting. I have found it most thought provoking.
Your life isn’t a lie unless you believe it is and behave as though you assume it is one. Since emotions and feelings are linked to free will, you can choose for the life you lead to be your truth.
This is is the sort of world view I had when I was young. It is slowly being replaced by another view. I started to think that life is not a curse that precedes death, but rather an incredible piece of luck that we need to cherish.
I have no idea what is the meaning of the life, the universe (…). I don’t have that sort of insight and/or delusion. But when I consider these sorts of issues, it occures to me that my existence is due to an incredibly long and amazing train of events. Any little variation in this train of events could have nullified my existence. So, I’m just happy to be here.
Just a lie I choose to tell myself…
Thats a nice one Terry. I think I might start using it myself.
It feels like the biggest pain in the world when your life lie, that made you happy for many years and you believed it’ll last until the end of your life, suddenly becomes impossible forever. Be careful.
You’re right Norbert, that would hurt. But I think that over time you can create a new life lie for yourself, or modify an existing one to make it more believable.
The devil loves a liar…
Not sure about the particular story, but it’s possible that Ibsen was writing satire here. There are lots of reasons for thinking that happiness is not ALL “in one’s head,” even if perspective is important, or that happiness is all about “how things feel on the inside” (that’s a phrase introduced by Robert Nozick - you should look into his “experience machine” thought experiments).
Life to me is art.
Its an ongoing creative process.
Very interactive, and shared. There is no “my life” or “your life”. Just life, and all of us are participants and co-creators.
Imagination is neither real nor unreal, it is just creativity.
Fantasy and reality are very connected.
Without human minds, there would be no real or unreal…we made those things up I think.
Its also fun to play with analogies. Everyone lives by at least one.
Life is a school.
Life is a playground.
Life is a stadium.
None are false nor true, but are just how we go about life…they are attitudes.
Life will be a stadium if being better than others is the center of ones life.
It will be a school to he/she who chooses to learn from everything they experience. etc
I think competition is the worst life paradigm
and so on and so on.
“reality is outside of me” also rather sucks.
There is a great danger in believing in this “life lie theory” if you ask me.
Things become unreachable as soon as you start qualifing them as “lies”.
Everyone exists to do something… something bigger than what we do in our day to day live. We have to work to get there and we need to really believe that WE WILL get there. And, honestly, the whole point is to effectively GET THERE. Living a life thinking that we probably won’t reach our goals is probably the worst thing we can do to ourselves.
Dreams are just dreams. Everyone wants to achieve something. Everyone wants to be the being they were born to be. Everyone wants to become that person for real.
That’s just my 2 cents.
John, I don’t like your theory at all but I really like the thinking process that it initiates.
John, this was a masterpiece. You have identified a critical facet in dealing productively with our life: how we think about it. Like Frank, the comments here are as valuable as the point of your post.
Like others, it’s the word “lie” that needs to be addressed. We’d like to insist it’s semantics. But it’s important if you believe the odds favor accomplishing something from your ambition. If it’s a “lie” you are defeated already and your actions are pointless—it’s self delusion.
If you are realistic, you know your efforts have a chance to succeed, which means you could fail. You exercise judgment and play the odds or the probabilities of success, giving it your best shot.
After that, you reassess and either continue, alter your course, or take a different road altogether. If you are living a lie, it doesn’t matter, you continue a mindless delusion.
[…] John Wesley presents Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie posted at Pick the Brain. […]
John I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written. Think the way a child thinks - they believe in what’s in their head, they don’t see reality as a boundary and they are so much happier for it. What I got out of your article is that you should never let reality ruin or supress your dreams!
[…] John Wesley presents Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie posted at Pick the Brain. […]
I’d like to thank everyone for their very insightful comments. They have certainly made me rethink my original intentions.
Many people disagreed with the use of the word ‘lie’. I expected this to happen and it really makes sense. The word ‘lie’ has an extremely negative connotation, and to call our life goals a lie is unpleasant.
A life lie isn’t necessarily believing that your dreams can’t come true, I think the real ‘lie’ is believing that accomplishing a goal will lead to permanent happiness.
[…] John Wesley presents Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie posted at Pick the Brain. […]
[…] […]
John,
I like this post. It’s good. I don’t know if what your are talking is truly a lie. How can a plan for the future be a lie?
Many people would rather be right than happy. I once read that this is the most common character flaw today. I used to be in that camp. But today… I’d much rather be wrong and happy. What’s the point in being miserable and right? Think about it.
Dreams are a lie only if you think they are. Visualizing something that is not real, does not necessarily mean it is a lie. As children, we are encouraged to dream. But as adults, we learn that fantasy is not acceptable. But, fantasy is a wonderful thing. Your life truly can be changed by that “lie” you live inside, as long as you hold on to it and give it energy and expectation. There are too many examples in my life of dreams that have manifested from nothing more than holding onto a vivid and emotional lie of them coming true. Not expecting your dreams to come true is giving in to fear. In my world, faith and fear are the same thing, believing in something you can not see. One will destroy you and the other opens the door to unlimited possibilities.
A bleak way of looking at it, but no less true. Life Lies are an essential tool, being about one step beyond setting Goals. This is really thought provoking, I’m going to have to ponder this for awhile. A very interesting post, and you even put it in terms of an Ibsen play . . . Now you’re speaking my language.
–DanielRo
[…] In his article about Life Lies, John uses the best example he could’ve found for our purposes; a play. He compares these Lie to “The Wild Duck” by Henrik Ibsen and its main character Hjalmar. This post is the perfect example of life being influenced through the concentrated power of drama. So jump on over to John’s site and give it a read:“Advance Happiness by Creating a Life Lie. Yeah, it’s a little depressing but it’s Ibsen, what did you expect? Want to Share? Bookmark this Post to: […]
I just chanced upon your entry. It was so intriguing I went ahead and read the “Wild Duck” from beginning to end.
To me, here’s the thing about a “life lie”…if Hjalmar had ended up actually inventing something, it’s no longer a “life lie” is it? However, it seems his expectations did not quite match the reality of his own skills or circumstances.
In any case, thank you for the thought-provoking article!
Have you ever heard of the story of the “lie” told to the hospital patient that brought him so much joy? Despite there being nothing but a brick wall outside the window, the patient closest to the window would tell the other patient all events that were happening at “the park” outside the window. And the patient listening would always look forward to hearing what was happening outside. Is this type of deception really so bad? The patient was given a little hope at the price of a creating a false reality.
its all about situation and context. a business man can never have progress by creating a lie in which directly effects his business. an unhappy person can however have happiness by creating a lie, only a lie that is about life. what does the person really want in life… isnt it all about us, me, what we want? if all they want is happiness then is it really a lie? is the happiness really a lie, or just context.
mine is easy. It is all my dream anyhow. It is totally up to me how I feel (that part is so not a lie though!). Even when I feel sad or frustrated, I make sure to feel it fully and appreciate it. Then I let it go and be happy again.
Thanks for the really cool site, can’t believe I just now found it. geesh.
Great classic book on this is:
“The Philosophy of ‘As If”"
Will read the suggested Ibsen Play.
Thanks
Ah, but elsewhere you quote Ben Franklin, “Industry need not wish” and “He who lives on hope will die fasting”.
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/ben-franklins-real-way-to-wealth-part-i-industry/
It seems a contradiction, but I suppose it’s not as you are advocating hope as a motivator to action. Ben would approve, so long as the hope engendered by the “lie” inspires sensible action.
This post reminds me of Irvin Yalom’s concept of the four givens of existence, concerns we often choose not to acknowledge: death, isolation, meaning in life, and freedom.
http://www.yalom.com/giftintro.html
A beautiful life-lie would distract us from these concerns. It is neurotic, but if the neurosis brings happiness, is that a bad thing?
I’m perfectly comfortable contradicting myself, I think one thing one day and then learn something new the next day and change my mind.
I’ll have to check out Yalom’s article. You dead on with the purpose of the life lie being to “distract us from these concerns”.
You’re right about the life lie. If you want another dramatic experience to work with this concept, you might try Eugene O’Neil’s “The Iceman Cometh”. If you see the movie with Jason Robards and Lee Marvin (and Beau Bridges) you’ll get a real treat.
I just saw a documentary about Leonard Bernstein. It seems that he was never satisfied with his life’s work…despite the fact that he was world famous and loved by so many people. His life lie drove him to dissatisfaction because he thought he had to create something “important” whatever that meant. A life lie can, therefore, work in the opposite direction.
I learned of this life lie as I was becoming divorced. It seemed that my ex-wife told the story her way, and it was dragging me way down. I learned to tell the story my way and, voila! I became happier! I don’t know what the truth is, but neither of us knows what that is either.
Reality is depressing only when you have expectations. Clear your mind of that, accept reality for what it is, and it is stunningly beautiful, astounding, mysterious, wonderful, magnificient, awesome … well, you get the idea.
You only have to lie if you have to cover-up dissappointment. Dissappointment only occurs if you have expectations that are not met.
This isn’t my idea — it’s zen, and the work product of many others.
- Greg
Sometimes, a life lie gives confidence, so that one has the courage to try something very difficult:
“And, then I ask myself how I have a chance at solving something that Einstein and Dirac and all these other double domes missed, and I try to convince myself that I have some special angle or trick and then–I do it.”—Richard Feynman
This sort of thing is well described in the seminal book by Bergeson ” The Philospophy of ‘As If’ ‘ “.
Zen is great stuff ( as is epicurian philosophy and Vedic philosophy) but,
there is a reason why the western world
discovered atomic fission, and went to the moon.
Western culture is based on deflection of energy by these lies from fear of death.
It was basically invented for this purpose by Parminedes–who was basically a Zen master or Bodisativa.
Darn, my first reply got munged.
Penny, I agree with the positive part of your reply and Feynman is a hero of mine. I agree less with the eastern/western stereotyping … it’s a western superiority myth really. There are many examples of their scientific contributions but they are often ignored in western texts.
Just one example, in 1054 there was a huge supernova which created the crab nebula. Chinese astronomers recorded it, but Europe was so lost in the dark ages they denied seeing it. The eight-fold-way, of great matematical significance to physics came out of Japan. Also, Japan had an a-bomb project at the end of WWII though they were well behind us and really lacked the resources to see it through. Then there’s gunpowder, the precursor to TNT which, in turn, funded the Nobels.
- Greg
What you believe is not a lie. It is the inspiration that makes your actions real and the only sane response to a world that is often dark and hopeless feeling. Your thinking is clear and insightful, but you don’t need to call it a lie- the vision doesn’t have to come true for it to be a real vision.
Keep up the questioning.
Dear Greg,
Yes, it is a lie of western superority, and it worked for the west which invented
calculus, the steam engine, radio, electronics, space travel, atomic fission etc.
Feynman shared his Nobel prize with Schwinger and Tomonaga. Tomonaga was isolated during WWII in Tokyo and did a better job of invented QED then the other two. He was –of course–educated in the western world. He was director of the Japanese A-bomb project, for a while.
During the dark ages–before the lie of western superiority–China invented the theory of determinates ( in the 10th century), rockets, gunpowder, etc.
India is more interesting, as they invented
calculus BEFORE Newton—see ” The Crest of the Peacock” ( Cambridge U press).
But, Europe running on the idea of systematic science-created by Francis Bacon–( See “The New Organium”) caught up and left all those others in the dust.
Now, they have learned the mind set and are catching up to us.
Dear Greg,
The eight fold way was the work of the Israeli physicist Y. Neman. It was an early version of Yang–Mills theory, which came out of Stony Brook Long Island and the Princeton Institute for Advanced Study.
It was named the “Eight fold way” in a cutsy allusion to Buddhism by Y.N.
However, Tomanaga DID do the best work on QED in Tokyo. That was an earlier theory.
India had calculus first, but within a few centuries was way behind Europe in calculus. That is because Europe was systematic and funded teams of mathematicians.
And –Greece had it before India.
No country or race is superior in intellect,
but a hundred first rate ( FUNDED) mathematicians will beat ten first rate mathematicians—most of the time.
We owe the modern world to Francis Bacon–even more than to Newton.
We owe the basis of our culture to Parmenides.
China also had the verge and foliate before Europe, and they had better mechanical clocks at first, and they
had paper and printing.
India was doing plastic surgury with antisepsis in the seventh century.
But, Europe invented the airplane, the
train, the car, the electric motor, television, radio, the vacuum tube, the transistor, the laser, the electronic computer, plastics, space travel…
It was a MIND SET and a dream, and to a large extent a reified lie.
And, unlike some other cultures, we opened our universities to the world and gave the secret of our success to EVERYONE.
Let’s give the western world so earned credit–even if it is nowadays not politically correct.
I type too fast.
Penny,
I can’t tell if you are agreeing or disagreeing with me. Perhaps western “superiority” is the very kind of lie this article is about.
I’ll have to double check on the 8-fold way as I remember a Scientific American article from that time that laid the mathematical origins in Japan, followed up by the physical application in particle physics in Israel later. (Yes, I remember Israel’s contribution).
You’re obviously educated in science and the western tale of science, but remember who is writing those history books you are reading.
It reminds me of the old joke, “I used to think my brain was my most important organ, but then I realized who was telling me that”.
I think the reasons for differences in Western and Easter society, religion, economy, technology, government and so on are just so enormously greater than the contributions of one person like Francis Bacon (I would’ve named Galieo). It just goes much deeper than that.
Enjoy, greg
how can you tell if you are living a life lie or not?
Adam,
I think it all depends on your point of view. Your may really believe that you can accomplish a goal, and rightfully so, but the Life Lie is that achieving this goal will solve all your problems.
I think the dreams that most people have are usually life lies, at least to some degree. We’re more in love with the idea than the reality of our dreams.
Dear Greg,
I was agreeing with you.
The origin of the term eightfold way is that the Lie group ( a mathematical concept invented in Norway in the 19th century) used had eight generators.
It had nothing to do with Japan.
But, yes, from time to time non-experts have tried to say that the idea of symmetry ( which is quantified in a very
deep way by Lie Groups) came from oriential and Islamic art. However, the
real idea came from Norway–Sophius Lie.
To develop Lie Groups one needs 19th century level math and quite a lot of genius. And, it was Emmy Noether in the early 20th century who realized how it could be the BASIS for modern physics.
Yes, historians distort reality–you are very correct in that. Popular Science magazines are even worse! Beware of Scientific American.
Although the western world was quite different from the orient, I still hold that the crucial difference was that the west followed Bacon’s ideas. Of course, why they did was part of the big difference you mention.
Now that other places ( such as China) are following the same plan, they are catching up FAST.
I also wanted to say that it is politically in now to BASH the western world. But, the western world made incredible technical and scientific progress and then proceeded to SHARE the results, the methods, and the EDUCATION with the rest of the world. For this, the western world deserves quite some graditude.
Dear Greg,
I have also taught the multicultural history of math at the university level.
I am more willing than most western
science people to accept and propagate the Indian work on calculus etc.
But, the progress of the western world in science and math over the last five hundred years is immense. It would be a horrible distortion to forget that.
More progress ( by a thousand times) had been made in math in the last hundred years than in the previous five thousand years. Most of that has been done by the Western world.
That is RAPIDLY changing. The great contribution of the non-western world to math will be written in the FUTURE.
Similarly in science and tech: Microscope, telescope, cyclotron, electronic computer, space travel,
thermodynamics, atomic fission,
quantum mechanics, general relativity,
quantum field theory, television, Maxwell’s equations, electron microscope
plasma physics, Navier Stokes equations,
internal combustion engine, statistical mechanics, differential geometry, group theory, stochastic calculus, functional analysis, Hilbert Space, Banach Space,
Galois Theory, Physical Optics, Partial Differential Equations, Algebraic and Differential Topology, spectoscope,
geiger counter, Field ion Microscope,
jet plane, airplane, railroad, telegraph,
fax machine, internet, phonograph etc…
All invented by the ……Western World!!
Penny,
Thanks. Emily Noether a woman so under-appreciated because of the gender bias. Re: the Lie group, isn’t that related to SU(3) and didn’t Lee and Yang win a nobel for their work with that group just prior to Gell-Mann et al’s work? I think that was the chinese connection (albeit they were western educated) that I had in mind.
Obviously by triggering you to write on this topic I have tapped into a wonderful resource.
Thanks so much for your comments.
- Greg
Dear Greg,
Yes, it is related to SU(3) which a Lie
Group.
Indeed, Lee and Yang, and Gell-Mann were all players here.
all best
Penny
Greg and Penny,
Thanks for the great discussion. Most of it has been lost on me, but the parts I did understand have been very educational.
How interesting that a discussion of the life lie lead us to the mathematical lie (group).
And, it would appear that Penny may actually be writing those history books I disparaged, LOL.
As to the original topic, if I have a life lie, it is science. But of course I deny that it is a lie. But isn’t that mandatory if you’re really going to believe your lie?
Sometimes my head hurts. Like right now. But I do not believe this is a lie.
- Greg
A friend suggested I post this. Among my life’s lies are that I am smart and very knowledgeable (in an amateur’s way) about science.
In reality, this is fairly true (IQ 160ish, read a lot) but there’s always someone smarter or better read.
But before the internet I was a big fish in a small pond (well, let’s say a great lake) but now I’m in the ocean.
The minute we expose our ego someone smarter or more knowledgeable comes along, and whack-a-mole our ego/lie takes a hit.
I expressed all this to him in poetic shorthand by saying, “Oh vanity, behold the internet and know thy death”.
He insisted I should post that. Now I stand exposed, but it’s not that bad, really, or is that just the next lie?
I’m not sure why the reply got cut off. There might be a length limit, like a set number of characters.
I like that quote. Although it feels like defeat to abandon our vanity, it is also liberating. We can be ourselves without having to live up to impossible standards of genius.
Greg - we have the same IQ - wow.
tell me more…
Tendrel
re: IQ — I was lying … it seemed apropos. The truth is I do not know. It’s been measured several times but no one would tell me anything other than “very high”. I said “140?” and they just said “higher” in a strange tone of voice. I doubt it is “genius” though I’ve been accused of that. The truth is, and this one is not a lie, I don’t care all that much. I just enjoy using it. Whatever it may be.
Gosh this topic has turned into a bare-your-soul confessional to me. Thank goodness it’s not in public somewhere.
- g
I tend to think IQ is overrated, or any type of intelligence test for that matter. How can you sum up a person’s entire intelligence with a number?
I don’t know my IQ either, but if I did, would the score make my thoughts and ideas any more or less valid?
[…] But you create much more than just objects. You create your belief systems and how you think of the world around you. Together with your neighbors, you create cultures and communities, which leads into creating concepts like governments, money, and other really abstract ideas. Then someone builds a university to hand down these abstract ideas and ways of thinking. You can even create a life lie. […]
Dear Greg,
As John says, IQ is overrated for the reason that he gives: One can’t really reduce a complex thing like Intelligence to a single number.
As to the other issue: Just say: “Somewhere in all of space and time there must be at least one
entity SMARTER than me ( or any current human). If not, that’s pretty sad.”
So, trying to be the absolute smartest is poison.
I learned this the hard way–as I was
a child “prodigy” and as a mathematician I am constantly involved with people who are real geniuses. People with Fields medals etc. Even they can get intimidated by the one-up-ship of comparison.
The important thing is to enjoy your intelligence.
Penny
” If Dick is the smartest man in the world, we are in BIG trouble”–Mother of Richard Feynman on seeing him so described on the cover of Life.
” I am NOT an Einstein”–A.E.
I like it.
Lisa, Penny,
So do I.
- g
Thanks guys :). It’s amazing, this comment thread has taken on a life of its own.
I strongly disagree with you happyness can only be achieved by tell the truth first to your self then t o the world . If you live a lie your inner self will always know about it and will hurt like a dull pain . You may get used to the dull pain but it will eat you up inside.
Trust me I have been there I have/trying to change my ways.
All I can say:
I got the point… really; I did! And therefore, I don’t need to pull the whole thing apart to focus on one part of the entire phrase “Life Lie”.
It’s a great analogy. I can relate. Even better, the Life Lie DID work out for me. I am doing quite well with my “Life Lie” endeavors. It took seven years… but today I am making a very comfortable living. Like they say: “If you believe it, you can do it”. It begins with a dream.
What about taking this conversation to a different aspect of the topic. What do you think of the life lies of, say, Adolf Hitler, Richard Nixon, or Don Imus? A Of spouse-beater or an addict?
Can self-lies be dangerous (of course). Is there really any reason to think they are more likely to be positive than negative?
Is there a way to test our lies (seems almost contradictory) and assure they are helping not hurting?
Just some thoughts …
- Greg
Excellent observation Greg. It would seem that Hitler, Nixon, and Imus are basing their personal truths on lies, and so they really are Life Lies. However, a Life Lie based on truth is something else —– it’s hope.
A very fine line indeed.
Truth and lies are opinions based upon conclusions of associated memory. Truth and lies only exist in man’s head. They don’t exist in reality.
Frank, so what you’re saying, it really isn’t true is it? It’s an opinion. Yes?
Truth and lies might be figments of man’s imagination, but philosophy of that nature isn’t very practical ———- mankind still operates off of truth and lies or variations thereof. Thus we have a legal system, science, medicine, facts, and falsehoods,etc. We are able to drive automobiles, seek happiness, destroy —- have religion, Gods, beliefs. I won’t murder your child because it’s “wrong”. You will not cheat me because this is “right”. These opinions, for example, are held to be “true” on a large scale.
This is because we believe in concepts of truth and lies, right and wrong —- and it doesn’t look like these will go away anytime soon on a mass scale.
There is of course the great equalizer —— death. Most religion has something to do with what happens to man after his eventual death, thus determining what set of truth and lies we live by. Most beliefs in a God, Architect, or some force governing events of our existence base themselves in concepts of truth and lies guiding our choices of “right and wrong”. In the end after our death, we are either answerable to a moral death or we are not. The choices we made in our lives, based on our opinions of right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lies —– will either have a consequence or they will not.
But practically, our choices have consequences on all scales, and thus we have multitudes of systems governing our behavior towards each other. Law, in other words. So, once again, the idea that truth and lies are merely figments of mans imagination makes for an interesting mental excercise ——- and may be “true” ——- but practically this does not play out in global society.
Frank,
So things are “True or False” when it’s convenient and “Opinions” when it’s not? How appropriate that is to this very topic!
Myself, I’m still stuck on whether 1+1=2 is A) discovered, B) invented, C) defined, or D) opinion.
I like to reduce such questions to really simple cases like that, because if I can’t answer them, what good is my thinking on the complex ones like, “is bacon safe to eat?”
Penny?
Oh wait, you’re talking about “moral” truth and lies versus “factual” truth and lies. I didn’t catch that the first time I read your entry. I consider all moral truths/lies to just be abstractions of evolutionary imperatives. I consider the meaning of 1+1 to be a different question. Or is it?
John Wesley’s “Life Lie” theory is manifestly flawed. And, moreover, to grant it the status of being advisory is extremely dangerous. Following the recommendations of this theory will not result in true happiness.
The fact of the matter is that if one is, in fact, happy then one cannot help but believe, truly, that one is happy. One cannot choose to accurately believe that one is truly happy because the truth of this belief is necessarily dependent on one being, in actuality, truly happy. Thus, if my belief that I am happy is true then, necessarily, I am happy; if this belief is false then, necessarily, I am not happy. Hence, happiness cannot be created by constructing false beliefs of happiness because the very fact that these beliefs are false necessarily entails that the state of ‘happiness’ created by them will be, likewise, false. If a mental state is false then this means that it doesn’t exist in the sense that one thinks it does - i.e. the state of ‘happiness’ that Wesley claims to have achieved is not, despite what he says, “real”. This is simply because Wesley’s conception of happiness is not that of true happiness, rather it is, and has to be, according to the fundamental propositions of his theory, false (i.e. not) happiness. Hence, Wesley’s theory necessarily cannot possibly lead to a state of true, existent, happiness.
True happiness is actually achieved when one becomes intrinsically happy i.e. happiness of the self in-its-self. The instrumental state happiness which Wesley advocates is a state of ‘well being’ which is artificial whilst also being completely dependent upon certain imaginary goals and the false belief that one can achieve those goals. This is not the true happiness of the self for such a state of mind is necessarily dependent upon factors over which the mind has no control and cannot possibly experience.
One will only ever become happy by achieving happiness on one’s own - this involves understanding what it is to exist as a person and to interact with reality as one‘s true self. Understanding is necessarily undermined by falsehoods, thus lying to oneself will always be detrimental to one’s intrinsic state of happiness.
Probably the phrase “ignoring a problem will never make it go away” sums up my standpoint best . Sorry for this rant but I really believe that theories such as Wesley’s are immensely detrimental and must be avoided. And please, if anyone who has read this is wants to become happier in life then simply read ‘The Conquest of Happiness’ by Bertrand Russell - this will improve your life immeasurably and helps to show (with greater clarity than I could ever manage) why Wesley’s theory is completely wrong.
You could be right.
@John. LOL, how Voltaire-ish (Candide to be specific). And now I have a garden to hoe.
[…] The joke works because it reflects real behavior. A product can be an obvious scam, but people will rush to buy it because they enjoy believing pleasant lies. People pay for the pleasure of being deceived. For a brief period they can believe in an easy answer. The best part of the purchase is waiting for it to arrive, full of optimism and excitement. […]
Your life lie is generally known as optimism
John, the life lie reminds me of the technique of “acting as if.” Do you know of it? I described it in this post:
http://westallen.typepad.com/idealawg/2007/04/selfleadership_.html
I have sent the link to your post on to a number of people.
Stephanie,
I actually hadn’t heard of that technique, but the name sound very interesting. I’ll have to check out that post you suggested. Thanks for sharing with your friends. too!
the real lie is that there is a specific “purpose” to life. some sort of key or puzzle that people need to figure out. we just need to find our own purpose since our liesure time has increased and we don’t just need to survive. the purpose of life used to be.. to stay alive! there’s some internal mechanism built into most living things to survive and procreate. evolution hasn’t quite caught up yet, so we need to find other purposes. it’s not a lie. it’s paying respect to the gift of life by finding reasons to live.
btw.. bravo on the site. very good reading. i hope that you achieve a level of success that gives you pride in achieving your dream and the inevitable challenge of “what to do next”.
i also wanted to add that it’s my belief that being unflinchingly honest with oneself can be the most challenging and rewarding aspect of life.
gw,
I agree with your thoughts on the purpose of life, and especially about being honest with oneself. Lie may not be the right word exactly, but being happy seems to require a bit of self deception, or at least the ability to bear the ugly parts of life.
I’m thrilled you’ve enjoyed the reading and look forward to hearing more of your thoughts.
Well, it looks like your life lie is coming true. I’ve never seen so many posts to such a depressing, ridiculous notion (and I’m guilty of helping to propagate the lie also, it would seem…)
This post must have taken a lot of courage. I’ve heard it said that there’s a fine line between intelligence and craziness — no only does this post shed the stigma of ‘living a lie,’ the post stares it down eye-to-eye. Bravo.
Christopher,
Are you calling me crazy?
Thanks a lot, I’m glad you found it interesting. Out of all the comments I’ve gotten, this might be my favorite.
I don’t buy this at all.
While the term “life lie” seems to fit for the character in the play (only because we don’t know what he ventures off to do), it doesn’t fit at all for what you’ve described. You describe your dreams for yourself and your website. Once you get home from work, you begin working on achieving those dreams - or goals - whatever we’re going to call them.
So, how are you living a life lie? You’re not lying, you’re actually doing it. It’s truth because you’re consciously working toward it. It’s a goal, not a lie.
In my opinion - given your definition - a life lie would be telling yourself you’re going to be the next great race car driver, or whatever, but never working toward actually becoming the next great race car driver. In this situation, you’re sort of lying to yourself because deep down you know if you never work toward your dream or goal, it’s never going to materialize.
[…] According to John Wesley over at Pick the Brain, A Life Lie is a story we tell ourselves. A story we actually believe about our lives that lets us ignore reality and focus on a glorious future” (Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie). […]
I’m still not sure of how to interpret this post, whever I label something as a lie I usually lose interest because it’s not a part of reality.
I personally have much more success when I am 100% certain that I will be sucessful in what I do. When I have a goal that I’m not sure I could achive, I dump it or don’ t work on it for a while because I know conflicting thoughts will kill the goal, so any energy I put into it would be wasted.
I couldn’t live with myself trying to lie that I would be sucessful with [insert random project here]. Yes, happiness is found along the road and not at the end, but it can make people feel incredibly worthless if they hadn’t really accomplished anything of value in their life. IMHO, genuine happiness that comes from knowing you did something great is much more gratifing than just trying to convince yourself that you’re happy.
“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” says the brilliant W. Clement Stone. Using the word “lie” hangs us up. It’s like Julie Andrews singing her sage advice to “whistle a happy tune” so no one will know “I’m afraid.” Is that a lie? We are representing to others a false front. When an athlete imagines the perfect ski run or home run swing so when they actually go perform “for real” they are confident they will achieve flawlessly.
“Lying” to ourselves is it a legitimate “tactic” or strategy that humans use to reflect, advance, and achieve. To ignore it in any undertaking is foolish. To get hung up that it’s “lying” is mis characterizing the purpose of the strategy.
[…] 原文地址： Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie 译文题目：想得到幸福？给自己编织个"美好生活的谎言"吧！ […]
[…] 原文地址： Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie […]
This is looking at glass half-full. Happiness is how you look at it
I believe in Life Lie.Imagine a person in depression or temporary anxiety disorder, where the way you percept the word and ideas is very strange and real ,if He or she do not tell self that “this is not true”, or” I am not scared” when he is scared to death for no reason , that’s the end of it,
Or, I have observed that my wife is happier after visiting some stores with beautiful things ,home furnishing ,mercedes car dealership etc , without buying or planing to buy , she just dreams she is going to have such things, that makes her very happy,
This is life lie because, considering our age and incomes she never will going to get that kind of stuff, but still she is happier.
What about fantasizing during sex, where couples have more pleasure?Isn’t that a LIE?
You make a good point. Our fantasies, especially the ones that are unlikely to come true are Life Lie’s in a sense. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with a good fantasy if it makes you happier.
Tani and others that endorse this concept are right on the mark.
This concept is so important to anyone’s ability to achieve anything difficult that the doubters in this post must be set right. A name for this strategy like “life lie” can only be understood as a proverbial “attention getter.” Your imagery, fantasy, concept, or construct—whatever you want to call it—has to be an image that you think is possible—not necessarily probable—to attain. Hell, if we ran our lives only seeking the probable, we’d be running Monte Carlo analysis on everything.
You can’t be such a “concrete” or unimaginative person to set aside “self-talk” or this type of “imagery,” powerful techniques, because you are telling yourself a “lie.” It’s not so. No soldier would ever go over the hill in battle without “self-talk” or “imagery” that’s positive, setting aside fear.
The “life lie” is merely creating the “reality” that you want to pursue. It’s your reality and nobody can call that a lie.
Teach this technique to your children, along with persistence and tenacity, and they cannot help but be successful in life.
re: This concept is so important to anyone’s ability to achieve anything difficult that the doubters in this post must be set right.
Now there’s a good example of a life lie
:)
I can’t understand how a “fantasy” could be a life lie. It’s a fantasy. Hence, the name.
hmmp I think happiness is within ur reach..
bcoz u r da one hu r makin ur self happy..
the only differnt between gud en bad dayz iz just ur attitude ryt,,
so if u wnt to have a happy life live it weLl to ur fullest en dnt waste it,,
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty women your wife
Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
[…] they do – it’s well fed and nourished! How many of us have been described as the woman with “beautiful hair and a pretty face”? What person in their right mind would give up one of their beautiful […]
[…] they want from their life or following a path of interest. John Wesley has an article titled Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie founded on the same principal but obviously not appealing to a spiritual lean of most people […]
Since I’m four months behind surfing to this post, I don’t expect this comment to checked, but it might be useful to someone else who reads through all the comments later.
Try not to think about the life lie superficially. Why would we tell ourselves a story about our lives to help us look at a “glorious future” instead of the present? It seems that we believe happiness to be linked to achievement. More than that, we believe it to linked to a -notable- achievement.
Why is that particular belief any less a lie? It sets us up to fail our own expectations. As mentioned above, the Internet and globalization make it impossible to be the top dog, but what does that actually have to do with being happy? Wikipedia aside, notability isn’t really what matters unless we’re looking for validation. Isn’t happiness more than that?
The spotlight isn’t what gives our lives meaning, but realizing we’re never going to be on the main stage that everyone else is constantly talking about seems depressing to most people. Looking at the rich and famous, you can see patterns of alcoholism, drug abuse, and overindulgence that indicates that achieving the obsessive dream doesn’t fill their emptiness.
Why not pull up the self-justifications by the root? It seems better to face what’s indisputable: death is the inevitable end of life. The one moment you have the chance to experience is now. Hiding from that experience is dying before your time: your life is happening without you. The most important person in your life is who you’re with right now. The most important task in your life is what you’re doing right now. There will never come a point when you’ve “succeeded” enough to stop worrying, so why wait till then to live?
Consider whether it’s better to fight one root lie with a life lie, or to focus your attention on the only real contact point you have with reality: this moment. When you do, life often becomes more manageable and definitely more satisfying.
_Groundhog Day_ makes the point better than I can.
I agree with this concept. However, the title Life Lie takes away from it. It is just like viewing a goal or a dream and striving to accomplish it. I have dealt with an unhappy marriage for 26 years. What kept me going, since I feel divorce can be more work, is living with a hope for holy scriptures inform me. It tells me soon, according to God’s time, wickedness will be wiped out from the earth and only humble, meek ones will be forever upon it. It is brought up several times (look up Psalms 37, Daniel 2:44, etc.) from the Hebrew all the way to the end of the Greek scriptures. That will be my release, if nothing else. Call it a Life Lie. I call it reality and there are other things we can do to reach Life Reality.