It’s not easy…
Not all relationships make us feel like we’re living in a fairy tale.
In fact, relationships can be hard. Real hard.
They can cause us to totally lose ourselves. They can make us feel weighed down and even trapped.
Sometimes our relationship can lead us to lose confidence in ourselves, stop doing the things that are important to us, compromise our lives for our partner and sometimes our personality even starts to change.
This can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it’s our own fault. We get lazy and neglect areas of our life as soon as we enter into a relationship.
Other times it can be because our partner is insecure or mistrusting. They may make us feel guilty for doing the things that are important to us – and so we lose a big part of ourselves.
To help you figure out if you’re losing yourself (and if some big changes are needed in your life) here are 7 very reliable indicators.
1. You compromise your needs and interests to keep your partner happy
Do you feel guilty when you do the things you love? Do you somehow get the feeling that your partner doesn’t like you to do certain things…
For example hanging out with your friends or going to certain places that you really enjoy? And as a result you start to neglect those parts of your life in order to avoid conflict or feeling guilty?
If your partner is quite insecure, this can be a huge problem in a relationship as your partner will often prevent you from doing a lot of things that make them feel uncomfortable, even if these things are very important to you.
2. You seek your partner’s approval before making simple decisions
Are you afraid to make decisions without your partner’s approval? Do you worry that they will be unhappy with the decisions that you make? If so then you might also find that this makes you feel less independent and confident as a person.
As individuals we need to feel as though we are capable of making our own choices – we need to feel like our own person in order to not lose ourselves in our relationship.
3. Your social life is failing miserably
Let’s face it. It’s all too easy to neglect our social life when we first meet that prince charming or gorgeous girl. Naturally you become obsessed with each other at first glance and simply prefer each other’s company above all other. And slowly you start to fall away from your friends.
But then one day after the butterflies start to wear off and you begin craving that regular social life again, you realize that you’ve got yourself into a bit of a rut. You’ve lost touch with a lot of friends.
This not only makes us feel lonely but can have a big impact on our level of self-confidence and can make us feel overly dependent on our partner.
4. You deeply miss the freedom of a single life
Do you feel a bit like a bird with clipped wings and like you don’t have the freedom to do the things you love?
A relationship should really be a place where we feel more supported than ever. Our partner should be the one person who encourages us to do the things that we love and that make us happy. Unfortunately however this is not always the case – and that can really cause us to lose ourselves in our relationship.
5. You’ve lost sight of your dreams and passions
Did you used to be a dreamer? Were you more determined and motivated in the past to work towards your goals? Often when we feel like we have lost ourselves in our relationship, it’s because we have pushed our dreams, passions and desires to the side.
Maybe you feel like your partner doesn’t like it when you’re too ambitious or passionate or perhaps you just got lazy overtime. Our dreams and passions give us a sense of purpose, importance and individuality in our lives. They play a huge role in making us who we are.
6. Your self-confidence is lacking more than ever
Have you gone from being a reasonably confident and self-assured person to feeling needy and dependent on your partner?
When we seek our partner’s approval too often, become overly dependent on our partner, neglect our social life and lose sight of who we truly are – like mentioned above – our self-confidence naturally starts to drop.
Self-confidence is a by-product of having a strong sense of self, feeling like we’re achieving our personal goals and aspirations and feeling able and independent. Losing self-confidence while in a relationship is a sure sign that you’re starting to lose yourself.
7. You’re desperate to feel like ‘you’ again!
Are you feeling frustrated with the way your life looks at the moment? Do you feel a strong urge to start living your life differently to how your partner wants you to live or how you are currently living?
Are you desperate to reclaim a strong sense of identity and self-confidence again? If so then I think it’s fair to say that you’re struggling to be yourself in your relationship. And that it’s time for some changes!
IT’S TIME TO RECLAIM YOURSELF
There’s nothing worse than feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore. Feeling weighed down, insecure, needy, dependent, like you don’t have the freedom to do the things you love – these are all things that you shouldn’t have to live with.
It’s time to claim back your identity, your self-confidence and start being ‘you’ again!
Only you have control over your life – at the end of the day, you give the final vote to how you should be living your life.
Think about the changes that need to be made in your life. Talk to your partner about how you feel. And have the courage to make the necessary changes so that you can reclaim yourself!
Hopefully your partner will make some necessary changes too and support you.
Whatever happens, just remind yourself that you are valuable and that you deserve to be a confident, independent and happy person.
To help you reclaim yourself, check out my new book: RECLAIM YOURSELF: Get Back Your Identity and Self-Confidence When You’ve Lost Yourself in a Relationship.
In my book I provide many powerful and simple strategies that you can use immediately to start being ‘you’ again. Not only will it help you to find yourself again but your relationship will also transform. Grab you copy here.
Chantalle Blikman is a writer and co-founder of Want2discover. Visit her website for more great articles on self-improvement and how to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. Be sure to download a copy of her new book: RECLAIM YOURSELF: Get Back Your Identity and Self-Confidence When You’ve Lost Yourself in a Relationship.
How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.