self improvement tips

7 Ways Successful People Remain Calm When Life Gets Out Of Control

Every now and again life doesn’t throw us a curve, it aims a quiver full of arrows. When this happens we don’t know which way to turn or what to do.

Panic sets in.

This is followed by frantic activity or total immobility.

But there are some people, who seem to navigate this onslaught of trials in a calm and peaceful manner.

What is their secret?

They know every problem has a solution.

When you start from this understanding you are already on your way to dealing with whatever you are facing. Knowing there is a solution means that now you have shifted the focus from a problem to a creative outcome. You are no longer in victim mode, now you are in creator mode.

They stay away from the mind circles.

Mind circles are those repeated thoughts that keep going round and round in your head. Thoughts like: What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? Why does this happen to me? These thoughts only add more confusion to the situation and keep you trapped in a victim mentality.

It is best to take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What is the worst case scenario?” This is a great question because often things are not as bad as they first appear. It will also stops you from repeating hypothetical questions based on imagination.

They don’t exaggerate the situation.

Our mind loves to take a situation and blow it out of proportion. In a flash, we can go from a simple fender bender to OMG I could have been killed. Look at the situation for what it is, don’t add to it.

Stick to the facts.

They breath.

So simple and so effective at calming us immediately! It is such a natural thing that we forget that we breath. When a situation arises that gets your blood pressure and anxiety levels up, stop what you doing. Take several deep breathes, allow yourself to feel the air entering and leaving your body.

This takes the focus off what is happening around you, and gets you centered so that you will think and act with clarity.

They break the problem down into pieces.

When faced with problems we often get overwhelmed by them because we only see the enormity of the situation. As soon as you can after the initial shock, break the problem down in to manageable parts. Identifying ONE thing you can do right now towards a solution. This will helps you see that there is a solution and that the solution is not as difficult as you thought it might be.

They are grateful.

This can be very difficult in some situations and you may not feel gratitude for a long time after an incident, but it is very helpful. If you can look at a situation and find one thing, however small, to be grateful for it shifts you out of victim mode.

In gratitude you are returning to your place of power and taking control over the situation. The situation is not leading you, you are leading the situation.

They accept what is.

Ultimately it all comes down to accepting the situation exactly as it is.

  • accepting what has happened,
  • accepting the difficulties it has caused,
  • accepting that you might have to do without something,
  • accepting that it could take time to fix,
  • accepting that you might not be happy about the situation.

In accepting the experience for what it is, an experience, you will be stepping way from the drama within the story and be left with the facts. When you are no longer reacting to the drama of the story, the problem tends to become simpler.

In most situations our natural instinct is to react. We can react in such a way as to make the situation worse thus adding to the problem or, we can react in a calmer way that seeks to find solutions.

The choice is yours.

What is your best advice for remaining calm in the eye of the storm?


I am a teacher, coach and mentor with over 25 years experience helping others find solutions to problems enabling them to have a more joyful, empowering life. I am a global gypsy, who can now be found at

33 Responses to 7 Ways Successful People Remain Calm When Life Gets Out Of Control

  1. Anja says:

    I really wanted to share this article but can’t, due to the grammar and spelling errors.

  2. Edmund says:

    They listen to their inner voice and reflect everyday by penning down their thoughts. This simple exercise has allowed me to make better decisions without compromising the rights of others.

  3. juliejburns says:

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  4. Ganiru says:

    Good article.
    Problems, to me, are gateways out of our comfort zones. They force us to come out of our comfort zones and try different things.
    When facing a storm, I see it as an adventure, an opportunity to learn something new while coming up with solutions, and anyone can do the same. For instance, if your car breaks down and needs to be replaced, you might complain that you can’t afford a new car, that’s normal. But see it as an opportunity to search for better job opportunities. Or maybe while car-shopping, you meet someone who could end up becoming your spouse in the future. The possibilities are endless.

  5. rob damiani says:

    Lol. Someone needs to re-read the article until It sinks in.

  6. loder74 says:

    Yes you can. Your statement is grounded with a grammatical error.

  7. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thank you for yours. It seems others did not feel this way.

  8. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Thanks Rob!

  9. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Thanks loder74.

  10. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Hi Edmund, this is great advice. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Great comment Ganiru. I see life as an adventure too. There are times that problems are our greatest gift, but first we have to calm down. It is then that we may see the endless possibilities. Thank you for sharing.

  12. Pamela Barrett says:

    How rude you are I didn’t even notice as I was listening to the article

  13. badz says:

    Thank you!it helps:-)

  14. Reshma says:

    The article is awesome :) Something that most of us know, but rarely practice. Thanks for putting this amazing information together :) Bookmarked..!! :)

  15. CA Tarannum Khatri says:


  16. Well, it all breaks down to the authentic mindset after all when directing problems.

  17. Nirma says:

    Yes!!! That’s I always do and recommend: B R E A T H…
    If you can’t find a solution in the first 3 minutes, step away (mentally) from the situation. Put your mind into something else for a while and then revisit the issue with a clear mind.
    Loved this article.

  18. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    I glad this article helps you badz. You’re welcome.

  19. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Hi Reshma, very happy that you found this article helpful. Thank you for sharing.

  20. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Thanks CA!

  21. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Hi Nikola, You are right it all part of a healthy authentic mindset when directing problems. I love the idea of directing problems. Thank you for sharing.

  22. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Thank you Nirma for the comment. Breathing is the first step in all things. I like your method of stepping after 3 minutes and then revisiting. Often it helps to clear the mind, shift focus and then return. Happy you enjoyed the article.

  23. Youssef Khoulani Idri says:

    Sorry to say that it is not about gramma here. The content is far more important

  24. Interesting tips. I think most people find it difficult to accept things that they have no influence over. It may not necessarily calm you down, but it will allow you to proceed from a much clearer and focused place. Otherwise, it’s easy to get stuck in the aforementioned “mind circle” (Why me? Why now? etc.)

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  26. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Thanks for the comment Mind of Steel. Yes, many people find it difficult to accept things as they are. I do know that it does keep you clam, because you don’t get caught up the drama of the situation. I agree that it allows you to proceed calmer and focused.

  27. gdf55 says:

    Verb: breathe/breathes/breathing/breathed. Noun: breath/breaths. Frustrating distraction to an otherwise well-thought-out opinion piece.

    Spelling aside – I’m all for acceptance of situations you cannot change. If it can’t be fixed, it can’t be fixed, and there are only so many hours in the day.

    But at the same time, it is vitally important to your long-term mental health that you be able to push back when your problem is the result of someone else’s failure – failure to act, failure to respect boundaries, failure to take responsibility for their actions. The people around you can and sometimes need to grow. You don’t always have to be a punching bag.

    So, to add another “They” to your list of generic (and undocumented) mythical people who handle crisis well: They do not hesitate to speak out when the problem is of someone else’s making.

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  29. Thanks for sharing! I always enjoy learning from those that have “found the way” and are happy to share with everyone else. I think part of being successful and happy is wishing that other people have what you have.

  30. I tend to be pessimistic at times and thanks to this article, I can now control and help myself to be calm when things get out of my control. Do you have other articles like this? I would love to read all of them.

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  32. Carolynne Melnyk says:

    Hi RP,
    Happy this was useful. You might be interested in my weekly emails with helpful tips. You can sign up at

  33. Alex Anderson says:

    In addition to all the above-mentioned facts, you could start learning the practice of TM (Transcendental Meditation) to greatly reduce stress.
    For more information about TM please visit its official Website at:

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