You thought this would never happen to you.
You thought it was forever, but it was a lie.
You still think he’s the one. You still see the sweet, romantic guy you fell in love with.
But things had changed so much. Suddenly, he wants nothing to do with you.
You’ve never felt pain like this.
Your heart aches so badly. You can’t even breathe.
You just want to hold him in your arms, but he’s not there anymore.
You don’t want this to end.
You wake up wishing each day it’ll be different, but it’s not. And it won’t ever be.
He Moves On, And You’re Left Devastated
You still remember how he confessed to you. How he loved you. How he wanted to start a life with you.
In the matter of days, he felt different. You’ve become a stepping stone to him.
You don’t understand. How can people go from “You’re the best thing in my life” to “I don’t love you anymore” so quickly?
It’s heartbreaking to see him living his new life. He’s changed so much. Perhaps he already met someone else.
You feel sadness, rage, and the greatest sense of betrayal.
You gave all yourself to someone who said he was in love with you. Now he says he feels nothing. He never really loved you.
He isn’t even in the slightest emotional distress.
Meanwhile, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep.
You can’t believe how someone can just switch off and move on, while you’re left here alone, devastated.
How is this fair to you?
7 Warning Signs You’re Not Getting Over Your Ex
After a painful breakup, most people try to do things they think will ease their pain, when in fact they’re sabotaging their own chances of recovery.
If you’re not getting over a breakup, you’ll see many telltale signs hinting that something is wrong.
Here are 7. See if any describe you:
1. You Are Desperate To Get Him Back
You’re scared that without him, you’ll be alone forever. You’re scared that you’ll never find the same happiness again.
So you become desperate. You want him back.
You keep calling and texting him. You tell him how much you love him, how miserable you are without him.
You hope he’ll pity you and return to you.
You know you should let him go. But it’s impossible to let go of someone you love so deeply, just like that.
You need to know this.
The broke up happened for your own benefit. It offers you an opportunity to grow.
Try cutting off all contact with him for a month. It’s not about giving him up. It’s about learning something.
You need to learn to live your life without him. You need to learn to be happy without him.
You will eventually understand that you don’t need him to be happy.
You don’t have to let him go if you don’t want to. But at least, give yourself the chance to grow as a person.
2. You Hang On To Old Memories
You keep thinking about Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and every special day in your life.
You look at old pictures of you and him together.
You see him everywhere, even in your dreams.
You can’t remember what you did with yourself on those days, when you were single.
Whenever you feel like you’re getting over it, you take two steps backward. You end up spending days and nights crying over it again, like it had just happened.
You miss what you had together. It’s hard to let that go.
You’re reminiscing old times with reverie, as if everything was perfect.
But in reality, your relationship had its fair share of highs and lows.
Try to remember the bad of the relationship. The point isn’t to cultivate hatred, but to remind yourself that the relationship wasn’t as perfect as you imagined.
3. You Keep Checking Up On Him
You go to sleep each night wondering what he might be doing after he stopped talking to you.
So you turn to the internet, checking up his profiles on social media.
You saw his pictures. You read what he’s saying to his new girlfriend.
And then, all your feelings for him resurfaced, as though everything happened yesterday.
You’re heartbroken, once again.
You want to not care, because it upsets you so much. But you find yourself checking and then checking some more. You’re addicted.
Fight your curiosity. Whenever you want to check on him, pause. Breathe deeply, and consider the consequences.
Delay the check for as long as you can. The impulse will gradually dissolve.
4. You Blame Everything On Yourself
Since the breakup, you’ve been searching for comprehension.
Why did this happen to me?
Your mind is on overdrive. You begin to scrutinize everything you did.
You’re sure it is because of something you’ve done.
You must be lacking something. The breakup is the proof. Why else would he have broken up with you?
But isn’t it quite extreme to think that everything happens because of you?
Maybe he broke up with you because of his circumstances, not because of anything you did.
Maybe you’re carrying a burden that isn’t even yours.
Investigate how exactly you single-handedly ended the relationship. Think objectively and logically. Often you’ll see that you’re not the only one at fault.
If you did make a mistake, address it. Learn from it, and vow to change yourself. Try your best not to repeat the same mistake again.
5. You Distract Yourself Constantly
You can’t stop thinking about him. Your mind won’t give you a break.
So you try to numb yourself by staying busy. Because you know when you slow down, you’ll succumb to total despair.
If you smother your emotions, your wound won’t heal. It’ll continue to grow on you. Worst, you’ll carry the pain into your relationships with other people.
Pause. Sit down, close your eyes, and let the feeling resurface. Delve into it rather than avoiding it.
Don’t resist your pain. Cry if you want to. It’s natural to cry when you feel sad. It’s how humans release and neutralize their emotions.
Contemplate why you feel a certain emotion. Examine the roots of your pain, and find ways resolve it.
Do this, and you’ll free yourself from the shackles of emotions.
6. You Lose Hope In Love
You wonder if love really exists.
No one is loyal. No one tries to commit. People move on far too easily.
You were loyal. You tried. You had nothing left to give. But it didn’t work.
Now, you can only see hopelessness and betrayal.
Think about your family. Think about your friends. Think about the people you meet every day.
These people are just as precious as the love you lost. Don’t forget to cherish them the way he forgot to cherish you.
The world is full of loyal and unconditional love. Open your eyes, and see the love that exists in your world, and in your future.
7. You Fall From Grief Into Depression
In post-breakup grief, you often experience surges of anxiety, anger, sadness and irritation. This is normal. And you’ll recover with time.
But some people might cross the line and go into clinical depression.
You think you’ll stay miserable forever.
You feel like your life is over. You have nothing to live for anymore.
You struggle to do the simplest things, like getting dressed and taking a shower.
You can’t get out of bed. It feels like torture. You only want to lie down and stare into space.
If you have these symptoms, you may have fallen from grief into depression.
Depression is a serious condition. It destroys your relationships, career and even your entire life. If you have doubts, it’s a good idea to consult a mental health professional.
How To Heal A Wound That Won’t Stop Bleeding
Surviving a breakup is not easy. After all, it’s the emotional equivalent of a bleeding wound.
When you’re physically injured, you’re often told by the doctor to take care of the injury and give it time to recover.
Emotional injury is the same. It needs time and care. Give yourself time, watch out for warning signs, and treat it with care.
This is not the end. When the wound heals, you still have a life.
You still have a future.
Because of this breakup, your future relationships will be better than what you had.
Because of this breakup, you will have learned how to love yourself.
Because of what you’ve gone through, you’ll be happier than ever before.
So don’t despair. Because this too, shall pass.
I promise you.
Blon Lee is a Chinese Buddhist who helps people conquer stress, anxiety, depression and reach enlightenment. Follow his blog and learn how to become truly happy.