Happy Marriage

5 Steps to a Happy Marriage

Today I thought I would take some time out and share some of the wisdom I have acquired after 4 happy years of marriage with my wife. After some careful consideration I realized that a blank page would not be an interesting post to read at all. It would be just too confusing. So what I do have for you to read today is 5 steps that I think could possibly help you not be as confused as I am written from my vast knowledge in the sanctity of marriage with my extensive 4 years of experience.

Now before we dig deeper into these steps I would first like to disclose that the steps discussed here so far have worked for me. They were also written from a man’s perspective. Please use any of them at your own risk.

Step 1: Compliment your partner aggressively.

I tell my wife she is gorgeous everyday and that I am lucky to be with her. When she answers the phone I greet her by saying “Is this the woman I have been dreaming about?” When she dresses up and looks amazing I act like a fool that can’t control myself. Say things like, I refuse to let you go anywhere without me looking that good or I think I just fell in love all over again and other things I refuse to share because there might be children present.

Step 2: Make contact.

I intentionally get in my wife’s way to the point where she has to physically move me. It lets her know that I want her attention and also that I would do anything to be around her. I hold her hand while I am driving. I push her into puddles when it is raining. I slip my hands in her back pockets and take out money. This usually results in some type of pain on my part but I do anything to make her make contact with me.

Step 3: Play games.

I don’t ever want to play Family Feud Home Edition ever again. My wife and I play this game and she DESTROY’S me mercifully every time we play. I think the last score was 777 to 25. It was embarrassing. I even the odds when we played Madden though. Take that. This keeps our competitive edge and also allows us to be playful even going as far as smack talk. If she mentions the feud at our family reunion though, you might see blood.

Step 4: Get a DVR.

I do not know how my wife can watch some of the crap that comes on TV. I refuse to spend hours of my day watching (the show she likes) or (the other show she likes). I can just see the brain cells dying as she watches that mess. So instead of forcing myself to spend time with her watching mindless TV shows we DVR them and hang out together. Now in her defense I also have to DVR Man vs. Wild every week. Bear is just awesome.

Step 5: Remind them why they love you.

We go back down memory lane often. We talk about the good ole days when I used to buy flowers and plan elaborate dates. I tell her about how when she went out of town for two weeks I thought I would die when we were in high school. Now I tell her about the celebration of freedom I would have with two weeks off. No, but reminiscing about the challenges you guys have gone through together is like cement. Focus on the good days not the bad.

With these five steps I think you might be able to make your marriage happy for at least 4 years. I will let you know how it goes on year 5.  Now it’s your turn. What five steps would you give me?

Frank Jennings is a freelance writer and the founder of A Spark Starts -  ‘All it takes is one spark to start a fire that can change your life!’

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  • http://lookingtobusiness.com Daniel M. Wood

    A happy marriage is so important, being able to have a team mate at home to inspire, motivate and cheer you up is worth the world.

    Me and my Wife have been together for 7 years, living together for 5 and every day is great.

    Being there and listening to your partner and her problems is worth so much, we guys have a tendency to want to talk and give all kinds of practical tips.

    Women often need you just to listen, not your head and show compassion.

    Thanks for the article and good luck in your marriage!
    //Daniel

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Daniel

      I couldn’t agree with you more. My wife and I have a unique relationship where we can be brutally honest with each other. I consider this to be how we work together as a team. When I do something stupid, which is often, she will tell me. Now my problem is just learning to listen to her. :-) I just keep doing stupid stuff.

      Thank you for your comment and insight. I guess it is time to open my ears and listen just a bit little more.

  • http://www.tohami.com M. A. Tohami

    Hi,

    For me mutual understanding is key for having a successful long marriage.

    “A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” – Anne Taylor Fleming

    Thanks for the nice post.

    Regards,
    M. A. Tohami
    Bestselling author of “The Pharaohs’ Code: Creating a Joyful Life and a Lasting Legacy”

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      M.A.

      Thank you for the added insight. A mutual understanding is something we definately can’t do without in a long term relationship.

      If we don’t have an understanding we won’t have a relationship for long.

  • Mark

    To me this article doesn’t present a marriage as a partnership of equals. Marriage goes through stages, I accept, but this constant fawning and over reliance on the other partner seems a recipe for trouble in the long run.

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Mark,

      I greatly appreciate your comment. I can honestly say that the feelings we have are mutual. This post was just written from my personal perspective.

      With your statrment about the “stages of marriage” it sounds like you have some wisdom that the world would benefit from greatly. Please share it if you have a moment. I would love to hear it. I could use all the help I can get.

  • Jack Roo

    Having been married 25 years I spent the first 15 thinking her brain cells were dying watching B&B but I was wrong, they were just resting. She has since earned another degree and makes as much as I do so I concluded rest must have been useful and now our neurons take time off together.

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Jack,

      LOL!

      So, how have you been able to keep it going for 25 years? Besides neuron resting together.

  • http://kibrikistan.wordpress.com/ Kibrika

    I think it’s important to talk about the things we imagine for our future, else we can grow apart by having incompatible dreams of future.

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Kibrika,

      This is so true and often overlooked in new relationships. Sometimes we get consumed with our present and forget to plan for our future.

      When it comes to our future plans together we think about our son. We want to get him raised and get him out. That is our focus now. :-)

  • http://www.selfhelp360.com Melvin

    Hi Frank,

    Very refreshing post, it remind us the importance the keep the romance from the before wedding day in the daily life of a marriage.

    I would suggest:

    1. Seek for understand her/him them to be understood.
    2. Do some activity that both likes every week and while doing it keep 100% focus on your partner.
    3. Pray (or do your spiritual practice) toguether daily.
    4. Establish and plan a Family day every week, this way you make sure to implement step 2.
    5. Have a child (after the first 2 years).

    Regards,
    Melvin Ramos
    SelfHelp360.com

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Melvin,

      Wow, thank you so much for these 5 tips. Now, that is some food for thought. I really enjoy #3 and 1,2,4 and 5. Alright they all were great. I needed number 5 a little sooner though. I kind of jumped ahead on that one my son is 5 years old now.

  • Waldir Leoncio

    You push her into puddles? What the heck… :-p

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Yes Waldir,

      I do push her into puddles. There is no better way to say I love you than pushing her into a puddle of water and laughing histerically when you do it?

      Now would I recommend you do this in your own relationship. NO! That might end in divorce, the opposite of the goal of this post. I meant it in a playful sense.

      Enjoy each others company no matter if it is rainning or a day in paradise.

      P.S. I have been a victim of a puddle push. What goes around comes around.

  • http://survivinglimbo.wordpress.com Emily

    This was thought provoking for me because my husband is not overly affectionate, yet our marriage is very strong. We’ve made it through some very tough situations, such as severe money problems, that I’ve seen cause a divorce in my peers. It’s actually pretty simple.

    We’re honest with each other.
    We’re a team. We use our complimentary strengths.
    We don’t blame. We just try to fix it together.
    We accept the concept that there will be ups and downs in our marriage.
    We pay attention. I gauge his moods, his needs, etc. and vice versa.

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Emily,

      Thank you so much for your comment. It sounds like you guys have gone through the fire together and came out much better and stronger. I thank you for sharing your tips for success. They are inspirational and simple to act upon. I know they will help me.

  • Maureen

    My hubby and I have been married for 27 years. My best advice is to start and end each day with a snuggle.

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Maureen,

      I like it. Simple but extremely effective. 27 years of snuggling sounds like a pretty loving relationship for me. Now, do you hug him when on days when he gets on your nerves? :-)

      • Maureen

        Yes, we do snuggle even if we are irritated with one another. Perhaps it’s even more important then. It gives us a physical and emotional connection.

        We are pretty companionable anyway. We mostly see eye to eye on the big important issues. For the little things, we can agree to disagree.

        Seems to work for us anyway! :)

  • WendyH

    I think that by “pushing her into puddles” what you are really saying is that you need to “play together” in a physical sense. Ours is typically in the form of tickle fights or something similarly silly.

    Listening skills are also important: One of the things that took us years to figure out is that we need to listen to each other’s problems, NOT try to fix them unless specifically asked. There’s a difference between a vent and a request for advice.

    (20+ years together, approaching 17th anniversary)

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Wendy,

      Right, that is what I was saying “play together”. :-) No, you hit the nail on the head. I have never really pushed my wife into a puddle. I have thought about it but never really done it. :-)

      On the piece about listening, I have a issue I think because I am a guy to want to try to fix everything that goes wrong. I hear the issue and immediately go to try to find a solution. Thank you for your comment and an awesome tip.

  • Jermaine Donaldson

    I love the humor and the joy that is nicely slid into each section. Maybe all alone that was the secret to a happy marriage: the ability to laugh at and laugh with each other. Laughter is medicine to the soul!

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Jermaine,

      I think you are on to something here. My wife does spend a lot of time laughing at my antics. So I am guessing her soul is doing great. :-)But just like you said our relationship is really similar to this post. We enjoy ourselves and have a lot of fun together. Thanks for the comment.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61E5jCaNNIs Barro

    Somtimes it’s all about biting the bullet and facing the truth, no matter how ugly it is…

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      ???

      Nice vocals. LOL!! Everyone might need to hear a song about fog once in a while.

  • Maddy

    Nice Post… Really very useful for youth!!!

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

      Maddy,

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

  • jade

    wow 4 years is nothing, you should not be giving advise. Those things you mentioned would just annoy me.

    • http://www.asparkstarts.com Jade

      Hey Jade,

      Thanks for the comment. I appreciate you sharing you opinion. The tips here like you said may not work for everyone. They were what has worked for me. But, now you have my attention. I am curious what tips would you have for me? Since I clearly missed the mark.

      • Emily

        Actually, studies show that four years is the by large the average length of most marriages before divorce. So, I would actually suggest that he is in the most important stage of marriage. This is sort of the make it or break it period. And if he is learning and finding ways to keep his marriage going, it not only shows that he is on the right track right now, but has also developed a mentality that may well serve him throughout his lifetime. This article is not about the specificity of the suggestions he is making… it’s about the awareness and cognizance it requires to make them. THAT is what keeps a relationship strong. Every relationship is like a fingerprint- entirely different- but every single one needs the effort and careful consideration it took to reflect and write this article.

  • http://www.rackwise.com data center

    Hey man, was just browsing through the internet looking for some information and stumbled on your site. I am impressed by the information that you have on this blog. It shows how well you understand this subject. Bookmarked this site, will come back for more. You, my friend, ROCK!!!

  • sharongilo

    Great list!
    More 20 more read “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage”

  • Rocky

    Frank… This is wonderful! Your wifey must love you to pieces. I especially love the part about the DVR and i can say that now going into 10 years…That you have hit it on the nose…There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my husband because he shows me just how much he loves me everyday….

  • http://www.2achieveyourgoals.com Dia

    Hi Frank,

    This is very nice article my friend. I like number 1 a lot that we have to compliment our spouse daily. This also keeps the romance alive. Thanks for sharing

  • Candice

    My husband and I have been married nearly 10 years. We met and married in only 12 days because we both felt we had nothing to lose. It wasn’t the fairy tale wedding but we grew to love and understand each other. I believe communication is the glue that’s held us together. We communicate everything…the good, the bad and the ugly. No matter how big or how small we talk about it. If you’re just sitting around thinking “I have a great husband” call him or text him and let him know! If your spouse does something sweet, say thank you…don’t let it go un noticed. A lot of people take the smaller things for granted….pay attention to them. The smaller things are the bigger picture.

  • http://www.tourismdentalindia.com Dental Tourism

    Cute post. But it seldom works this way. 

  • Vamsisur

    agree 100%

  • Marshall Karen

    Be kind to each other and say thank you. Simples but it works and makes for a happy home!

  • R11764

    I love Step 1 and Step 2.  I’ve been married 25 years and it’s those crazy little things that work BOTH ways!

  • Imablessedmomma

    My hubby and I have been married 6 years, together 8 & 1/2 years. I wish he would read this, but most likely not. We have a happy marriage, not perfect, there is no such thing. I think the number one tip or step for a marriage is communication, the lack of it or misuse of it can be a step towards divorce. It’s a two way street, we have to be honest about what we think and how we feel and allow the other person to be as well. If we don’t allow our spouse to feel safe being honest, they won’t be.
    The tips here are very good, esp. from a man…as I was reading I was going, wish he got that one. But each person is different and you can’t expect someone to act a certain way just because you think they should…back to honesty, tell your spouse what you need, and ask what they need in return…whooops, this is really long :) sorry

  • Smardyzz

    That is mostly ridiculous… especially the line where you said she beats you “mercifully”. Didn’t you mean… mercilessly? If I was married to you, I’d probably… oh nevermind, violence doesn’t make good marriages either.  ;)

  • SEO PLUZ

    these worth reading for couples. How To Save Marriage

  • http://www.ruffhouseart.com/affordable-wedding-invitations/ Affordable Wedding Invitations

    I loved this. Hubby and I are having problems but hopefully we can sort it out. I’ll have to read these to him.

  • Natalie

    I can’t tell if this post is sarcastic or not. Well played, sir.

  • strawberryquicksand

    Hmmm well, my hubby and I have lasted three years so far and I contribute some of it to the fact that we both still think farts are funny.. but I love your list, too. :)

  • Annie

    When I found Dr. Lee I was in desperate need of bringing my ex boyfriend back. He left me for another woman and I was left in the dark. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 2 years with no explanation. I contact Dr. Lee from Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com and he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. I highly recommend Dr. Lee if anyone is having a problem in their relationship. He really helped me!

  • Kasie

    Number one thing u need to make a marriage work is the desire to make it work from both parties. Dive in head first and let nothing stand in your way. Not even your ego.

  • Kimmmm

    You sound so annoying. I would kill you!

  • richmond owusu

    GOD BLESS YOU

  • Teri Su

    1 and 2 are annoying. On occasion is ok, but not all the time, then it doesn’t feel genuine. How about washing some dishes or taking the kids Sat morning on a regular basis instead.

  • Lisa

    I’ve been married almost 30…I predict you’ll see 50. :) Nice post.

  • LeahPeterson

    Yeah, touch your wife when she doesn’t want to be touched that is a great way to sustain a marriage.

  • April

    I have to agree that #1 isn’t the greatest. My brother-in-law does this, and honestly, it comes off as feigned and kind of arrogant. If it can be done sincerely, then absolutely. It is just very difficult to come off as sincere when it is done relentlessly. Why do you think us women never believe men when they tell us we look good ;)

  • Chris Wells

    4 years? 4 years?? My wife and I have been married 25 years now, and I’m not sure that I feel I could come up with more than 2 tips on how to stay happily married.

  • Nadezhda Vyacheslav

    I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster. I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with. I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don’t even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people. I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon. I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real. I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls. I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn’t talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn’t look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing. I wouldn’t say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn’t know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out. I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn’t get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don’t know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much. In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive. I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did. I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world. I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good. I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose >> godsofosunx@rocketmail.com