5 Reasons to Go Through Life Lazy, Drunken, and Stupid

I started this blog 16 months, hoping to develop my writing skills, connect with smart people around the world, and create a new income stream.

By those standards it’s been a success. But more importantly, I’ve learned a lot. Namely, after 266 posts on the subjects of self improvement, motivation, and productivity, I can say without a doubt that life is completely and utterly pointless.

That’s right. PickTheBrain is throwing in the towel. If you need me I’ll be embracing hedonism, sloshing around in my own vomit, and doing absolutely nothing to further myself or the human race.

Why? The top 5 reasons are as follows:

  1. You’re going to die. No big shock here, but do you realize how many people fail to grasp the consequences of this? Even if you live some awesome life, make a ton of cash, and go down as the great person ever, all your accomplishments will eventually go to some undeserving brats and people will exploit your words and ideas to further their own selfish ends.
  2. Working is hard. I mean really hard. And it just never seems to end. It’s just one thing after another. More more more. If there’s no way to win life, what’s the point of trying?
  3. Most people are terrible, the others are faking. The more good I’ve tried to do, the more people jump up to insult me. And it works. That stuff really hurts. I’d rather be on the dishing end of trollish insults.
  4. Vice is nice. Really, it feels great. Have some pain? Take this. Feel guilty? Drink that. Indulging is the one act that has never let me down. It always delivers. That’s more than I can say for the law of attraction.
  5. Civilization is doomed. The human race has been around what, a million years or so? And this is where we are? It seems like the only developments have been new ways torture, enslave, and incessantly bicker with each other. Let’s hope that giant meteor headed for earth doesn’t get deflected by the sun’s gravitational field

Wow, I feel a lot better now. Or maybe it’s the liter of Jack Daniels I used to wash down a Wendy’s Baconator.

36 Responses to 5 Reasons to Go Through Life Lazy, Drunken, and Stupid

  1. Charlie says:

    April fools!!!!!!

    But in all seriousness, some very nice points 😛

  2. Ahmed says:

    Oh shoot, I almost fell for it!! dang i feel stupid now

  3. NVMojo says:

    Dude. Don’t give up! Things could get better. april fool’s??

  4. John Wesley says:

    Haha, glad you guys picked up on that. :) I had to post it a bit early to get anyone to fall for it.

  5. Alexis says:

    Dude! I wanna party with YOU!!!!

  6. 030366 says:

    I liked the Baconator part. That was a nice touch.

    I almost fell for it too.

  7. Dave M says:

    That’s the most honest post I’ve read on a PD blog in a LONG time. I almost wish it wasn’t an April Fool’s joke.

  8. Sirpingalot says:

    Bad April fools joke. Caught it right away…

  9. Avinash says:

    I’m almost certain someone will take this advice literally and hit their local bar immediately.

  10. Gavin says:

    This joke was intensified after reading the post in my RSS feed, then going to visit the actual blog only to find that it was down & seemingly gone forever!

  11. John Wesley says:

    Haha, I hope other readers don’t think the same thing. The servers have been a bit shaky today.

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  13. Well, April fool’s or not, if you actually really think about it, it’s true! Well at least #1, 2 and 5 are 😉

  14. Emma says:

    Good one, you almost had me. :smile:

  15. Henrik says:

    Hahahaha! Nice one. =)

  16. Ganesh Iyer says:

    Heck I had almost fallen for it bcoz I too like Gavin was reading it from my RSS reader. Thankfully I checked the comments 😉
    I am surprised to see no april fool’s joke on Gmail…maybe its just cuz of the time differences.

  17. Allen says:


    I like it. Finally someone who understands me! 😛

  18. And there you are John – the lighter side of you comes into view on APRIL FOOLS DAY!

    Well, well, well, I ALMOST fell for it and then I realized you were having a little fun with us.

    Back to the basics on April Fool’s day, hmmmm.

  19. Bachaque says:

    I agree. Mind you, anyone can believe it’s an April Fool’s joke…it is in fact life’s joke.

  20. Sam says:

    Yep, yep. The old life-sucks-and-then-you-die ploy. The Inspector Clouseau side of my brain instantly picked up on this; probably because I stayed late after work yesterday rearranging a few things around the office for my co-workers. And, I would have fallen for it, too, except for one fatal flaw: I have read too many of your thoughts to know that you could not really be cashing in your chips so easily….that, and today’s date. :) Of course there’s meaning in this life!! Silly goose. Sam

  21. Happy April Fools to you too, John.

    “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

    Keep up the great work.


  22. (Quote from the Animal House – Dean Vernon Wormer says this to Flounder upon expelling him. Flounder then vomits on the Dean’s desk).

  23. Rana says:

    LOVE IT!!! I didn’t fall for it for one second – based on your postings – there’s no way you’d see life like that… :) GOOD ONE!!!

  24. Ignorance is bliss!

    Happy April Fools Day everyone! :)

  25. Dale Fildes says:

    Wow, I was almost in shock wondering what will I tell my team. I force my marketing team to read your blog to get a better insight into life. Then I realized today was April Fools day……..I can relax now. Great article though – many people feel that way. Ha.

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  27. dp says:

    made me laugh, but it would be a lot funnier if more than half the things on the list werent actually true…

  28. Gladbag says:

    anyone use gmail? if so, have you seen the new feature they released today that let’s you change the date on emails to before or after you send them….never be late with an email response again…..


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  30. I really hope the part about making money isn’t an april fool..

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  32. Sandya says:

    Hi, I know I am late with this comment but I can’t help but comment. You have reflected the exact same thoughts of Solomon the Wise in Ecclesiates but he still found hope in God. And really that is all there is to this life. It’s the reason we exist and God can make a BIG difference to our existence.

  33. Jim says:

    Man, I waa believeing it and feeling it. Caught me on a depressed day! Glad to hear it was a joke. Heading to get booze and think about it.

  34. morphius says:

    pretty much the web talked on how i felt for almost 2 years .Now in the midst of waking up my mind and body its been like winter coming.a cold longing longing grey feeling ,then turned to a possible fun driven happiness,if thays even possible.the thought of looming for exceptence in a world that dictates failure for nonconformantism.

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  36. gabby says:

    exactly how I feel >.< what the flying f***

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