5 Reasons to Go Through Life Lazy, Drunken, and Stupid

I started this blog 16 months, hoping to develop my writing skills, connect with smart people around the world, and create a new income stream.

By those standards it’s been a success. But more importantly, I’ve learned a lot. Namely, after 266 posts on the subjects of self improvement, motivation, and productivity, I can say without a doubt that life is completely and utterly pointless.

That’s right. PickTheBrain is throwing in the towel. If you need me I’ll be embracing hedonism, sloshing around in my own vomit, and doing absolutely nothing to further myself or the human race.

Why? The top 5 reasons are as follows:

  1. You’re going to die. No big shock here, but do you realize how many people fail to grasp the consequences of this? Even if you live some awesome life, make a ton of cash, and go down as the great person ever, all your accomplishments will eventually go to some undeserving brats and people will exploit your words and ideas to further their own selfish ends.
  2. Working is hard. I mean really hard. And it just never seems to end. It’s just one thing after another. More more more. If there’s no way to win life, what’s the point of trying?
  3. Most people are terrible, the others are faking. The more good I’ve tried to do, the more people jump up to insult me. And it works. That stuff really hurts. I’d rather be on the dishing end of trollish insults.
  4. Vice is nice. Really, it feels great. Have some pain? Take this. Feel guilty? Drink that. Indulging is the one act that has never let me down. It always delivers. That’s more than I can say for the law of attraction.
  5. Civilization is doomed. The human race has been around what, a million years or so? And this is where we are? It seems like the only developments have been new ways torture, enslave, and incessantly bicker with each other. Let’s hope that giant meteor headed for earth doesn’t get deflected by the sun’s gravitational field

Wow, I feel a lot better now. Or maybe it’s the liter of Jack Daniels I used to wash down a Wendy’s Baconator.

  • Charlie

    April fools!!!!!!

    But in all seriousness, some very nice points :P

    • Ahmed

      Oh shoot, I almost fell for it!! dang i feel stupid now

  • NVMojo

    Dude. Don’t give up! Things could get better. april fool’s??

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Haha, glad you guys picked up on that. :) I had to post it a bit early to get anyone to fall for it.

    • Rana

      LOVE IT!!! I didn’t fall for it for one second – based on your postings – there’s no way you’d see life like that… :) GOOD ONE!!!

  • Alexis

    Dude! I wanna party with YOU!!!!

  • 030366

    I liked the Baconator part. That was a nice touch.

    I almost fell for it too.

  • http://www.mauder.com Dave M

    That’s the most honest post I’ve read on a PD blog in a LONG time. I almost wish it wasn’t an April Fool’s joke.

    • Bachaque

      I agree. Mind you, anyone can believe it’s an April Fool’s joke…it is in fact life’s joke.

  • Sirpingalot

    Bad April fools joke. Caught it right away…

  • http://ramanujanredux.com Avinash

    I’m almost certain someone will take this advice literally and hit their local bar immediately.

  • Gavin

    This joke was intensified after reading the post in my RSS feed, then going to visit the actual blog only to find that it was down & seemingly gone forever!

    • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

      Haha, I hope other readers don’t think the same thing. The servers have been a bit shaky today.

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  • / marjan benedetic

    Well, April fool’s or not, if you actually really think about it, it’s true! Well at least #1, 2 and 5 are ;)

  • http://www.itswritenow.com Emma

    Good one, you almost had me. :smile:

  • http://www.positivityblog.com Henrik

    Hahahaha! Nice one. =)

  • http://ganeshnomicks.blogspot.com/ Ganesh Iyer

    Heck I had almost fallen for it bcoz I too like Gavin was reading it from my RSS reader. Thankfully I checked the comments ;)
    I am surprised to see no april fool’s joke on Gmail…maybe its just cuz of the time differences.

  • Allen

    BWAHAHAHA!

    I like it. Finally someone who understands me! :-P

  • http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com Stephen Hopson

    And there you are John – the lighter side of you comes into view on APRIL FOOLS DAY!

    Well, well, well, I ALMOST fell for it and then I realized you were having a little fun with us.

    Back to the basics on April Fool’s day, hmmmm.

  • Sam

    Yep, yep. The old life-sucks-and-then-you-die ploy. The Inspector Clouseau side of my brain instantly picked up on this; probably because I stayed late after work yesterday rearranging a few things around the office for my co-workers. And, I would have fallen for it, too, except for one fatal flaw: I have read too many of your thoughts to know that you could not really be cashing in your chips so easily….that, and today’s date. :) Of course there’s meaning in this life!! Silly goose. Sam

  • http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog David B. Bohl @ SlowDownFAST.com

    Happy April Fools to you too, John.

    “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

    Keep up the great work.

    David

    • http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog David B. Bohl @ SlowDownFAST.com

      (Quote from the Animal House – Dean Vernon Wormer says this to Flounder upon expelling him. Flounder then vomits on the Dean’s desk).

  • http://www.galvanizd.com Will is GALVANIZD

    Ignorance is bliss!

    Happy April Fools Day everyone! :)

  • http://www.thesoapboxblog.com Dale Fildes

    Wow, I was almost in shock wondering what will I tell my team. I force my marketing team to read your blog to get a better insight into life. Then I realized today was April Fools day……..I can relax now. Great article though – many people feel that way. Ha.

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  • dp

    made me laugh, but it would be a lot funnier if more than half the things on the list werent actually true…

  • Gladbag

    anyone use gmail? if so, have you seen the new feature they released today that let’s you change the date on emails to before or after you send them….never be late with an email response again…..

    http://mail.google.com/mail/help/customtime/index.html

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  • http://www.emkom.dk Eva Maria Knudsen

    I really hope the part about making money isn’t an april fool..

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  • Sandya

    Hi, I know I am late with this comment but I can’t help but comment. You have reflected the exact same thoughts of Solomon the Wise in Ecclesiates but he still found hope in God. And really that is all there is to this life. It’s the reason we exist and God can make a BIG difference to our existence.

  • Jim

    Man, I waa believeing it and feeling it. Caught me on a depressed day! Glad to hear it was a joke. Heading to get booze and think about it.

  • morphius

    pretty much the web talked on how i felt for almost 2 years .Now in the midst of waking up my mind and body its been like winter coming.a cold longing longing grey feeling ,then turned to a possible fun driven happiness,if thays even possible.the thought of looming for exceptence in a world that dictates failure for nonconformantism.

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  • gabby

    exactly how I feel >.< what the flying f***