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3 Simple Steps To Great Self Esteem

The connection between our self-esteem and what we get out of our lives is very crucial.  It’s the foundation of our confidence and interactions with ourselves and the outside world.

Having esteem for ourselves plays a part in our moods, beliefs and attitudes, and the quality of relationships we have in our lives.

For many of us, we strive to develop ourselves, feel better, and become better people.  Understanding what we can do to overcome the symptoms of low self-esteem is a great way to enhance more positives in our lives.

Generally, most of us face typical problems and the bouts of the blues that can come with them.  The great part is that it can be combated with little to no effort at all.

I’ve outlined some practical steps that can be implemented by mature and respectable individuals to increase their self-esteem and general well being.

1.  Identify The Issue

 

To feel better about ourselves we must become better people.  The first place we look to do so is inward.  Are we are the source of our own self-esteem issue(s)?

Often this is the case, however there may be instances where an external source (flat tire, family member, spouse, etc.) can be the cause, or throw a wrench into the mix.

Whether internal or external, the “why,” is not the most important part of this step.  It’s knowing and accepting that there is a concern and area of our lives that can be improved.

Once we are aware of what needs to be changed we can then create and embrace a plan to follow and take the proper action.  If the problem happens to be external we must confront it and work towards moving on to a beneficial resolution in the proper manner.

For the sake of this article and so that we do not cover too much ground, let’s presume the issue is internal, which brings us to our next tip.

2.  Managing Thoughts

 

Our thoughts are on the forefront of our feelings and emotions.  In addition to identifying the issues we face or struggle with on a daily basis, we want to identify our own thoughts about them.

We do this by keeping track of what may be holding us back from our full potential.  Hurtful self-talk like “I’m not good enough,” or “I’ll never be able to…” are both trademark signs of low self-esteem.

Start recognizing and taking inventory of how you think and speak to yourself.  This can get a little tricky since our thoughts are automatic and tripped by certain events, etc.

Some of us may have been internally beating ourselves up for so long that the defeating self-talk has moved on to become core beliefs.

Even if we’re on the extreme end of the spectrum, when we monitor our thoughts we can now manage them in a more efficient manner.  A common mistake made is accepting our negative thoughts, fears, and dis-beliefs, as reality – when in fact most are just false-perceptions.

3. Challenge Yourself

 

In respect to thoughts, think of challenging yourself in a different light than setting difficult goals or trying something new.

Practice the art of facing your fears, doubts and the limiting thoughts head on.  When we do this with vigor and consistency, we start to shape new habits that foster positive thoughts and logical perceptions.

“I can’t,” soon becomes “I’m currently trying to,” and there is a enormous difference between the two mindsets.

Remember that it’s perfectly alright to experience bad or negative circumstances.  They are inevitable and a part of life.  But by repeatedly challenging your perspective, rather than being consumed by them, we can manage to overcome and move beyond adversity more efficiently.

Also, utilize the traditional sense of challenging yourself, too.  Triumph and accomplishment spread like wildfire in terms of self-esteem.  When we reach new heights and conquer new goals our lives become enriched in new ways.

 

Now I’ll pass it on to you for your take on self-esteem.  Does it effect your ability to manage your business and personal relationships?  What about your overall mood or productivity throughout the day?  Please share your experiences in the comments section below.

 

Jason Anthony, founder ofEvenMinds, is committed to inspiring others to design an extraordinary life, empower themselves, and improve their well being.  Get a freee-courseonbuildingahealthyanddynamicrelationships just for signing up for the EvenMinds newsletter.

 

  • http://thelast3reps.com/ Brandon Figueroa

    hey jason, awesome post! 

    I think points 1 & 2 are dependent on each other, according to what you’re saying. Challenging your perspective after bad situations is an extreme version of your ability to manage your thoughts. It’s almost like a test. 

    Btw, I visited your blog and I see you went to the same designer. :) I seriously can’t wait for the new version of MD. 

    Brandon

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Thanks Brandon!

      You are right.  The ability to pick yourself, dust off, and keep moving is one we must continually work towards developing.

      (Had some back and forth w/Alex and MD2 should be a beast!)

  • http://hanofharmony.com/ The Vizier

    Hi Jason,

    Self-esteem is vital in shaping the kind of lives we lead.  I like the 3 simple and practical steps you have given us on having great self-esteem.  Here are some of the thoughts that crossed my mind as I read them.

    Knowing where the problem is and what the problem is vital before we can take measures to correct it.  As you rightly point out, often the source of the problem is internal.  Our thoughts and core beliefs might be giving us low self-esteem.  I find that it helps to reframe our thoughts.  If we think we cannot do something, it would be a good idea to challenge ourselves to find 5 ways to do resolve the issue.  By practicing this on a continuous basis, we soon learn to take a creative and flexible approach to problem solving that will boost our self-esteem.   

    Thank you for sharing this lovely article!  :)

    Irving the Vizier

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Your kind words are greatly appreciated, Irving.  

      You know, from a very young age most of us have been conditioned and subjected to a lot of misleading information (internally and externally).  

      The power of our own thought process and how we interpret it is immense.  I really like your suggestion – coming up with 5 ways to resolve an issue is a very proactive approach compared to dwelling about how we “can’t” do something.  Thanks for sharing!

  • Oli Harwood

    Wonderful!

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Thanks, Oli!

  • http://Mazzastick.com Justin

    Hi Jason,
    The way that we feel about ourselves is crucial to living a quality life and having a good sense of ourselves. Thought management is so important to maintain a high level of self-esteem.

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Absolutely, Justin.  If we don’t feel good about ourselves, how can anyone else?  Thank you for your comment!

  • http://www.hang-in-there.com/ Vic Lawrence

    I have read many articles on self esteem but this one takes the cake. You really do have to identify what it is that causing the problem with your lack of confidence. Identifying the issue is step one.

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Thanks, Vic!  Too often the emphasis on placed on confidence  - as in “just be confident,” when the real concern lies in our self-esteem and how we view and feel about ourselves.  

  • http://thebooksthatchangedmylife.com/ Marc Van Der Linden

    Great post, Jason,

    Building self esteem is a verb and basically means that we live according our core values. Identifying our issues and challenge ourselves to align ourselves with our core values, are very good ways to get there.Thanks for sharing

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Living according to our core values is key, Marc.  Glad you found the article helpful! 

  • http://www.higherawareness.com/blog/what-is-soul-consciousness/ Higher Consciousness

    Increasing your self-esteem is definitely not an easy task. But the steps you have mentioned here will give anyone a good idea on how to get started. It all begins with self-realization then a matter of following through. Hopefully a lot of people get to read this and help them with their journey to increasing their self-esteem.

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Yes, it does take work, and those first few steps are crucial when it comes to taking action.  Thanks for your input! 

  • http://www.higherawareness.com/blog/what-is-soul-consciousness/ Higher Consciousness

    Increasing your self-esteem is definitely not an easy task. But the steps you have mentioned here will give anyone a good idea on how to get started. It all begins with self-realization then a matter of following through. Hopefully a lot of people get to read this and help them with their journey to increasing their self-esteem.

  • Pamela Belding

    Fantastic post! It was the helpful reminder I needed to get my morning started right!!  

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      I’m very glad you found the post helpful, Pamela.  Sounds like you’ve got the right attitude, which will make a huge difference in your day! 

  • http://pristineperception.com/ Suzanne

    Good post. The language we speak to ourselves is most crucial. The problem is, as solved in your post, acknowledging there IS a problem. The majority of people really don’t believe they have a problem, rather everyone else has the problem. Take road rage for example. The one with the rage has no reason to believe he has a problem when an idiot just cut him off. (phrasing as he would while in the rage) The biggie is having one understand that in fact, this is not normal behavior.

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Thanks Suzanne!  I agree, it all comes down to that “aha!” moment or realization you mentioned.  Unfortunately, that is something that has to come from within and some are just not ready for it yet.  

  • Jeff Willhelm

    Self Esteem is worthless. Show me someone with high self esteem and I’ll show you a tyrant….Kim Jong Il, Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, Chavez, Hussein. They all had tremendous self-esteem. There is no shortage of self esteem in the narcissistic. Self respect on the other hand comes from Integrity, being good and always doing good. Self respect don’t need no stupid self esteem. 

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      I appreciate your input, Jeff.  The major difference between a person with healthy/high self-esteem and a narcissist is that the narcissist is not able to view other individuals as separate from themselves (or functioning in any other way that would not be of benefit or use to them or their cause).  

      Interestingly enough those types of individuals who “appear,” to have extremely high self-esteem (overly confident, cocky, etc.) are often those who are lacking it, and putting on a front to mask it.  Always appreciate every angle, thanks for reading.  

      • Jeff Willhelm

        Esteem is synonymous with admiration. Self-admiration is by definition narcissism.  The self-esteem movement in our culture over the past 30 years has not been good for our children. There is nothing, absolutely nothing beneficial with having high self-esteem. This is not just word play. Having confidence and trust in ones abilities to achieve goals does not come from self esteem. Self righteousness and a sense of entitlement come from self-esteem. Self-esteem is generated in the mind of the person holding it. It doesn’t even have to be based on anything. Ever watch American Idol. There are some pretty bad singers with very high self-esteem. So high in fact that the opinions of those who tell them they can’t sing worth a crap results in physical, hysterical tirades. Self esteem is wothless. Have self respect and do good, be a good person and one will have the esteem of others and that is where esteem should come from. 

        • http://www.eganmedical.com/ Egan Medical

          I must say I disagree to an extent. I associate self esteem with confidence, and I most certainly believe one can be confident while also being humble.

          • Jeff Willhelm

            Of course one can be confident with humility. They are in no way mutually exclusive. However, self-esteem is pop-psych trash meant to trump humility. Self-esteem is not confidence, at least it is not truly where confidence comes from. True confidence comes from success, accomplishment, good judgment, and being a good person. Self-esteem sounds fine and all, but it places self importance and self-admiration above the importance of self-respect and true confidence in ones capabilities and accomplishments. Self-esteem does not require one to be a good person. In fact, many times very negative traits abound in those who take pride in having high self-esteem.  Pride in self-esteem creates the culture of participation trophies. Pride in self esteem creates a dependency class of those who feel entitles. Self respect, on the other hand, builds character, forces one to challenge themselves, forces one to give back to society, enables one to love more freely. Face garbage is garbage and the self-esteem has in part destroyed a large portion of our cultural fabric and created a class of cry-babies, who pride themselves on nothing but a self-generated mirage.

          • Jeff Willhelm

            Of course one can be confident with humility. They are in no way mutually exclusive. However, self-esteem is pop-psych trash meant to trump humility. Self-esteem is not confidence, at least it is not truly where confidence comes from. True confidence comes from success, accomplishment, good judgment, and being a good person. Self-esteem sounds fine and all, but it places self importance and self-admiration above the importance of self-respect and true confidence in ones capabilities and accomplishments. Self-esteem does not require one to be a good person. In fact, many times very negative traits abound in those who take pride in having high self-esteem.  Pride in self-esteem creates the culture of participation trophies. Pride in self esteem creates a dependency class of those who feel entitles. Self respect, on the other hand, builds character, forces one to challenge themselves, forces one to give back to society, enables one to love more freely. Face garbage is garbage and the self-esteem has in part destroyed a large portion of our cultural fabric and created a class of cry-babies, who pride themselves on nothing but a self-generated mirage of feel-good-ism.

          • http://www.eganmedical.com/ Egan Medical

            After reading your reply, I suppose our differences are semantic in nature. I agree with everything you’ve said. As usual, you’re more insightful than most (you know me from Amplify).

  • Pingback: Dealing With Low Self Esteem Guide | Self Help Now

  • Clint Cora

    By achieving little successes over time, self esteem increases.  We’ve seen this happen over and over again when we take kids into martial arts.  Many of them who were clumsy and have very little confidence, slowly blossom into confident kids with very high self esteem.

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Thanks for sharing, Clint.  You’re right.  Accomplishments and achievements are also great ways to boost self-esteem and confidence.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1517976074 Marwan Hassan

    hey jason ,

    Setting Goals that you can’t accomplish is devestating to one’s self esteem as i have experienced many times now , i like the idea of challenging yourself instead of goals but on the other hand what if some goals are crucial and trying actually wears out esteem ..
    thanks jason , spectacular post ! really helped  :)

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Marwan, the best way I would look at it is like this – when dealing with self-esteem we are dealing with character goals:  I’m a good person, great friend, I’m a good father/mother, etc.  These are goals to which we don’t have deadlines or timeframes on because their are related to how we view and feel about ourselves.  

      While setting external goals and not accomplishing them can be frustrating, think about how much you’ve learned or grown in simply a)setting the goal itself and b) working towards getting there.  It’s embracing and learning from that failure (which is a part of life) which keeps ups moving in the right direction.  

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Marwan, the best way I would look at it is like this – when dealing with self-esteem we are dealing with character goals:  I’m a good person, great friend, I’m a good father/mother, etc.  These are goals to which we don’t have deadlines or timeframes on because their are related to how we view and feel about ourselves.  

      While setting external goals and not accomplishing them can be frustrating, think about how much you’ve learned or grown in simply a)setting the goal itself and b) working towards getting there.  It’s embracing and learning from that failure (which is a part of life) which keeps ups moving in the right direction.  

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Marwan, the best way I would look at it is like this – when dealing with self-esteem we are dealing with character goals:  I’m a good person, great friend, I’m a good father/mother, etc.  These are goals to which we don’t have deadlines or timeframes on because their are related to how we view and feel about ourselves.  

      While setting external goals and not accomplishing them can be frustrating, think about how much you’ve learned or grown in simply a)setting the goal itself and b) working towards getting there.  It’s embracing and learning from that failure (which is a part of life) which keeps ups moving in the right direction.  

  • http://nochnoch.com/ Noch Noch

    yeh higher self esteem keeps us more motivated always. challenge myself is one thing i’m working on, i alwyas think too negatively of myself
    Noch Noch

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Thanks for sharing Noch Noch.  It can be difficult.  But working on it, as you mentioned, is always going to be a step in the right direction.  

  • Marty Lawrence

    Hi Jason, 

    Thank you for that article, I have been suffering with this area in my life and it’s good to know that I can use these simple 3 steps to improving this area. Especially the second step ‘Managing Thoughts’.

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      You’re welcome, Marty.  It all starts with our thoughts, so yes, it is a very powerful step in the equation.  

  • Renu Karnani

    i m confused with whta is happening in my present what to do so that i can get a better future

    • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

      Hi Renu,

      A great way to clear things up is to start looking is inside to figure out what you truly want out of your life.  What are your passions?  What drives you?  Figuring out these things is a good place to start.  

      • Renu Karnani

         but i cant think of anything right now ….i m stuck with thoughts of some people ….n i cant fight with them also ….i want to avoid those people n situation bt some or the other way i cant…..so

        • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

          If you’re having trouble with the external in your life (i.e. family, friends, relatives, etc.) a very powerful step to take is one that includes the realization that you have no control over them (their thoughts or actions) only yours…

          • Renu Karnani

             thanks for your suggestions

          • http://twitter.com/JasonAGroup Jason Anthony

            No problem, you can always reach out and find me on my website for more insight.  Talk soon – Jason

  • http://www.facebook.com/truantplayer Jun-Jun Ceriño

    self-improvement blogs are good.. :D

  • Carrisa

    Thanks for sharing these simple three steps!
    Very easy to remember, yet very beneficial. Also very easy to pass along to others…

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  • Sky

    so good and effective reading.