It’s OKAY to Spend on Stuff You Love

With personal finance, as with so many areas of life, we have a tendency to swing between extremes. Often, an excess of spending – with accompanying credit card debt, clutter and stress – prompts us to take a good hard look at our finances. We make all sorts of good resolutions: a plan to reduce our debt, a savings account for our emergency fund, and so on … and somewhere along the way, we pick up the idea that we should only spend money on absolute essentials.

We might start off sensibly, cutting down on unnecessary spending to put some money aside for the future. But before long, we end up obsessing about every penny, denying ourselves even tiny treats like a weekly coffee or a magazine, because it’s a “waste of money”.

Are You Enslaved by Your Money?

Usually, being “enslaved” by our financial situation means we’re in debt, struggling to stay afloat. But I feel that there’s another sort of enslavement which we can fall into: forgetting that money is just a tool for us to use in whatever way we want. Read the Rest of This Article »

The Self-Confidence Con

There is a funny concept among the softly-spoken, the meek, the apologetic excuse-makers that there is some ‘kind’ of person who is confident, capable and calm in the face of adversity. The have-nots usually disempower themselves further by making an assumption that confidence is like a genetic trait, written into the DNA of some, and left out of the chromosomes of another. It’s not, it’s a lie.

Confidence is a con – it’s a lie to yourself that you can be whatever you want to be. The trick is that confident people have mastered the ability of self-delusion, and once deluded, the lie becomes real – for being confident is simply imagining yourself as already confident. That will spread a perception among others, who will react to your new-found power as if it’s you, which will reinforce your behavior and presto-change-o, you are one of the confident people.

One cannot imagine oneself taller, and no matter what ‘The Secret’ tells you – you cannot imagine yourself a new sports car, but you can imagine yourself being confident and become it, immediately. Read the Rest of This Article »

Truth and Secrets in Memoir Writing

When you’re nine years old, Aunt Jessie presses her powdered face to yours and whispers, “Now don’t you ever tell anyone what you saw. Your mother would just die.”

This is a scary thing to a child—to be entrusted with a secret that has so much power if could kill someone. Aunt Jessie probably didn’t mean to scare you like that, but words have power. Silence in the face of wrong has power. And when we begin to write our memoirs, we can get caught up in the webs of the past. Sometimes these webs are so tangled that we stop writing.

Memoirists struggle with the issue of revealing secrets as they search how to tell their own powerful, and sometimes shameful, truths. Secrets maintain a great power over us, and we are diminished by them. We become co-conspirators to the family dynamics that we don’t agree with and want to break away from. So we get caught in a conflict—to speak or not to speak. To remain closed and complicit, or to open up and take the risk of losing friends and family or shamed once again into submission. These conflicts haunt people all their lives, solidifying the silence. The way out of being trapped in the past is to write our own truths, but first it helps to get clear about the program that lives in our head. Read the Rest of This Article »

How Your Anger Can Actually Heal You

Anger.  It’s hard to live with, harder to live without, right?

I agree.

Whether you are confrontational or passive aggressive, no matter how you handle anger, you and everyone around you is affected by your anger.

Some people will give you techniques to “manage” it. Others will teach you how to “get rid” of it. I’m sure you’ve even adopted a few homegrown ways to “avoid” it.

I don’t know about you, but none one of those approaches worked well for me.

The more I avoided anger, the more it showed up like a bad cold.  It never seemed to never go away and there was no vaccine in sight. In between dreading it and trying to outrun it, I tried talking  me “off the angry ledge”, as if I could reason with it – that was a joke.

At one point I even tried analyzing it, believing if I could know WHY it was there, it would dissipate.  But that failed too.

The more I focused on anger the more it seemed to come.

Is anger a driving force in your life?

To find out, answer these 8 statements from Mental Health to see if any ring true for you.

1. I don’t show my anger about everything that makes me mad, but when I do – look out.

2. I still get angry when I think of the bad things people did to me in the past.

3. I sometimes lie awake at night and think about the things that upset me during the day.

4. I find it very hard to forgive someone who has done me wrong.

5. I get angry with myself when I lose control of my emotions.

6. After arguing with someone, I hate myself.

7. People really irritate me when they don’t behave the way they should, or when they act like they don’t have the good sense of a head of lettuce.

8. When I get angry, frustrated or hurt, I comfort myself by eating or using alcohol or other drugs.

If you answered “true” to any of them – congrats – you’re human!

If you found #1, #5, #6 or #8 to be true, you tend to like to make YOU wrong when you get angry. If any of the rest were true for you, you’re making EVERYONE ELSE wrong when you get angry.

Regardless who takes the beating for your temper tantrum, you should know it’s all normal - you’re alive!

What isn’t normal is letting anger take over your life.  No matter how good it feels at the time, even if you’ve been really “wronged”, it isn’t serving you.

But it could…

What if you became aware of your anger and didn’t resist it?

Trying to suppress your anger, or push it under the carpet to “keep the peace” is just delaying the inevitable. If you do react, and end up feeling guilty or even worse angry with yourself, you’re telling YOU your feelings don’t matter. (You might even be telling yourself it’s not ok to be angry.)

How are these techniques working out for you?

How would you feel if I met you, shook your hand, looked you in the eye and simply said, “Let’s get one thing straight, we can only hang out if your emotions never impact my day because I don’t have time for hurt feelings and drama on either side.” (Not good, I bet)

The sad thing is, I don’t need to tell you anything, because you’re doing enough damage on your own!

Every time you ignore your emotions, YOU’RE the one confirming YOU don’t matter.

Even if someone comes out and says, “You don’t matter”, it means nothing unless you believe them. No one can steal your power – you choose to give it away; even trying to ignore it or resist it is futile – it’s just a matter of time until it surfaces.

Trying to resist anger by ignoring it is like starving and not eating despite the fact there’s a plate of food right in front of you. The more you focus on your hunger, the hungrier you usually get. Even if you’re able to ignore you’re hunger for a while, it will still be there later. (You might even be even hungrier, right??)

Why would being angry be any different than being hungry?

You can use anger to see what is really happening, acknowledge it, and be grateful for the opportunity to clear the block you already had. Accepting the situation “as is” and finding the common trigger for the situations you’re holding onto will give you clarity to see the lesson you keep bringing to yourself.

Put a different meaning to this “lesson” anger is bringing to you.  It’s just doing its job – trying to get you to pay attention!

Any person who evokes any emotion, “good” or “bad”, should be seen as an angel who is trying to help you see the truth.  Your alleged enemies, the job you hate, or the verbally abusive relationship you might be in are just your way of bringing to you the emotions you require to experience in order to grow.

You are powerful.

You are loved.

And no one has the power to make you feel or be anything you don’t want to experience.

Stop resisting emotions like anger or sadness and accept you need them to experience growth.  Through a higher sense of awareness you can give them the space to come and go which will give you a feeling of incredible freedom – finally knowing there is nothing for you to “do” or “change” or “solve”!

Implement this one tiny shift towards the meaning you place on your emotions to start feeling OUTRAGEOUSLY delicious!

5 Simple Ways to Cut Your Spending – And Still Enjoy Your Life!

Would you like to have more money in your pocket – without having to do any extra work? For many of us, the easiest way to boost our savings is to cut back on how much we’re spending. Whether you’re channeling money into an emergency fund, or whether you’ve got your heart set on that dream vacation, saving an extra few hundred dollars each month might seem out of reach right now. But there are plenty of ways to cut what you spend, without missing out on what you love. I’m listing five big wins below – rather than giving you a bunch of little tips. Even one of these could easily save you $100+ per month. Read the Rest of This Article »

3 Power Tricks To Supercharge Your Day With Gratitude

Why is it so hard for you to say, “thank you” to you, when you say thank you to complete strangers every day (or at least I hope you do).

If someone holds the door, or even when a waiter brings you the check asking you for money, you say “thank you”.

Heck many times you take the time to give lip service to be polite, but at least you say it, right?

So if it’s that easy, when is the last time you told YOU thank you?

Thank you for my beating heart, thank you lungs for my breath, thank you legs for all you do…

Do you ever say that?  It’s doubtful.

Yet, if you want to connect with your true power, your subconscious, or spirit, taking the time to simply say thank you is a GAME CHANGER.

If you don’t believe me, try one of these 3 power tricks to supercharge your day with gratitude.

#1 Use Better Words

My mama told me too many times to count, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you”.  She was a liar.  And if you believe this, you’re lying to yourself, too, so STOP.

Language is EVERYTHING.

Should you believe everything you hear? Of course not, especially if someone else says it.

Do you anyway? Usually.

On some level you let criticism feed into your low self-esteem to confirm what you already “know”…you aren’t good enough.

Yet even if you manage to overcome critique from others knowing they can’t define you if you don’t let them, you’re still only part of the way there.

Because that’s not what’s draining you, really.

YOU are.

With an internal assault of words, constantly comparing and contrasting, you are giving yourself a 24/7 commentary on how you’re doing, every single minute, is what’s holding you back.

This is your big OPPORTUNITY to become aware of how you are feeling!  Listen to your crazy thoughts.

Then instead of saying, “Don’t be an asshole today”, try telling yourself, “I’m going to be careful with my words today.

Or, change your words from, “I’m NOT going to get pissed off today” to, “I’m going to be in a great mood today.”

Let me give you a perfect example of how this works.

My son is a super stud baseball pitcher. He throws hard, fast and straight down the middle.  He’s almost impossible to hit. But, if you are a super stud hitter and make contact with that ball? It’s going one place – straight out of the park to home run city.

Like every other pitcher, he loves no hitters, but if they got hot, he melts from anxiety of not being “perfect”.  Until I told him to THINK differently by accepting they were hitting because they were that good, not because he sucked.

I told him to start telling himself, “Wow, that guy was a hitter –nice.  Now let’s see what the next guy’s got – because he’s gonna have to bring it to hit off me.”

I’ll tell you the truth – he didn’t believe me at first – until I had him do a simple exercise which you should try now…

Walk across the room and tell yourself over and over, “I’m NOT going to fall down.”

Where were your eyes? Most likely on the ground – not up in a state of power.

You focus your attention on what you aren’t going to do, putting your body in a state to actually do the thing you are trying to avoid!!!

Now try this exercise again.

This time say, “I’m going to stay up.”

Where are your eyes now?

They can’t help but look upwards or even towards the sky. By telling yourself you’ve got this, you will walk across the room confidently, your eyes naturally looking up or straight ahead, increasing your chances of staying upright.

Eliminate any words like:

Not, can’t, won’t, stop, not going to, don’t want

Change your language patterns to:

Will, can, do, want, must, believe

Move from:

“I’m not going to eat crap today” to “I’m going to be the picture of health today.”

If you can be aware,  CORRECT your language until it becomes a habit, this one small shift will shift the energy in your entire body and spread into your life.

#2 Use A Better Tone

I bet you could tell me at least 3 things your parents told you growing up that still sting today.

And guess what?

You say them to yourself more than you think.

It’s true.

Listen to your inner voice, what does it sound like?  Mine comes across with a tough love mojo which comforts me.

When I get scared, I immediately jump on me, triggering anger and almost immediately tell myself, “Get your big girl pants on, don’t be such a wuss.”

It works, I guess. I do stomp forward aggressively – getting it done. Of course in the process I push people out of the way who may have been able to help me get there more effortlessly had I opened my energy up to receive help.

Do you see how this isn’t serving me?  Anytime you use getting angry to move out of fear means you’re living an angry life.

Start talking to yourself the way you would a child.

When you make a mistake or do something you aren’t proud of try telling yourself what you’d tell a child. Or just find the words you wish someone would give to you.

“Of course you bit their head off. You hadn’t eaten, were working on 3 hours sleep and were getting ready to miss a deadline. You love to achieve, get things done and keep your promises. Just apologize to your co-worker and do your best to be more collaborative under stress and remember you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have.”

Sounds simple, right? It is!

Being empathetic to YOU should be easy.

It’s what we all want from the people in our lives.  So why not start with you?  If you don’t give it to yourself, who will?

Why bully yourself with words of wisdom like, “You are such an ass when you’re in work mode. Why do you jump on people? You can be really selfish when you are stressed – no wonder everyone avoids you at work”?

How does that serve you when you are choosing the words and can say ANYTHING you want to you???

You see?

Language is EVERYTHING as is the TONE in which YOU speak to YOU.

#3 Write It Down

This one trick will change your filter for your life

No matter what happens to your day, before you go to bed, write down 3 things that happened that day that made you smile.

Chances are you’re  probably so caught up in seeing the spots of your day, trying to clean those up, you’ve forgotten some of the good stuff.

Finding kindness in your day can be as simple as actually noticing and remembering the store clerk who smiled at you, someone who held your door, or even an unexpected hug from a child.

Believe and you will receive.

The only thing you need to do all day is LOOK for three things to write down.  A simple thank you is something worth noting.

Please take the time over the next week to practice this. You’ll be shocked at the kindness you DO receive but miss because you are too focused on what you are NOT getting.

Changing your life is hard. Changing your perception in which you see your world is EASY.

That’s the outrageous part!

Are You Experiencing Someone Else’s Emotions?

Why do you think you feel bad when you see a poor miserable homeless man in the street? Apart from feeling guilty for not helping poor people there are still some sad emotions that you will experience upon seeing anybody who suffers.

Do you know why you experience these emotions? It’s because you experienced some of the man’s pain at the moment you saw him.

We humans usually absorb some of the emotions of the person we are watching or listening to and then experience a change in our own mood even though nothing bad has happened to us, personally.

Emotions are communicated to the people we deal with

Why do you think you feel scared in horror movies when you see actors feeling scared? It’s because their emotions were communicated to you through their gestures and facial expressions.

Why do you think we like confident people? Confident people transfer their emotions to us and make us feel relaxed and calm.

On the other hand people who are anxious unconsciously transfer to us some of their anxiety and this makes us feel uneasy around them. Read the Rest of This Article »

Bad Day? 5 Tips to Keep Your Motivation

A couple of weeks ago I had a bad day. Actually, it was a terrible day. Every piece of news I got was disappointing. Did it affect me? I still have bruises from the rock I tried to hide under.

Guess what? In the coming weeks you will have a bad day, too. Whether you are an entrepreneur launching a new product, an employee aiming for a promotion, or simply someone going after a big goal in your other 8 hours, you will experience disappointment and setback. How you respond to disappointment could determine your eventual success or failure. Why? A really bad day can, at best, cause you to lose momentum, and at worst, cause you to lose your will to continue. Read the Rest of This Article »

5 Best Practices To Overcome Social Anxiety

Does Social Anxiety Keep You from Fully Enjoying Life?

Sharon would later cheerfully admit that she had been dreading meeting me; but for now, it was still a sickening nightmare.

Social anxiety is more than just shyness. Just thinking about meeting or mingling with others can cause a pounding heart, shaky voice, rapid breathing, sweating, blushing, an upset stomach… It’s no wonder it sometimes feels easier to avoid other people completely.

For Sharon, even seeing people she’d met many times before – such as family, friends, and colleagues – felt like an ordeal imagined by the Spanish Inquisition. Actually, it was curious:

“I’m okay in a work context or when things are a bit more formal. I know what to talk about. But as soon as it’s kind of unorganized – you know, just mixing with other people – I go to pieces. It’s like I need a well-defined focus or I panic!”

Social anxiety spoils life by getting in the way of what should be fun opportunities to connect with others. Crippling self-consciousness, nervousness, not knowing what to say: all add to the unpleasant mix. Read the Rest of This Article »

How to Stick to Your Study Plan: 6 Best Practices

“Which Direction I (You Are Here)” Courtesy of Vido Drago

Whether you’re studying on a college program, for a career qualification, or just for personal interest, you’ll want to make a success of it. But few of us have the luxury of being able to just study – life has to go on as well.

You’ve probably already figured out that having a plan helps you to study consistently (rather than giving up, or cramming in hours of work just before exams). But how can you make sure you actually stick to the plans which you’ve made?

Be Realistic

Firstly, be realistic. Many of us are prone to over-estimating how much we can get done – and studying is a high-energy, intense activity which requires a lot of concentration. You simply can’t focus at that level for hours at a time.

Sometimes, being realistic about your studying plans might mean looking at the other commitments in your life. Do you need to ditch something else in order to have time to study effectively? Can you cut down on social activities to give yourself a couple of weeknights free for studying? Read the Rest of This Article »

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