A Powerful Guide To Active Listening
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We have two ears and one mouth. Just based on our body parts, you’d think we’d all be natural listeners. But we’re really not. You’re born with the ability to hear, but you have to develop the ability to listen. The normal listening mode for most people is passive. Words come in one ear, and go out the other. Important information is missed. Details are overlooked. Reasoning is misunderstood. People feel disrespected.
The alternative to passive listening is active listening, where you’re more of a participant than a spectator, even though you’re not the one talking. It’s a better way to listen effectively. Here’s how to do it:
1. Be prepared to actively listen.
If you start off intending to listen passively, you’ve already lost. Listening well is much harder than you think, and it won’t happen by itself. Simply deciding that you’re going to actively listen puts you in the right frame of mind for actually doing it.
2. Stay physically focused.
If your body can’t stay still, your mind won’t either. Being physically present in the conversation is obviously essential for good listening, but many people fail at it. Don’t multitask. If you’re checking your email while talking on the phone, you’re not listening to that person. Don’t fidget, drum your fingers, or do pen tricks. Make good eye contact, and don’t interrupt the conversation to take a phone call or perform any other task.
One great way to ruin a conversation is to look at your watch when someone’s talking. While you may have a good reason for doing so, it’s a clear signal to the other person that you’re not as interested in listening to them as you are in getting on to your next thing. Even if you think you can be subtle about checking the time, they’ll probably notice. If you absolutely must look at your watch, do it when you’re talking, not when they’re talking. This makes a huge psychological difference to the other person.
3. Stay mentally focused.
OK, you’ve managed to make your body sit still. That’s the easy part. Just because you appear to be listening doesn’t mean you are. Does your mind jump around between topics that have nothing to do with the conversation? Listening requires your full attention, so a wandering mind is no good here. Save the daydreaming for your own time. If other conversations are happening around you, tune them out. Block out all background noise and focus on the person you’re talking to. Specifically, focus on the message they’re trying to get across. If you’re thinking about how they don’t pronounce the g at the end of a word they’re sayin’, you’re paying attention to the wrong thing. The important part is their message, not their grammar or diction. Tone and body language can be very important too, so don’t forget to look beyond their words. If you find yourself in a boring conversation, try to find something interesting about it. Putting up with a few minutes of less than stellar discussion might pay off. Anyway, it’s the polite thing to do.
4. Let them talk.
When they’re talking, you want to be sure you give them room to say what they want to say. Don’t get impatient if they don’t get to the point as quickly as you’d like. Be respectful, and let them talk their way.
Don’t correct mispronounced words, finish their sentences, make disapproving faces, or interrupt to say you disagree. In fact, you shouldn’t even be thinking about what you’re going to say next. Just listen. To make sure they know you want to listen, encourage them to keep speaking by nodding and saying “go on” or “tell me more.”
5. React appropriately.
After they’ve finished talking, only then should you respond. Don’t jump the gun by rushing to judgment before they’ve even finished. In fact, even after they’re done, you still might want to pause to think before responding.
Do it in a way that shows you were paying attention. You can summarize what they said in your own words, to make sure you understand it correctly. You can ask follow-up questions. Offer feedback based on your careful consideration of what they said. Listening is fairly simple, but it’s not easy. It does take effort, especially when you’re not really in the mood for it. But it’s worth it. By listening well, you not only greatly reduce misunderstandings, but you also give people that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that someone really listened to them.
About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to
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A Fun and Effective Way To Stay Motivated
How often do you feel excited, really juiced to get out of bed each and every morning to work on your goal? Do you habitually feel motivated, every single day, to do whatever it takes to make your goal or objective happen?
If you don’t feel excited and motivated, don’t want to get started, don’t itch to get down and put every effort you possess, to do what it takes to make it happen, then the goal that you set yourself may be a weak one.
Or, perhaps on this occasion you hit an obstacle, a complication, and it gradually drained your motivation. It happens, we’re human after all. I don’t think we can be highly motivated every single day of our lives.
In such circumstances, even when you’re faced with an inconvenience or discomfort, such as having to do a particular task, one that you think is a pain, one that you hate doing, find boring, or find difficult, you still need to get it done.
It could be that sales call you’ve been dreading, that person you don’t want to meet, or that sales copy that you have to write. Whatever it may be you see a big wall in front of you with a big red cross over the word ‘motivation’.
Yet you still need to get it done. So what do you do?
I ask you to sit back and remember the times when you raced through a project that you hated so you can leave on time on a Friday night to meet up with your friends, or the time when you made all the ten dreaded phone calls one after the other, with no coffee break in between, so you can tick them off your to do list so you can arrive early at the restaurant to get the best table.
What happened?
You were strongly motivated to get out of work on time or to arrive at the restaurant to book the best table, no matter what. You had a goal in mind. As much as you hated and dreaded the project and phone calls, for you to achieve your goal they had to get done.
You did whatever it took to make them happen. You motivated yourself to get them done. Somehow you found a way to get all the motivation you wanted.
Here are two fun and mighty ways you can bring into play to inject added clout to your motivation level when you are faced with a bothersome task:
1. Have fun along the way. Don’t take everything so seriously. If you view working towards your goal a chore or an unpleasant and laborious task, you will fall short of completing the task, or if you did finish it off, you will have had an awful time getting there.
Your goal then becomes a pain, one that you will not want to achieve. You won’t find it fun anymore and you will lose your motivation. The journey to fulfilment should be pleasurable and entertaining.
For you to keep the momentum going it’s important for you to have fun while working on your goal. There will be some things that you will have to do on the way that you do not like doing. I think it’s fair to say that it’s a given fact. Yet, if these so-called chores have to be done anyway, why not make them fun and enjoy doing them?
Spend some time to come up with ways to make the road to success and fulfilment fun and enjoyable, amusing and exciting.
When I have to do things that I don’t enjoy doing yet realize their true worth and value, I gear myself up. What do I do? I act like a fun-loving child for a few minutes (or more).
I have a scrapbook of my favourite cartoon illustrations in my top drawer. I flick through the pages to lighten up. I look at the cartoons, then the work I have to do, and then back to the cartoons. I switch back and forth until I see the humour in the work that I have to do. In the end, the ‘was’ chore has now become a ‘fun’ task that I do happily with a firm smile on my face.
Effective? You bet!
2. Believe you can! Now you might be thinking, Oh, I can’t do that. I can’t take my scrapbook out and have a whale of a time, giggling and laughing. Who says you can’t? You say!
Change that limiting thought. Sure you can have fun. Sure you can flick through your pages of jokes and have a good laugh.
Steer clear of your self-doubt, or any thoughts that you have designed to stop you from having the attitude of a self-motivated and happy person to achieve what you want.
What’s the worst that can happen? Your boss will tell you off for turning the pages of a joke book? Fine. Take a break and take the scrapbook with you!
You see, having motivation and remaining motivated in the long-term can be achieved. You just have to figure out how to remain motivated, especially when things get in the way.
Now you know a fun way of keeping the momentum going. And by the way, not only will you remain motivated, you will enjoy life more by laughing more.
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For Real Self-Improvement, You Need To Invest In Yourself
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One great question to ask if you’re interested in self-improvement is “Am I investing in myself?” – particularly when you’re feeling stuck, or when your progress towards your goals hasn’t been so fast as you’d like.
So what does “investing in yourself” mean? This depends on what your goals are, but these are three big areas you might want to invest some time, money and thought in:
• Your appearance
• Your skills
• Your health
All of these are important for success in many walks of life. Here’s why, and some ideas how you can invest in each.
Investing In Your Appearance
This might seem a very shallow thing to put at the top. Unfortunately, like it or not, we all tend to judge on appearances. In some jobs or roles, looking the part can make a real difference to how others perceive and treat you.
Just as importantly, your appearance can have huge effects on your self confidence. Have you ever been at an event where you misjudged the formality and ended up very under-dressed or over-dressed? I’ll bet you felt awkward and out of place. Conversely, you might well have taken extra care over your grooming before a big presentation, and felt more confident as a result.
Investing in your appearance might mean:
• Saving up for a good suit
• Getting up ten minutes earlier to have time to look your best for work
• Asking a fashionable friend for advice on your usual “look”
• Losing some weight (also important for health reasons)
• Taking some time to revamp your wardrobe, ensuring you have clothes that mix and match well
If you feel that your appearance is the big area you need to invest in, Trent from The Simple Dollar has some strong advice (particularly if you’re in a fairly traditional job) in his article on The Value of Personal Appearance.
Investing in Your Skills
All of us have a certain skill set, often based on our jobs (current and past), our hobbies and our day-to-day experiences. Employers tend to be interested primarily in skills – what you can do. Some of these will be very specific to particular jobs (technical skills, such as being able to program a computer) and other skills are “transferable skills” that you can use in many careers as well as in day-to-day life (such as public speaking or presentational skills).
Clear five or ten uninterrupted minutes when you can sit down and list your skills. Put down little things as well as big ones – being able to bake the perfect cake is a skill!
What skills could you develop, with the investment of a little time or money? Could any of these form the basis of a new career, a side business, a fulfilling hobby, or something you could offer to your community?
Some ways to invest in your skills are:
• Read a book that teaches you something new in a particular area
• Attend a local course
• Take part in an online course
• Ask someone to mentor you
• Schedule regular time to practise
Investing in Your Health
Too many of us are storing up health problems for later life – one that could cause financial problems or give us a huge reduction in quality of life. It’s much cheaper to focus on staying healthy than to take preventative action once something’s gone wrong. If you’re in good health, you’ll perform better at work, you’ll have more energy to work towards your goals, and you’ll generally feel happier!
Don’t just think about your physical health, either; mental health is just as important (and, indeed, your mental and physical health can’t be considered in complete isolation). By investing some time and money now, you could save yourself a huge amount of both in the future. Here are some ideas to get you started:
• If you’re over or under weight, start taking action
• Get some exercise each day – great for your body and mind
• Take good care of your teeth (dental hygiene, and regular visits to your dentist) – tooth pain can be crippling
• If you work at a computer, learn about RSI and how to prevent it.
• Eat a healthy, balanced diet, focusing on fruits, veggies, wholegrains and lean proteins.
• Don’t smoke, take drugs, or drink excessive amounts of alcohol.
What areas could you invest in? Is it worth spending some money or some time now in order to improve your position in the future?
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5 Ways to Make Working From Home Work For You
How many times have you sat in rage-inducing, morning rush hour traffic, cursing your boss for making you come in early to finish that report, when clearly you would have already had the report finished if you’d only been allowed to write it from home instead of sitting in this car!?
How many times, distracted by your coworker, whose high-pitched laugh while regaling her BFF on the phone about a ‘hysterical’ new Facebook post, have you cringed thinking to yourself, if only I were working from home I wouldn’t have these distractions!
How many times in a week do you find yourself thinking, if only I could work from home I would be so much more productive!
Well, according to last months’ Time Magazine – The Future of Work issue, more and more employees and employers are opting for new and innovative ways to redefine the workplace, the most common of which, is changing it – more specifically from your office to your home. And while I hear upon writing this, a chorus of working stiffs belting out Hallelujah!, before you jump into your new way of life (conference call in your pajamas, anyone?!) – a life free of stress, bureaucracy, and office politics – I caution you to remember the old adage: Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
While without question, if done correctly, working from home will yield more productivity, less wasted time, and generally improve your quality of life, if done incorrectly you will see the exact opposite happen to the point where your job itself, may be threatened. And with the exuberance of being ‘free’ there is the risk that you will throw yourself into your new situation, without proper preparation. Simple upfront planning will ensure your success and increase your satisfaction factor.
1. Discipline: This is the single hardest part of working from home. Looks easy from your crowded cubicle, but simply not true. First you must honestly ask yourself what kind of person you are: Are you the type of person that works better in a structured environment? Or do you thrive with this type responsibility? Remember once you’re working at home there’s no rush hour and no pesky coworker to blame: your performance will be judged solely on you. If you are going to work from home, understand you’ll have to be ruling yourself with a stiffer fist. The general rule of thumb that I’ve found works is: If you wouldn’t do it at your old office (i.e. take 5 calls from Francine about her blind date last night) don’t do at your new office. I have found that the transition from office to home office is made significantly easier if you start working from home on a part time basis, and then gradually make the transition to full time from home.
2. Scheduling: One of the most important and overlooked aspects of working from home is creating a schedule. Just because you’re not required to be somewhere at 9 and can’t leave until 5, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a firm schedule. It is absolutely necessary to write out a weekly schedule for yourself – and stick to it. Working from home can come with many distractions – i.e. all of a sudden that bookshelf you’ve avoided for weeks needs to be dusted right now – and if you aren’t strict about your working hours they will quickly escape you. One of the other pratfalls is that when working from home there is no limit to how much you can be doing – theoretically you could be working 24 hours a day. So it is important to make clear guidelines about where your time will be spent everyday.
3. Create the appropriate space: When working from home, one of the big challenges is keeping your ‘home’ life from your ‘work’ life, otherwise with time both worlds will blur into one, leaving you feeling like you’re always working and never living. If your space allows it, designate one room to be used specifically and ONLY for your office – while it would be more comfortable to sit on your couch writing that report (like I am right now…horrible, horrible, horrible!) it is important to have a concrete spatial divide. If you don’t have the space available, craft out a corner which again is reserved for ‘work’ time only.
4. Separating work from home: Building on creating different spaces, your entire work practice should be separated from your living practice. Though at first it might seem sooo productive to be doing your laundry while taking a conference call, it’s actually not, and most probably both tasks will suffer as a result. Use the time you have allotted to work, to work, conversely use the time you’ve allotted for personal chores, for personal chores. It is also a good idea to get out of your house on designated breaks, i.e. lunch, afternoon break. Go for a walk around the block or eat your lunch outside. Being trapped in your house day and night has many negative long term effects, both personally and professionally.
5. Staying Connected: Just because you’ve said Hasta La Vista to your office, doesn’t mean you should say the same to your colleagues. One of the bigger risks of working from home is becoming isolated and out of the loop. Make the effort to reach out to colleagues you have a good rapport with – suggest a group happy hour drink/coffee once a month. Most jobs and careers still benefit from making connections and having in person relationships. Meeting up once a month will keep you abreast of relevant insider information that will invariably help you in the long run.
Got any working-from-home advice or stories that can help? Please feel free to comment below! (Only if you’re on a break!!)
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At times, we all have things going on in our minds. There can be the little worries of having to go to the shop because there’s no food in the cupboards, to the big worries like being severely in debt or having a family member in hospital.
The “problem” with worrying is that it can have serious implications on our physical and mental health. People who have previously been in top shape can let one problem get to them so badly that they start having panic attacks or have their problems incessantly on their mind.
I should know, I’ve had times in my life where I have let my problems literally take over my thought patterns and consume me at all times. Yet, with the four simple steps today, it’s actually fairly simple to literally eliminate unnecessary worrying from your life.
After this, I also believe that life will start to feel a lot lighter, as if a heavy burden has been lifted from your shoulders.
1. Consider the Worst Possible Outcome
A few years ago one of my friends confided in me that he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to continue playing for the school football team that we were on. At the next training session when he didn’t show up, the coach asked me what was wrong, and I told him that my friend might have lost his passion and I wasn’t sure if he would be back.
A couple of days later my friend came back to me and said how he really wanted to start playing again, and had merely been going through a rough time when he told me what he did. I instantly remembered how I had told the coach my friend might not want to play anymore, and started worrying about the possible outcome.
Thoughts ran through my head such as “Would the coach pick him for the next game?”, “Would the coach tell him what I said?”, “Would he be dropped from the team?” and so on. I let this situation really get to me and the possible outcomes really consumed my thoughts.
About a week later I built up the courage to tell the coach I might have been wrong about my friend and the coach gave me a very nonchalant reply “Oh it’s fine, I had forgotten about it anyway”. Instead of worrying for a week, I could have looked at the worst possible outcome – probably that the coach would tell my friend and I would have to explain things – and then just taken action.
The worst that could have happened is rarely that bad when we really look at things, so I advise you to do this with all of the things you are worrying about. Look at the worst possible outcome, and then work to improve on that as best you can.
2. Keep Yourself Busy
The reason that we love Television so much is that it literally absorbs us into what is going on. When we are watching the black box we forget about everything else for a while and are totally consumed in the flashing images on screen.
It is for this amount of time that our worries and problems disappear, even if at the time we aren’t aware of it. It is only when we have the time to think and worry about something, that it actually becomes a problem.
If, on the other hand, you can keep yourself busy doing something like studying, cleaning or just socialising then you limit the time you have to let your problems consume you. After all, something is only a problem when you think about it.
3. Realise You Can Get Through Anything
I firmly believe that it is completely up to us how we deal and react with every single situation in life. And, for that reason, I believe it is possible to see the positive in everything and enjoy almost all aspects of life. That being said though, it is much easier said than done, and there are definitely hard times which we have all faced in life.
Have you struggled? Is there something that has happened in your life that was really terrible? If so, then realise you got through it in one piece. How do I know? Because you’re sitting in front of a computer screen and able to spend your time reading an article like this.
No matter what challenges you have came across in your life, you have been able to get through them. Because of that, you will be able to do exactly the same again with whatever you are worrying about now or anything that faces you in the future.
4. Put Things Into Perspective
Just like looking at the worst possible outcome can force us to realise our worries really aren’t that bad, so can the art of putting things into perspective.
Unless something threatens your health or the health of those around you, then it is not that big of a problem. Debt, a break-up or even losing a material item is really nothing compared to the possibility of death or something really serious.
I remember the story of one man in a poor area of America who really wanted to become a music producer. He spent as much of his spare time as he could making music and honing his talents. Yet, his parents wanted something different. They wanted him to become a lawyer or a doctor purely for financial reasons, despite the fact that he had no interest in either.
They pushed him so hard and so often that one day he ended up committing suicide, leaving a note of how he wished they would have supported him. Put things into perspective.
Thanks to the four steps above, and living in the moment as often as possible, I have practically eliminated all worries and problems from my life. If you follow these steps and put them into action, you’ll find that it is perfectly possible for you to do the same.
I would love to hear your feedback and additions in the comments below!
Glen is Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain.com. He writes on the subject of Personal Development at PluginID. He also teaches people that they can be who they want to be through personality development.
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