Most of us are in constant mental chatter. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. Often it is tainted with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams.

Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. It is human nature to seek personal growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us greater rewards.

The following are seven steps to positive self talk. By following these steps you will begin to rid your inner conversations of negativity and instead have empowering thoughts.

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“You are what you eat” – popular saying

In the global information age, maybe it should be “you are what you can say”. Language, in its varied manifestations, is mankind’s defining achievement, and it also defines us. Language can be social, political, technical, practical, entertaining, sensual, philosophical, and much more. At the banquet of life, each language is another course. The better you can use languages, your own and others, the more you can enjoy the feast. At least that has been my experience.

I have achieved varying degrees of fluency in 12 languages, and look forward to learning more. To me, there are three natural stages in language growth, which I outline here. Billions of dollars are wasted on ineffective language and literacy instruction programs, which ignore these natural stages.

The First Stage: Connecting With the Language (60-90 hours)

When I begin, I need to “connect” with the new language and overcome my resistance to its strange sounds and structure. I don’t need to speak. I don’t need to understand any grammar. I don’t need to get anything “right”. I am not interested in mastering a few phrases or simple greetings. I want to get into the language, to get a feel for it.

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Two weeks ago I posed the question: “are you doing what you love?” Thank you for your wonderful answers. Some notable responses included:

• “Yes!!Yes!!! I love what I am doing!!! I get up everyday and say I love this day!!”
• “I’m currently doing what I like, and working towards doing what I love.”
• “I took a risk and it paid off. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do.”

If you would like to read more of the responses (there were over 48), here is the post: Ask the Reader: Are You Doing What You Love?

Also, we have a number of copies of Sway: The Irrestistible Pull of Irrational Behavior by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman to give away for our favorite responses. The recipients of the book are:

• Alex Fayle
• Mr. Smith
• Alice
• Victor Stachura
• Lee
• Sam Smith
• Jen
• Stephanie
• Simon Hill
• Ned
• Jamie

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“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” ~ Raymond Hull

‘Be yourself!’ This is a common piece of advice, often given before an interview or a date or some other occasion when we need to impress. Sounds like a strange piece of advice, though. How could you not be yourself?

Strange at is seems, we have been conditioned all our lives to behave according to other people’s expectations, to dance to their tune, to let them pull our stings. The truth is that most of us – unless we have really thought about it and made an effort to change – are puppets, controlled by the world around us. We crave approval. We need to fit in. In many ways, this is just a characteristic of being human – we are social animals and need to fit into the group to survive. But this natural and healthy tendency has taken over our lives to such an extent that we are often paralyzed by a fear of the outside world and obsessed by how others see us.

But what would things look life if you could really ‘be yourself’?

Don’t give away your power

“The King is angry. See, he gnaws his lip.” ~ Shakespeare, Richard III

It is impossible to really be yourself when you are worried about how other people perceive you. We all care (at least a little bit) what other people think – we have been raised to believe that the approval of others is important. And in some ways it is – other people do have power over us. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter as much as you think; usually it doesn’t matter at all. Sometimes you’ll be flavor of the month; other times you might be public enemy number one. But you cannot control what other people think of you, so why even try?

Let them think what they will. To give the opinions and thoughts of others so much importance is to make your own life a misery. When you stop giving your power away to other people like this, your life will be so much lighter and easier. To genuinely not care what others think is an amazing and enlightening experience. Try it.

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Creativity can be the act of bringing something new into this world. Or it can be the uniqueness of each person that sets them apart from others. In the first instance, you may be creating something with your hands like painting a picture, or with your mind like writing a book. Even though in this case to create is to bring forth, you can’t help but stamp all your creations with your uniqueness. Your picture won’t be like anyone else’s and neither will your book.

So in the act of creation, we are impressing the object with our creativity. We see this aspect of ourselves developing at a very young age. Do you remember your first creative endeavors? Did you build cities with your Lego blocks? Did you make up songs in your head? How did you express your creativity? And was it encouraged, supported, and appreciated? Or was it suppressed by ignorant teachers and critical parents?

Schools typically are set up for each student to conform to the rules and do everything the same as all the other students. I remember a girl in my 7th grade class who used pink to paint the sky, only to have the teacher say, “Skies are blue!” Well, we know paintings are interpretations of how the artist sees the world, so it’s a strong probability that girl never picked up a paint brush again.

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“People say I’m indecisive, but I don’t know about that.” – George Bush

“Ummm… I’m not sure…” We all suffer from indecision at times. If we are not careful, this can become a debilitating problem which feeds on itself. Indecision is often related to lack of self confidence and a tendency to worry about potential problems. To overcome indecision we need to have the faith to follow our intuition, bearing in mind that sometimes it is not what we do, but rather how we do things that is important.

Both Options Can Work

“Indecision is often worse than wrong action.” – Henry Ford

Sometimes we feel that it is of vital importance to choose the right course of action. We feel that one choice must be the ‘right’ one and the other option ‘wrong’. However, this is often a mistake. What is important is how we make use of our choices. Maybe we have a choice between going to two different places; as long as we have the right attitude we can cultivate happiness wherever we go. If we are constantly worrying about our decision, then we will not be able to enjoy life even if we choose the so called ‘right action’.

I know a friend who regrets a choice he made at age 21 (not getting a certain job). He blames this for unhappiness in is life 15 years later. This is a mistake as the choice is much less important than he thinks; life is what we make of it and is not just about making the ‘right choices’. Don’t fret about making the perfect choice; just retain the best attitude to wherever life might take you.

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We all have the ability to learn to speak more than one language. Throughout history, whenever languages co-existed in close proximity, people managed to naturally communicate across the language divide. They had to. That is still true today. Where different languages brush up against each other, people have no trouble learning another language and using it, whether it be children selling souvenirs in the market, or business people in international meetings. This is true in Asia, Africa, America and Europe.

We don’t need a special gift for language learning. Doing so is natural to us all. Today, in the Internet and information age, we no longer live in isolation, linguistically or culturally. The opportunity to engage with other languages is greater than ever.

So why don’t more people learn other languages, especially in North America? In part it is because of the seven common misconceptions about language learning, which confuse people. There are also five common excuses for not learning a language. But are they valid?

1. I am not interested in languages, I don’t need them

Is this really true? What if you could do it for free, free of cost and free of effort?

I sold encyclopedias door to door, almost 50 years ago. My door-opener was, “if you could get a complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, free of charge, would you be interested?”. That often got me in the door. Parents could visualize an encyclopedia to share with their children. Once I explained that it was not free, “but for less than you spend on coffee or cigarettes…,” I was usually shown the door.
I use the same question with reluctant language learners. “If you were guaranteed to learn to speak another language, without a lot of hard work, would you be interested?” The answer is usually “yes”.

Many people who say they are not interested, would really like to speak another language. Some may even have heard that language learning is excellent stimulus for the brain. But too often the image they see is one of tedious study. They do not have the experience of speaking another language. They cannot visualize the feeling of satisfaction that this brings. So in many cases the interest is there, it is just a matter of getting started.

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It was the summer of 1998. I was 12 years old at the time and a frequent visitor to the local public swimming pool. Our family was doing well that year so each of my siblings and I had a Summer pass. Wow, a Summer pass! I felt on top of the world. I went to the pool religiously every day, right when they opened. I remember many of the teenage boys and men there had chiseled abs and washboard stomachs. I was just starting to like girls at the time and it seemed like all the boys with the muscular physiques were getting more attention from the ladies than I was. As soon as I realized this, that was the beginning of my quest to get ripped.

I started lifting some free weights that my dad had lying around the garage. That helped a little, but I was still self-conscious of my stomach. Keep in mind I wasn’t overweight. I was a lean kid. I wanted a chiseled stomach though, so every day at the pool I would constantly flex my stomach. When I flexed, it looked like I had more definition than I actually did, but who could tell right? So I flexed constantly. I flexed when I walked, I flexed in the pool, I flexed when I was laying down. I started doing it so much, I even flexed when my shirt was on. It just became a habit.

What I didn’t realize at the time was all this flexing had led to greater definition. Now even when I didn’t flex, you could see an outline of my abs. This may not seem like much, but for me it this was exciting.

As my obsessive flexing continued, more and more of the six pack under all those layers of skin started to come through.

I’m not suggesting you go around flexing your stomach all day long, but just think about all the time you’re not doing anything where you could take advantage of this:

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Your non-stop talking makes you seem like a jerk. I’ve never met you before, so if you are perfect at listening in a conversation, I apologize. That message wasn’t intended for you. But a lot of people do have a problem with listening. They fill conversations with the sound of their voice. I know, because I’m one of them. The listening habit has been something I’ve been trying to build with myself. There are plenty of selfish (and non-selfish) reasons why becoming a better listener is useful. I’m sure you don’t want to miss out, just because neither of us run out of things to say.

Some Selfish Reasons to Listen More

It’s easy to think of the selfless reasons to listen. People want you to listen to them. By listening, you can help someone with a problem, or help them come up with new ideas. But listening also has selfish benefits that make it worth the investment.

The biggest selfish benefit is that you learn more with your mouth closed. You’ll learn more about other people, and often, about yourself, if you stop talking. Those ideas are useful if you want to improve yourself. Going without feedback is improving in a vacuum, it’s almost impossible to do.

Listening also helps you think. When you’re truly listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak, you can chew over your ideas more. You can mull on points of the conversation longer. In the end, you’ll appear a lot wiser if you explain a fully-digested point of view, than if you just blurt out the first response that comes to mind.

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Have you ever heard of visualization? Of course you have. Everybody’s heard of visualization and everybody partakes in it whether they realize it or not. How it works though is an altogether different matter. I want to take a closer look today at the mechanics of why visualizing works without necessarily delving into concepts and theories that cannot be proven.

The brain has great difficulty in distinguishing between what’s true and what’s imagined. There is an oft-cited example of an experiment conducted by Australian Psychologist, Alan Richardson. He took some basketball players and split them into 3 equal groups. One group was told to practice their free throw technique twenty minutes per day. The next group was told to spend twenty minutes per day visualizing, but not attempting free throws, and the final group wasn’t allowed to either practice or visualize. At the end of the test period the group that had done nothing remained as they were, but both the other groups showed similar degrees of improvement. The people who only visualized playing basketball were able to perform almost as well as the ones who had actually practiced.

“How can that be so?”

Firstly, the people practicing would miss some shots. Each time they missed they had in effect, practiced how to miss. The people that were visualizing would be hitting every basket so they were building up the feelings and memory of how to be successful.

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